“5 more minutes to the big fucking caves!” After walking for about an hour through the bush and watching our shark-woman guide cleaving goblins like she was taking a walk in the park, with only one hand out the whole time. A laser beam of high pressure water shooting out, entire tree’s being cut in half much less fucking goblins! We are quickly left alone by any and all wildlife, walking disaster is an appropriate title. “If any of this tree destroying shit is reported to the guild I’ll have your fucking heads, ya hear me!” That wasn't on purpose?! We all nod our heads and she turns back around and keeps walking.
Keeks looks over to us both, the most intelligent thought she’s ever had on the tip of her tongue, and decides against it, “You think she will bite me a little if I ask nye?!” I stare dumbfounded, I look at Zelia and see the blush on the tips of her ears, truly you have found a kindred soul my adorable lupine. I flick Keeks on the forehead, getting a cheeky grin and she starts skipping ahead to trail behind Mershi, maybe if she annoys her enough she won't even have to ask.
Zelia entwines her fingers around mine and snuggles up the best she can into my side as we walk together. Crap i almost forgot. “You know… I’ve got another present for you, one that I didn’t make from my own bones even!” She giggles adoringly and kisses me on the shoulder.
“You really do know what a woman wants Lillia~ a rose carved out of a lover’s bone, that is truly the witch way you know? I can’t imagine anything better” My present for her is currently tucked behind her ear threaded through her hair, the blood on it has been cleaned off at least, wouldn't want to get that in her lovely blue hair, it really adds to her aesthetic.
I pull out the present I got for her a few days ago < Bone Scepter > and she looks at it like a precious artifact… which I guess it could be? The work done on it is beautiful, it puts my rose to shame with such artistry.
Bone Scepter of the Mutant Bear (Rare) - Weapon Main Hand
Damage
1-2 Blunt
Effects
Active Ability - Bone Shot
{ Open Spell Slot }
+ 2 level to spell on scepter if a curse/bone type
+ 3 int/wis
Bone Shot Level 3 (Rare) - Bone Spell
Type: Non-Typed Offensive Piercing
Cost: 48 Mana
Effect: 1 - 30 piercing damage.
10% chance to cause bleeding.
Casting of Bone Shot is reduced due to the spell being imbued in the weapon.
Cannot Level up.
‘A small bone is shot out, sharpness of bone is random, bones are the building blocks of the body, maybe you could use another?’
“Lilia I love it, thank you! It’s amazing! Leagues ahead of what I already have! I'll be an even better support for you hehe” She rubs it against her face, it’s a bit weird cause it’s… you know bone, but she’s really happy so I couldn't stop her. She stops me from moving and gets on her toes to kiss me, we enjoy a quiet moment before a yell off in the distance catches up to us.
“Hey we are here slowpokes!... You get to kiss?! I want kisses too nye!” Our little Gnoll is jumping up and down before a fist comes from next to her blowing her a few feet over, we both tense up but Keeks gets up seemingly not injured, at least externally, our guide is less than impressed.
After a few more minutes we stare upon what looks like a cave system, Miss Mershi points at it, then takes out a wooden chair from nowhere, plops it on the ground at the entrance of the caves and starts making camp, an entire goddamn kitchen of goods starts coming out, including a cooking cauldron and stacks of wood, after a few minutes of us watching her she looks up angrily. “Did I point at the fucking cave or did I not point at the fucking cave?! I’ll see you fucks at dinner time when you finish clearing the whole thing!” Fuck she’s serious, I thought she’d at least be coming in with us, who knows whats in there?!
“Alright we will be back, I hope!” We trudge off to the entrance, upon getting inside we quickly find out what we are dealing with.
Thick webbing starts appearing draping the walls, a fucking spider’s den, ugh, they are going to be everywhere! I realized I didn't think to bring a light as Zelia opens up a small notebook and draws an incantation before reaching up with her staff and booping me on the tip of one of my horns, “Our guardian cow lights the way~ hehe wan!” Mnn my lifesaver as usual! Keeks makes a noise I hadn't heard her make previously and before I can ask what's wrong she’s dashed off into the distance!
“Keeks what the fuck are you doing we need to stick together!!” ugh why… I look over to Zelia and she looks ahead with realization and then looks at me with resignation.
“You uhh haven't seen her reading list have you…”
“Why would I have seen that moo?!”
She looks at the ground sheepishly, “She has a very… VERY large amount of spider smut on her list, like heavy amounts, in fact I’m pretty sure her profile description has ‘fuck me up spider mummy’” Oh… oh fucking hell… she can’t be that desperate to live out her fantasies?! Maybe she thinks she’s going to find a real ass spider lady in here, although from the sounds of it, it doesn't have to be a lady, a big ass spider will do.
“I guess we go after her? Keep a lookout on any tied up webs on the way? She might be in here glued against the walls all Alien style moo~” Zelia nods and we get our game faces on!
The light from my horn shines brightly but only makes the darkness gather further on the winding cavernous walls, spiders could be anywhere at this point, even not having seen them yet my imagination jumps to Shelob sized from the lord of the rings, I hope that's the size of the boss and not the size of the babies!
< Anatomy Sense >
I concentrate and feel the bones in my body before me, every minute detail down to the smallest digit. I hadn't really thought about the best way to kill a spider, usually smooshing it is the way to go! But if it gets big enough? I hope our little cutter is okay, might need more slicing than squishing for these fights!
