"Are you joking?"
I think I spilled a small portion of my coffee in the process of all this.
"W-What?"
"Don't 'What?' me. Didn't you just hear me? I asked you if you were joking just now. Was that some sour joke or some of your sarcastic innuendos?"
Yulia's expression is so sour right now. In the sense where her words are cutting me like knives. Although, I'm the one who's actually not understanding the situation here.
"No... I wasn't being sarcastic nor was I making jokes. I was serious just now! We might've got a chance to pass the exam! Isn't that a reason to celebrate though?"
And besides, when did I ever show signs of joking? Was it because I expressed my unusual charismatic enthusiasm about the possible positive outcome of the situation or...?
"But did you forget? We made a deal that we would fail the exam and that was it. There's no going back now..."
As I sipped the coffee that was slowly but surely sapping away my lack of sleep away, my confusion gradually increased.
"I see what you are on about... But that deal doesn't have to be relevant anymore. If we have a way out, then what does it all mat-"
But, without letting me finish my sentence, Yulia's aggressive toned words interrupted my own in a flash.
"It is relevant! We made a deal! If we make a deal and if we give each other our own words about keeping it through the end, then we should keep it! No, we have to keep it! You can't just say those irresponsible words now, that's cowardly!"
I really am trying to remain calm and I'm additionally trying not to surrender to my argumentative tendencies, but she's not making this exactly easy...
"...I understand what you are saying Yulia..."
"Well, do you? I don't think you do... If you truly do understand then don't insist on this..."
........................................
Let's try this nicely one more time...
"Yulia, don't you think that it benefits us both if we pass this exam? What I meant by the deal not being relevant was that passing this upcoming exam should be far more important and that if we do manage to pass it, then the deal is irrelevant. The deal is only relevant to the premise that we fail. However, should I be able to alter that---"
"Ahh, you really don't get it. I thought as much. I knew it. I so knew that you'd try something like this. There's just no way that you'd accept the situation. That's just not like you. You've been disturbed about the possibility of failing ever since day one. It was dumb of me to assume that someone like you, Daniel, would be fine with this ultimately...!"
Wasn't I nice about this? Did I do something wrong? Was my approach somehow unreasonable? Was my argument full of flaws or something like that? If so... I wish that I was able to see those flaws right away...
Because I can't see them and that's making me think that I am right in this argument.
Oh well. I give up.
"Of course I'm not accepting the situation. I get the grand total of a punishment that will equal the equivalent of two supply exams. Add that to my previous supply exam and you get three supply exams. Not so rough for you, truly. You only get one, but what do I get? Three? That's not something I can obviously flat out ignore."
Shit... I forgot to pour sugar onto the coffee... It's so sour.
It's like I'm drinking gasoline. A taste so sporadic that it feels like my vomit will gush out at any second now.
"Your situation is understandable and all, Daniel. But didn't you already come into terms with your situation the moment you proposed your proposal yesterday?"
"I only came to terms with my situation because I couldn't do anything about it. But now that I possibly can, that's a totally different story. It doesn't have to be this way for me. No... Not only for me but for you as well."
Yet despite my words, Yulia's not showing any signs of backing off from this stupid argument that she made to defend her idea... I can't even describe what's she's trying to do right now because she's not leaving any clues about it.
"I already told you that's not relevant... Daniel, you can't just go back on your own word. It's ride or die. We made the deal, so we are going with it!"
Out of despair, I placed my right hand on my warm forehead in order to potentially calm myself down, but just as I looked to the table mirroring my face, I couldn't accept a state of mind that reflected 'calm'.
"Stop being so stubborn already. It's not reasonable for me to get this many complaints out of you just because you are being a whiny baby about it. Listen to me for a second and realize how stupid you are being right now."
"There you go again, using heartless words in your defense!"
They are not heartless if we consider all the words I can just say right now.
Though, it's for the best of my interest if I ignore her previous complaint.
