Okay stop. Stay focused, and think this through: that couldn’t be Leathers, right? He had been marked as a Red Player, and every bit of information Shin had gathered made it clear that cleansing that status was a long, laborious process. And on top of that, nothing in his brief but memorable introduction had indicated that Leathers was even close to the sort of person who’d be willing to go through that long, laborious process. Leathers, wherever he was, was still a Red Player. Shin was sure of it.

Shin was almost entirely sure of it, mostly.

Besides, Leathers only knew him and the others as mongrels, right? Even if this was him, maybe he wouldn’t realize that Shin was one of the little hamsters he’d sworn vengeance against. He’d have a few clues, of course: their shared canine characteristics and their general proximity to the location of his defeat chief among them. But without giving up some other big hint, it might very well be possible to fool him.

Another big hint like, say, Shin’s obvious and panic-tinged recognition. Which he was realizing a little too late he’d done a very poor job of hiding. Or Gero’s reaction, for that matter; a quick glance over his shoulder at the big kobold’s ramrod-straight tail and bared teeth revealed she was doing an even worse job of it than Shin was. Splendid.

The Players were close enough to call out by then, and sure enough the Grand Elf didn’t seem to miss the expressions on Shin and Gero’s faces. He followed the eyes of the two kobolds towards his human companion, bursting out in laughter as realization dawned on him. “Ha! It would seem they’re already acquainted with your kind, Sir Dough.”

The human made an annoyed face, or as much of one as he could manage when he already looked like an anthropomorphized frog.”Dunno why you think you can look down your nose at me, just ‘cause I’m not a cringe larper like you.” His scowl deepened. “And for the last goddamn time, stop trying to fantasy up my handle. It’s JellyDonut. Call me fuckin’ JD if you have to, but can it with this frou frou ‘Sir Dough’ shit.”

The elf’s apologetic smile didn’t come close to reaching his eyes. “My mistake. I’m sure the No One subseenit will be delighted by my faux pas.”

Shin couldn’t help himself upon hearing a term he’d heard a few times before. “No One?”

Bex chimed in. “Oh, um, they’re like this group that thinks trying to roleplay in Magica is lame? They’re loosely organized out of the grosser chans and stuff. You’re supposed to show your allegiance by picking all the Number One options in the Character Creator, like you’re a trial user. Number One, No One; get it?”

Shin frowned. “I only understood...like a third of those words, but I’m absolutely confident I don’t like any of that.”

“Oh, a fellow Outworlder!” The elf swept out his hand, his silken golden hair cascading down in a sparkling waterfall as he dipped into an impossibly intricate bow. “Allow me to introduce myself, milady. I am Galwenlas All-Elven, Sage-Aspirant of the Star Poem Blade, Envoy Esteemed to His Majesty High Glandem.” He flourished again with his hat. “Delighted.”

The girl rubbed at her arm, awkwardly smiling as her ears drooped. “Uh, yeah. Cool. I’m Bex.”

“Sweet Lady Bex!” The elf straightened back up, brushing a lock of flaxen hair from his regal face with a wink that Shin was entirely certain he didn’t like. “I must say, you are simply charming! I have never met a…kobold, was it? But if they are anything at all like you, the Kingdoms of Magica are certainly in for a treat.”

“Um.” Bex glanced towards Shin for help. “Cool?”

Before the Schemer could respond, however, JD rolled his eyes. “You know he’s absolutely a fat dude in real life, right?”

Bex balked at the No One’s accusation, her ears shooting up in consternation. “Hey! That’s not true! You dick!”

“Oh sure whatever~” The No One rolled his eyes again. “Yeah, you’re definitely a sexy dog chick back at home, too. Fatso.”

Shin threw his hand out, as much to hold off the lowly growling Gero as it was to silence the foul-mouthed human. “If you insult our friend again, you can turn around right now and let King Glandem know that you have failed.”

The human rolled his eyes again. “Whatever.”

That wasn’t good enough for Gero. “Apologize!”

“Eh?” JD eyed Gero up and down, his gaze noticeably lingering on her chest. “Do what not?”

