Part 1.

"You have? What a surprise. Oh, not that it's any of my business but where is your sticker at, Arkalee?"

"Hahaha, so funny, hahaha. Really nice one, Yulia."

Sarcastically, Arkalee said those words right to me, as she flashed a fake smile while still fiddling with her phone.

But, all in all, I'm glad that she finally has decided to let go of him, even for a bit. No one should have to suffer at the hands of that bastard. That tenacious pertinent psychopath who enjoys playing evil mind games...

I won't tolerate you any further, Hyunda.

Nor will I allow you to take more advantage of me.

"But, now that you two are here, why don't we go for a walk? Like, let's eat something. I'm starving!"

"Sure! I need to drink something for sure... I'm dead after that race..."

It seems that Sana is really tired from that relay race. I can't say that I am feeling the same way, because I feel oddly motivated today. I do know the reason for that.

Really, really! I hope you are doing great, Daniel. I'll drop later in the afternoon and cheer you up for your surprise! I'm sure you'll like it!

"Yulia? Are you coming or what?"

"Ah, yes!"

Since I was being left behind, I hurriedly joined back at their sides, as I accompanied Sana and Arkalee to our usual spot at the plaza.

4 pm. Volleyball Court.

Inside the gigantic dome that this school particularly has for volleyball matches, on an already set formation of five, Kawahara, Kuzan, Rayazaki, Akihiko and I, looked back at our current opponents with deadly glares that were surely working.

On the other side of the net, lied a team of five individuals that all had familiar faces to us. Ryoken, Tsudo, Kan, Susaga, and Sagasuga.

Noticeably, there was one particular person who did not get shaken by this and instead, came forth to the center of the area and offered a handshake at the person who was facing him subsequently.

"Let's have a good game, Kawahara."

With maximum diplomacy, Sagasuga showed a grand smile that was enough to stimulate the female crowd and certainly set a couple of angry boys on fire.

Nonetheless, the one Sagasuga just offered a handshake to, had absolutely no intention of accepting that handshake.

"Famous last words, casanova! You're gonna swallow this L so fucking hard that you will wish you were dead! Every ball will be aimed at you! Personally!"

Up and personal, Kawahara openly, once again, declared war, not only to Sagasuga but the rest too, as he spread his glare throughout every single one of them.

However, due to Kawahara's strong language, a wave of controversy was formed between the staff members and one of them had to come forward.

"No use of verbal aggression. Do that one more time and your team will be disqualified."

"Yeah okay, mom."

Kawahara probably doesn't realize that he can just get us disqualified if he keeps on trash-talking to that extent. Thankfully, he just backed up and since there was still one minute before we could start the game, Kawahara talked back to us in a discreet manner.

"Alright, lads, this is it! We finally managed to get them all to be grouped up and---"

"Huh, Kawahara, isn't one missing though?"

Akihiko is undoubtedly referring to Tatsu, who is seemingly absent from the game.

Something I should also mention is that in the crowd, I am witnessing a couple of girls from our class in it. However, not seeing Yulia left me with a sad expression, suddenly.

"This is a five-to-five match. We are acing this bitch. Failure ain't an option, you hear me?! Let's fucking crush them!"

"Yeah!! Fucking crush them!" x4

The rest of us, like pure idiots, without thinking, decided to follow Kawahara's lead and eagerly shouted those offensive words out loud.

Alternatively, the sound that we made wasn't loud to the point of reaching the staff members who were watching our game from afar in a table for three.

With the one minute gone, the referee announced the beginning of the match, and thus, with our formation and plan in check, we started the long-awaited match.

5 pm.

"Yoooooooooooo!!! We fucking did them dirty! Holy shit, they aren't forgetting that one for motherfucking sure! I'm telling you, at night, they are going to have damn nightmares about this! I counted the number of times I delivered a smash onto Ryoken's face and it's beyond ten, buhahaha!!!"

Though close, we did manage to win against them, mainly because there was a severe lack of synergy on their behave and mutual disagreements.

Previously, we had agreed to a formation in case we were to face them and in every sports event, we already have a plan in check, all thanks to Kawahara.

However, as we collectively left and went to another event, which was already scheduled as Kawahara had in mind, I stopped midway and decided to relax on a bench.

For the record, I planned on simply relaxing while seating in this semi-alone atmosphere full of cheery blossoms and the almost-late dusk yet Kawahara caught sight of me doing this and immediately faced me consequently.

"Dan, the hell are you doing? We got more events to do. Come on".

"Nah, man. I'm good. You are pretty much carrying us if we're to be honest..."

And of course, Kawahara couldn't help but flash a smirk in response, as he was receiving direct praise to his own ego.

As for me, I need to think about some things. Lately, or rather, these past hours, I've been thinking and maybe, I...

Maybe I don't want to actually separate myself from Yulia.

"It's a good thing that you are self-aware. Though, are you sure? Don't you want that ten wins reward? Pretty neat, if you ask me."

"It's whatever... Crush them for me, will you?"

"Already on it."

Already with my head down and drowning in the consequences of my possible future actions, I entered a sub-reality state of mind as I watched Kawahara, along with the rest, making their way to wherever they currently need to be in.

