Tosra & The Auction, day 2
Tosra Gathering, day 2
Cluelessness
Myrun and Liv think we should welcome the dawn with more sex, and it is hard not to atleast a shorter time before I leave to return to my own camp. It became shorter and embarrassing when it clicked that Siri with maids and guards of course were just outside the tent canvas and awake. It just feels wrong with that audience even if no one here seems to care. They may think that the canvas makes it private enough, but I do not. I know that Alith guarded me overnight outside the canvas, but that was 'just Alith', who I have started to get used to always being there. Until I realise it also applies to Myrun's guards, shieldmaidens and maids. Just one more thing I never thought I would even have on the scale of things having to get used to.
It is only 40 meters to my own camp, but it is with great respect and probably fear that I am greeted by the few I meet or walk by. I still havn't got used to being so 'coveted', and when a naked woman with only a blanket wrapped around her hurries up from her sleeping pelt and tries to curtsy, it just gets absurd, but hard not to smile, and she too can see the humor in it. I just give her a little kiss on the hand and ask her to crawl back and stay warm so she doesn't get sick. She caresses the place I kissed while she smiles, and asks if I want to join her. Just for a moment?
She's probably in her early 20s and beautiful, but I thank her and say no. As I move on, I wonder if she thinks I just blessed her? That Sejdmann partly is a religious title has never really connected to me before. Sex as a religious ceremony is a hell of a thing, but it's better than sacrifices or boring hymns. Much better.
The norms about nudity really arn't the same as the ones I'm used to, or sex, especially at a gathering like this, and a sixties hippie would probably be happy. Then again I'm never been much for going to festivals and such. Where I stand outside our tents with Alith and Gunhild guarding behind me, I can see several couples who seem to be more or less covered on a sleeping pelt on the ground, which must be cold considering the morning cold. Even if the sleeping pelts look thick and warm and there often is a smouldering fire next to it, it may not be enough without wind protection and so on. I see legs poking out of a tent, several pairs of legs and an arm poking out of a half collapsed small V tent, and a couple of tents where there is ongoing sex, if I interpret the movements of the tent fabric correctly. I also realise that the woman who curtsied is very lonely and in the middle between our camps. Others have camped a little further away from the big tents. Did she deliberately slept there to try to lure me to her sleeping pelt in the morning? How many in the camp know where I spent the night?
I still feel like a nerd not fitting in, and one in the gray background, and I'm not used to festivals or gatherings like this, or the attention. But this is a better experience than the last two feasts; freer, less demanding and less strict. More like a festival filled with the joy of a good secured harvest, and thus relief that there is food over the winter, so even if the winter gets harsh, you have a better chance of surviving and not starving to death. It is a joy and relief that I as a modern person in a comfortable Nordic country have never really experienced. In a lot of our modern world that makes me part of the lucky minority. Definitely a better experience than a drunken indoor feast, or a damn orgy with minors. There are minors here, but most people here are free men and women in the 25 to 40 age range, and apparently it is humiliating yourself before the gods to use force during a gathering in a holy place like this. So having a fight or raping someone will make that person a social pariah. Seeking out and demanding a duel a few days after the gathering is a different matter, and gatherings in other places do not have those strict rules.
I can imagine visiting more gatherings like this in the future, although I will try to avoid the religious part with sacrifices and gods as best I can. And all offers of sex. If I'm going to have a holy threesome in the future, I prefer if it is with Iselin, Kari or Ciara.
Shit...
Although they're not really into threesomes, it's a hell of a thing to have to choose who is excluded.
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I just sit there in a deck chair outside the tents while the gathering slowly wake up and comes back to life. I am one of the few who didn't drink or use other substances, and I was motivated to leave Myrun and Liv's warm embraces. The morning cold definitely helps to wake me up. I'm not a morning person, but I like a really early summer morning if I've been up all night. The peace and quiet at 4 or 5 in the morning when the sun rises. The mists that lie over meadows. It is peaceful to just go for a walk before I go to bed. Not the same here and now, but almost. There's a little mist over there that the sun's heat has not dissipated.
