“What’re you doing, Shin?”
“Staring him down.”
Momo blew a raspberry at the other kobold, layering her hands with more mud. “I can see that; I meant why?”
Shinn waited until the spy broke eye contact yet again, the desperately haughty elf unable to meet his captor’s gaze for longer than a few moments. “Because it gives him Disadvantage.”
“Huh.” Momo considered that, briefly considering the bound and gagged elf. “And he didn’t…already have Disadvantage?”
“No no, he did.” Shin straightened up, reaching out to give the silently furious spy a pat on the head. “I just wanted to see how else it could be done. This is the first chance I’ve had to try and test some of this stuff out.”
The Schemer kept his tone conversational, but in truth he was practically giddy. The last few days of pig slaughter had been incredibly rewarding, but he couldn’t help feeling as if his particular talents hadn’t been of much use. It turned out that boars were not especially susceptible to mind games or psychological maneuvering. They reacted to everything in one of two ways: Charge, or Don’t Charge. End of strategy. No notes.
Not that Shin hadn’t learned anything from the exercise. While going through the motions of his Archer with No Class Skills impression, he’d found one way to trigger the flags that turned his other abilities on: launching a surprise attack gave the attacker Advantage. It had been the only reliable method to gain that status he’d found up to this point, but it unquestionably worked. And using his A Certain Low Cunning skill, Shin could turn that Advantage for him into a Disadvantage for the boar.
Which…didn’t do anything beyond what it said on the tin. He got the basic benefits of either state, sure. As far as Shin could tell, while holding an Advantage a person was slightly better at everything. Attacks, damage, skills, everything went just a little more smoothly with Advantage. And Disadvantage, as one might expect, was the opposite. Attacks missed more often, hits did less damage, skills failed more frequently. All of that was inherently useful, and Shin was sure he’d have plenty of opportunities to exploit that.
But he was supposed to be able to use special effects against Disadvantaged targets using his Opportunism skill. It was clearly the cornerstone of his entire class. But all of those options had been grayed out whenever he attempted to bring them to bear against a boar. Apparently sapience, or at least some form of higher consciousness, was a requirement to fall victim to a Schemer’s talents.
Which put Shin in the uncomfortable position of wanting a chance to fight thinking, reasoning beings. Was that unethical? He knew more than most the complex beauty that could be hidden within even the least likely of peoples. Shouldn’t he be deeply conflicted over the possibility of snuffing out some unseen light within a misunderstood foe?
Sure. And he was! But what Shin also knew more than most was that, rather than complex beauty, what a good amount of peoples had hidden within them was uncut, idiotic malice. A statistically significant amount of the thinking, reasoning beings Shin had met in his entire life were, in fact, the straight-up dumps.
Like this one, for instance. Shin coolly inspected the Oaken Elf, the bound spy still unable to meet his gaze. He’d been useful, certainly. Thanks to him, Shin now knew that both restraining and intimidating someone were ways to give them Disadvantage. But the kobold’s gratitude didn’t come close to piercing his contempt. Because while he’d already known that the elf was arrogant and mean-spirited, until they’d started to question him Shin hadn’t realized exactly how stupid he was as well.
Though that, too, was useful.
The worst part was that he thought he was so damn clever. The elf had clammed up early with Shin, and was terrified of Gero to the point of being unable to form words. But somehow he still labored under the impression that, if he was loud and haughty enough, he could cow Momo. So Shin and Gero had simply wandered off for a while, and by the time they returned the little cleric had sifted a complete picture of the Oaken Elf waystation’s status out of the dirt and muck of the spy’s endless self-aggrandizement.
Shin walked over to the tree they’d been using to scout, calling over his shoulder to Momo and Gero as the former continued to paint talismans onto the latter’s powerful body. “I’m going to take another look.” With that he hauled himself deftly up the tree’s trunk, pulling himself from branch to branch until he reached a particularly sturdy bough.
Then he settled in, produced the spyglass he’d commandeered from the ranger’s gear, and took another scan of the small base just a short distance further into the forest. Yep. It was exactly as the kobold had seen before.
Goddamn amateurs.
The ‘waystation’ was little more than a camp; practically a bivouac, really. If it wasn’t for the thin wall erected to face the zone’s exit and the small cabin built into its base, it would simply be a collection of tents in a clear cut section of the forest ringing a fire pit. The wall didn’t even surround the entire set-up; it was literally just a straight line running parallel to the border. It did have a pair of observation towers at either end, but a brief pass with Shin’s spyglass revealed that they were still unmanned.
Goddamn amateurs.
Their prisoner had a lot of big and fancy things to say about the ‘Peerless Brotherhood of the Proud Oaken Rangers’, and it all boiled down to this: they were a joke. Both the spy and his five comrades, huddled around their firepit as they gambled and ate and made an inordinate amount of noise, were noble scions with zero prospects. Fifth and sixth sons with no particular skills or redeeming qualities beyond fathers one might want to avoid upsetting and ears that pointed in the correct way.
