"If they try to bully you in any way, just call me, okay? I'll cancel everything I'm doing and come right away!"

"It's fine, Aki... You don't have to worry so much. You do you and I'll do me, okay?"

Aki is a good friend. But she cares way too much about certain things that don't involve her, which burdens her with immense responsibility and due to recent events, she has placed a lot of focus on me just to make sure that I don't get bullied.

But, I'm fine. I'm sure it was just a prank. It happens.

"Ikkiri, I'm worried. We don't know for sure who has done it, but be careful, please."

"Aye."

I decided to accompany Aki to the main gymnasium block. In it, Aki will have a dashing competition along with many other students. I know for a fact that Aki is extremely good when it comes to sports, so I want her to give it her all.

As for me...

"Mhmmm... What exactly am I good at...?"

Probably nothing, haha... Is there even a point in partaking in these competitions anyway? Outside of the fact that I have to get 5 wins, I don't know for sure if I can win in any of them.

Walking through the school campus I observed the multiple events occurring where the students could freely either partake in them or just remain as observers.

My attitude has been changing recently. Because I feel like someone hates me and that's...

Have I ever done something to someone in class...? And yes, I'm talking about the recent drama... Out of nowhere, insults were written on my desk. Thus, I've come to the conclusion that someone has a grudge against me.

Yet... I can't figure out why. And not only that but, I'm somewhat frightened because I don't know who that person is. The person who did this is most likely in class, but I...

No matter how much I think about it, I can't form a positive conclusion about this. I'm being hated on, but I don't know why that's the case.

I don't mind being hated because I know my own flaws but it bugs me that I don't know why I'm being hated...

Now that I think about it, while reminiscing through this clouded vision and fogged collection of unhappy thoughts, it's almost been a month since we last talked...

I also don't know why you stopped talking to me suddenly. It just happened out of nowhere to... At least, explain it to me.

But...

I realize... Maybe I am just not worthy of receiving an explanation regarding any event. I'm sure you did it for your own choices. Hanging out with someone as irrelevant and insignificant as me must've been staggering to a brutal extent, I assume...

I don't mind this treatment because I am just the way I am without having anything else to back me up for. Still, I think I got prematurely attached to you without you knowing and more importantly, how I wasn't even aware of it.

"Maybe I should try and do things the simple way..."

By that, I mean how I don't have to try and make things far too complicated for those that are around me. Just the simple fact that I am a burden to people like Aki and Hina is painful to me. So, I have to try hard too.

They are trying hard at the events, so I will too! Maybe I can score a few wins.

Okay. With that in mind, I collected my guts and transiently erased my depressive posture and went straight towards the festival's staff office to clear some of my doubts.

Essentially, if I want to score positively, I have to know how I can win against the best! Surely later, I'll tell Aki and Hina that I managed to collect some wins and they will be happy to know! I want them to know that they are not the only ones who are trying hard here!

Staff office.

Not as crowded as I thought, but eventually, after the line was empty, I went straight towards a staff member who was behind a desk with a lot of folders on top of it.

The staff member looked a bit stressed so I was insecure about being too straight forward or not. I don't want to be a nuisance to others...

"Hello..."

"What?"

"O-Oh, nothing... Sorry for the disturbance...!"

I came at the wrong time, it seems. That's fine, that's fine... I'll just... go to the events then.

With an agitated mindset, I exited the office and thought to myself about the themes and what I would choose for my first event.

Certainly, I had a fair share of time, but I really wanted to let Aki have a rest and see her smile. Recently, Aki hasn't been herself. While talking to me, she only asks if someone has bullied me and I say no.

Yet even when I do say that, I know that I am not viewed well. It's not as if I don't notice, but a lot of my classmates just don't seem to like me in general...

Okay. I'll go for a round of chess!

Chess club queue.

"Good morning! I take it you are here for the registration? If so, then relax! Per event, we allow a grand total of 25 students and the same students that have once partaken the event cannot partake this event again, so are you sure you want to partake the event now?"

"Ah... Yes. Yes, I do... Do I need to sign up something...?"

At the frontal registration center, a very-well mannered staff member who had the resemblance of a middle-aged woman shortly greeted me with a useful explanation.

So by partaking this event, I can't do it again....

"You only need to give me your student ID card and that's it. Because then, we will register your name and your scores in the system and by the end of the festival, they will be accumulated."

Oh, I see... If I register my ID right now and win the upcoming event, then my scores will be accumulated... That's a nice and simple system.

"Okay. Is there... anything else that I should be aware of...?"

Maybe I'm getting slightly nervous or paranoid but if there is something that I should know, then...

I just hope that I am not being rude. Asking for this is fine, right...?

"Mhm? Didn't your teacher tell you the basics? I'm not your teacher, you know?"

"Ah, right... How stupid of me, hahah! My bad, so sorry. Um, here, my ID card."