The big kobold threw her arm around Bex’s shoulder, her free hand gripping her club tightly. “Apologize to Bex now!”

“Ha! Yeah, like I’m gonna–” JD swallowed back his words when Galwenlas hissed something into his head, the human’s already ugly face puckering like he’d just bit into a lemon. “Fine. Sorry. Bluh.”

Galwenlas clapped his hands together, clearly attempting to brush past the unpleasantness as quickly as possible. “Well I think we can all agree that you’ve met JellyDonut by this point. That just leaves our uncharacteristically silent friend Naotodate!”

The towering beastman grunted, his voice a startling basso profundo. “Hey.”

“Seriously? You’re being crabby, too?” Galwenlas sighed. “I know JD is difficult, but what’s gotten you all pouty, Date?”

Was the beastman being pouty? If Shin had been asked before that moment what a pouty tiger looked like, he’d have had no clue. Apparently it was like this however. Still seemed pretty much like a normal tiger face to him.

Apparently Galwenlas was on the money, however, because Date coughed in what seemed like embarrassment. “It’s just…”

He mumbled something indecipherable.

Galwenlas furrowed his brow. “What?”

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“...muzzles.”

Now it was Shin’s turn to tilt his head. “What?”

“No muzzles!” The beastman huffed, folding his arms across his massive chest in irritation. “Magica gets another animal race and those cowards at Mundi went with humanoid faces? It’s just so typical.”

“And look how they’re dressed, too.” JD reached out and flapped the hem of Shin’s robe, snickering as the kobold pulled away in indignation. “More weeb shit. Fuckin’ great.”

Shin tilted his head, catching the blazing eyes of Gero and Hilde in turn. Then, very carefully, he shook his head. He had to admit that he’d taken a moment to see through the No One’s outrageously aggressive rudeness, but now that he’d had a moment to process it couldn’t be clearer: he was deliberately trying to provoke a fight.

All three of them were, probably.

Drawing himself up with as much dignity as he could muster, Shin leveled a steely gaze at the three Players. “Well. This has certainly been an…enlightening revelation about the status of the Oaken Elf Court.” The kobold raised his voice, addressing the furiously writing Mimasu without taking his eyes off of Galwenlas. “Mimi, please send a message that our guest is to be–”

“Wait, wait~!” The Grand Elf offered his most ingratiating smile, rubbing his hands together pensively. “This has gotten off to such an unfortunate start. On behalf of myself, my colleagues, and the Court of the Ever-Growing City, please accept my deepest apologies.” He dipped into a stiff bow. “Gomen-nasai!”

Shin blinked. “What does that mean?”

“It means, er, nevermind.” Galwenlas straightened back up, his cheeks a little red. “Look, let’s get right to it. Is the prisoner alright? King Glandem is simply beside himself, as are we all.”

Okay good, finally this was getting to the actual discussions. Shin drummed his fingers against his arm, his expression aloof. “I’m not certain how I feel about that term, prisoner. We have detained individuals of interest connected to a diplomatic incident, but if King Glandem is accusing his neighbors of imprisoning–”

“No no! No, haha.” Galwenlas flapped his hand, a bead of sweat running down his temple as he laughed awkwardly. “Merely a poor choice of words, I assure you! The Common Tongue is so boorish; I would have never made such a mistake in my native Grand Elvish, surely. The detainee is what I meant, absolutely.”

“Mm. I see.” Shin rubbed at his chin in a show of thoughtfulness, prompting another eye roll from JD. “Well in that case, would you like to see the detainee yourself? We can continue our discussions after you’ve seen for yourselves how the Alliance treats its guests.”

Galwenlas let out a breath of relief. “Yes, please! Truly you are a bastion of canine wisdom. Lead the way!”

Shin motioned for the three Players to enter the fortress, Galwenlas offering Bex another unprompted bow before starting forward. The beastman followed without another word, though JD couldn’t resist knocking his shoulder brusquely into Shin’s.

“Oops.” The human grinned nastily, his frog-like mouth spreading almost all the way to his ears. “‘Scuse me, bot.”

