Beep Beep… Beep Beep…
“AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHhhh!!!….” I’ve thrown myself upwards from my bed, I can move, I can move! They wouldn’t let me move if I was still there!? The walls are different, white but not the same… not the same as what?... Fuck where am I!? Opening my eyes fully I see a shocked nurse staring at me like she’d seen a ghost. Maybe I am dead?... good riddance… I'm just a monster after all… after all?... all what?... My head is killing me, I pull it down into my hands and just start screaming again… WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH?! WHERE WAS I?!... fuck… where… was I?...
“D-doctor the patient is awake!” A Doctor that was running into the room takes steps towards the bed and starts shining a light in my eyes, mumbling something under their breath. I slump back onto the bed once the light goes away, I did good right… please tell me I did good…
“Put them back to sleep, it’s not time for them to awaken yet, they should still be under for another few days!!” The nurse hastily approaches me, pushing in the needle in my tubing. I'm still so weak, using up everything I had in me to just throw my body upwards in panic. I struggle briefly, as much as I can, before I'm pulled back under, back into the void, where the broken me is trapped forever under the red nightmare’s specks of red.
…
“... — … only have a day more before Sci-Axium takes back their property! There are still tests I need to run! They can’t just take such a fine specimen away from us! This is the first reported person wi-” I hear a thump from nearby, against a wall.
“Keep your mouth shut! Do you think you could hide from them?! Do you think you’re bigger than Sci-Axium?! You saw the ones who brought that kid in! We are not getting involved in this shit! We take care of the kid and then we forget they were ever here!! You fucking got me Jones!?”
I hear violent nodding. I've gotta get out of here!… I can't be a lab rat again… please… please not the white walls… confined… Why was I unable to move… so much my mind won't tell me… bits and pieces of madness piercing through… did the hospital rip them out of me?!
I need to leave. I hear footsteps receding down the hallway, I try to look around as quietly as I can. Before I can make any moves, I hear some nurses talking outside the door.
“Yeah that Robert kid’s heading off to an orphanage today, poor thing lost everyone, what is the world coming too?… I’ve not heard great things at those places, but what can you do, there's not enough housing around for everyone and you can’t just put them on the street…”
“Once they let us know they are awake we can get them out the door, we need all the room we can get!” The voices also start receding down the hall… I think this is my way out of here!
I see that the tubes have all been removed and I’ve been disconnected from the machines. Maybe I got over the drugs faster than they thought again and were just waiting for me to be picked up?... I climb out of the bed and feel my muscles. They are really sore but flexing them slowly makes them feel better after a few minutes, like I hadn't been lying down for the past year. I can only imagine what they’ve given me to make me feel so much better…
I look out the door carefully and see that there isn't any movement in the halls, coming out of the room I try to move as fast as I can, checking both rooms next to mine I find a sleeping kid around my age to the left room, please be the right person! I quietly check their medical sheet and see their name is Robert, phew, they are wearing the same clothing as me but our tag’s are different. I swap our tags and make sure to swap our medical charts, just like those movies I've watched before, some real spy shit… I'm sure they will realize before Sci-Axium comes and grabs them so I better act quick.
They have a torn duffel bag full of things, I’m about to reach out to grab it but feel bad for the kid, it’s all they have left in the world… not that I have anything at all, I might feel like a monster but I’m not going to act like one.
I try and put on as much of a woozy appearance as I can and shuffle out into the hallway, approaching the nurses station, a young nurse at least in her lower 20 is at the station writing in a book, I cautiously approach and put on my best ‘please let me go home’ voice.
“Please miss my name is Robert, I'm supposed to go to an orphanage today… Can someone take me?...” She looks surprised at my appearance. Please I just need to be anywhere but here, I can let them open me up.
“Uhh… yes yes! One of the orderlies can take you there, have you got everything you need?” I shrug helplessly, indicating that I don’t have anything left. She smiles pitifully at me, tears at the corners of her eyes, she opens her wallet and pulls out a $20 note and puts it into my hand, “It's not much but I hope it can get you some small comfort” She presses a button on her phone and an older man comes over, she tells him that I need to be taken to the outer-city orphanage. Words on the wall make me realize that we are in Sydney, of all the places… I’d never been anywhere this… central? Before. Always living in the outback away from people in our tiny town.
He puts his hand out for me to put it in his “You look just like my grandson, please hold my hand so we don't get lost and I will lead you there safely!” He looks gentle, grizzled, maybe Italian, like old-man Grisni who used to live down the road, he made the best homemade candies, beloved by all the housewives. He always said that his husband made them better, but now only he can carry on the recipe… at least they are together now… I grasp his hand and get pulled along slowly. I wave goodbye to the nice lady at the counter, feeling sorry for lying to her… I just hope she doesn't get into trouble…
The car ride is quiet, they don’t ask any invasive questions, they hum a familiar tune, maybe one that was on the radio? Or that my dad liked?… After an hour we get to a tall building, made of red brick, it reminds me of the dirt from the town up north in western Australia, one that we went to on a trip once. A long long trip through what is basically deserts, where we slept under the stars and talked as a family, that was before I opened up about myself to my mum… and before I was the only one left… As I get out they hand me a card, which seems like a business card, Antonio was their name, they nod at me and tell me if I ever need help just to call the number, to stay safe. Then I can only watch them drive away, back to the place I would have been taken from. I look back at the tall building. At least I might be able to get a night of rest before I will have to figure out what to do with my life… Do I have to keep running? Will they keep trying to find me?... I just don't know… What is so special about me?... I feel like I should be dead but I don't even know why! One step at a time, just one step, I just have to keep going! I’m the only one to carry on from my town, I have to carry on for them… and for Natalie…
Stolen story; please report.
