The VI Victrix was a singularly unpleasant ship.

This was not one of the scrappy little hobgoblin fishing boats or graceful kobold trade barges Shin had always enjoyed watching from the Shinki Itten docks. This ship was a predator. Over a hundred feet long and easily half as wide, the black-lacquered galleon looked like nothing so much as the head of some gargantuan sea monster, silently scything its way through tyrannized waters in search of prey. Its hull bristled with batteries of cannon that were clearly well-used even to Shin’s untrained eyes, and rather than a fanciful statue or figurehead its prow was fixed with a massive ramming blade. Nothing about the Victrix said ‘Comfort’, or ‘Beauty’, or ‘Welcome’. She was all “Severe’, ‘Intimidation’, and ‘Dominance’.

The people on the boat didn’t help matters much either. Ann was as eager to please as always, but Shield and Lizan quickly made it clear that they were taking on the Shinki Itten contingent against their will. And the horde of taciturn gray-skinned gnomes who actually crewed the ship treated the kobolds as if they didn’t even exist. It was a good thing that taking a Player-owned ship would get them to Magica City quickly, because Shin knew that their time on the Victrix would not be particularly pleasant.

She was also the biggest ship he had ever seen, though. So the matter was something of a wash.

Ann was completely oblivious to her guests’ discomfort, however, a wide grin plastered onto her face and her pastel pigtails whipping in the wind as she regaled them with the facts of their journey. “–can actually do a full circuit from Magica City to Bon Vivant and back in less than five days! The only ship faster than a Gladius ship-of-the-line in the entire world is the Gallimand, you know?”

Gero scowled down at one of the gnomish sailors as he brusquely elbowed his way past her, the warrior tuning in to Balanthora’s ramblings even if only to distract her from throwing the crew overboard. “Gallimand? What’s that?”

“Oh, you didn’t hear?!” Ann threw her hands out excitedly. “That’s the ship that sailed the entire breadth of the Ancient Ocean! It’s the only vessel to ever follow the Edge around the entire world!”

The Edge. Shin’s ears perked up even as a shiver ran down his spine. Sky Voice and Empty Voice had said something about the Edge. “What’s the Edge?”

The dwarf blinked. “Huh? Oh. The Edge of the World? Like, where Magica ends.”

Shin tilted his head. “What do you mean, ‘where Magica ends’?”

“I mean…” Ann gave it a moment of thought. “Well, uh, I mean it’s where the world ends. About a day’s distance from Bon Vivant the ocean falls off the side of the world into empty space.”

“The side of the…” Shin shot a bewildered look at Bittercup, who’s unconcerned shrug seemed to indicate that this wasn’t new information for her. “Are you telling me that Magica is flat?”

Ann pulled hesitantly at one of her pigtails. “Um, yeah?”

“Magica isn’t flat.” Shin shook his head firmly. “No way.”

A derisive snort was the first indication that Shield and Lizan had apparently decided to join the conversation. “What do you mean it’s not flat?” Shield cocked an eyebrow at Shin, peering disdainfully down her nose at the kobold. “Of course it is. I’ve been to the Edge.”

“I’ve even jumped off of it,” Lizan offered. “I’d just joined the guild, and Dark Grist told me I’d get an achievement, the lying prick. What actually happened is I fell for like half an hour and then died.”

“Okay, well, it’s not flat, though.” Shin wasn’t going to be moved from this position. “I know it isn’t.”

Shield snorted again, glancing over her shoulder to shoot Lizan a look of dark bemusement. “He ‘knows’ it isn’t! Well then, doggo, how do you know that?”

Shin folded his arms, frowning as he gave the matter a moment of thought. “...Well, the world casts a round shadow on the moon during an eclipse, for one. And the stars are in different positions here than they are in Shinki Itten. That wouldn’t happen if the world was flat.”

Shield tsked. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Magica doesn’t have a moon or stars, it has a skybox. As if Mundi is going to program a fucking solar system. Those aren’t real celestial bodies, they’re just drawings plastered on the roof of Magica like a mile in the air.”

