Part 17

I could’ve stayed there in the restroom, hiding. I could’ve dwelt in mental darkness as Theresa’s words and thoughts overwhelmed all the good I’d ever felt. I could’ve but I took a breath and looked in the mirror. I looked at a face which was and wasn’t mine at the same time. I burned with pain all too fresh inside me.

But the pain receded like the redness softening from my knuckles. I remembered all the hurt Theresa had caused. But that wasn’t all I remembered. I remembered the little moments of hope. The moments of dreams.

I remembered Olivia’s first appearance with wide-eyed wonder. I remembered the first hug Uncle Nolan gave me as he welcomed me into his life, as family. I remembered the empty college house before any of us had moved in. I remembered when Allison first arrived and greeted me with a hug before asking me, “What’s your favorite flavor?” (‘Minty’ was my best answer at the time). I remembered her first meal and how she turned a familiar dish of casserole into a unique experience. I remembered meeting Lissa and her quirky smile, expecting something hidden behind it before realizing she was what a mom should be. I remembered every terrible movie. I remembered laughing without caution for the first time. I understood truly living.

I didn’t remember all the words but I felt the warmth of them. Uncle Nolan’s reflective words and ‘saccharine’ sentiments. Allison’s boundless love. Lissa’s concern and cleverness. And so many other words. Like little sparks of what the Daemonrae called the Ae flashing through my thoughts. I leaned away from the basin and dried my eyes.

In that moment of feeling, it would’ve been awesome if I could say that I knew just what to do about Theresa. That would’ve been a moment worthy of some cinematic swelling of an orchestra. But all I had was what I felt right then and it told me to do what I was holding back from doing…what I had skirted around.

I walked back to the visitor’s room and pulled open the door. Theresa didn’t notice me at first and the nurse was busy helping someone else. Only Sean looked at me. I answered him with a smile for his anxious face. I could tell in his eyes that even a few minutes with our mother had already begun to sap his energy.

I carefully picked up a chair from against the wall and placed it next to him, across from Theresa. The nurse glanced over but didn’t say anything. I sat down and looked at Theresa as she finally noticed me. There was a moment of alarm before her smirk returned and she muttered, “I knew it…”

I answered, “You know nothing. For all you’ve been through you didn’t learn a thing about life but how to persist in the most negative aspects of it. I lived through you, through pain and suffering, and I didn’t become you.”

She seemed off-balance as she glanced between the two of us before repeating, “Insolent and ungrateful little demon.”

I leaned forward and said, “Go ahead, call me a demon. You’re closer than you realize in your trapped, warped cycle of fear and bitterness.”

Her eyes twitched as she grit her teeth. “Demon. Evil child making tricks. Should’ve destroyed you.” The nurse looked concerned but more because of how Theresa was pressing her nails into the table than that we appeared to be twins.

Sean continued, “Your words have no power. They’re just tricks. Manipulation. I learned through Uncle Nolan what love and family are. I don’t care who he loves, so long as there is love. He’s concerned with making sure the happiness of living is sweetly shared.”

She gave a sound like a hiss. “You say my words don’t matter. But you’re listening. You’re here. You had to face me on unequal odds to feel it was fair. Who’s weak? My brother has given you pleasant ideals. Pretty fantasies. Love will last forever. Happiness is yours to pursue. Reality is bitterness. Love dies. Happiness abandons you.” She was back on the offensive.

I took a turn. “There’s nothing wrong with dreams of the world you want. Call them fantasies but, for us, they’re just possibilities. Things can and will change. I never thought I would be in love with a beautiful boy like Allison.”

The smirk returned as Theresa spat out, “I knew it….faggot. You’ve embraced the path of evil.”

“I’ve embraced unexpected love. Love that I never knew I was worthy of. And other things I’ve never dreamed of. I’ve changed for the better. To be stronger. I love Allison, boy and girl. I love my friends. I love because I want to see a world where the pain you spread has fallen away and a better world is created.”

Sean set his hands on the table. “We don’t live in the shadow world you believe in. And I’m sorry you can’t escape it. I pity you….and…” He looked at me. I nodded.