That was so stupid of me... It's common sense that my teachers have both taught me the essence of this exam and its themes.

We even had a questionnaire about it... I'm seriously dumb, aren't I? No wonder people stay away from me...

"Ikkiri Rikishima, class 1-F. Alright, you are registered. Please wait in the waiting room."

"Alright, thank you very much and I am very sorry for the disturbance I have caused you... It really wasn't my intention..."

Through the registration process done on the computer, the staff member has successfully registered me in the system.

Without any further ado, I moved to the waiting room yet before reaching out to the door, I noticed a sudden horde of students erupting from the staircase.

A very lively group of students who were in very high spirits. I see... They must be here to compete as well.

I see that this festival is being taken seriously... How nice, to have this many---

"A-Ahh..."

Out of nowhere, one of the students among the group bumped into me without any mercy, thus I feel on the floor subsequently.

"Hey, watch it! You got my clothes dirty!"

"Skran, who are you talking to, dude?"

"Huh? What are you talking about, Krale? I'm talking about this... Oh... There's nothing here."

W-Why did he bump into me...? And why are they talking to me like that...?

"Ouch... That was a bit unnecessary..."

In addition to bumping into me, the student who did so, this Skran person, along with the rest of the group just looked upon me without lending a single hand.

"Oi, did you just hear something...?"

One of the students in the further background of the group said that and it attracted the attention of all the students of the group.

"You did too? How weird... I could've sworn I heard a girly and fragile voice..."

What are they talking about...?

Willing to clear the doubt, I got up from the floor and spoke to them.

"It was me... One of you bumped into me..."

"Oh! I heard it again! Dude, where is it coming from?!"

"For real, man! I heard it too! But that's strange. Shouldn't girly voices belong to girls alone? So, why did we just hear what we just heard?!"

That's strange... Why are they ignoring me and why are they talking in such a mocking tone...? That's just rude...

If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.

"I'm telling you guys that it was me... I am here..."

I even waved at them, but every single one of them just pretended to ignore me again...

"Yup! Heard it again! Holy shit, man! A ghost!?"

"No, I bet it's an illusion! Because I'm seeing a really small ant right now! A blue-haired ant! How is that possible?!"

"Damn, you're right! But, it's just an illusion you know? It's not actually there!"

"That's true, hahaha!!"

Collectively, the group laughed at me without acknowledging my existence...

.....Why...? I have never met these individuals before so why did they just...?

All in all, with a depressive look, I only looked downwards and sat on the seats of the waiting room.

Waiting for the time of the competition was hard because the group eventually came to the waiting room as well and they constantly looked in my direction without talking to me directly; only laughing and trading secrets with one another.

This group that consisted of 10 male individuals kept on doing this until the event could start.

Insecure and sensitive at the same time, I couldn't gather the correct mindset due to the oblivious anxiety inflicted upon me throughout the whole event.

Thus, I placed last. Strangely enough, I didn't get a single win, which meant that I wasn't off to a great start...

Taking a break, I stopped at the nearest cafeteria and had a cup of water. I also isolated myself from the rest of the crowd just by seating alone, simultaneously increasing the distance from all the other students.

All alone, in this cafeteria, I started feeling hopeless, but I didn't give up.

"It was just one loss... I'll surely get a better score next time... It was just unlucky... I suppose... Haha... So... I have to win to tell the good news to Aki."

Drinking up all the water at once, I tightened my resolve and moved onto the next event!

I knew that there were some events that were not totally gender-free... Because, when I went to the chess competition, there was a signal saying that the event would not be gender-free...

I suppose it makes sense because, in chess, gender isn't really relevant at all. Nonetheless, I will still pick an event, regardless if it's gender-free or not.

Algebra club room.

Although I had thoughts of hope, they were quickly shattered when I entered the algebra club room and attempted to queue up.

The same group as last time was here... Unwillingly, I immediately panicked and backed off from the queue and went back to the campus.

"What... was that...?"

A coincidence? I know that the event is gender-free, but this is just...

Are they following me...? They couldn't possibly, right?

Nervously, I started looking back and forth as I aimlessly ventured the campus. This oppressive anxiety started swelling progressively without showing any signs of stopping.

I even thought of calling Aki, but... I couldn't! It's just a coincidence... I'm sure that if I go to another different event that I will not find them.

Psychology club room.

This time around, they didn't come after I was already here, it was at the moment that I walked inside the club room that I realized that they were already here.

Once again panicking, I exited the room and descended the staircase with vast haste as I pondered the same thought over and over.

Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why?!

Why is all of this happening?! It's so confusing! I want an explanation but I don't know where to get it! They must be following me... I'm certain, yet why are they following me?!

What have I done?!

I hate myself for not knowing this!

And I hate myself for attempting to have the thoughts of dependence just because everything is going against me unknowingly...