“Absolutely not.”

JD frowned, trying to decide if he’d been insulted or not as Shin breezed past him. The rest of the Schemer’s retinue followed, Hilde and Gero offering the human cold stares as Bex opted to stick her tongue out at the insulting man. Finding himself left alone, it was all the No One could do to roll his eyes for a nonexistent audience and follow in a sour mood.

In contrast to his surlier companions, Galwenlas kept up a bright air of intense pleasantness as he oohed and aahed over the interior of the fortress. “I have to say, this is quite nice!” He raised his eyebrows at Shin, seeming to reevaluate something. “When I first heard that a new race and some hobgoblins had started a Tribe, I must admit I didn’t expect anything quite this tidy!”

Hilde smiled sweetly. “We went light on the burning trash and heaps of skulls. They were really throwing off the energy of the place, you know?”

The elf’s smile tightened, unsuccessfully hiding his displeasure at being directly addressed by the hobgoblin leader. “Yes, well. How nice for you.”

Shin put a hand to Hilde’s shoulder. “Hilde, would you take command of the gate while I show the envoy to our guest? It would be unfortunate if unexpected guests were to arrive without us here to greet them.”

“Of course.” Hilde took hold of her sword hilt and marched straight past Galwenlas, the elf flinching out of the hobgoblin’s path with a look of distaste. Shin knew full well that if there were any other visitors sent by the Oaken Elves, the scouting Wild Children would have already sent up the alarm.

But directing Hilde to the gates served a different purpose.

Namely, highlighting the full detachment of kobolds and hobgoblins that manned the walls and garrison of the fortress for the benefit of their three guests. Shin didn’t miss the way that Galwenlas’s eyes lingered on the sight of a Kobold Bruiser restringing his Greatest Bow, the weapon outstripping the giant warrior by nearly two feet. The elf glanced over the breadth of the walls, noting that there were a dozen more of such figures and further soldiers still.

Again, the elf’s face clearly registered his recalculations. And then his smile somehow became even more ingratiating.

Shin led the three into the central tower of the fortress, nodding to the stationed guards as they moved to open the doors leading down into the holding cells. “You were all upset about the word prisoner,” Date grumbled as they started down the steps, “But this sure looks like a prison to me.”

Gero raised an eyebrow. “It’s a fortress. Our pleasure suites were all booked up.”

Galwenlas hummed in dissatisfaction. “Still, a detainee of such status shouldn’t be kept in squalor, correct?”

Shin shook his head. “We don’t keep facilities like that. I can’t speak for the sensibilities of King Glandem, but we in the Alliance believe in the dignity of all beings, even the rankest of prisoners.” Shin raised an eyebrow at Galwenlas. “Not that we’re keeping any prisoners at the moment.”

The elf simpered. “Yes, right. Of course.”

Jousting wordplay aside, that happened to be true. The holding cells below the fortress were rather stark, it was true. But they were clean, well lit and quite spacious. Maybe not comfortable, exactly, but on the more forgiving side of spartan all the same.

It was better than Prince Ceril deserved, in Shin’s personal opinion. But sometimes sacrifices needed to be made in the spirit of diplomacy.

The royal elf was so startled by the door to his cell swinging open that he nearly toppled from his chair, his wooden tankard spilling water all over his small table. “Here he is,” Shin intoned, gesturing grandly towards the flabbergasted prince. “Feel free to count the arms and legs. You’ll find they’re all still there.”

To his credit, it didn’t take long for Prince Ceril to grasp what was going on. “Oh!” He gasped in sheer relief. “My father sent you! Oh Gods, thank–”

JD jerked a thumb towards Ceril. “Who the fuck is that?”

Shin blinked. “It’s…Prince Ceril?”

“What?” The human squinted an eye at the elven captive. “Quercus has a Prince Ceril?”

“Alright enough of this shit.” Galwenlas took hold of the hilt of his sword, his flowery tone going flat as Naotodate shifted into a ready position behind him. “I’m only asking this once, so your answer had better be good.

Where is Lady Bittercup?!”