Really? Shin wasn’t thrilled by this revelation, but he wasn’t entirely convinced either. “Okay, well…how about this?” The Schemer pointed back in the direction of Anyport, the highest spire of the harbor city still barely visible over the horizon. “If Magica was really flat, Anyport wouldn’t sink below the horizon like that. Right? It would just get smaller and smaller as we sailed further away.” Shin pounded his fist into his palm, more sure now than ever. “But the world is curved, so it’s vanishing from the bottom-up. Right?”

The two Players fell silent at that, forced to mull over the kobold’s reasoning. At length, Lizan spoke up. “Okay, well, you’ve got a point. But Magica does have an Edge. Again, we’ve all seen it. But maybe we’re both right?” He shrugged. “I mean, it could be a dome, right? Like, a globe that’s been cut in half or something?”

“Look it doesn’t matter, okay?” Shield’s mood had clearly taken a foul turn. “Trying to logically explain Magica is a fucking waste of time. Okay? The world is flat, but doesn’t act like it’s flat, because Mundi is a bullshit company. They’re lazy. They made the world flat but didn’t bother researching any of the practical effects that would actually have on a place.” She reached out to give Shin a sharp prod in the shoulder. “I guarantee that in the last two minutes you’ve given this matter five times as much thought as anyone on the devteam ever did.”

Lizan snickered. “Too true. They just first thought/best thought everything and then trust that those no-lifers who update the KoM OmniPedia pages will tie together some sort of cogent story from the scraps.”

Shield sighed. “Jesus, right? Just another reason I pray every fuckin’ day that beta invite is gonna appear in the ol’ inbox. Assault games don’t even pretend to mess around with all this half-assed story shit.”

Ann let out a thrilled gasp at that. “Wait, you got a beta key for Assault on Outer Worlds 2?! Omigod, that’s so–”

“Are those pigtails cutting off the oxygen to your brain?” Shield asked the quickly-chagrined dwarf. “I just said I was waiting for beta access. If I had beta access, do you really think I’d be here selling carries to scrubs?”

“Um,” Ann quickly averted her eyes, pulling at her pigtail again. “No. Probably not.”

As much as it went against his better judgment to continue engaging with these unfriendly Players, Shin couldn’t resist the question. “What’s Assault on whatever?”

Lizan shrugged. “That’s Mundi’s next big game. That series is more of an action thing than an actual VRMMO; not really my thing.

“Hey, it’s my turn to ask a question.” Shield stepped in front of Shin, giving the Schemer a probing look. “Are you a quest giver?”

Shin’s ears folded slightly. “No?”

“Flight Master?”

“No.”

“Respec vendor?”

“I don’t know what that is.”

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“Huh.” Shield processed that for a moment. “Then why do I keep getting a warning screen whenever I try to flag on you?”

Shin’s ears shot forward. “Whenever you try to what?”

“Yeah, it keeps warning me that I’m going to lose Karma. What’s the deal with that, are you part of some…” The Player trailed off as she realized all three kobolds had affixed her with a flat stare, their tails high and still and their ears stiffened. “What. What?” She tsked again. “Oh don’t be such babies; I wasn’t gonna do anything. Probably.”

The kobolds held their stare for a moment longer, and then Shin slowly began to lower his tail. Gero and Momo reluctantly followed suit as the Schemer carefully brushed off the sleeves of his robe, carefully reordering his thoughts. “We’ve been summoned by King Majesty. That is probably why.”

“Ah yeah, that’d do it. Well whatever.” With that, she turned away, returning to her conversation with Lizan as if nothing had happened. “So yeah anyway, with Eturabo benched I’m definitely the top tanker outside of the Legendaries, so–”

“Um, sorry about them.” Ann offered, though Shin didn’t miss that the dwarf kept her voice low. Didn’t want the other Players to hear her apologizing for them, did she? Well, that was alright. A river couldn’t change its course overnight, and it would simply be expecting too much of the girl to think she could stop trying to please everybody after a single confidence-boost. So instead, he offered the girl an amiable shrug and she happily changed the conversation. “Oh, look over there! Look!”