Okay, okay. They can't follow me to an event that has gender restrictions. They are just boys. Even if they have some sort of convoluted reason for stalking me, they can only go so far.

Therefore, I'll pick an event that has the restriction...

Art club room.

Contrasting the previous environment, that group was nowhere to be spotted, after all, even though this event wasn't gender-free, the male gender could only compete in the art theme competition in the afternoon and not in the morning, which is now.

Elegantly, the fluid-structure of this room consumed me with amusement due to the well-refined art panels that it had and its partial beautiful presentations.

Naturally, in the room, there were only girls and I spotted a classmate of mine, which struck me with an anxious feeling because out of all my classmates, it was...

A girl that had a very sour expression, Tateyana. Her dark blue hair isn't exactly like mine, but she's really pretty and social!

I wish I could be friends with her. Maybe I'll give it a try.

And with that in mind, I approached her seat and waved at her.

"Hi..."

"What the hell do you want, Ikkiri?"

W-Why...

"Er, sorry... Did I do something to upset you...?"

It's not just Tateyana who I am overly-conscious about... Everyone in this room is viewing me with hatred for some reason...

"Are you joking? It's all your fault, you whore. Must be nice, huh?"

Why did she call me a whore...? That hurts, you know...? I have sentiments and you just hurt them for no reason...

"What...? I don't understand..."

"You don't? It's quite simple, ya know? Everyone in class is saying that you are going to ruin everyone's plans of winning by purposely losing in the competitions in order to drag your classmates along. You're evil..."

"Huh...?! That's not true... I am here to participate in the events fair and square without aiming to jeopardize someone else's situation..."

Everyone in class though...? What? Why are they doing this? Is Tateyana speaking the truth...? But why would there be someone with so much hostility against me...

"I don't trust you and because of you, I got called out. I was accused of actually writing down those names when I literally don't care about you. It's all your fault."

"I know it wasn't you, Tateyana... You're a good person, just really misunderstood, that's all..."

Tateyana has a really cool personality... It doesn't matter if she's often impulsive because she's impulsive for a reason and I think that if everyone collected their thoughts together, then they could understand Tateyana from a better perspective...

"I am misunderstood? Well, you are correct. So, do me a favor and tell the whole world that it was you who wrote down those insults for the sake of attention. It's better to get this out of the way and don't involve others in your psychotic actions, please. I'm asking you this nicely, so don't make me angry, you hear me?"

"..."

For some reason, Tateyana seems to be fully convinced that I was the one who wrote those insults and orchestrated that event, but...

Who in their right mind would do such horrible stuff like that!?

Ultimately, I took a seat in one of the chairs and sunk into a sad mood. Unknowingly, I had started to have strange thoughts such as 'Everyone hates me' and 'I suck' due to my inability of perceiving the situation.

This was all so much better when we still used to talk, but...

We don't talk anymore.

"Everyone get ready, please."

With the right amount of students already established in this room, we began the art competition. However, I was completely out of focus due to my inner oppressive thoughts and came at last place... again...

It didn't come to me as a surprise because I was completely listening to only my thoughts back then and not the contents regarding what we would be competing over.

Of course, I know that I am supposed to take these competitions seriously but... I just couldn't. Being in the presence of so many people that for some reason despised me just by glancing upon me felt overwhelming.

The same question is always on my mind.

'Why?'

At the same time, as I exited the room, I wondered how Aki and Hina were doing. Were they winning? Were they... having fun? I hope so...

Perhaps I should go and root for them. Or...

No....

What difference would I make? I'm useless. I can't even win and get nervous so easily. The truth is, I've always been this way but it was easier to hide it just by pretending to be eccentric.

Maybe that was what drove you away from me. Was I too fake around you?

Truly, it was never my intention, but it was bound to backfire, so I understand.

I get what I deserve.

"Ikkiri?"

While exiting the exterior block, I met up with a classmate of mine, who surprisingly crossed the same path as I did.

"Oh... Hi, Arkalee..."

Arkalee greeted me with a smile and unlike Tateyana, she didn't seem to be full of ill intent.

"Ara? What's wrong? You seem sad! What happened?!"

"No... Nothing happened."

I attempted to walk away, but Arkalee confronted me again.

"N-No way that's true! You seem so stressed out... That isn't like you! Let's talk a bit... Wanna have a coffee?"

Well... I am not in the mood to deny a person that has come this way to me, because that would just be rude and I wouldn't want Arkalee to feel disappointed when her intentions are good.

"Sure..."

Thus, yet again, I went back to the cafeteria and took a look at my cheerful classmate named Arkalee.

In the past, she has defended me, but at the same time she accused Tateyana of being the one who wrote down all those insults, so I'll have to talk to her about that.

Tateyana doesn't deserve to be treated unfairly...

