You slap the button.
Ding.
Our friend the table is back! This time the table is holding a whoooooole bunch of condiment packets.
[https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTbUvKqs3FN1atMIa4JmmTLo3r7mRzCSefSurUua0NPFgJ4TQLQAy58FTIG5cG-CnS_P-I&usqp=CAU]
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There’s ketchup (obviously), mayo, mustard, soy sauce, various levels of hot sauce, sweet relish (whatever that is), strawberry jam, maple flavored syrup, margarine, salt, pepper, parmesan, ranch dressing, Italian dressing, two types of sugar, three types of sugar substitutes, bbq sauce, sweet and sour sauce, and vinegar.
Yep, I think I got everything. And there’s a lot of it, too. Maybe two hundred of each? The packets are different sizes, and they’re all mixed together, so it’s hard to tell.
So what do you do?
Shocking.
You take a seat and rummage through them, looking for the ones you want.
Finally you pick one up, open it up, and squeeze the contents out onto your tongue.
Yummy? I guess?
You do this a couple more times, then with a couple different types, wishing you had chicken nuggets. Or at the very least fries.
Just the condiments is… kinda boring.
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You drop a ketchup packet onto the ground, position your foot, and stomp.
With a pop, the contents squirt out, leaving a line of ketchup sprayed on the ground.
What fun?
Grinning like a psychopath, you push a dozen or so packets onto the ground a jump up and down on them, creating quite a mess.
You’re loving this. Destroying things, making messes, it just fills a void in your soul. It makes you so happy.
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You have an insane amount of packets.
And you don’t stop stamping until you’ve popped every last one.
Oh the joy. It’s extremely cathartic.
Also, it smells really weird in here now. The usual “Hawaiian Breeze” smell is overpowered by… literally everything else.
Yeah, if you stay in here for much longer the smell might start making you sick.
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You are a very organized type person. Seeing them all mixed together just… it can’t stand.
A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
You start at one end, arranging the packets into little piles. They quickly become big piles as you work your way across the table.
Sure, it takes a while, but it’s satisfying work. Finally it is done.
All the packets are separate. You have counted them out, and the fact that there are two hundred of everything except bbq (of which there are a hundred ninety nine) drives you insane.
You have to make them all a hundred ninety nine now.
You just have to. You take one packet out of every pile (except bbq, of course) and… umm…
What to do with them?
You, erm, put them on a chair, and slide the chair firmly under the table.
There. They no longer exist. Problem solved.
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You are strong. You are sane.
You can ignore the fact that there is one less of one of the packets than everything else.
Yep. You totally can. It’s not that hard.
I believe in you.
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You are an artistic person! You can totally make art with the colorful packets!
Although, how will you do it? With the condiments themselves, or the condiment packets?
First off, you spend a good ten minutes opening the packets and checking their colors and viscosity. Once you have enough of each, you decide to paint on the wall, rather than the floor or on the table.
You decide to paint a red/orange sunset. There are lots of dark colors and reddish colors in the condiments, and it could work.
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You dip your fingers in the ketchup and get to work.
I call my co-worker in to watch you and run out for a latte.
By the time I get back you’re nearly done. You add a few more drops of soy sauce and step back to observe your masterpiece.
Oh, it’s beautiful. Truly magnificent. Well done.
Also, it smells super weird.
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First, you spend a good ten minutes separating the packets into basic colors, getting a goodish number of each.
You decide to lay them out on the floor, rather than the table, and create a box with the sky blue ranch packets.
That done, you look at your available colors and decide… you decide to make a picture of a traditional Chinese lucky cat. Yeah, you have all the right colors for that.
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You begin by making a basic outline with the black soy sauce packets.
I call my coworker in to watch you and run out for a latte.
By the time I get back you’re almost done. You’re deciding between the yellow mustard packets, or the round margarine tub thing for the coin on its collar.
The margarine is a deeper yellow. You decide on the butter.
Done! You climb onto the table and look down onto your creation. It truly is a work of art.
It’s beautiful. Very creative. Well done.
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You move the chairs first, of course. And then...
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
Packets go flying! A goodish number of them get trapped under the table and are popped. You notice that the edge of the table just missed hitting the button.
Heh. That was fun.
You walk over to the other side of the table.
┬─┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ)
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Why should you put it back? That's someone else's job!
You leave it.
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There. You’ve had your fun.
You survey your work one last time, and decide it’s time to move on.
DO YOU PRESS THE BUTTON? Yes No