She was pointing over the side of the boat, though there didn’t seem to be a ship nearby. It took Shin a moment to realize she was indicating an ominously large shadow gliding in tandem with the Victrix, even longer than the large vessel and effortlessly keeping pace. “Goddess!” Momo gasped, taking a step backwards. “What is that?”

“It’s a Dragon Koi!” Ann enthused. “The biggest fish in all of Magica!”

The biggest fish in all of Magica. Shin suddenly didn’t care that he was stuck on a frightening ship with two frightening Players. It was all worth it. The biggest fish in all of Magica. Could there possibly be anything better?

Bittercup didn’t seem quite as enchanted with the situation. “Is it going to attack us? I’ve never fired a cannon before but I am a motivated learner.”

Ann quickly shook her head. “Oh, no way! Dragon Koi are actually, like, super intelligent and spiritual and stuff.” The dwarf puffed out her chest. “It probably knows that I’m bringing the Head of the Demon King back to Magica City! It’s like an honor escort send from–”

“Uh yeah, duh,” Shield interjected. “Of course that’s what it is. Because that’s what’s scripted to happen. It’s not even a real Dragon Koi, you dummy; it’s just a shadow to make it look like one’s there. It’s just another confidence stroke off from this stupid on-rails questline.”

It might have been the way the excitement drained from Ann’s crestfallen face. It might have been her cruel revelation that the biggest fish in the world was a mere parlor trick. It might have just been that Shin had reached his limit of the Player’s vitriol. Whatever the reason, Shin decided that that was enough.

Shin smiled sweetly at Gero. “Well I know I’m starting to get hungry. Should we eat? Let’s eat.” The kobold turned his guileless smile onto Shield, effortlessly masking his cold rage. “Won’t you join us? It’s the least we could do for our hosts.”

“Huh, yeah, ‘least you could do’ is right.” Shield huffed. “What did you even pack, doggo? Kibble? Socks? Some dumb kids homework?”

“Nah, you gotta factor in their whole vibe as well as Mundi’s casual racism,” Lizan offered. “It’s probably like the food in Hijiki. So, you know, shitty California Rolls and sugar-slopped chicken and whatever.”

Gero scowled as she produced a large wooden box from the package, still warm to the touch. “I don’t know what any of that means, but I’m eating both of your shares.”

Lizan took an investigative sniff, his fin-like ear protrusions fanning out in interest. “Oh don’t be so sensitive; whatcha got there?” He let out a surprised oooo when Gero opened the box to reveal row upon row of glistening dumplings, each as flawless and beautiful as the rarest gem. “Fuck, those look…” He took another sniff, shivering. “Do you have a Grandmaster Chef or something?”

Momo adopted a haughty tone. “Two of them, actually. But these were made by a Pinnacle Master.”

Ann gasped. “What, really? Yasmar?” Shin nodded, and the dwarf gasped again. “Omigod I know them! They’re–” She cut herself off, a sheepish cast to her eyes. “Erm, sorry; I need to be more careful with personal information. Um, can I try one?”

Gero proffered the box, and Ann immediately reached out and popped one of the dumplings in her mouth. Shield watched intently as the other girl all but melted into a delighted puddle, the normally scornful Player unable to keep up her surly demeanor. “It’s that good?” When the dwarf finally managed a shaky nod, Shield plopped down onto the deck. “Well shit, doggos, let’s get to it then!”

With that, the group arranged themselves into a ring around the box of dumplings and began tucking in, an air of something bordering on congeniality settling over them. Ann seemed practically beside herself with glee, over the moon at the apparent comradery between both groups she was desperate to ingratiate herself with. But Shin’s companions knew better. Something, without question, was up.

No need to rush right to the finale, however. Shin rummaged around in his own bag for a moment, eventually producing a tightly stoppered jug. “Sake?”

“Um, yes?!” Shield grinned widely as she snagged the cup Shin offered, her smile only spreading as he filled it up to the brim with crystal clear liquor. “Who knew you were such a good idea machine, doggo? You should have just started with this.” She knocked the drink back, letting out a keening gasp of satisfaction before waggling her now-empty cup towards Shin. “Again, if you please!”