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
< Bone Command > I feel the knuckles and how to better enhance them, morph them to my will, little tugs and pulls bringing out their full potential! They push out of the skin slightly, I flex them and don’t feel that horrible overbearing feeling of being unable to use my hand fully, but I can still feel the strength my fists provide. Focusing again I finish it up with < Bone Hardening > putting as much mana in as I can without getting too low.
Enhanced Bone Fist main/offhand (80% hardened)
Damage:
7-7 blunt
7 defense all physical types
Effects:
50% increase damage to weak spots
Mana 8/188
Stamina 139/218
Damn that used up a lot, any increase in base damage really increases my overall damage though, I could look at only boosting one fist instead of both as well?... That thought has come a little too late as both are already boosted and mana used up! I don't see a limit yet to it? If I keep taking potions and getting back my mana can I just keep boosting it? There's gotta be a max hardness… probably restricted by levels or something. But that might be better thought of while not walking through a spider's lair!
Our first indication of an enemy comes from the sound of chittering around the corner, lots of angry sounding noises, at this point I feel that as much as I hate to, the cowbell + Anastasia’s bell should be just reduced to Anastasia’s. I take off my neck cosmetic with teary eyes, hopefully I'm respected enough with the tiny bell… We creep around the corner, Zelia’s scepter at the ready, rearing to try her new spell.
There is a gathering of spiders, each the size of a frying pan around a fallen foe, it seems like it was sliced all the way through, Zelia taps me on the shoulder and asks to go first, I nod, Alright hot stuff show us your moves~ Oh she does, putting her staff in front of her a symbol appears, she quickly chases line after line, after a few seconds she gets to the end of her cast and pushes her staff forwards as silently as possible.
A stake rises from the ground in the middle of the spiders and causes them to cautiously move back, but not before the screaming of the witch on the stake pierces through them and the fire bursts to life around them. It looks like it encompasses a few meters out, its flames flickering close to where we were creeping. After 2 seconds the spiders in their panic with no actual purpose or knowledge of where to run seem to just burn up and expire inside the ring of fire.
“Zel wh-what the fuck was that?! That was incredimoo!” she giggles and gives me the peace sign, V for victorryy~
“My burn at the stake is level 6 now, AND! I put it on the bone staff making it even stronger!! Hehehe broken as fuck! Next up for testing is the bone shot, although spiders are going to be super hard to hit with it, I need bigger ones to experiment with wan!”
“Please don't jinx us love, I feel like if they start getting bigger my fists aren’t going to do their best moo!” We start scavenging through the spiders getting at least one interesting find.
< Inspect leveled up to lvl 3! > Huh might as well use it then.
< Inspect lvl 3 >
Name: Tiny baby Arachne Spider
Type: Spider Monster
Threat: F Rank
‘Oh it’s cute when there’s 1 Miss Crawford! but when they number in the thousands and need to eat each other and everything around for sustenance, then we’ve got an extermination on our hands! - Chief Customs officer Jin of Diamond City, in relation to quarantine of Miss Crawford’s ‘Itty Bitty Baby’.’
“Uhhhhhhh Zel… the inspect description mentions thousands of these things… and that they are the babies…” We look at each other in horror, Keeks might not be having the dream day she was wishing for. We pick up the pace making sure to grab any gold scattered along the ground, it’s sparse but probably because they are literal babies, babies shouldn't have gold anyway, it's irresponsible!
More winding caves later we come across our first web sack, it looks… deflated? I'm hoping it’s not Keek’s final resting place! I use < Bone creation > and pull a small dagger out of my thighs, twisting out of view of Zelia so that she doesn't see what I'm doing, just taking out a normal dagger don't mind me~
I put a slit down the middle and pull it open with both hands… Either keeks has been here for a week or I think we found the wrong… goo pile. It oozes out the bottom of the slit and starts pooling on the floor, a mix of acidic and metallic smell to it, I move back and brace myself to stop from hurling, really gets in the sinuses.
We shrug and continue on our way, at some point the light starts flickering out on my horn and Zelia replenishes the spell, making sure we have a good light source at all times, as well as scoring a quick kiss for her good work. We eventually hear more skittering ahead and find ourselves faced with an expansive cave. From the light I’m giving off it’s got to be more than 20 meters across, considering the light gives off a radius of like 15 vision. My eyesight is terrible in the dark, if I had no light it would be like endlessly wandering through a maze until I die. It brings up memories of the original Minotaur in my mind, sending shivers through my body, bad nightmares of different times.
In the distance an enormous spider is moving a struggling web sack, it's the size of a house and the web sack would be barely a snack for it, if that’s Keeks she is not going to last long!
“We’ve got to save her! It might be her dream but I'm going to whoop her tiny Gnoll ass if we fail this task because of her! And like… not in a good way moo!” She nods back at me with a wan! And we try to get closer, the rest of the cavern comes into view, baby spiders in the 10’s and some larger ones come into view at the hole that the house sized spider is leaving from, it's slow and lumbering so it shouldn't be hard to catch up too! But first we’ve gotta get through these few!
It suddenly stops and looks our way, all the eyes directed at the light coming from my horn, yeah that would fucking do it!... It makes a deep chittering growl and turns back around to its exit tunnel, not fazed. As it does, its abdomen lights up with thousands of tiny eyes, reflected off my horn light, now a beacon of trouble. “ZEL NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO START CASTING MOO!”
“I'M CASTING I'M CASTING WAN!” She has her scepter out, panicking and trying to go as fast as possible.
You better not be dead Keeks!