Not a lot of students are passing by and even the ones that are, don't cast any side-glances, which eases my mind respectively.

Out of all the places to be in, I'm at the exact same place as I was with Hyunda a few days ago. I remember when we had that talk about the principal and whatnot.

It isn't often that I rely on someone to guide me yet without being a nuisance, he manages to be there.

He might not be everyone's favorite, but I'm actually thankful for the fact that he's there to show me unique perspectives instead of letting me drown into this unusual wave of convoluted emotions that's been overpowering me as of lately.

These thoughts won't stop crawling and they want me to be irresponsible and not do the logical thing. Their origin strives from the fact that right now, I'm in love with Yulia. For real. No jokes this time.

No fake feelings. No pretending. The absolute genuine thing.

Yet...

I can't...

Hyunda, you are correct, man. I can't show her how to be happy because I have no idea how to happy in the first place. Only two individuals who have a cognitive idea of happiness and undeniable mutuality in their ideologies should attempt to pursue the path of happiness.

Therefore, I can already know so much. I'm afraid of disappointing you and I'm also additionally afraid of committing stupid decisions that will hurt you without my knowledge. I'm not affectionate and I can't feel emotions the correct way like a normal person does.

Your problems might come as nuisances to me and I don't want to feel that. Giving you false hope based on something that never existed is something that I am not fine with.

I also never knew. I always thought of myself as someone with supreme confidence, someone who should have no problems throwing these useless feelings away but...

It's hard. I like the way I'm feeling. These feelings that I have for Yulia, right now, make me believe that it's fine to open the little feelings I can give to someone and be there for her.

Just for her. No one else. But, I'm surprisingly afraid of just not meeting her expectations.

Am I enough? No, no, I am not.

Plus, there are so many others. I'm not one in a billion, I am the opposite of that. I am someone who you can just find amidst that large number and just simply discard me as a person who you just met and expect to never encounter again.

Similarly, just like how someone crosses a random stranger on the street while idly shopping or just taking a stroll. The particular action doesn't matter. What matters is acknowledging that among those individuals someone can cross, they can be the ones that fill the void in someone else's life yet it will never be known.

I guess what I'm trying to tell myself is that I am one of those people. Someone who has no abundant relevance and can easily be replaced.

Yulia, you... You're not like those types of people. If I crossed you on the street that had dozens of people, you would be the one I would have my eyes on. Because you are everything to me.

And that's why I need to go. Because without me, you are actually better.

"Still down, are we?"

"I'm sad and low, Hyunda."

I didn't need to look at him coming my way and casually leaning back on the bench right at my side while eating his onion yet I still did.

Hyunda, you probably don't know this, but... Out of all the people I have ever come across, you... might be the first one I actually consider a friend.

Someone who can relate to my internal problems and can mutually help me without me having to ask. I have never asked you to help me and fix my problems yet it's as if you already know what it's like.

"She won't leave your mind, right? Take it easy. It's torture being in love. But that's not a reason to feel sad and low. Be happy that you are making the correct decision. By leaving Yulia, you are allowing her to acknowledge that there are people like you and me in this world, and, next time, she will be more careful when choosing her partner in love. Think of this as a lesson. The bigger the sacrifice, the bigger the results."

"Yeah... Maybe I'm actually someone who's just afraid of letting go."

"..."

For a while, he stopped eating his onion and looked at me with comprehensive eyes, before talking back to me.

"...Everyone who you love is gonna die and you will die as well. I think about this every day and night. Just when I'm about to enter my sleeping state, this thought comes and goes transiently. But, I think, despite that, it's alright to have the feeling. As long as it doesn't go beyond that. There's no reason to manifest it. It's all useless and meaningless."

"But, Hyunda, I don't know man. Eventually, as it grows, it gets harder to contain it and I just want to be unrealistic and put my mind into a state of disbelief. For example, convincing myself that I am the right person for Yulia when I'm not. How long will this last, by the way?"

"What are you referring to, exactly?"

"I'm referring to the pain. Will there ever be an end to it? I'm not trying to be emotional here, I'm just curious. Is there even a way to stop feeling it once you just start feeling it? I think that I'm not ready to feel that way. I don't know what sort of reaction I will have while bearing seeing the girl I love with a broken heart eventually fall into another guy's hands. I'm afraid of getting far too selfish and just throw away all my sacrifices and make the wrong decision again. It's fucking horrifying just thinking about it, Hyunda."

Despite my long semi-emotional rant, Hyunda cracked a smile in response, which I found somewhat disturbing.

"Wh.. Did I say something weird?"

"Nah. I was just thinking about something else. However, I was paying attention, yes. Daniel, there's a way to just not be a victim to all those fears. Do you want to learn how to be like me? How to maintain your emotions so wildly tamed that they won't dare to manifest in ways that you aren't aware of?"

As I look to his confident facial expression and notice the ease in his words that were delivered with supremacy, I can't help myself but wanting to know how Hyunda always maintains that state of mind.

What is his secret, anyway?

"Well, yeah. But, will you actually tell me...? Or will just be indirect for the sake of it?"