He finished, “And we both forgive you. That doesn’t mean it was alright. You’re human. A sad and broken human.”

She returned to her favored words, “You hate me. You say you forgive me. How pitiful you are if you think I’m the one who needs your glorious, enlightened forgiveness. You want me to die. It’ll make you so happy. Goodbye to the mean old past…that bitch of a mother…oh if I could die then you’d see. So glad to see me go.”

I took a breath. “I won’t cry over you. But I refuse to be afraid of you anymore either. Take our forgiveness, if you wish. And our apology. We had plenty of moments of anger and hot-headedness growing up. We said the wrong things more than once. We felt unmotivated and exhausted and bitter. We’re sorry we weren’t stronger then.”

She tossed a hand. “Not even worthy of breath as an apology. You have so much to renounce. Your so-called girlfriend to start. I won’t allow…him…It’s illegal, demonic. You will face judgment upon that sin.”

I had no clever words to denounce her but I didn’t have to. I was at ease and so was Sean. The nurse had her eyebrows raised at what was surely more excitement than she usually saw. I gave her a little more as I rose up from the chair and approached Theresa.

Instantly, Theresa leaned back. For all her talking about asking us to kill her, she looked terrified I might actually do it. She put her hands up with her fingers out but, before she could say anything, I put my hands around her and hugged. Not like the careful hug before. But a hug without fear. She twitched like a trapped insect. When I released her, her teeth were out. She was about to denounce my gesture, I could tell.

Sean went around and did the same to her on the other side. She stretched her arms out but wasn’t sure what to do with them. Nothing dramatic followed. She didn’t melt like a wicked witch nor did she change at all as her words continued to mount against how mistaken we were. She seemed to realize in that moment that it was over though, as she called to the nurse to be taken back and ranted about her “evil son”. Her face took on a more haggard darkness. She scowled and didn’t look back as she left the room. The nurse gave us a sympathetic look.

Defeated. By the power of friendship? Yeah, Allison would call it that if she were watching on the sidelines. In this moment, I embraced Sean and we felt a sense of release and resolution. Mom would always be there as a scar, but I could already feel her fading from our thoughts. We laughed together and decided to head out before the staff started to ask questions.

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Outside, the sharp wind had settled and it traced us like soft, tickling fingers. I felt pleasant shivers across my body, which Sean said he felt too. I wondered what that meant. It was still there when we got to the car.

We looked at each other and waited. And…nothing. A little anti-climactic. I frowned and wondered what it meant. Were we not ready for a power like Allison’s to change genders? Were we going to get something else? Did we actually complete the task or was there more?

It took a moment of pondering it before I realized what we were missing, at which point I laughed and asked Sean, “Are you waiting for something to happen too?”

He gave a little nod and glanced at his fingers. I smiled at him and said, “You don’t wait for it. You wish for it. You don’t hope for it. You accept it.”

His eyes widened and he muttered to himself. A calm came over him. I watched as his body changed. His clothes swarmed around him. His fingers narrowed and his skin softened all over. His hair grew out long and his face shifted. I giggled at the more obvious features that asserted themselves on his chest as his change finished.

I also pondered that, as a girl, she looked like Theresa. Maybe more like Tessa but with similar eyes and hair that flowed the same way despite a lighter shade. Girl Sean braced herself against the door as she felt the same wooziness Allison felt with the change.

She checked herself out in as many mirrors as possible and murmured, “These clothes suck…” She brushed her hair back and smiled.

My turn now? I looked around. I let go of doubt. I took a deep breath. I could change. But my body stayed the way it was.

Sean looked concerned. I smiled for her and the reason came to me. It was a slight memory hidden amidst the other remnants. Of course, I couldn’t have this happen from the device when I’d never actually worn it. And I had changed. I’d become Sean. Maybe I didn’t need to change again. Still, I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. At least we’d definitely be able to tell each other apart.

I explained to him the memory I had and a little of what I was feeling. I didn’t want him to feel sad after he’d just transcended genders. He grabbed my hand and shifted back into male form. I frowned.