So they were warehoused at the absolute ass-end of Oaken Elf territory with a washed-up drunk of a captain, their sole duty to wait around for someone to accidentally enter the zone. Which nicely answered a question that had briefly baffled Shin: Why were they even here? It certainly wasn’t to protect against them.
No, the Peerless Brotherhood of the Proud Oaken Rangers was instead charged with the awesome task of informing visitors from the south that there was nothing particularly interesting further north, and wouldn’t they rather just head back to see the sights in more engaging environments? They weren’t watchmen, they were tour guides. Shin seriously doubted they had more than the barest of training.
They didn’t even have their weapons at hand, leaving them hung up neat and unused looking on the wall they weren’t bothering to guard. He’d say it again: Goddamn. Amateurs.
There was clearly nothing new to glean from further observation, so Shin shimmied back down the tree and headed over to Momo and Gero, casually flapping the leaves out of his robe. He couldn’t help taking a moment to appreciate the work the Speaker had done with their resident Brute. Gero was plenty daunting to begin with, but with her formidable body streaked in glyphs and her face painted with a fierce mask? She was Intimidation Incarnate.
Shin grinned up at the woman. “All six of them are going to piss themselves as soon as they lay eyes on you.”
Gero preened at the compliment, her tail whipping up into a frenzy of pride.
“I still think we should give them a chance,” Momo offered, wiping the excess mud off of her hands. “We don’t actually know that they’re bad yet.”
“If they’re like this guy, we can guess.” Gero’s voice was hard, even with her tail still wagging madly. “I still think we should just storm the camp. Hit them hard and be done with it.”
For his part, Shin still wanted to ensnare them with a clever ploy. But it didn’t matter; compromise was the heart of teamwork. “I think we’ve all got something to like in the current plan. Are we still agreed?”
Gero nodded, and after a moment’s consideration Momo did as well. Fantastic.
Time to go meet the neighbors.
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By the time Momo had rejoined them, Shin was honestly quite annoyed. He’d worried that the little kobold’s solo mission was a bit risky, that they’d have to change plans midstream to bail her out. But no. Momo, who had only average Agility and completely lacked any sort of Stealth skills, was able to slip completely around the wall and back without its would-be guards ever looking up from their card game.
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The rangers were clearly far too used to having this zone all to themselves. Complacency was a dangerous thing.
“It’s done?” Shin asked, keeping his voice at a possibly unnecessary whisper. The rangers were so loud; he doubted they would be able to hear a thunderstorm over the awful din they were making. But just because they were sloppy didn’t mean he should be. Momo gave him a nod in response, and so he took hold of their prisoner and stepped forward to lead the three of them into the waystation.
With every step they took, Shin expected some trap to spring. For unseen sentries to materialize from the shadows, blades drawn in silent challenge. But no. He and Momo simply strolled directly up to the five carousing rangers, unchallenged and unhindered, and were soon standing directly beside their campfire. Waiting to be noticed.
Screw it. Shin cleared his throat, then raised his voice. “Evening.”
One by one the elves looked up from their cards, their chatter dying out as they noticed first the two odd-looking strangers and then their bound, gagged, and utterly furious squad mate. The elves and the kobolds stared at each other for a confused moment, and then the little mark popped above their heads to indicate that the rangers were Disadvantaged.
Finally.
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Opportunism - Parley: Opposing the Disadvantaged targets’ Presence, the Schemer attempts to briefly stay their opponents’ hands and open their ears. A target affected by Parley will refrain from attacking for an amount of time based on the Schemer’s Presence modifier, or until obviously hostile action is taken against them
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The rangers immediately plopped back into their seats, their eyes darting towards the weapons hung on the wall behind him. But they weren’t making a move for them yet. Good. Shin pushed the prisoner forward, the spy wobbling perilously but managing to stay on his feet. “Does this belong to you?”
One of the rangers balked. “Ceril?” The still-gagged elf managed a muffled shriek in response. “What happened?”
“Maybe remove that gag before asking him more questions.” Shin tapped a finger to the side of his nose. “Call that a pro tip.”
As two of the elves moved to try and unbind their compatriot, Momo spoke up. “Your friend was spying on us. He assumed we were your enemy. We’ve brought him back, unharmed, because we wanted to tell you that we don’t have to be.” She spread her hands out imploringly. “Why don’t we sit with you? We’ve brought some meat, and we could–”
Momo’s heartfelt entreaty was interrupted by Ceril’s wordless scream of outrage, the ranger finally managing to spit out the gag that his fellows seemed unable to unknot. “What are you ASSHOLES doing?! They’re MONSTERS! Kill them already you–”
“WHAT in the trees-damned FUCK is going on out there?!”
The door to the cabin built into the wall slammed open, an older elf with a bottle of something in his hand and wearing nothing but a pair of briefs made from leaves stomping out. His eyes were bloodshot and his face unevenly shaved, but he still managed something close to an air of command. He glared first at his charges, then the still-bound Ceril, and then Shin, and only then did he realize that maybe something more than the usual tomfoolery was going on.
Ceril was the first to break the stunned silence. “Captain, these monsters bushwhacked me! They, they ambushed me and beat me and they’re just fucking awful!”