"No, I'm for real this time. I don't mind sharing this time, so listen closely."

Leaning to the front and then going back, I adjoined my back to the bench and started to pay close attention, as his expression gradually got far too serious.

"What you experience is either subjective; based on your own sentiments and personal tastes, if not opinions too. Love, for example, is subjective. It cannot be the opposite of subjective; which is objective. This other side labeled as objective is referencing impartiality. Unbiased. Completely dominated by a clear goal. Not for the sake of satisfying your feelings. Not for the sake of gaining a wider sense of yourself. Simple and objective. Do you understand this, Daniel?"

"You are saying that there are two types of experiences, which are either subjective or objective, right? Never knew. Keep going though."

"Yes, that is what I am saying. Eventually, subjective experiences will naturally place a lot of emphasis on the way that you are feeling. I've already implied this, but what you experience for Yulia is not objective, it's subjective. Yulia, without a doubt, is having a subjective experience with you and you too. Which is why you are feeling oddly emotional as of lately."

I see...

That explains why I'm able to feel this way without knowing these types of emotions. Since the experience is fully subjective in the first place, it makes sense that I am feeling this tidal wave of sentiments.

But, if that's the case...

"Hyunda, how can you change a subjective experience into an objective experience? Will doing so erase the sentimentality that was created from the subjective experience?"

"Unfortunately for you, the more you commit yourself into a subjective experience, the harder it is to fight back and relapse from it. However, it's not impossible. Words of advice, Screw circumstances; apply opportunities. Right now, you are a slave to the subjectivity of the experience. Feelings, are not as much of a joke as you think. Think about it logically. Why, before all of this, weren't you just able to feel a thing? You don't need the knowledge about subjective/objective experiences yet the fact is, you went through an objective experience. Because you had a clear goal. What was that goal?"

Suddenly, almost as if it was always in the back of my mind, I answered it without giving any second thoughts, back to Hyunda.

"Passing the exam... That was my goal, previously. That was the main reason as to why I approached Yulia. It never felt emotional. Was it because I had a clear objective and my mind was therefore absent from all sentimentality?"

"Good. You're grasping the basics of it. Yes, that's it. However, soon after, that goal vanished. Passing the exam is always objective and subjective. It's objective in the sense where you will always have a clear necessity to pass it. Or not. For example, I am approaching these exams subjectively. Because my goal isn't to succeed. I don't need to. Therefore, I refuse to apply any objectivity. Nonetheless. that will rapidly change in the next month. Which will make me approach the exams objectively. As for you, amidst all of this, there was just something that constantly bugged you. Yulia. Her existence didn't hold any purpose and that's your fault. Now, do you know why I told you that those who hold no remote purpose are bound to grow stagnant? To who, did you think I was referring to?"

"......."

Maybe it's due to my current sentimentality but I felt slightly pissed off that Hyunda was mentioning Yulia so casually and in a mean way.

However, I was also quick to realize that this was also a point that Hyunda wanted me to get across. The source of my subjective experience was the last exam and now, the substance that's stimulating the way I feel is...

"Yulia, I get it. Man... I approached the last exam weirdly, now that I think about it...."

"How so?"

Curious, once again, Hyunda paused his onion eating rampage and decided to cast his perhaps most serious look yet.

"...If I'm honest with you, I followed Kawahara's advice..."

"I see. That explains a few things. Though, the last exam was somewhat rough for you, so I can't censure you for falling into his web. That's beside the whole point. Your way wasn't bad. You just lacked the determination to cast Yulia aside and now the price tag is revealing to be insanely high for you. Again, don't be a slave to circumstances and create opportunities."

That's an interesting philosophy, surely...

But, it looks like he isn't done, and thus, he continued to speak.

"All in all, the way to be in control of your emotions is to have a clear mind with a clear goal. Obsess yourself with objectivity. A long term goal, so to speak. Short term goals will leave the individual clueless when that goal reaches its wit's end. So, you want to turn this subjective experience into an objective one? It will be hard. Do you have it in you to shut down those thoughts that are crawling inside your mind right now?"

Mildly, a gust of wind assaulted the surface of my face, as I heard Hyunda's reassuring words.

This is what I was referring to earlier. He just can relate. It's as if he has the answer to everything, honestly.

"I want to feel mental freedom and right now, I'm nothing more than a slave to these sentiments. I don't want them. Yet I can't just make them vanish. So, there is another way, right?"

"Indeed. For a subjective experience to transform into an objective experience, a firm and wavering goal must be created. A goal that has no personal feel to it. Just the objective. What is it that you want to achieve here, Daniel?"

"Separation from Yulia, in a way that won't hurt her. But, that's... Impossible, right?"

Yet to my surprise, as I sunk my head low while also looking at Hyunda, he simply created a sure of oneself facial expression and spoke with undeniable clearness.

"No, it is possible. As a matter of fact... No, well, that's unnecessary to mention. Either way, for you to realize your goal, you need to do one simple thing. Don't speak with Yulia for the rest of the day."

"....What? Wait, explain. How is me not talking to Yulia gonna solve this...?"