"Isn't the ultimate goal of these exams to grant us a feeling of security? A feeling that will be given to us due to the fact that we excelled the exam's demands and that, lastly, we can rejoice because we will be able to feel at ease? If that's the end goal, then how can you afford to be this sentimental about it? I'm informing you that there might be a way out and this is what you tell me? That somehow, a deal that we made previously, which was based on the premise of failing, is suddenly more important than the actual success? What?"
Although I'm not the best emotional speaker of all, I did try to put my words into sentiments so Yulia could have a better comprehension of what I wanted to say, but every time I look at her, it's as if my own words were meaningless from the start.
"You don't get it! You don't get me at all. I'm fine with failing the exam because you gave me a greater feeling of security, so the exam itself isn't relevant anymore! Those words back then, really mattered, you know? But now you are trashing them by trying to replace them with a simple possibility! No. You know what? It doesn't matter if it's a possibility. It can be a certainty and I will still not accept it. That's not how things work with me. You either are in or you are out."
She's saying I don't get her but I truly do get her point. She's more worried about me keeping my own words about the deal because apparently, she has a strong sense of loyalty or just values the length of companionship, but what for?
What does it all matter if the outcome can potentially be resolved? That's what I don't understand.
"Yulia, you can't be fine with failing the exam. That's not the correct way to feel about this. You can't just suddenly feel secure just because we came into terms with our demise. Are you just going to prioritize the way you feel instead of doing what must be done?"
Furthermore, I would like to briefly mention again that this is just a possibility, but she doesn't seem to care about it that much. As a matter of fact, Yulia even said that it doesn't matter if it's a certainty.
"Yeah, I am. Screw what you think. If you're not going to value our deal, then what do I stand to gain here? Absolutely nothing!"
"Or maybe you could think twice and listen to my words for once! Think! If you abandon your stupid mindset and side with me here then you stand to gain way more than just a transient feeling of security. Why choose to be this picky about it instead of selecting the obvious logical option?"
In the process of yelling at her, I managed to make my shout so loud that it echoed throughout the whole empty cafeteria, which ended up attracting the attention of the present waitress.
Plus, my plastic coffee cup was entirely squeezed.
"I don't need to think about your words even once! I know that I am right and that's not gonna change the way I feel about this! If you get this, then repent about your own words right now and show that you actually care!"
Unconsciously, I kept on performing small repeated steps on the floor in order to discard some of my anger off.
Why do you have to be like this? I understood you, didn't I? So, why can't you do the same for me?
"Hey, Yulia. You said that I didn't understand you, but is that really true? Show me how and where I didn't understand you, please."
Maybe I'm just wrong here and I didn't see that. I think I can accept it if that's the case.
Thus, to show that I was down to listen to what she was going to say, I took my seat once again and looked at her with serious eyes.
Though, her expression was still like a raging tempest. Refusing to calm down.
"First of all, disregarding our previous deal was so disrespectful. If I give you my word, then I am keeping it. If you do, then you should keep it. I expect equal treatment yet now you are coming at me with that bullshit like that. Don't do that... Secondly, if you truly understood me then you'd know that I wouldn't be fine with this. It meant a lot to me to be able to open up in the slight to you, but to you, it just doesn't seem like you get that. Lastly... I said that you should repent for your own words, but you aren't showing any signs of backing off... Why is that?!"
It's pointless. She's not getting my point at all. I've tried countless times now to portray my own view and explained to her about my point, but Yulia refuses to abandon her own point. Her obsession with her own point is making this argument impossible.
It's very likely that I was on the losing side from the start.
Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.
Then, if that's the case, then what the hell do I stand to gain here?
"I won't back off, Yulia. Also, sure, I will admit that I got a bit disrespectful when I disregarded our deal, but I just didn't expect you to be this stupid about it. I now know why you are being so obnoxious about this. Proving your point is apparently more important than the actual situation, huh?"
