Part 7 (cont.)

I didn’t get up. I looked at Malcolm with a slight smile. He looked at me quietly and asked, “Sean?” I was about to answer but then I remembered the name Allison wanted to give me and offered it, “Corlie, at least like this. It’s been an eventful day. As you can see. Wanna try it?”

Malcolm arched his eyebrows and held up his hands as he said, “Pass. I’m still trying to get a handle on all this. So you….uhh….I’m not sure how to put it.”

I helped him. “You’re wondering whether I’ve always wanted to be a girl and how I feel about you.”

He didn’t dispute this but gave me a lingering look. His eyes still flicked to my chest every so often. I rubbed at my braided hair. It was starting to get itchy.

Setting my hands flat, I told him, “I’m not sure. It’s been kind of a weird day with everything. All I know is I love Kinrae…and I have no physical interest in you at all.”

Malcolm frowned and mulled that. He noted, “You know…you don’t necessarily have to say it that bluntly. I know it’s you and all but, while you look like that…I mean I do have this particular 'effect' on the ladies…so it’s okay if it hits you too.”

I snorted through my nose and dipped my head. I’d heard him say it before but being the subject of that was a twist. It sounded silly then and it still sounded silly. I could’ve played along but I just laughed and Malcolm narrowed his eyes.

Through the wall to the garage, I could hear yelling, which made me sink down in my chair. I knew Malcolm could hear it as well because he leaned towards the wall. I had a certain expectation until I heard the words, clear through the insulation, “BEST RC CAR EVER!”

At which point Malcolm and I both made for the garage and flung open the door. For a faint moment, I was afraid we might be walking in on something very uncomfortable. Instead, in one of the few clear places in the garage without experiments, junk, or walls which looked like alien cyborg creations, Allison was jumping a heavily-modified RC car over a wooden ramp with...foam bones which looked like parts to a dinosaur skeleton at the end. Allison pushed the car hard and jumped it right over the bones before it flipped and skidded towards Clayton, who was laughing.

I probably should’ve expected this. Malcolm snickered behind me. I did have some fun launching the RC car when Allison passed control to me. Clayton stared at my hair for the longest time in the meanwhile and eventually the game was ceded to Clayton and Malcolm with ever bigger obstacles.

I followed Allison to the couch, where she explained that, “Clayton has been working on a turbo engine RC car and I helped make some of the bones. I’ve known about it a while. It was just a little joke. Sorry.”

I snickered and told her it was fine. She glanced away and folded her hands in her lap. “But…you know, I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to have a certain kind of fun together sometime.”

I couldn’t hold back my blush but I bowed my head and told her, “We’re going to have all sorts of fun at that picnic. And we’ll see how things go from there.”

Allison gave a calm nod. It felt like when we’d gone out for frogurt. I had to do something. I didn’t want both Allison and Lissa to feel down. Impulsively, I put my arm around her narrow shoulder. She giggled and leaned into me, though she avoided touching my braided hair.

It felt nice. It especially felt nice to know Allison was happy. Thoughts of Lissa tempered my feelings but I answered them by telling myself that she knew what she wanted. I still hoped she might reconsider friends-only but Linnea complicated it. For this moment though, it felt nice to be sitting next to Allison. And I slowly realized that it wasn’t just because we were both Kinrae or even that she was. I just enjoyed moments with Allison, even if I didn’t think of him that way.

But I enjoyed moments with Lissa too. They were just different. I calmly searched these feelings, not sure what they meant but conceding they didn’t need to be understood right at that moment.

I turned to Allison and asked her, “Would you like me to hug you with just me as a boy for a bit? I haven’t really done that.”

Her eyes flashed in a way which would’ve just been a moment of delight in human form as she looked back at me. Her fidgeting was obvious. I excused myself to the restroom for the change.

Once inside, I looked at that Kinrae face and retrieved my controller. Going through the system, I activated the shutdown. It was just a touch. But it didn’t go how I expected. With Lissa, the shift was instantaneous.

For me, there was a delay. I was still looking at Corlie’s visage staring back at me with a touch of concern. I could feel the device on my ankle but it didn’t feel as snug as it should’ve been. It was slipping.

I took a breath. I was still a Kinrae. I had enough moments to feel a surge of panic before the Kinrae form reverted to my regular face and body and the device clung to my human ankle again.

An examination of the controller didn’t reveal any errors or problems. Questions swirled inside my head. I knew there were sometimes technical problems with the devices, same as any form of technology. There were sometimes what people online referred to as side effects. Stuff like body hair falling out or brief, temporary changes in skin tone. Just residual stuff. I’d not heard of a delay like what I’d experienced. That didn't include the calming, relaxation-based effects.

Well, thinking about it, some had mentioned perhaps a momentary delay but this was several seconds at least. I slipped the device off and looked at it. No different than I remembered. It had worked though. Gradually, my heart rate returned to normal. I told myself that my computer often had weird things which happened to it and then it would be normal for a long time. This was probably the same thing, just with more sudden consequences. It would probably never happen again.

I wasn’t ready to test it out though. The shift back to my own body made it feel a little awkward and even itchy. Not badly so but it felt unfamiliar. I figured that too would pass after a while. I decided not to dwell any more. After all, Allison was waiting.

Stepping out of the bathroom, I approached the living room slowly. At first I didn’t see her. Turned out I forgot to look to my right. She was right there by the hallway, ready to wrap her arms around me. We scooted back to the couch together.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

My concerns about the quirky behavior of the device faded away and I just enjoyed Allison’s touch. It was different than when Allison snuggled me up when we were both guys and when she snuggled me and I was a Kinrae. I couldn't say exactly how but I had a feeling.