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"It will, Daniel. Because the time is running out. Concretely speaking, your absence will be extremely advantageous for the separation. I can't tell you how the process works for one simple reason. If you know, you will reject my idea. It's far too strong for your liking and you, are feeling too emotional right now, to overlook my idea."

........

"Hyunda, you got this, right?"

"Dude, why so much doubt? Trust me, man. Have I not shown you moments where I can shine? This will be a breeze."

Somehow I can't shake off this feeling. I don't know why I'm feeling this way but Hyunda refuses to explain the process of our separation and I just can't stop thinking about Yulia and if she will feel bad about it.

Therefore... I'll just ask him something.

"Hyunda... Can you please make it so the process won't leave her with a broken heart? You can do it, right?"

"Yeah, I got it. She definitely won't be feeling a thing after this, certainly."

I trust Hyunda. I remember back when I didn't exactly trust him, but he has helped me considerably, and deep down, I treat him as my only friend, so I'll place my trust in him.

It will be sad from this day onwards, facing Yulia without feeling anything for me. I don't mind the process as long as she is able to eventually recover and grab onto a better chance in the future.

"Oh --- also, also, let me borrow your phone. I'm curious to know your playlist. You got one, right?"

"Duh, of course, Hyunda."

On his command, I unlocked my phone's screen and borrowed him my phone while eavesdropping his action.

However, this was apparently disturbing as he created some distance between us while portraying an annoyed facial expression.

"Daniel, bro, are you a girl? Only a girl is on your face when you are doing something like this. Chill out, I'm not gonna do anything beyond your knowledge."

"But what if I have porn saved though?"

Asking the real question.

"More the reason to let me savor it for myself. Back off a little, I'm just gonna check your songs. Look away for ten seconds."

"Fine..."

Still somewhat skeptical, I nonetheless, turned away and waited ten seconds until Hyunda was done checking the songs on my playlist.

However, it only took him seven seconds, according to my count.

"Done. I'll listen to them later for sure."

Upon hearing that, I turned around with an excited look on my face and flat out asked something that I was curious about.

"Did you recognize some of them?!"

However, as I said that, he didn't exactly look at me and simply started to mess with his phone. Perhaps a text?

"Yeah. I'll give you my opinion later though. Right now, I will have to deliver final judgment and open the curtain for today's main event. Daniel, go to Sana. Explain to her the reasons and be objective about it. Remember, what sort of experience is that you are seeking?"

"Objective, I know. But do you know wh---"

"She's near the festival's concert. Do you know which one I'm talking about?"

I would be lying if I said that I didn't. It's been an event that has been hyped up around the school ever since the festival was announced.

Apparently, there will be a concert and the main musical group of the school will perform a full-fledge concert from 6 pm to 11 pm. 

"Yeah, I do."

"Perfect. I have to stop by the dorm for a specific reason. In the meantime, get to Sana and attempt to reason with her. She'll be problematic for you if you don't tell her how it's gonna go down. Also, no talking to Yulia. I mean this in any possible way. Don't approach her or else it's all ruined."

Hyunda's facial expression grows progressively serious every time he mentions that I can't talk to Yulia for some reason.

Yet if that's what it takes for him to be successful with his endeavor, then I won't interfere.

I trust that Hyunda has a reasonable plan for this and that nothing bad will happen.

"I got it, man. Best of luck!"

"Don't need it. Have fun."

With a soft smirk on his lips and hands on his pockets, Hyunda left the scene and I made my way to the concert which was using the football stadium as a replacement area for its own usages.

Noticeably, our ways were far too different and disconnected yet as I made my way to the concert, I filled my mind with thoughts that centered around objectivity and less sentimentality.

6:15 pm.

On Arkalee's suggestion of going to the concert that the school was upholding, Sana, Arkalee, and I went to it yet what we found was a massive crowd filled with a plethora of students.

Almost as if all the students from all over the school were united in the same place!

With the sun almost setting down, the concert was already ongoing and Sana and Arkalee were going hard at it!

Apparently, the songs that are being played right now are to their liking but still, I... couldn't help but not want to enjoy this moment because you are not here.

Events are still happening and I can only safely assume that you are in them. Yet, don't worry. I won't be clingy nor annoying. Take your time. I understand. You don't have to think like you have to live up to my expectations, because that's not what I want.

I want that part of you that you are not fine with, the one that you reject. I'll embrace you for what you are, Daniel.

That's why, even amidst this happy-go-lucky atmosphere, with my best friend on my side, I can only wish you luck and even if you come out defeated, I'll show you my support, even if it might not be much, but I'll try nonetheless.

"Yulia?! What's wrong?! You're not singing along! Come on! It's 'Cruel Summer'!"

Sana, pushing the bay of my right sleeve, pulled me out of my thought process and called me out to reality.

Upon seeing her radiant smile and bright cheerful face, I couldn't help but be extremely happy in response, therefore, I silently smiled back to her as well, without saying any words.

Sana, you are a fantastic human being. I couldn't ask for a better friend. I find myself saying this to myself all the time, which is why, instead, I'll just tell you now.