Truthfully speaking, I never disregarded the situation. It might be true that I did disregard the deal, but that was because I issued a better one? If that's the case, then how come it's so illogical of me to propose a better one? According to Yulia's perspective, that's the case.
Also, I am getting progressively aggressive with my own words yet again.
"Stubborn. Whiny baby. Stupid. Sentimental. Stupid mindset. Obnoxious. And stupid again! That's eight insults you have thrown at me! Why are you being like this suddenly?! You were so nice until now, but now... You're back to being rude... Does that mean that you don't even care enough at this point? If so, then were all your previous words lies too? Hm? Were they?!"
"No, I did care. I had to care. And of course, those weren't lies. I wouldn't do that to you. But, you. It's unfair what you are doing to me. I'm trying to consider and understand your feelings about this, but you are completely rejecting my own approach."
"Daniel, I am rejecting your own approach because it's wrong and because it means that you are betraying me. I can't allow that!"
So it's fine if you completely disregard me as a whole as long as I don't 'betray' you?
Seriously? Is this how we are going with this, Yulia? I thought you could do better and ultimately, be better.
But I guess hopes never really work with me.
"I'm not betraying you. I am showing that I care for you and the situation at the same time. That's the best scenario in my mind. A scenario where we both come out happy in the end about this. But you aren't making this easy. Let's suppose that I do keep my deal and we fail the exam. What about it? How am I supposed to be happy about this, overall? Happy about failing? Are you joking? It might be subtle for you to notice, but that's essentially the worse scenario for me and you both..."
It's not even about me being happy, but I'm trying a new sentimental approach about this just to see if Yulia's brain somehow clicks and sees my words in a whole new light.
And honestly, the fact that I'm still talking to her and trying to persuade her with reasonings, should be evidence that I care to a minimal degree. I can't even deny that.
"It's not the worse scenario for me. The best scenario for me would, of course, be, passing this exam without any trouble... But I've changed my mind about that. Your words were really reassuring back then. I put my ultimate trust in you and settled down with our agreement. Even in my mind, passing the exam suddenly became not a priority. That's how much of an impact your words had on me. But now? What was it all for? Was it all just a joke to you?"
Why the hell are you so sentimental about this...
"Yulia, you've disregarded me yet again... You mentioned how it's not your optimal scenario now but what about mine? Can't you see? This only favors you and only you. I could just be a rude jack-ass and not try to understand where you are coming from and all that. But that's not what's happening, is it? I have asked what's wrong and I've explained how my idea ultimately benefits us both. You're also saying all these words about me not trusting you but what about you? You're not trusting me either."
"What are you talking about?! Of course I trust you! But I can't side with you and your lack of faithfulness."
"The same goes for you. Just accept my idea for once. I am not disregarding you in any aspect. You misunderstood my intentions from the start. All I wanted was to show you a better alternative. An alternative where we both don't lose."
That's all I really wanted.
"If accepting your idea means that you will just keep on being this spiteful and bashful toward me, then forget it. No, that's not enough. Your idea implies that you will go back on your words... I can't accept that, you see. You just don't understand the value of sentiments and that forbids you to see things from my perspective."
No way it works like that... Logic is what enables a human being to see things from another person's perspective, not emotions.
There's just... No way it is like that.
"Yulia, going back on my words here, is a reasonable action, if you think about it. I wouldn't go back on my words if it meant hurting your feelings in the process. It's reasonable because it's giving us a greater chance of winning. If that's the case, then isn't it fine for me to go back on my own words?"
"No, it's not! How stubborn! Stop arguing about this, at this instant!"
My teeth started to form a strong grit in all of this because Yulia's attitude starting being way too obnoxious for my liking. Through it all, I was fine with her being this way, but now that she thoroughly refuses to see things from my perspective, it's getting pretty pointless to keep up with this facade.
"I already said that I won't stop!"