He told me, “If you can’t share in it, then I don’t want it.” I raised my eyebrows. I didn’t want him to reject it. This was something Allison wanted. This was something he wanted. I told him not to worry about it but he wasn’t listening. He sat there in regular Sean form with his clothes askew from the previous change. He began to remind me of all I’d thought about in the bathroom. We crossed on the same feelings about friendship. I smiled.

He clutched my hand and said, “It doesn’t matter if you used the device or not. You said yourself it’s just a collector for this energy. You’re me. You share my life. You love Allison. Remember the past doesn’t matter. We’re going to change the future…oh…look!”

I felt it as soon as he said. It had begun. In the same way his had begun. A release of the tingles. I felt everything changing. It felt strange and yet familiar. The times as Corlie the anime girl meant I was prepared but I didn’t expect the joy as it came. I wanted this so bad. To share Allison’s change. To everything Sean said. It was like flying.

I looked a little different than his girl form, especially with the two of us side by side. Dirty blond hair a little longer. Fingernails not quite so neat as his. And my clothes…I really wanted to change them. We traded back and forth and raced from one to another like kids scampering through an untouched wilderness within. We changed till we got dizzy and needed to lean back against the seat. It was wonderful.

Some trace of the Daemonrae before felt relieved at my breasts finally showing up again. The remnant of Theresa was in my face as well. But I looked upon it with peace mixed with a smile and tears. We were a total blubbering wreck together and had to dive through the turbulent feelings before I could collect ourselves.

When we were ready, Sean drove away from the medical complex. I looked back in the rear-view mirror with sympathy and hope that maybe something would get through to Theresa…to our mother. But she had her own life to live and so did we.

I went all puppy-like and stuck my head out the window. The wind battered my longer hair. Sean groaned that I was hitting him with it. We gassed up Allison’s car and made plans, which ranged from finding some arcade to dancing with Quilla to a thousand other ideas. I couldn’t remember feeling so unabashedly happy. Sean was happy too but she had to temper it for driving. She giggled when the road was clear. The future lay before us and we were both eager to greet it.

The high from the initial transformation stayed with us all the way home and as we tackled Allison in the most unambiguous way possible. Questions receded, although he did relay that Lissa left a call wondering how things went. We’d answer it later.

I was really surprised we didn’t get any alarmed neighbors knocking on our door from what came next. With both of us allied against Allison, she really stood no chance to escape from many rounds of fun. We didn’t even need to use the device but we tried *everything*. And, this time, the plushies got covered by a towel.

I took a break to stretch and roam. The herbs in the backyard were coming along nicely. Birds returning from the long winter fluttered about in the branches. I rested against the wall outside and decided to call Lissa on the portable phone. She picked up quickly.

She remarked, “Sexed out already?”

I laughed and didn’t ask how she guessed. I asked her how she was doing. She told me all her little concerns about Linnea after the mess of things she knew now. Some of it she passed along to Michael and was surprised by how unsurprised he seemed to be. She put it out there, “Do you think he might’ve already been replaced by an anime girl? Should I ask him?”

It was something to consider and would explain away his change of heart. Or maybe he was at the same crossroads as us. Only his “overcoming our parents” was dealing with his regrets about Lissa and Quilla. I presented this possibility to Lissa but also cautioned her, “You know Linnea may not be able to say one way or the other.” She acknowledged that but still had to ask.

After that, we just joked about little bits of movies and trying to recall trivia. She told me how delighted Quilla was at being able to launch her armaments at the evils of salt. She did seem to take a special interest in time machines lately but it hadn’t yet evolved to the level of her other sources of play.

Then she added, “You know, once this all calms down, we should do a nice dinner out. Just you and me.”

I smiled but asked her, “With Sean?”

She reiterated, “With you. Sean classic or Sean special edition. Whichever you are…I’ve found it doesn’t really matter to me. You’re my friend and I’d love to just unwind. I mean we had Kinraetown but it was kinda half-crazed. Just something fun this time. Game for it?”