This is why, to Sana's surprise, I went ahead and forced a hug while saying my honest words. The words that I wanted you to hear the most.

"I love yoooooouuuu! You're the best! Irreplaceable! I could die for you! Hahaha!"

"W-Wait, Yulia?! What's with that!? That's too sudden!"

"Ahh, don't worry! I didn't mean it in that way! I only love Daniel in that way, but you, Sana, to me, are special! And you will always be!"

I kept hugging her and hugging her to the point where our bodies fully clashed but all in all, I just wanted to let Sana know that she's the best and that such an amazing person like her should never feel down!

"Wow, you two sure are having fun, emotionally bonding with one another!"

As I disconnected from Sana shortly after, we both saw Arkalee fiddling with her phone while saying those words. 

Arkalee is... Well, we'll get there eventually! But Sana will always be a top priority, for sure!

"Ahh, I'm so thirsty, but I don't want to leave here... I love Cruel Summer so muuuucchhh! If only someone could grab me something to drink..."

Sticking out her tongue, Arkalee further complained as she spoke about her necessity to drink something.

In agreement with her, Sana also spoke.

"Yeah, true, true. I'm feeling sorta thirsty too and I also don't wanna leave. If I was fast then I would get us three drinks but certainly, a certain person here is way faster than all of us, hehe."

Grinning, I understood immediately what Sana was implying and well, I'm in a good mood, so I will just go ahead and...

"Okay! Any preferences?!"

Firmly gripping my own two hands, I asked Sana and Arkalee their preferences with outstanding enthusiasm.

Mhm, it would be so romantic if I casually met up with Daniel at the place where I'm going to grab the drinks for both of them.

I'm thinking about the usual cafe but maybe I should drop by the mall and buy something of greater quality? I'm feeling quite generous!

It's been such an amazing, fantastical and fun day! Probably the best day of my life.

No...

Without a doubt, this has been the best day of my life and I don't think anything can prove to me otherwise.

"Ice tea! Peach flavored!"

"Okay! What about you, Arkalee?!"

Although Sana had given her reply, Arkalee looked to be in deep thought about something. Mindlessly looking elsewhere but us, as soon as her phone vibrated, a quick smile rose up from her lips, and thus, she replied cheerfully.

"Ahhh...! Um, soo... It needs to be silver and white. Like, a drink that has a mixture of both!"

"..." x2.

Sana and I definitely knew what she was referring to, or rather, who she was referring to, yet, I didn't bother to mention anything about it.

"O-Okay! I'll see what I can do! I'll be back soon, so don't go anywhere!"

As I difficultly left the huge crowd, I made my way to the mall and as I did, I started to unknowingly look everywhere for you yet you were nowhere to be found.

Nevertheless, before arriving at the mall, at the entrance of the crowd, for a second, I thought that I had seen someone with extremely spiky black hair passing by. Someone who had the same face as you.

Henceforth, I quickly turned my back away and looked back at the crowd, hoping to meet you there, but once again, you were nowhere to be seen.

"...Was I imagining things...?"

Or maybe this is a side effect when you are truly in love with someone else?

Ah...

It's magnificent really. I can't get you out of my mind. Everything is so bright and colorful. It's as if my vision is empowered with joy and a static sense of happiness that I never knew could exist in the first place.

Looking everywhere for you just made me realize that I crave for you to the most and also, that I am the luckiest girl alive for being the subject of your affection.

"I'm happy."

Speaking my mind out loud, I noticeably attracted the attention of a few students who were passing by but I brushed it off with a smile because I had nothing to hide.

With high hopes, after 10 or so minutes, in my own two hands, I held two cold drinks.

It was still a bit far from the concert itself, so I had to walk a fair share, to be honest.

Ultimately though, still in a very happy mood, I approached the concert once more.

Yet it was even more crowded. Recalling correctly, Sana and Arkalee were more to the middle, so I had to get inside the crowd while somehow not spilling the drinks.

Furthermore, the concert was going quite loud, as everyone else was singing along with the ongoing song. Therefore, the sound almost penetrated my eardrums instantly.

On the entrance of the crowd, while still maintaining the drinks' equilibrium, as I went to the middle of the crowded area, I spotted Arkalee and Sana a couple of meters up ahead of me. However, as soon as one of the students who was in front of me got out of the way, I saw Daniel there.

Normally, seeing his very figure right now would have me blowing with immense happiness and an uncontrollable sensation of love.

Despite that, the scenario, that ultimately came as incomprehensible and shocking to me to the point where I couldn't uphold any immediate reaction to, was so devastating that the cold drinks that I previously tightly held in my own two hands dropped to the ground without notice thus spreading all the liquid that was inside the cups while scattering it on the cold ground.

Why is it that in this very exact moment that you became clear to me, your lips are somehow connected with Sana's? What am I supposed to assume here? Can someone tell me, please?

"What the hell is this..."

What is happening?

Part 2.

Out of fear and unable to know how to react, I left the concert with haste into a place where I could be alone without any interruptions.

Unbeknownst to me, tears started to stream down from my eyes as I made my way to the place I had in mind.

Sincerely, I attempted to clear my mind and erase what I had just seen.