One of the other elves hesitantly raised his voice. “T-they said they were bringing back Ceril? And that we should, um, discuss…?”
The captain cut off the second elf’s timid report with an angry swipe of his hand, his eyes hard as they settled on Shin. “You dare…” He trailed off as his other hand dropped to his waist, realizing that it still held a liquor bottle and not a weapon. He glanced down, noticing for the first time that he was practically naked as well.
Without another word, he turned smartly on his heels and marched back into the cabin. A loud crash followed, then a series of curses and grunts, until the captain re-emerged having stuffed himself into an incredibly ornate breastplate and strapped a glittering sword to his side.
He was still just in his unmentionables from the waist down, though. Complicated the look somewhat.
The captain swiped his hand at his underling again, clearly intending to pick the confrontation back up as if nothing had happened. “You dare break into my waystation? Into my woods?! You dare make DEMANDS of me?!”
He paused for a moment, squinting an eye at the trussed Ceril. Then he continued on, almost grudgingly: “Yes, and you dared to attack my men too, right. Of course.”
Oaken Elves are bullshit.
Shin didn’t have any further time to marvel at the awfulness of these people before the captain drew his sword, pointing it towards the kobold. He took a step forward, clearly deciding that he was in fact deeply outraged over the treatment of his men, his voice dripping with theatrical fury. “The little one can live long enough to give us whatever answers we need. But the beast who dared lay a hand on my men? That is an attack on me. It will die by my blade.”
The shift in Momo’s demeanor was immediate. Where just moments before she had seemed hopeful, now there was nothing but a mask of cold resolve. The little cleric carefully folded her hands into her sleeves, then gave Shin a small, grim nod.
Right then.
“That’s very honorable of you, captain. I respect that kind of virtue in a leader, really I do.” Shin pulled an arrow from his quiver, prompting a drawing in of breath from the elves still frozen around their campfire. “You should know, though, that it wasn’t me who attacked your man.”
He jerked the arrow over his shoulder, indicating towards the shadows of the tree line. “It was her.”
The elves choked on their held breath as the towering form of Gero emerged from the darkness, like something out of a terrible dream with her painted face and enormous club perched on her shoulder. The captain visibly quailed at the sight of her, twisting his head back to his men in search of support. But they were all too busy muttering to themselves to notice anything besides the massive kobold looming over them.
"What are they?!"–"She's MASSIVE!"–"She's as big as an ogre..."
Shin sniffed the air, unable to keep the smirk off his face. He was right: All six of them, as soon as they laid eyes on her.
The captain swallowed hard, trying to regain his lost composure as he raised his quavering sword towards his overwhelming foe. “Y-you are guilty of c-crimes against the Oaken Elves! P-prepare to die, monster!”
Gero sniffed contemptuously, lifting her club from her shoulder as she shifted to a ready position. “Try it.”
He hesitated for a moment, perhaps the cleverest moment of his entire life. But then he screamed out a battle cry in some garbled language to level a wild swing at the relatively unprotected Brute. At first it seemed as if he was driving her back, Gero dipping away from strikes as the captain pressed forward. But to Shin’s eyes, it was clear that his packmate was simply taking her measure of the elf.
It didn’t take long for her to find him wanting.
The captain lunged forward in another arcing blow, but instead of dodging Gero blocked this strike with her armored sleeve. The unexpected parry disrupted the elf’s footing, and as he wobbled Gero lunged forward to smash her forehead into her opponent’s nose. The captain gurgled out a scream as he staggered backward, his face flooding with blood, only for his pained cry to evaporate into a tiny wheeze when Gero’s club crumpled his breastplate further into his chest than he presumably would have wished.
The captain of the Proud Oaken Rangers collapsed to his knees, his fading eyes wide with silent disbelief as they were filled with the vision of Gero lifting her weapon high above her head, then bringing it definitively down.
The waystation was silent as Gero propped her gore-splattered club back up on her shoulder, immediately ignoring the crushed body of the former captain. She quirked an eyebrow at Shin as the remaining elves simply continued to stare, mouths agape. The Schemer could only shrug. Maybe they’d convinced them.
Momo decided to check. “That can be the end of it. It’s entirely your decision.”
As if those were some sort of magic words, then elves immediately scrambled out of their seats in a mad dash for the weapons rack. Shin offered Momo a rueful look as the little cleric sighed. “Is everyone in the world bad, Shin?” she mused, shaking her hands back out of her sleeves.
“Not everyone,” Gero offered. “Moots is good.”
“She’s right, Momo.” Shin notched his arrow, casually taking aim as the elves neared their weapons. “And we’ll definitely find others, too.”
“I hope so,” she sighed, the fastest ranger snatching hold of his sword. “Because these guys suck.”
Then she made a complex gesture, and the talisman she’d drawn on the other side of the wall directly behind the weapon’s rack exploded.
As Shin let his arrow fly, picking off one of the badly damaged and stunned rangers while Gero surged forward to do what she did best, he couldn’t help but congratulate himself on a plan well crafted. It was an attempt at diplomacy for Momo, a straight-on fight for Gero, and a clever ploy for him.
Compromise really was the heart of teamwork.