Round seven had been a bit harsh, with an aggro matchup, but I had managed to reach the boss fight again. The playing field seemed to be incomplete outside of the Warden’s room, such as the ground was still made of cat litter and the Corgi still shone in the sky while we played. The sea, however, had vanished.
I accepted the prompt for the next round, and as soon as the warden new cards stopped flowing out of the crevices of his metallic body, I got the prompt announcing the fight:
YOU ARE NOW FACING THE FOLLOWING BOSS: HOUNDED MANSE.
ESPECIAL RULES: EVERY TIME A UNIT IS SENT TO THE RAINBOW BRIGE OR A GHOST DOG IS SUMMONED, DEAL 1 DAMAGE TO THE OPPOSSING PLAYER.
The warden had 26 health, so his deck had to contain two categories. However, the on death clause was very useful to me, as it turned God Left the Door Open into a potent burn spell. Furthermore, it synergized with my expugsives, as they did want to die. After attacking, if possible.
The coin was cast and The Warden won the flip.
He drew, mulliganed without saying a word, and only then I drew my cards. Two 1 drops and three 2 drops, that was good enough. The Warden played a pale, ethereal King Charles Cavalier, a 1/2 with the only text being Lament. A little dagger made of ice fell over my head and crashed on the invisible barrier.
WARDEN: 26
MAURO: 25
Neat visuals for the burn effect.
After the Warden drew his kibble card, I examined the keyword.
Lament: When this unit is summoned or sent to the Rainbow bridge (or this spell/kibble card is played), gain 1 sadness counter. Sadness counters can be spent to pay for powerful effects related to Ghost dogs or their archetypal spells. Alternatively, you can make your opponent cry, ain’t that neat?
I noticed a new number had appeared over the Warden’s head.
WARDEN’S SC: 1
This didn’t change my plans at all, unless Sadness counters were fucking broken, in which case, I better took mental note of his deck to hunt for the cards later.
I played Peckish Ness and it wobbled onwards, making use of his anxiety to go for the throat. The Warden forwent the block.
WARDEN: 23
MAURO: 25
I drew a kibble card, finishing my turn.
The Warden played his own kibble card: Afterlife’s Kibble. It only had the Keyword Lament on it.
WARDEN’S SC: 2
He played a sickly green ghost of a Pomeranian, a 2 cost 2/2 with Lament and “as long has you have 3 or more Sadness counters, this card attacks cannot be blocked” . It was called Pominous.
WARDEN’S SC: 3
The ice dagger fell and a shiver crept up my spine.
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WARDEN: 23
MAURO: 24
He attacked with his first summon, and the KCC leisurely floated up to me. He hovered up until he was in front of my face, and then licked the invisible barrier before retreating.
WARDEN: 23
MAURO: 23
He drew another kibble card, concluding his turn.
Peckish ness ate the kibble owed to him. I played my kibble card and looked at the top card of my deck. Spugcialist. I sent him to the middle of the deck because I had to dig for God Left the Door Open. I attacked with Peckish Ness and The Warden blocked with Pominous. The dogs clashed and, after exchanging a few bites, I am sure both regretted not investing in life insurance.
WARDEN: 22
MAURO: 22
I summoned Venom Dart Pug and pinged The Warden’s ugly face. The dart bounced against the barrier.
WARDEN: 21
MAURO: 22
It was a risky play, but it felt this was going to devolve into a “race for face” and I couldn’t afford a further tempo loss.
I drew a kibble card, ending my turn. Nobody had won the board yet, and I needed to do so unless I managed to draw into my best card.
The warden played his kibble card and then another KCC.
WARDEN’S SC: 5
WARDEN: 21
MAURO: 21
He invested and drew a card from his deck.
I played my third kibble card, peeking at the top card of my deck. It was Expugsive, which had a pretty beefy body to contest the board and dealt some damage on death. Given all forms of direct damage were good here, I kept him in the top. Pug Fetching Pug was played as naturally as I breathe. It asked to attack. I asked for him to wait and use his effect first. He gave me my card: Pugfessor, which was useless against a board of 1 drops.
I played rabid Chihuahua and the three of my dogs attacked. The warden ordered his two ghost KCC to block my 2/2. Both ghost dogs ganged together against my pug, tearing him apart, even if one of them sustained… lethal… wounds to his… ectoplasm.
Dear Lord, this game is anathema to logical thinkers.
Daggers fell upon both of us as the artacks of both chihuahua and pug attack connected.
WARDEN: 16
MAURO: 20
I finished my turn by drawing a card from my deck. I was in trouble. Despite being ahead in the agro race, I was not winning the board by a wide margin, and meanwhile my direct damage options were limited, every ghost dog in The Warden’s deck worked towards that gameplan. He only needed thirteen units dying along the course of the game to kill me, even if none of his attacks had connected.
“Fun thing about sadness counters, Mauro: they can be consumed by some cards. I have one of them in my hand. Will you scoop?” The Warden offered me a chance to throw my hard work overboard. An offer I could refuse.
“I refuse,” I refused. I like the word. It’s like a second fuse after the first blows out due to the negligence of the electric company. Refuse.
“Fine. Look.”
He revealed a card, making the mirage of it to appear in front of me to read. It was Soul Eating Mastiff. a 9 cost 6/6.
Lament. You can spend Sadness Counters to pay for the omnikibblecost of this card, with each counting as 1 unit of kibble. Send up to tree ghost dogs from the Rainbow bridge back to the deck, and draw the same amount of cards. If your opponent shits or pees himself while this card is on the board, you win the duel. Probably the Match too as he has to go change.
I raised my hand. “I have a ruling question.”
“Ruling issues play out and solve automatically. You will see what it does.”
“Are women immune to the effects of this card?”
The Warden’s eyes became thin lines as he read the card. “Yes, but we are allowed and encouraged to misgender our opponent to win.”
“Can’t you add an erratum magically?”
“The goddess is against every sort of gender equality that levels the playing field by taking away her card-text-given privileges. Can I play the Mastiff already.”
I shrugged. “Go ahead.”
The sky went dark. The ground began to shake like a cellulitis-ridden ass during an earthquake. A shadow projected itself on the cat litter, and then, a Tibetan mastiff head the size of a beach ball. Then followed the rest of the massive dog. Patches of hair and skin were missing, revealing the bare bones inside the dried carcass. One of the eyes had been taken out of the orbit, and half of the nose had been lost, revealing the bone underneath. AS far as Jowls went, the right one was nowhere to be found. The dentition seemed complete, however. Kudos for dental health, giant zombie dog that arose out of its own shadow.
Its breath was unsteady; it shook as if every muscle in his chest like it was having a cramp. And to top it all, it proffered a slight, if ever present, whistle.
I took one damage from the summon.
WARDEN’S SC: 1
WARDEN: 16
MAURO: 19
The warden shuffled his rainbow bridge into the deck and drew two cards, then attacked with his KCC.
WARDEN: 16
MAURO: 18
He drew a card from his deck, ending his turn. I smiled and looked back at my hand. This duel was getting interesting.