2 Years Ago
< Rebooting > or at least... that's what it feels like. I didn't exist… Now I do? The screaming... of who?... Or what? The last thing I heard, it gets louder and louder so close, it's inside my ears drowning out my thoughts and feelings...
…
Oh... Wait, the screaming is actually... Beeping? Constant and throbbing next to my head, God my head, it hurts so bad, please turn IT OFF!!
…
My hand is really wet. Am I still in the octagon?... Feeling my head, the blood dripping off, staining the mat. I can't hear screaming; it can't be the ring. Instead, it's the constant and growing faster beeping, and these are definitely sheets on my back... The hospital?... How long has it been??
There's something else apart from the beeping... there's sobbing, I try to open my eyes, but the light burns!
I feel movement, shuffling of feet and the light is no longer as bright, "...--!!" the voice tries again but before I can hear anything it goes dark.
…
"---... you hear me?" a soft voice hits me like a truck pulling my consciousness out of the dark depths. I try to use my throat but all that seems to come out is raspy noises.
"That's okay --- don't talk, I'll get some water" I feel a hand in my own, my lifeline, I tense as it starts to leave me, "okay okay, I'm here I'm not going anywhere I'll call a nurse", I feel someone pour water into my mouth and I drink it as well as I can, I can't move my body, why can't I move my body?! I'M NOT GOING BACK DON'T TAKE ME BACK THERE! I slip back into the void.
…
It's been a month now since I 'woke up' although it feels like I've been here for years, just feels like I'm letting Zel down by being here. I started rehabilitation a few weeks ago, it's been... bad... to say the least, from a mixed martial artist about to hit it big on the scene to… nothing. Barely being able to walk, starting off from being an infant again.
Zelia is sitting quietly by my side having just gotten off class, I wasn't allowing her to skip for me, even if she desperately wanted to. The nurses and A.I. do enough for me, just her support and being by my side when she can be here is enough. Thankfully I've been able to at least do some reading even with not being able to move.
It hasn't made me any smarter, but reading about the history and the dissolution of international lines was interesting. The fact that it took so much just to move to another country was horrible, people should have been allowed to live where and with who they want, at least things are different now...
Dozing off, I keep imagining countries with laws that hurt the people would suddenly lose their population and have nothing to keep the economy running. They would see that the people have all the power, it won't happen nowadays with the ability to move around and with Sci-Axium in control, nothing bad has happened since then, at least not in anyone’s control. Working if you want to get anywhere in life, free healthcare, a place to stay... If only it was that easy when I needed it before... I was always in the wrong place and time... until I met her...
…
Zelia is sitting here reading quietly, enjoying the silence of being together, a hard knock filters through the wooden door. The nurses shouldn't be here for the next hour. A short thin man closely resembling a rat and a larger man built like a truck in dark glasses slide open the door, stepping through. They look like walking, talking, caricatures, a lawyer and hired muscle...
"Mr. Dawson I presume?... Great! great... We are From MAA and have been tasked with taking care of business with you" I nod my head to Zelia that it's okay, I was expecting this eventually...
"Let me guess?... It was reported by the hospital that I was drugged, and the MAA found my helmet sabotaged. Now the MAA wants to sweep it under the rug, just cause of some rich fuck kid that’s desperate to get to qualify for the Olympics so that their daddy can be proud... money still talks even in this changed world huh?"
I grimace thinking of the hatred on my betrayer’s face, their need to win at any cost, that cost being my life, the cost of what I thought I was, their best friend. I hope it's eating them up inside what they had to do just to be the 'best', I can only hope they don’t make it to the next round, it would bring me such joy to know that they were only good enough to take me down but no one else...
They look at each other stone faced and push over a contract for me to read, I look it over as best I can and pass it to Zelia to read as well.
Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation.
"In reparations for my injuries that occurred due to 'accidently' taking something before the match and gear not being checked properly you want to offer me 50k credits in damages and all my hospital and rehabilitation fees fully paid for, that means you’re going to be on account for anything that needs to be done until I’m able to live a mostly normal life."
And for such 'generosity' I would never talk about this situation again, the news just reporting it as a sad accident, bad timing, just one casualty of a brutal sport, goodbye easy life.