Caecilia comes out, wrapped in a big thick blanket, looks at me and abruptly sits down into my lap. Okay? She leans against my left shoulder and her head towards mine, and wraps some of her blanket around me, and I notice that she is completely naked underneath when I grab her by the hip with my right hand. I guess she's just stepped up from the sleeping pelt and took the blanket out with her. I don't really know what to say or do, because I'm still a Furst and her behavior is a bit rude, but she asks me to just hold her. She seems unhappy instead of her usual charming and seductive manner. The thought strikes me that it may be pretend unhappiness to lure me to have sympathy sex with her, because everyone has an agenda. But I don't really care, and its not as she affects me, but I make sure to keep my hand still. I would rather have Iselin or Ciara in my lap, and I wonder if they are awake, but when I look around, it's just Alith, Gunhild and Elvira out here, and Elvira is preparing breakfast. After a few minutes, Caecilia starts talking;
"Since my Lord was drugged and our time in the woods a week ago, my Lord has not touched me. Not once. I first thought that my Lord just needed to recover from the drug, and have time to get used to me - to accept me. But we have hardly talked since the first day in Borgarsandr, and my Lord has hardly even looked at me, and it is not because my Lord dislikes me or what I am. I have talked to the others and everyone says similar, and I understand that my Lord only sees me as a burden, someone my Lord feels compelled to take care of, as my Lord is too good to just throw me out, but I am of no use as my Lord does not want my company or cares about being entertained, and will not have sex with me even though I so desire. Not because I'm a hóra or other men have had me, but because my Lord is the man he is, and my Lord also thinks that I am too young. True?"
"Yes, but I ..." tenderly she puts a finger to my lips and silences me. It's unexpected and again rude, but Caecilia just gives me a tender kiss on the cheek and leans her head against mine, and I might as well let her talk.
"This is a couple of the biggest holy days of the year, and for the first time I feel left out, when I usually tell sagas and tales, play, sing, dance and have sex. We are in one of the more special places to celebrate and give thanks for the prosperity, where everyone around me enjoys each other and that life is good. My Lord enjoyed the company of Jarl Skiringe and Fjölkunniga Liv last night, and my Lord even lets his guards and maids enjoy themselfs if they so wish, as long as it is not with my Lord or affect their duty too much. I'm a free woman, but my word binds me to just look and hear, walk around and talk and be charming, but I'm forced to turn down any offer and reply that I'm my Lords hóra. Women are jealous of me, especially Baugeid, but they do not understand that I am isolated from participating and feeling a man's intimacy and warmth. How can it be bad that I'm young? Why can't I feel the joy of my Lord in me, just like Jarl Skiringe or Fjölkunniga Liv? I am my Lords hóra. What a ritual to Freya it would be with a Sejdmann, a Fjölkunnig and a Hóra at the harvest feast."
Caecilia sighs and seems really disappointed about the missed opportunity, and I wonder how Baugeid, Liv and the sejdwomen here look at it. I can only say that she is partly right and is in a hell of a situation. Her word to be mine is not for me but an oath to Freya, but keeping her word is very important to have honor, and she has given her word to the most powerful Goddess, and received gold to let me be the only man who penetrates her .
I let my thoughts wander as I look out over the camp, because it's a hell of a way to think, but penetration is important in the culture here and several laws - its literally who penetrates. A woman who has been raped is without guilt and it does not have to affect her honor that much, but it is her husband or father who loses most honor because he did not protect his wife or daughter. She will of course continue to feel raped and humiliated, but there is no great social shame against her. A woman who is seduced can be considered innocent, honorable and continue to be 'pure'. But if two men have sex, even if a man rapes a male slave or a free man, few look down on the penetrating rapist man. But a man who is forced or allows himself to be penetrated? No honor at all and really deep humiliation. It is used as punishment, legal rape as punishment, and the one who uses his penis is really manly, while the receiving man has a hard time ever regaining his honor.
Then again, in a lot of Midgård cultures, a man isn't considered to be gay if he is the penetrating one, so I guess it might not be a big change for some arriving here.
A woman can even be sentenced to become a man's concubine and be branded with a man's housemark, usually on her shoulder, chest or face, and her relatives can deliberately give her away to avoid blood feuds, which is practically legal rape of a free woman for all her life. It does not count as rape when a man has sex with his concubine or wife, regardless of her will. It could have happened to Jane as a statusless woman without any allies if her insult had occurred in front of 'impartial' witnesses. Especially since I'm a Furst.
My thoughts have once again moved away on tangents, but Caecilia moves and I return to the present. She deserves a sincere answer, even if she put herself in this situation. I have no feelings at all for Caecilia, but it is unexpectedly hard to take a firm stand against the beautiful young woman who sits naked in my arms, just wrapped in a blanket and complaining that she is unhappy because I don't want to have sex with her. Another thing I never expected to experience. Thank goodness I've already had sex with Liv and Myrun both last night and this morning, otherwise something else would also be hard and firm right now, because her skin is soft and warm under my hand and I know what she looks like naked. I have a far too good visual memory, and her breasts are right in front of my face.