I tried to tell myself that it didn't happen and that my mind was playing tricks on me or something.

Yet it was impossible. I saw it. Daniel and Sana sharing a moment that was only supposed to be available for me and Daniel. Us both.

No one else but us. No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

It didn't happen. I just... haha. Yeah, I need to clear my mind, that's all. 

"What a bad joke though, haha. Is this a surprise? Any specific reason as to why you opted to go for a bad joke such as this, Daniel? You know I'm not that strong on the inside so why....!!"

Look. It's not like I'm not trying to figure out. I did saw it. Damn it, I saw it with my own two eyes. I would be delusional if I said that I didn't witness that yet...!

Calming my fury and nurturing my level of sadness seems to be an outer-worldly task due to the degree of difficulty it has.

Even as I take a seat in the place where only we shared our most private moments, where exactly, I, out of courage, told you my past. How it defined me and it still does yet you...

"Why...?"

What do you want me to assume from that?

I'm trying to remain optimistic but the tears won't stop.

The more I think of you, the more my heart aches.

Tell me, tell me. Tell me, tell me. 

Tell me, just something. A reason. A profound logic. Something that will surely erase my own thoughts of doubt and current miscellaneous sadness. 

"Okay. I am overreacting. Yes, that's it. I'm just not thinking enough. Haha. That's it. No need to be a drama queen about it."

Therefore...

I will just cry and empty my tears while sinking my head into this rustic table as I additionally let the dusk's sunlight graze me in the face ever so slightly.

...You could have called me yet you didn't for the whole day after that...

We didn't even meet after that. Why?

I thought that we... That was real, right? It happened, right? I'm not imagining it, correct?

Clearly, realistic, at this exact same place, we cried together and spoke out honest words.

Yet now, as I further sink my head in the table's surface while feeling the strands of my hair getting soaked by the watery tears that are still ever-flowing, I realize...

I'm the only one that's crying.

Here.

All alone.

No one is coming.

Will you find me here and then will you tell me words that are still within my range of comprehension that will make me feel like I've been a fool for doubting you and that what happened a few minutes ago was nothing more than a sub-act of a bizarre stupid unfunny event?

Please come.

Find me. I'm here. 

Only you know this place.

What's taking so long?

What are you doing right now?

Are you thinking of me?

Or.

Are you thinking of Sana?

Hahaha.

I'm such a bad person. All it takes is one moment. One moment and my mind turns completely upside down, doubting everything and everyone. Even those that are extremely important to me.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...! I'm seriously insecure, it's not my fault, I swear, so you can't expect me to have a normal reaction after what I just saw!"

I'm not even going to bother and wipe my tears. I'll just cry until I can't cry anymore.

I also don't have the courage of an average person. Rather, my cowardice goes beyond normal. I may put up a strong front but I am deep down terrified of simple things that I can't understand.

For example, just like a normal person, I could have walked up and asked what the hell was happening.

Why the hell was my best friend and boyfriend sharing a moment that should be reserved for Daniel and me only?

What was that all about? Could anyone give me a reasonable logic for the event that took place? Why was my mood destroyed by the two people who I ACTUALLY care for in this universe?!

What sort of bad joke is this?! I can't understand!

Yet what truly bothers me is that this happened while I was gone for just a couple minutes... In my absence.

What. The. Hell.

....!!

Suddenly, my mood got incredibly brighter, as I heard the door of this abandoned classroom open up. Subsequently, I quickly wiped my own tears with my sleeves and looked in the door's direction with my head up high, in the hope it was you.

Subliminally, perhaps my automatic elastic happiness assaulted me in a moment of premature jubilation yet as I watched who it was that entered in the classroom with a beyond confident manner of walking and a terrifying devilish grin almost glued to his lips, I instantly felt terrified beyond repair; also being unable to react.

"You're good at hiding, Yulia. However, I would eventually find you regardless. This place though? Not bad, Yulia. You managed to find the one place in this school where nobody will hear your intense cries of betrayal!"

What the hell is Hyunda doing here?!

Stay away! Stay away! Stay away! Fricking monster! Stop getting closer to me!

"Woah, what's with the reaction? You even started crawling out of your seat and went to hide in the corner! Yulia, you stink. You stink of fear. With every inhale, I breathe fear. Your fear."

"Go away, go away, go away! Stop getting closer to me!"

He just keeps on approaching me even when I'm hiding in the corner of this classroom while covering and sheltering my own being. I'm being paranoid right now but that's because I can't help but feel so small in his presence.

However, despite all my efforts, he ended up adjoining his back to the wall on my right and faced me with a confident look as I, terrified out of my existence, almost wet myself.

"I won't go away, Yulia. Your time is up. Game over."

Emotionlessly, Hyunda ignored my current trembling figure and my never-ending tears and showed me a picture that he had on his phone, which caused me to sink my head on my knees while increasing my tears even further.

"Suicide. You have until midnight, Yulia."

"...You...did this, didn't you?"

He has to be behind this. There is no way that he isn't. I refuse to believe otherwise.

"No, I didn't. What you witnessed a while back, was a moment of pure love. Something you and Daniel never had."