This doesn't seem to include gene therapy, that would be the cost of basically a new body at this point so no surprises there, they would rather sweep this under the rug but know its bad publicity even though they would win... I can't prove anything... It's my word against the silver spoon and they might try to make life hard for not only me, but also the only family I've got now.
I ask Zelia, as my legal guardian, to sign the document due to my inability to write at this point and give them my bank details to transfer the credits. I just want them out of my life and done. Another page of my book that I'll have to suppress my feelings from.
They leave, their jobs done, and I'm never to talk about this part of my life again, sealed away with credits and a fucked body to show for it. The least I can do is make it the most expensive recovery possible.
I move my hand and look at Zelia as they hold it right, they were trying to hold in their anger the whole time, the absolute furious look in her eyes showed me that what she thought happened was monstrous. Having someone like this in my life is all that I need.
…
Another day of recovering, my thoughts turning downcast, I hear a knock on the door, it's opened by a girl wearing a white shirt and black pants, their hair just brushing their shoulders, looking very soft.
"Hey beautiful I think you've got the wrong room; I'm waiting for my friend to get here but you're more than welcome to hang out" I smile and stick my tongue out at the blushing beauty, they go to sit down and take a deep breath.
"Gods, I would hit you if you weren't so goddamn injured!" They pout and open their bag taking out some fruit and a bar of vegan jerky.
"It's the only time I'll get the privilege, gotta have some perks to the whole 'disabled' thing, besides you are looking more amazing every time I see you, so I'm not telling any lies" I smile softly, and she smiles back shaking her head.
Zelia starts cutting up the fruit and getting it ready to feed it to me, the nurses take the morning shift, and she takes the afternoon/dinner shift while we talk and catch up and just exist together.
After a while I start dozing off and thinking about things, where it all started, about... me, about who I could have been and wanted to be and well... who I really am.
"Hey Zel... how does it feel... being you... you know?" She stops pulling apart an orange and turns her body over to me looking concerned, reaches out for my hand and feels my trembling, trembling with what movement I have left.
"It… feels like I'm allowed to feel the way I want, I don't have to be that tough person again, I'm allowed to cry when my body wants to, when I've had enough, my body is more becoming my own, and soon I'll be able to feel like I can dress how I really feel... Are you thinking about yourself?" she holds my hand tighter with a hopeful look in her eyes that I can't fully face.
"Do you think I could be happy like that?... That I could be..." The name catches in my throat, the last time I told anyone the name, my name, my whole life changed, the whole world changed... "Her?" I feel like a coward.
I can't even say a name to my best friend, who is going through the same thing, but it feels like the world is ending whenever I try to utter it, because once upon a time it did end, for so many years.
"I've had too much time to think here, I always tried to drown it out, but I thought... Since I'm already here and recovering, I might have a chance?... a time when I didn't have to keep pushing myself... I'm never going to be able to do martial arts again, that life is over, gods I don't want it to be but it's not like I could afford millions of credits for basically a new body" the tears fall slowly as I sob, forcing out the words, getting softer and softer as I rant.
Zel pulls out one of her dad's handkerchiefs and starts wiping my cheeks, her tears falling against my already wet hospital gown, as she leans over and gently kisses me on the forehead, the tears mingle before she wipes them up.
"Maybe it is time for a change?... I can talk to Dr. Wilson, he can see if they can work out the best way for you to be on hormones, not interfere with any of the other medications and what not they have you on? "
"Just say the word! just nod, I wish I could do more for you, always! you're my best friend, honestly it would be pretty cute going through this together, being able to see each other grow and change side by side, don't be jealous though, with how big mum’s tits are mine are going to be huge!"
A laugh escapes my throat through the sobbing for all the support I'm getting, she deserves the world, and here I am just a mess of a human being, I've never been anything but a mess.
"I can't hug back but... please... hug?" I plead, she gently wraps her arms around my sides pulling me up a little and I rest my face in her hair, why does she smell so good... I nod a few times into her shoulder blade.
"Is that a yes?" she asks softly, I nod again a few more times, tears building up against her hair.
"A few more minutes then I'll be right back! The doctor should still be here, and I want you to be able to know something is going to change, that you have a future you want, not just what others want!"
After a few minutes she gets up, cracks her back from the weird position of having to not squish me but also to give the best hug possible, squeezes my hand and rushes off down the corridor.
She has full control over my medical responsibilities, and she is a woman on a mission.
I Started the long journey of transitioning the very next day.