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"Caecilia, you should not have given your word so carelessly and without talking to me first, especially without a time limit or other way out for both of us if things didn't work out as you thought, and it is not right that I and my women should have to live with your carelessness. I can not accept a woman just because she has sworn herself to me. Many women will do it just to have a better life." Caecilia resignedly nods that she understands, and I hear Gunhild snorting in the background. I can only imagine how many low-status women would have tried to play that card if it became widely known. "You are charming and a good musician. Intelligent and beautiful. But I don't want any more women in my life. Iselin, Ciara and Kari deserve that I don't have any more steady sexual relationships. I am happy with them, and how well they get along with each other, and just like I've said to others, I will not risk that. It has nothing to do with you. I also have no feelings for you, which includes desire, and although you are good at other entertainment as well, I do not see a great need for it in my everyday life, and I avoid both visiting or arranging feasts, so when the extra house by the barn is finished, I want you to move there, even if you continue to get food and laundry done at the mansion. It is the best solution so you are not permanent in our lives. "
"Why can't I be? It is unnecessary to let me have my own house, when I can continue to live in the room I do. I don't even need my own room and can sleep up in the attic beside the water tanks. Because even though I want it, I know my Lord doesn't want me inside my Lord's bedroom, sleeping in my Lord's bed or on my Lord's attic floor."
Caecilia straightens up and looks me in the eye.
"I want to be my Lord's personal servant. I can clean my Lord's room and wash my Lord's clothes. Help my Lord with his work, run errands and carry out my Lord's wishes. I can entertain my Lord with sagas, songs and music, and willingly keep my Lord as warm as he wishes this winter, with nothing stoping my Lord from taking me whenever and however my Lord desires. My presence does not threaten the Misses, and gives my Lord and the Misses a little higher status, while making your lives more pleasant."
Caecilia has uncovered the blanket enough to show me her mark and breasts, as if it would attract me more. There is a new piece of gold jewelry in her nipple, and I wonder what the symbol means, or what god it is. Eh, whatever. It is still not that difficult to say no to such a declaration and offer, because it is such a bad idea to have such a beautiful, charming and sex willing woman around all the time - because I suspect that she will probably slowly become something more, and I don't think it will even take that long. I should probably be proud if I manage to endure six months, as unfortunately I do not give much for my morals or character nowadays. Her willingness to be my personal servant, does surprise me. Is she not upper class and used to having a maid herself? As usual, she wears several gold jewelery. The small braided gold things in her hair are probably one thing to sleep with, but she has had to put on the necklace and the ring. Or does she sleep with them? I have basically never worn any jewelry even though I have them.
"You are rich and have had your own maid, and are used to being served. Are you really willing to lower yourself to become my personal servant just to stay?"
"My status will not be lowered, but raised. But even if it would sink to the bottom, I would have said the same thing and been happy, because Freya has guided me to a life with my Lord and it will be the best life for me. That is my purpose. I know it will not be hard toil using all daylight, but even if my Lord wants to see me lying on my knees, scrubbing the floor clean all over the mansion until my knees are sore, I don't mind. But powerful Lords and Ladies always have their own personal servants, and for a King or Queen this is usually done by younger nobility - not an ordinary free woman. It is a way to show loyalty and make contacts for the future, until they start a family themselves. I can never start my own family. Never be anything but a hóra. My Lord is a Furst and my Lord needs a suitable personal servant, and even though I do not have a high status, it is appropriate if a powerful Sejdmann has a hóra - a woman dedicated to Freya's service - as his personal servant. I'm already my Lord's hóra and I want to fill that position... or whatever position my Lord wants to fill me in."
Caecilias says the last part with a low sensual voice close to my ear, as she presses her body against me and move my right hand from her hip to her chest, while massaging her butt against my crotch. It makes it hard to focus, and I can feel her engine is reving hard. Her lustful growl in my ear, of just my hand on her chest, does affect me, and she gets pleased and growls a little more when she feels myself reacting to it. Some parts of the anatomy doesn't really care what we consciously want; evolution has literally created us that way. A man in a coma can have erections and ejaculation. However, that does not mean I have to let my body dictate my actions.
