With the stage settled, the Warden drew form his deck. And spoke “Hey, Mauro, did you know that the chances to draw a specific card from a deck follow a hypergeometric distribution?”

“Uh, yes.” I skillfully bullshitted while I drew my cards.

I was going first. I had only one 1-drop: Walter, Plant Erotica Author. A non-dog card that depicted the aforementioned ugly motherfucker clawing at his keyboard while he embraced a body pillow with a blonde anime girl drawn on it. He was a mere 1/2, but his effect was as follows: “Legstretch: generate Isekai Stairway in hand.”

I hadn’t read what Isekai stairway did beforehand, and I wasn’t going to read it now.

I summoned Walter, who looked at me with a killing stare for interrupting his pillow-kissing session, and then proceeded to stare at the Warden with dead eyes. “I am not paid enough for this shit,” said my unit.

“Walter is, perhaps, the only character in Deck of Dogs that is more pathetic than the average player,” said the warden.

I drew a card from my kibble deck and ended my turn.

The Warden played his first unit. It was a 1/2 Chihuahua with a… rather curious shape. It looked like the poor thing had been taken out of Minecraft. His name? Chi Squared. He had the following effect:

Pedigrees of Freedom: This card has pedigrees of freedom equal to (total omnikibble -1) - (amount of Chi Squared played this game) (Currently -1, considered as 0). Each pedigree of freedom smoothens the edges of Chi Squared, and grants him 1 attack. When he reaches 3 attack without aid from other cards: Draw a card. When he reaches 6 attack: heal 6.

“Oh… no…” I muttered. I was finally understanding the question the warden had asked a minute before. “Curse you R!”

The warden drew from his kibble deck, ending his turn. He smiled smugly. “Do you know what I am playing?”

“Deck of Dogs.” I deadpanned.

“I am going to attend medical school, get rich by scamming grandmothers, fund a hospital, give free healthcare so your broken ass can attend it, and wait patiently for the day while I finally diagnose you with clinical retardation.”

You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

“You guys have a fixation with calling me that slur.”

“We deal with CCG players all the time, do you think we can afford political correctness? Do you think our morals are merely more than fuzzy memories at this point? We have right to discriminate your kind as we see fit!”

“But… you are also a CCG player.”

The border collies entered the field carrying the letters and stared dumbfounded at the game state. We were both full life. One of them took out a notepad that was stashed somewhere inside his fluff and checked if a surrender card had been played. Several dogs looked at the pad and pawed it. They were clearly in a crisis.

“What’s happening?”

“They sensed I had been defeated,” explained the Warden. “Shoo, I lost the argument, not the game!”

The border collies scampered by biting each other’s tails in a circle and then rolling out of scene.

“Weird.”

I looked at the cards on my hand and played the Kibble card: Triad Kibble. It let me gain 1 health, deal 1 damage to anything or yarddig, as long as I had not choosen that option this game. Given I didn’t know what I needed, I decided to go for the heal first.

MAURO: 25

WARDEN: 19

19 health points meant The Warden was using a deck with four categories. I invested and drew from my deck, finishing my turn.

“Mauro, do you know what control deck players pride themselves on?”

“Making people suffer,” I answered as if it were my second nature.

“Well, yes, but I meant another thing control deck players pride themselves on.”

“Endless games?”

The Warden shook his head. “Yes, but another thing!”

“Suffering from Dunning-Kruger effect?

The Warden groaned, left his hand (of cards) floating, used both hands (Of metal) to doubly-facepalm and then exhaled long and audibly annoyed. “Listen here little fuck: yes, but I meant options, Control players pride themselves in the supposed versatility of their gameplans. In the inevitability of their win conditions. So, do you know how to make control players suffer?”

“Reveal the seventh instance of a combo that I denied six times beforehand?” I proposed.

“That one is good, but no… you will see.”

The Warden played his kibble card: Kibble’s test. “This allows me to add a pedigree of freedom to any card on my side of the field.”

The Chi’s pedigrees of freedom went up by two: one for the new maximum kibble, and one for the card’s effect.

“Why does it feel this game is made on the fly and all decks you use are conceived merely to make stupid jokes and puns?”

The Warden didn’t answer, it just sent his now 2/2 to beat me like the little bitch I am.

MAURO: 23

WARDEN: 19

“Now I play Cur Elation. By permanently removing one degree of freedom from one of my units, it allows me to draw a card from my deck and one from my kibble deck.”

“Wait a second! So, it allows you to draw two cards?” I asked. My master plan in motion.

“In effect. It allows me to draw two cards.”

“But what does it do?” I asked again.

“Cur elation allows me to remove a pedigree of freedom form a friendly unit to draw a card from each of my decks. Two total.”

“So, what is does is… it allows you to add two cards to your hand?” I kept pestering him.

“Oh goddess, Fuck Yu Gi Oh and its fans!” The warden finally realized what was happening.

He drew from his deck and ended his turn.