"This is the last chance for you to show that you do care, Daniel! After this, I'm not going to be kind anymore..."
"You call this being kind? Are you serious? You've been obstinate for just about every second I came, so how can you even call that kind?"
"Rude! Don't you know that I've been kind thus far?! Quit it already! Show me that you are sorry!"
You're gravely mistaken about something, Yulia.
I'm never truly sorry.
"I am not sorry for my own words, because they were my genuine words about this. If you can't see how considerative I am being toward you, then it's your fault, not mine."
"My fault?! How is this my fault? This pointless argument started because you couldn't keep a single word! If you want to blame someone, then blame yourself."
Except it was never pointless. You just deemed it as pointless because my point never had value to you, even though it should have.
But, saying all these words wouldn't make any sense. Because Yulia would not acknowledge them.
"And I already told you that I did that for a reason... A reason that you just can't seem to accept!"
"The reason is non-sensical! That's why I can't accept it. Honestly, I expected way better than you, but I'm starting to regret every single thing now!"
What is this dramatic scenario? Why are the waitresses watching this scene like it's from a Korean drama?
Stop looking at us like that!
"What's there to regret? I try my best but you don't let me try! How the hell am I supposed to show you that I truly care if you don't let me show it to you?! You're making my ideas useless!"
"H-How dare you! Stop talking to me in that aggressive tone right now or I am going to get mad at you! You won't like it, trust me!"
"You don't tell me what to do, Yulia! You're the one who needs to understand my perspective and see things from my light because from what I see from your perspective is nothing more than a strong feeling of security and satisfaction and damn, we could have way more than that!"
I really don't like how the waitresses are gossiping with each other. I really don't.
"That's what I need and want, Daniel! If you can see things from my perspective like that, then understand how wrong you are already!"
"I am not wrong, damn it! You are!"
"Shut up, I'm not!"
"Yeah, you are!"
Crap, we are forming such a misunderstanding of the sneaky waitresses, but I don't even care at this point.
"Alright! I'm mad now! And that means that I'm leaving! Don't approach me nor follow me, you hear me?! You're also going to get respectfully ignored! Bye! Not a pleasure to meet nor to talk to you!"
Huh?!
"W-Wait! We can still talk about this, right?!"
But she suddenly grabbed her purse and went to the cafeteria's counter to pay her bills.
"Hi, I would like to pay. A coffee and another coffee for an insensitive jerk. That would be all!"
"Certainly!"
Don't just agree with her in such resonance, you damn waitress!
"Thank you very much!"
After Yulia was done paying, her quick steps become noticeably faster.
But I wasn't going to chase her. I'm not at fault here.
And without looking back, Yulia went off to unknown locations.
"I see. You and Yulia are overcoming your own insecurities while fighting them together, or something of that sort, right?"
No, not really, Hyunda. It just got a lot worse.
Not only did I fail to make her see my point but she also got mad at me.
...I wonder how are things going on his side? I get the feeling that if Hyunda actually tries and stops being lazy that he should be able to work this out really well with Arkalee.
"He's most likely going to pass this exam, isn't he...?"
Although he said that he doubts it, I just can't see him fail. Unless he really doesn't try at all.
Amidst my reflection, I noticed the waitress that had served me the sour coffee approaching me. Furthermore, without asking me whether or not it was fine for me to take a seat, she began to talk to me.
"That's what you get!"
..........?
To puzzle me further, she also left the moment she took her seat.
"...What..."
I don't understand what the hell just happened. I am also starting to think that I don't understand women in general.
Maybe it's really my fault. No...
There might be a way to make things right with Yulia. We don't have to end like this. And to make sure of that, I need to consult a certain person first...
11 am.
From afar, I could see his spontaneous figure running around the sprinting course at full force. His figure, was, additionally, with his top naked.
Noticeably, he was already attracting the attention of many female students from other classes since it was already break time, but that didn't exactly stop him from continuing what he was doing.
