Respite: a brother’s worries.

“Why did it have to be her?” I wistfully look at the console for the thousandth time and sigh, hands coiling around my waist and pulling me close, back off the seat a little, their warmth and grace unlike my own, muscled but not in an obvious way, their arms clean shaven, almost dainty, although I know how strong those arms can be.

“She chose this Oli… you know how much she loves them, she decided this and she is a stubborn woman, she was a stronger woman than most men, you could never have changed her mind.” tears fall from my eyes, I know that, I know that so well, my twin and half of me.

The screen in front of me lights up, a notification of events happening and changing, what could have been and what will be colliding, the humans and their complex ways, some of them outright doing whatever they want, pushing their own desires on others. And then the few that were trying so hard to protect people, to change their destinies.

I sigh again and feel the warmth of the arms leave me, the footsteps of my ‘boyfriend’ echoing as they check all the instruments of the room. I want to watch them walk around, but I know that in the center of the room my sister's incorporeal body, her essence, lay trapped, willingly so but still… trapped…

“Oli, can you please check the diagnostics of the sisters?” I start punching in numbers and codes, something created by the humans, easily learnt, something about having lived through so many ages and worlds, longevity of godhood making learning and storing information or something, I’ve heard Daniel talk about it again and again, how our capacity for learning and informational growth beyond what humans could ever do, blah blah blah.

“The sisters are running at operational capacity, they are entering a vision cycle so they will be giving off strange readings for the next few days until they transmit the data to us, then they should be back in their recovery cycle.” A thank you comes from the middle of the room, I let him check my sister's data directly. I think seeing her face right now would make me burst into tears, her peaceful smile as she looks at our world, as if she’s dreaming and not just a receptacle for them.

Daniel coughs and I almost look at him, his dainty features something to adore, he clears his throat and seems to hesitate before speaking, “You haven't slept in at least a few days… we could… maybe get something to eat together… uhh if you want of course…” Fuck I want that so bad, the hesitation and worry in his voice radiating his wants and desires and fears… a blush creeps up on my face, maybe I’m overthinking things again… but I could really get out of this room, Daniel has been by my side the past 5 years as my assistant, but he has been so much more than that, his hugs bringing me such joy and warmth and need.

Five years of asking for hugs when I needed them, knowing his feelings as they radiated towards me, not pushing very far, knowing our stations in life and existence, never pushing beyond that.

“Of course I would love that…” I can feel his smile radiating from behind me, human emotions so easily felt, everything that the humans could express would be felt by us so easily. Daniel has always felt so… beautiful, so pure and full of hope and love. How could I not be smitten by him… but who would want to spend their time with a man so full of pain and sorrow… I can only be grateful that humans do not feel our emotions back, not feel all the dark places I go to, so much for my title then…

“How about… you get dressed up and we go somewhere special?... Maybe I could reserve a small restaurant, some place uhh quiet, away from people.” I smile and stand up, grabbing my jacket.

“I really thought you would never ask Dan…” I focus solely on their face, their blushing perfect face, glowing like the sun ought too and smile fully for them.

…

“And that's how I got my first temple, a shabby little thing, next to my sisters enormous beautifully crafted marble monstrosity, oh they loved her, people of the night… although on that planet the sun literally killed people, so it's no surprise really that they preferred her!” Daniel laughs at my experiences, I can only laugh back, such lives spent and lived, all my memories perfectly lined up, looking back on my lives now nothing was like this… everything congregating on the here and now, so that all those follies and messes that I got into seemed like a big joke, and I could only laugh and enjoy them.

If you come across this story on Amazon, it's taken without permission from the author. Report it.

Daniel loved to hear about it all, he thought his life was boring in comparison, but every word out of his mouth seemed like they were from an angel’s… “Tell me about growing up in Brussels again Daniel…” They blush and shake their head, downing another glass of red wine, the empty tiny restaurant in the wall that he found for us, the staff waiting in the kitchen for our requests at whatever we needed. This is a different kind of power, something akin to being worshiped I suppose, when the stars aligned and I was able to condense a body, being waited on hand and foot.

“You don't want to hear that again… there's only so many times I can tell you about my boring life Oli, you have so many stories and I love hearing you speak.” The wine has gone to his head, made him more bold, his hand reaches out and touches mine on the table, I bet he hasn't even realized he is doing it.

I clasp my hand around his, he looks down at it, the blush pulsing further on his skin, that beautiful skin that I so want to touch, “And I too love hearing you speak, how I wish I could meet your family…” He pauses and strains.

“I mean… they were never into the whole… into men thing… even with how much the world has changed and accepted the community… but maybe you would be different… how could anyone look at you and not love and worship you… you’re just… so beautiful and perfect and oh god it’s the wine talking I’m sorry” He tries to pull away and I pull him closer.

“I feel the same about you Dan, you would have to know that by now…” Hic, He covers his mouth with his other hand, I burst into laughter and he looks so shocked at his own actions, the wine really getting to his system. “After all, how could I not, 5 years of feeling your adoring gaze on my skin, the thoughts that you have had of me… sometimes pure… sometimes not~” He turns away, his blush covering every inch of his perfect body. I hold him tight, not letting him pull away from me.

“You're too good for me Apollo… I’m just nothing.” I let go, saying my name like that instead of the usual familiarity, distancing himself with just a word. I don't want to be a god right now, I just want to be his Oli. All the thoughts of self-deprecation coming back and powering through the courage I felt with the wine he had specifically chosen out for me, yeah we are different.

I mumble out a sorry and turn away, all the feelings of the day rushing back to me, my sister, who loved and adored and was loved and adored back in return, she, she was the couragous one, but took up the mantle of the moon, her with the fiery passion and I with the dour feelings, she took it on to protect me, I should have been the one to languish in the darkness.

“Oli… I'm sorry Oli, it's not you it’s me… I didn't mean it like that” hah… I’d seen that one in the drama’s I’d watched on earth, wrapped up on the couch that we’d watched together, ouch, using something so cliche… I can feel his remorse and longing throwing itself against me like the sea against a cliff, always eroding my own feelings.

I stand up and turn away, not allowing him to see my tears. Why would he when I’m just one of the gods, just some perfect being, so I guess we should keep it that way, I steel my heart and force my voice out.

“I’ll see you at work in the morning, have a good rest of the night Daniel” He sat there as I walked out, radiating self-hatred as it burned into me, from outside and within.

…

I sit in front of the crypt holding my sister, drowning in agony, wishing to cry into her shoulder, the glass of the coffin in the way, surrounded by the 3 sisters as they channel through her, tears endlessly falling as I try my best to steel my heart, act like what my godhood gave me, but all it gave me was remorse. Did she see this coming? Did the sisters of fate hide this from me, is that why she chose to be the goddess of the moon instead of a fiery beacon of hope. Instead she was the night watcher and keeper in the dark.

I caress the nameplate on her coffin, reading each word out loud, feeling the Oscium imbued metals as the sting of Oscium resounds on my skin, makes me feel stronger.

“Artemis System Core” Fuck you Sci-Axium.