…
“Welcome to St. Margarettes are you Robert?” An old lady at the counter sitting down on a tall backed chair, it doesn't seem like she would even be able to leave it with how old she was.
“Yes I’m Robert, I'm supposed to be staying here for now…” She looks at the papers on her desk and finds a form, passing it over to my side of the desk, along with a pen.
“Please sign here for me, you will be boarding in room 7 with David and Mikel, they also don't have any family left, hopefully you will be able to bond with them both. Just don't go along with any of their schemes or you'll be out of here quicker than you arrived!” A wooden stick of a woman, I'm guessing she runs this place then. I hopefully won't be here long enough to face her wrath…
I'm told all the rules of the place but it just runs over my head, I’m barely listening, eventually I realize she’s finished speaking and she points me in the direction of the room. I’m going to be staying in Number 7, got it. I make my way down the hall with a ‘kids have no fucking manners nowdays’ coming from behind me, thanks lady, yeah your a goddamn saint!…
I get to room 7 and smell cigarette smoke coming from it. Upon entering I see a teenager putting out a cigarette then sigh and light it up again, “It’s just the fucking new kid! Wasted a fucking cigarette on you! You fucking owe me one now!” Oh we are doing great already, apparently I'm rooming with worse than children.
“Nice to meet you, I’m Robert, I'll be staying here for now” The other kid is sitting on a bed and reading a comic.
In a high pitched voice they mockingly repeat what I say, “Nicc to meet u ohh im wobert~ il be staying here now!” oh this is getting better and better!…
“Look I’m going to only be here a few day’s and then youve got it back to yourselves, so hopefully we can just not get in each other’s way until then” They look at each other and start laughing, what the fuck is this…
“No you’re our fucking gopher now, you can take our chores, you think it’s that easy here? Pathetic, you can start by cleaning up the room! And then maybe we can see what else you can do for us, little bitch.” The smoker puts their cig in the tray on the window sill and steps over to me, hacking up with his throat, he spit on me, it hits my chest, leaking through the hospital gown. I haven't even had the chance to get any new clothes yet! AND NOW IM BEING ATTACKED FOR NO FUCKING REASON!? I WILL NOT BE USELESS ANYMORE!
My fist impacts their chin and I grapple them to the floor before I know what's happening, slamming their head again and again against the wood. Finally I let go and the other kid is staring at me in shock, still on the bed.
“Are you going to tell me what to do as well?!... Are you going to try to put me down too?! SAY SOMETIHNG YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!” They are now staring at their friend on the ground, I go over to what I can only assume is my bed, a dingy little mattress with ripped quilts on it, it doesn’t have a pillow. I call out to the kid on the bed, I’ve already forgotten what their names are, I feel like everything’s different, I feel stronger, like from just that interaction I’ve been able to stop caring, maybe I could stay here, use these 2 kids as my patsy’s, who cares if I’m younger than them, I’m strong. “Give me a fucking pillow… and clean up your friend!” They throw a pillow across the room and get down on their knees to help their friend up, the back of the kids head is bloody, they are shaking, trying to not look at me, they can see it can’t they, the thing inside me. Maybe it's okay to be the real me, just like the voice said… the… voice?... I sharply intake the air and feel a shiver down my spine. I should get some rest… whatever tomorrow brings, decisions need to be made.
…
I'm awoken by sounds outside, it seems like my decision has been made for me, I can’t stay here any longer… I thought I could at least get a full night's sleep, but the sun isn't even over the horizon and they’ve found me… Getting off my bed the other boys are rousing, the uninjured one more than the other, I walk over and see that they have a duffel bag, kind of like the one the kid had at the hospital, I feel much less bad taking this one, dumping its contents out I rifle through it all. The boys watch me stealing their stuff, more afraid of me than they are of the mistress of the house.
I find some tools and a swiss army knife, they aren't going to need that while they live here at least, it’s better off in my hands, I also take the ripped blanket from the bed with me, I’m sure im going to need it. I look out the window and see there are people now coming out of cars and heading to the front of the orphanage.
I lean over the uninjured kid and grab him by the cuff of his shirt, “Is there a back exit?!” He nods jarringly and points further down the building, I let go and tell them both to shut up about me and they won't see me again, they both agree with me as hard as they can.
I exit the room and dash down the corridors hearing voices in the opposite direction. As I get closer to the exit I find a partially open closet, inside are some clothes. I quickly push what I can into the duffle bag not caring about size right now, anything is less conspicuous than a hospital gown! I eventually find the emergency exit and run through, I pass by the red stone building trying my best to avoid detection and find an alleyway where I can change, clothes are clothes at this point, ugly donated things but it really could be worse.
I start off to the central Sydney area, I don’t know how long it's going to take, more people and more chances to hide… maybe I can even make something of myself… I stare at my fist, I feel the muscles in my body working for me, maybe it's time that I stop feeling so useless, I need to get stronger so I can protect myself, so that I won't be like the old me. I won't be pathetic anymore! I can't be…