With his black shorts on, he sprinted on and on without showing a tired expression and always kept on looking forward. Another thing to mention would be that he is not caring for his partner whatsoever.
Before I got into the platform, it bothered me how some of the girls weren't exactly bothered with his presence but as soon as I entered the platform they were immediately creeped out.
If you are creeped out because I am a criminal then how come you are showing the same for Kawahara?!
I have feelings too, you know?!
"Look at him go... As expected, truly fast."
But honestly, it feels as if Kawahara is just doing this to give a performance and nothing more.
Show-off.
"........"
I did try to glance at his partner, but she was sitting on the stern ground with her giant book all over her face.
These two weren't even arguing about each other in the first place. Maybe they never bothered to actually talk to one another.
And then, since Kawahara was only looking forward, he was bound to notice my figure as soon as he turned to his left in the course. Of course, he stopped as soon as he saw me.
"Daniel. What brings you here? Wanna run with me?"
Not only was Kawahara not showing signs of being tired, but he kept on stretching his arms to the audience.
It must be fucking nice to have these many girls fanning for you.
"No. I want to know it, now."
I wanted to know if what Kawahara had in mind was true or not. If it was just an act, then I would attempt to speak with Yulia about it, but if not, that's a whole different case.
Also, why aren't you wearing your shirt? Stop flexing.
"It? Oh... Oh! That. Mhm, I see. But, hey, didn't I tell you that you were free to contact me this evening or tomorrow morning? Don't ignore that."
There's no way that I wasn't aware of that, but I'm feeling impatient right now... I want to know.
"Why do I have to wait for such a long time? Why not just tell me right now?"
"Well... I said that because I thought that I would be busy all day long training. This is my routine. So, there you go. That was the main reason. Also... Look, I can't just put it into immediate two or three words for you to understand. I need to truly break it down for you to understand. My words might be magical, but they are not magic, you know?"
If this is his routine, then is that why he is always sleeping in class or is it because he's too bored to pay attention? A different case from Hyunda, because Hyunda is bored for his own reasons, but Kawahara might just be physically tired.
"Though, I couldn't help but notice. Unlike Kuzan, you saught me immediately. Not immediately, but sooner than expected, for sure. I'm surprised. You really are in high hopes, aren't you? Fantastic. I recognize your persistence now! And if you want to know then help me out! I have to complete my routine of physical exercise and competing against someone like you might just prove to be worthy of my time!"
Kawahara's enthusiasm was showing signs of progressively increasing throughout this conversation.
His wide smile was fully formed by his own expectations, but it was impossible to ignore his sudden burst of excitement.
"You're saying that if I help you out with your training that you will give me an audition?"
"Yeah, Dan. That's what I just said."
Dan? That's a first.
"But, Kawahara, what are you going to do about this crowd? Your own kind will start to hate you..."
"So what? Not my fault I'm this attractive. Gotta be the ladies man if no one else can be. Then again, I don't believe anyone can take my place, so they are making the right choice. I'm allowing them to feast their eyes on this national treasure. No, scratch that! Not national, but universal! Look at my abs! Touch them! They are as hard as diamonds!"
I wholeheartedly refuse to touch your abs, Kawahara. For multiple reasons.
Also, you're a goddamn narcissist, aren't you?
But, from what I can understand, Kawahara doesn't really mind how the jealous boys are currently viewing him with hateful glares. No, that's wrong... He is feeding off their jealousy. It's not as if he doesn't care, he's making sure that he is viewed this way so that they get this jealous about it.
"No, thanks... What's your training routine, though? Let's get this over with so you can tell me. I'll help you out."
"Ho?! The gal! I like that audacity of yours! You truly think that you can keep up with my strict regime! Very well, Dan! I'll tell you all of it along the way! Follow my lead! A 5 kilometers run in less than 15 minutes... Starting now!!"
For some reason, I stripped my top too and threw my shirt at random somewhere else before taking off.