"No! That's not true! We..."

"Hm? What? Are you delusional or something? I showed you three moments of them being alone in your absence and you still didn't believe me. Are you gonna argue against proof?"

"No! No! That was an accident! I bet you planned this! You want me to believe that Daniel and Sana are in a relationship but... that's not true!"

I don't know how Hyunda did it, but it would make sense if he was behind this! He's always been someone who I couldn't read in the first place no matter how much I tried and it makes perfect sense when I think that he's the mastermind!

Yet, as I look at his absurdly ever-glorious confidence spread all over his facial expression and movement, a chill was sent down my spine as I realize that my assumptions were quickly about to be shattered.

"At a young age, your grandma died. Thus creating a hole in your heart. Years later, you moved here to Japan, only to face a gigantic language barrier. You got bullied in the process of overcoming it yet as you did, it only got worse eventually. Amidst this, your mother overdosed and died."

"How the hell----"

"Unable to find motivation in life, upon discovering a new love interest and a lifetime best friend, your emotions gained a reasonable magnitude. Oh, if you are wondering how I know all of this about your past, then it's because Daniel told me. To him, you are nothing more than a puppet."

"N-No way, that's not... No! NO!"

"So in denial. How about this one? He added a side comment while telling me your whole past that he told you that he would give you a call but then, on purpose, he added that he wouldn't call you all day long because he wanted to give you a false sense of hope. So, has he called you since then?"

"...N-No... Daniel, you..."

Why?!

Why?! Why?! Why?! Why did you tell Hyunda about that!? 

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH COURAGE THAT TOOK OUT OF ME?!

And the next thing you do is tell Hyunda about it?! Why?! That was supposed to be a big moment where we were supposed to develop our bond yet you just treated it as a joke!

...Why....!!

Out of rage and sadness, sinking in my arms, I started to rapidly cry once more, not knowing in what to believe in.

"Yulia, it's all a lie. I tried to warn you from the start, but you didn't listen to me."

"Shut up. Just shut up. What do you know? You don't know anything. You think you know everything but you just don't, okay?! Stop acting like you do when you don't!"

"Are you sure you don't want to say any more words? It's fine if you use me as someone to discharge your anger at. After all, regardless of your actions, what has happened has happened. Newspaper's news tomorrow would be: 'Breaking news! Yulia's best friend and her boyfriend are actually in a relationship beyond her knowledge!'. Something like that? Oh, also, I won the bet. Kill yourself, please."

No. No. No! No! I will not believe this! This was surely just a misunderstanding!

There has to be a valid reason! I refuse to believe anything that comes out of this guy's mouth!

"Hm... Yulia, you... You still think I'm the bad guy here, don't you?"

"That's because you are! You're a villain. You are pure evil!"

With my tears still running deeply on the wild surface of my face, I elevated my head slightly and lashed back at him with a piercing scream.

"I'll differ here. How am I evil, when I told you that this would exactly happen the way it did a week ago? If you had listened to me, then you would have been able to simply move on and this wouldn't have happened. If I was evil, you know what I would do? I wouldn't tell you a single fucking thing about this. Then, you would lead your life as a lie. Oh wait. It already is. Everything that you currently place your trust in is just a mountain of stacked lies among lies and lies!"

"You're so fucking horrible. You are the worst human being I have ever come across! Are you happy, you bastard?! Does my lack of happiness, does my abundant feeling of depression, does my intense regret of ever trusting someone, feel like joy to you!? Answer me, honestly!"

"Well, no. I don't care about you."

"Hyunda, you will die alone. Nobody will ever care for you! Ever! Once everyone realizes your true colors, everyone will hate you and you won't be able to escape the undeniable spiral of hatred coming your way! Your day will come... You won't go unpunished for making others feel miserable!"

Simply speaking, while I'm venting my extremely angry emotions right now, I am trying to ignore all possible evidence that was used a while ago.

Of course, I noticed. 

I only told Daniel my past and... Daniel, why....?! I trusted you! How could you?!

"Isn't that you though? You're the one that's going to die all alone. Your boyfriend is dating your best friend behind your back and your best friend is lying through her teeth. Hey, don't you find it ironic? I'm 99% sure that in your conversations with Sana, she says that she isn't going to find love ever. Know why? She already has! Your boyfriend, that is."

"Why are you doing this...? If you aren't taking any joy from seeing me in this sorry state, then what the hell is your goal?!"

"I already told you about my goal. I seek to erase the bad side of reality, which is the lies. And you, have been living under one and if you continue to go on, you will continue to live on a bigger lie. Yulia, it's time to stop this. No more suffering. Your life is a disaster. No one loves you. You're just like your mother at the end of the day; always bound to get cheated on."

I hate the fact that his words just now hit me so hard that I couldn't even argue back.

Am I cursed? Is this some sort of curse?! What the hell is going on?! Can someone tell me, please!

"Yulia. I'll give you a little present. Here."

Although I couldn't see his face due to the fact that my own face is buried in my crossed forearms, on the fingertips of my left hand, I started feeling a heavyweight and an object of cold temperature.