Shin did in fact please, and soon everyone was well into their cups. Though a careful observer might have noticed that for every one cup Bittercup or a kobold received, the Players were poured three. And Shin hadn’t yet sipped his way through an entire cup. The combination of good food, ocean sun and the finest spirits Moots could offer inexorably worked its magic, and it wasn’t long before the Players were good and drunk.

And now for the turn.

Shield blinked woozily as Shin produced a large jar from his bag, her eyes attempting to focus as he carefully uncorked the top to reveal a dark red, nearly black paste. “Wassat?” She slurred, watching intently as Shin dipped one of the dumplings into the sauce. “‘Z’at good?”

“Mm.” Shin made as if he was popping the dumpling into his mouth, deftly palming the morsel instead. He pantomimed chewing for a moment, making a show of deep relish before responding. “Yes. Very good. But you don’t want it.”

“Huh?” Shield protested, one eye narrowing woozily. “Why not?”

“This,” –The Schemer patted the innocuous jar–”Is Twelve Generation Pepper Paste. It’s made from peppers hot enough to digest a dragon from the inside out. It’s been fermenting since before my grandmother’s grandmother was born. It’s too spicy for you.”

Shield huffed at that, accidentally sloshing sake all over herself. “Oh yeah?! I’ll tell you what’s too spicy fer me! Nothin’! That s’what!”

Ann giggled at that, hiccuping uncontrollably as Lizan roared with laughter at his comrade’s non-joke. “You tell ‘em!”

Shin tutted, though he pointedly didn’t pull the jar out of Shield’s groping reach. “Really, I think you should–”

“Ha!” Shield clumsily snatched up the jar, sticking out her tongue as she clutched the condiment jealously to her chest. “S’mine now! I’m gonna eat it!”

Shin sighed in supremely fake reluctance, inwardly shrieking in delight as Shield dunked a dumpling nearly up to her wrist into the hobgoblin delicacy. “Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Oh, I’ll warn you, doggo.” She popped the completely smothered dumpling into her mouth, chewing loudly before swallowing it down with an exaggerated ahh. “See?” She boasted, already dunking a second dumpling into the jar, “S’no big deal!”

To Shin’s intense joy, Shield managed to pop the second sauce-covered dumpling into her mouth before the dreadful heat of the first one finally exploded through her drink-addled nerve endings. For a moment she sat very still, mid-chew as a flush as red as magma erupted up from her neck to tinge her entire face. Then she burst up from the deck, an ungodly noise of primal distress wrenching its way from her throat as the Twelve Generation Pepper Paste worked its terrible magic.

Ann looked concerned, but Lizan found the immediate punishment of his comrade’s hubris hilarious. “Ha, wassamatter?! Too hot fer ya?” He frowned drunkenly as Shield gave no response other than to continue flailing madly. “I said, too hot fer–”

Lizan’s taunt trailed away as Shield stumbled blindly across the deck and collided with the ship’s railing, tumbling bonelessly over the side and down into the ocean below. The Player swore as his counterpart vanished, staggering to his feet and calling out to the crew even as the kobolds crowded starboard to peer down at Shield. “Woman overboard!” Lizan roared. “Gotta get the–”

Momo cut him off, managing the good grace to sound apologetic. “Er, too late I think.”

“Eh?!” Lizan stomped over to join the rest of the group, his eyes blearily squinting down at Shield thrashing about in the water. “S’not too late! She’ll tread water ‘til–”

“Until,” Momo started, pointing towards the enormous shadow that was all but on top of Shield. The Player sputtered in the water, the shadow shifted slightly, and then in a flash of startlingly beautiful gold and green Shield was swallowed in a single gulp by the Biggest fish in the world. “Until that, I think.”

“Oh.” Lizan lowered his arms, a blank expression on his face. “Um. Right.”

Did Shin say he thought his time about the VI Victrix would be unpleasant? How short-sighted of him. Shin loved this boat.