If that same lady in line from when we bought the herb seeds noticed us like this, the Kinrae thing would’ve come first. The affection would fit though. Sitting there, I looked over at Allison as she rested her candy-bright head against me.

I did feel butterflies with her touch but it would be a different kind of nervous tickling if Allison was against me as a boy. In a flash, I felt sad pangs thinking that Allison had to ask me out on a date with the condition that he be a girl at the time.

I touched her head softly and she glanced up, asking, “You okay?”

With a smile, I told her like I’d said before, “I love you, Allison.”

She absorbed my words like a warm tickle of air and, before I realized it, she kissed and held my lips. I brushed her cheek and my hands roamed lower. Her shoulders were so warm. She pressed into me, so soft against my body.

One of my older fantasies was like this. A snuggling, eager Kinrae. We were so close. I shivered as Allison settled into my lap. I kissed her and slid my hands down her back.

I could imagine what we might do next. I’d done it before. Audrey. I needed someone and we both thought it was the only way to show how much we loved each other. We were separated in four weeks. Hannah, some time later. She even dyed her hair bright colors. She was sweet.

And then there was Lissa.

I dipped my head down. Allison drew back and asked, “What’s wrong?”

Her wide gaze almost seemed to sparkle as she looked at me. Before this day, my heart would’ve moved at every shift of a face like that. But the more I looked back at her, the more I could see the mask which my friend wore and the one she’d taken off.

I slipped my hands around her hands and guided her back over beside me in the couch. She looked bewildered. I offered, “I’m sorry. I don’t want this to be for the wrong reasons, especially after everything that’s happened today.”

Allison smirked and dipped her head down, saying, “And what if I really just want to play a…vigorous, competitive match of two-player together without my usual controller?” She couldn’t hold back a giggle as I gave her a look. She added, “Sorry, couldn’t think of anything funny involving an RC car.”

I chuckled in return and brushed a hand across her neck. She sat up slightly as I traced it slowly. Allison made a soft little sound and told me, “Getting…uhhh…mixed messages heeere.” She looked a little flush.

I told her. “You’re one of the most incredible friends I could ever imagine. And I can imagine so many things…together with you right now. But I’ve also made mistakes so many times and I don’t want that to happen again with you.”

She cocked her head to the side like a curious puppy and asked me, “Sooo, we get married first?”

Allison still found ways to surprise me. She grinned as my eyes widened. She touched my shoulder and told me, “You’re my friend forever, mistakes and all. I would love more than anything to make you feel good and happy, especially right now. So I won’t force anything you don’t want to do.”

Then she added, “But anything you are willing to do, feel free to let me know at any time. Oh and it’s okay to take a shower with this on, right?” She gestured to her leg with that last part. So far as I knew, it was fine. I informed her she would have to keep the controller nearby though.

Sitting there, my body still felt her as a gorgeous Kinrae and woman and all my instincts were to throw aside caution and let the moment continue. But I pushed the moment away. To the rest she asked, I told her, “I just want your joy.”

That was vague enough to allow Allison to refer teasingly to my pants, but she pressed her head against my shoulder and said, “But I have some quiet joys and they’re enough. Especially when I get to plan a picnic.”

As I sat there with Allison cuddling up to me, I found it was easier for me to see what Lissa had been talking about in weeks before and earlier in the evening. I loved Allison. I knew that. But I also loved Kinrae as a continuum of special beauty. And I loved Lissa just as clearly, even after tonight.

All that together, I just didn’t know. All I could tell was that I couldn’t have everything. Something would have to give.

But for this quiet moment on the long couch (aside from the yelling and RC squealing a few walls over) it didn’t have to be decided yet.

Allison broke the quiet with a plan to make popcorn and put on a guilty-pleasure movie. She made it in a large pot, like the kettle corn she’d made months ago. It came out perfectly seasoned and rich-tasting. We shared a big pile of it as the movie started. It was a more rollicking, higher-quality adventure tale than anything Lissa and I would watch on our movie nights. Clayton even came over for a bit and stared at the screen like he was mining it for ideas. Malcolm also stopped by and gave the sort of look I expected him to give to me and Allison cuddling close.

It wasn’t as though Allison didn’t cozy up during just about every sort of movie. Her body seemed to shimmer with the glow of the TV, especially once I’d turned all the lights out. She was gorgeous. And it wasn’t just because she was a work of art which revealed new beauty at every shift of her pose or turn of her head like all Kinrae. The mask revealed Allison in ways her regular body showed only faintly.

I wanted to touch her again with no intent in mind aside from making her smile that deeply-drawn smile. I could imagine moving with my hand all over her like a small brush, accenting her paint-like form.

And at the same time, I wondered what it would be like to feel a hand like Allison’s, male or Kinrae, showing me the detail of that same kind of skin as I felt every drift of the finger. And I wondered the same combination with Lissa. My mind was severed into three conflicting pieces.

I could only sit there, focusing on the movie most of the time and on Allison when she shifted. After several big (and rather impressive) fight scenes, I realized there was a small sound coming from Allison, like the faintest chitter of a squirrel. I glanced beside me and notice her head was drooping, only supported from drifting further by my shoulder.

Her eyes were shut. I smiled a moment before noticing the obvious signs of tears along her cheeks. They were brighter than regular water, matching the style of her body. They flowed despite her closed eyes.