"Arkalee... I don't mean to be rude but... Please don't accuse Tateyana of doing something like writing down those hateful insults... Because then, people will get the wrong impression out of her..."

It's horrible to be hated unfairly and being accused of something you never did is just terrible.

I am not doing this just because I am envisioning the same sentiment and intertwining it with Tateyana's situation but because no one should be treated this wrongly...

"E-Eh? But, Ikkiri, she's so spiteful! What makes you think that she wasn't the one who did it?!"

"No one should be accused... I said that it's fine, so I would just..."

I want to say that I would appreciate it if they just stopped using my name in order to accuse others and make them feel bad, but that would be rude...

Not to mention, Arkalee's a good person. She doesn't deserve to be treated rudely...

"But someone has to be accused, Ikkiri. It's not fair what they did to you. Writing those nonsensical insults for no reason whatsoever... Aren't you angry...?"

Angry...?

"No... I'm not mad. Because, the majority of them, if not all of them are true... In one way or another... I just despise the whole situation. How everyone argued for this stupid situation. I am not sure who came up with this idea, but that person is evil for sure... Which is why, Arkalee, please... Don't accuse others. Because this situation is up for me to bear it..."

I hope I wasn't too rude.... I just wanted to clear the misunderstanding... I don't mind being hated, I just want to know why I'm hated... If it's for reasons I can accept, then that's fine.

Because it's nothing outstanding that I can't bear. I have thoughts of anxiety every single day...

"How heroic of you. To take all the blame. Sooo, let me put this from another perspective... What if that person actually hated you for a very long time...?"

"That's impossible... I made sure to never provoke anyone in a bad way before, so there is no redeemable chance for me to receive this hatred..."

No matter how many times I think about it, there is just no conclusion I can reach.

And, something caught my immediate attention. Arkalee squeezed a bit of her plastic coffee cup...

"No way? What makes you think so, Ikkiri? Are you saying that you couldn't have possibly done something to anger another person?"

Aggressively, Arkalee pressured me... How... strange. Arkalee just changed her way of speech that was noticeably docile to a more refined high pitched voice...

Did I... say something to upset her...? I'll apologize for it...

"S-Sorry... It seems I made you mad... But still... I didn't do anything like that... Howe--"

"No. Think about it better, please."

"...What...?"

I... Why did Arkalee just interrupt me...? As I thought I must've done something to upset her...

But just what...?

"Oh! God, that was rude of me! Seriously rude! My bad! I didn't mean to insist with you like that, Ikkiri! Ahhh! My hand, it's dirty from the coffee. I'll have to go to the toilet! Sorry, I might take a while, so I'll have to leave you. Bye, bye!"

"Oh... Bye... Thank you very much for the coffee..."

Arkalee quickly panicked and took her leave while directing herself to the cafeteria's toilet.

But her words made me think about something that I was already constantly thinking about it daily...

The possibility of my actions being the source of the hatred that I am receiving...

Yet... No matter how many times I think about it, nothing comes. Only empty thoughts with baseless conclusions...

Unless... Unless it's an unreasonable hatred. Maybe the person just hates me for the sake of wanting to feel that feeling? And I just happened to be the pillar of that sentiment...

That's... Way too horrible, even for a joke...

That aside, I had to figure out a good way to pass time, so I decided yet again to take another event...

There are 46 more events for me to go, so...

Let's go!

English club room.

As I entered the lobby, my confidence rose up quickly. For one simple reason. I do enjoy writing! Especially in English. There is something alluring about it, a mysterious and remarkable vibe that enthralled me into liking writing so I do it quite often.

It's also a way that I use to write down my real thoughts. The thoughts that I have difficulty expressing...

And this event is gender-free, which means that I will be able to compete against male individuals too. Alright!

I think I'll be able to score a win at long last. What will Aki have to say about this...? I bet she'll like it.

I just... can't tell her that I've lost twice already because that would be too embarrassing and unnecessary.

Just as I was directing myself to the queue line, I felt my shoulder being tackled by a strong force which caused my body to stumble.

"W-What the..."

"Hm? That's weird... I stumbled upon something ----- No, my body just felt like it went up against something but there's nothing ahead of me."

I-It's that group again... What do they want this time... I can't believe that they stalked me... I didn't capture them following me when I was on my way here, so how...

"........."

I got up and fleed from the scene without any second thoughts.

It didn't take me a single additional moment to realize that I was being targetted by them, for some reason, so I backed off for today and didn't partake in any events.

However, throughout the whole week, regardless of whether or not the events allowed boys to partake, that group started to always be present, even when not competing.

Every single glance that they would cast upon me would shower me with fear and anxiety.

Which is why I failed the exam without anything to offer to anyone. Not even my friend Aki, who supported me.

Recently, I've been having a particular thought that rules above all others. A thought that remains so supreme that all others feel little in comparison. That being...

I hate myself.