It didn't even take me a few seconds to know what it was yet I just had to check to make sure.

Thus, I elevated my head slightly and my eyes met with that malicious object.

"I should explain why I actually believe suicide is the correct option here. Look, I knew you weren't going to follow the bet. Because this would be the result. Your meltdown would not allow you to care. Unless, it's actually related, which is. How is it related? Well, you see, from this day onward, you will keep your relationship with Daniel while maintaining a lie. Should you argue against Sana, then your friendship is gone. Should you doubt your boyfriend, your life is over. To put it bluntly, you cornered yourself."

I regret the fact that I just started taking his words seriously.

What if I just pretend that this never happened?! No, I can't! I've been trying to but it hasn't been working!

Will I have to endure the lie over and over?!

I rather not... I've had enough. I placed my trust in Sana and Daniel yet...

Daniel, you went ahead and told Hyunda my secret and Sana, you... you kissed my boyfriend! After supporting me so much?!

I'm horrible and I feel only that way because I can't help but doubt you now! I'm so sorry!

"Hey, let's try something different. Why don't you call Daniel and see what he has to say? If you doubt my words, then I'm sure if you listen to your boyfriend, then he should be able to give you a certified opinion on the matter. Come on, what's the matter? Take out your phone and call him out. Ah, lay down the gun though."

"..."

Putting down the revolver, out of despair, I attempted to call Daniel, however...

"What.........?!"

"Oh. I forgot to mention something. That was dumb of me. Oops. Can you believe it? He really doesn't care about you."

Why is this message appearing on the screen!? I'm blocked?! W-What?!

Are you serious?!

Are you actually telling me that you... that you....!! After I opened myself up to you like I NEVER DID TO ANYONE ELSE?! 

YOU TREAT ME LIKE THIS?!

"The truth is, Yulia, this afternoon, he mentioned that you would eventually get impatient and try to call him and since he actually thinks of you as a nuisance and as an pertinent creature who is too sentimental, he decided to block you. You should have seen the smile on his face!"

Enough.

I don't... I'm so tired...

Mother, I... 

Why did we both have to go through this? You became absent when you thought that life was too hard for you and you stopped living because you saw no meaning to it, so, please tell me...

What am I supposed to do when all my sources of strength are based on an endless river stained with lies?!

"For the record, I don't believe you deserve this. Nobody should live life and suffer this much. The idea of changing and hoping that life will turn better is sporadic and unrealistic. Come on, seriously! We live in an age of despair, where a damn romance is enough to make your life-force quake. So, Yulia. Suicide, if you ever feel like letting go. No one will blame you. Because no one actually cares about you. You're irrelevant and you will always be."

I'm not even bothered by his heartless words anymore. I can't believe this yet the more I attempt to make an effort to force myself to believe that this is not true, all evidence goes against me.

I wish I could just abandon all evidence and its irrefutable logic yet I can't.

Plus, you blocked me. You mocked me. You laughed at my past. The past that I never thought that I would bring up yet the moment I did you traded that precious piece of my life that I am not proud of with someone like Hyunda?

That's... not even the worse part. The worse part is that I feel so lost without you that I still love you but...

But...!

With Sana!? What the hell did I do to deserve this!? Is this some sort of punishment?!

Is it because I killed those people back then?!

"This is the price you must pay for running away from the truth, Yulia. Nonetheless, before wrapping this up, let's resume our quiz. Let me ask you something, what made you what you are?"

I am nothing.

There's nothing that can be said that makes me different from others. I'm just someone who you can find in a group of billions and I am not one in billions.

To even answer this question would be false and I refuse to have hope anymore.

I'm done...

"No answer? Correct answer! You weren't ever anything but then you thought that you were something, however, the foundation of that belief is completely false, ergo, we go back to stage zero, where we acknowledge your lack of relevance. On second thought, it's not 'lack', but 'idea'. You are irrelevance personified. The final question up next! Get ready! You have until midnight to answer this. If you can answer this question positively, then you pass the quiz. Ready? Here we go! ...Why are you still alive?"

Unable to look anywhere else but the cold ground, I started to feel a dreadful sense of hopelessness as I didn't know what to do.

Certainly, I would find my state of mind questionable and even worrying yet out of all the things that I found the most worrying...

"Enjoy the little time you have left. No, really, enjoy it. Someone had to give you a life to destroy it. Either your life is destroyed by your hands or it's destroyed by the hands of others. It's a choice we all have to make, but I know you'll make the correct decision. And just remember this. In case you have a sudden unpleasant train of thoughts that involve letting go of everything, then go for it. Because if I'm honest, it's probably a sign that whatever is up ahead holds a vaster significance in comparison to this life of yours; which holds no value whatsoever by comparison. And with that, my leave, I take. Disfruit the interlude."

After having those final malicious words from Hyunda being craved inside my mind, I heard footsteps and as Hyunda had said, he was taking his leave.

Thus, with no one else in this classroom, with eyes of null hope mixed midst my deep dark feelings, as I aimed my blurry vision at the bottom of my eyesight, where that cold object that represented fatality lied in, I started to perhaps thinking about the idea of rational commitment.

I'm tired of living.