"My Lord, it is selfish, but I want nothing more than to continue living with my Lord and the Misses for the rest of my life. I want to be my Lord's personal servant and hóra, and make sure that my Lord has as comfortable a life as I can give my Lord. But I need us to have sex from time to time, even if it is less often than I wish, because I have a great need and the company of women isn't enough for me. I have not regretted my choice to become a hóra; I just wish that we could have met earlier, before my Lord had so many women, so I could have become more important in the my Lord's life. That it would have been me instead of Disa that night in Kambsnes ... "
It is a hell of a 'what if'! Holy shit, if it had been Caecilia instead of Disa, and Caecilia wanted to go along on the voyage. She could have bought her own cabin and joined us while she worked he wiles on me, and I would have been more receptive. She wouldn't have been a slave or an employee.
Caecilia kisses me on my cheek: "If I have understood everyone correctly, my Lord will probably accept my wish to become my Lord's personal servant, even though my Lord does not like it. Forgive me for selfishly exploiting the fact that my Lord is a good man who needs a personal servant, but I promise to use the rest of my life to try to make it right, in every way my Lord desires."
It feels tragic, and unmanly, that I almost want to cry when a really beautiful young woman explains that she just wants to be my servant, courtesan and have lots of sex with me for the rest of our lives. Because I know I will give in - it is far too logical what she is saying, and it is also ironic that it actually is a good, practical and economical solution. The others have for months said that I must have a personal servant or maid, and Caecilia won't need her own maid because she lives in the mansion and will be taken care of by the staff. And she is a bard. It saves food, space and the amount of people around me. It solves the Caecilia problem although it will cause other problems in the future, and I don't have to try to find someone else for the job who may be the wrong person, even if it doesn't mean that Caecilia is the right person. She might be far from it.
I'm just extra unhappy because it will make Iselin's part of my life a little smaller. Again. It will affect Ciara and Kari as well, although Kari certainly will reluctantly respect Caecilia for how well she has played her cards, and she hasn't even had to lie. Kari has even helped with the basic groundwork as she also have said that I must have a personal servant. Of course, I understand Caecilia's wish. She knows that it will probably be a comfortable, safe life without really hard work - just as I understood Kari and Ciara even though their choice was for other reasons, but that does not mean I appreciate reality.
I look out over the camp, and discover that Iselin and Jane have come out and seems to have heard atleast the last part. Iselin comes forward, squats down next to me while she puts a hand on my shoulder. She looks me in the eyes and says;
"Robert, accept Caecilia's offer. She is right and you know you need a personal servant, and everyone knows it's not going to be a man. Even if you would accepted a man, very few men would want to be a personal servant to a Sejdmann. It was always going to be a woman. Caecilia's proposal with her status, skills, youth and appearance fits, and she wants to be yours. Future wives also need a personal servant even if they can share - but you need your own. You are a Furst." Iselin surprises me, but her smile becomes devilish as she casts a few glances at Caecilia, and Iselin looks me in the eye as she continues; "Caecilia is... nice company."
Whut?
At first I don't understand what she means, but then it connects considering how she smiles, and Caecilia giggles, smiles and massages her butt in my crotch.
Whut?
My mind blanks out before my thoughts goes on wild tangents, and I'm not prepared for that. Iselin... and Caecilia? In bed... with each other? Alone? My Iselin? I mostly sit and blink and just look at Iselins devilish smile.
"You were busy in Jarl Skiringe's tent and I was alone in a bed. Caecilia was alone without a bed." Iselin just shrugs and her devilish smile turns into a dreamy look as she says: "Amazing breasts". Then she briefly kisses me on the lips, to which I barely respond, fetch a chair and sits down next to me. My brain starts to boot up again after the neurons reset the blown fuses, and I start processing memories and information, and I can only accept the reality that my fiancée probably has a flexible sexuality, which can explain some events now that I think back. Like the look and much more she gave Disa that night. How she behaves if Kari or Ciara shares our bed, compared to their behavior. How she wanted to accompany Liv or how she paused on Rihanna's face and commented. I just havn't really seen it as a possible reality, even though I have thought about the possibility. Accept reality. Learn. Move on. In any case, it is good if Iselin can satisfy any extra desire in that way, instead of with other men.
I just sit there while the gathering comes back up to life, with Caecilia naked in my lap wrapped in a blanket, still with my hand on her breast, and without really thinking about it until much later.
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I didn't even notice that Jane photographed us until after breakfast when she shows me, where I sit completely zoned out and far away in thoughts, with Iselin beside me, with her hand stroking Caecilia's leg, and Caecilia happily curled up against me with her head on my shoulder, with her hand caressing Iselins. I did not notice that either.
Jane finds it very amusing that I, who have several partners and have been with several women, obviously never noticed that Iselin is interested in female company when my bed is busy. It just took Jane a couple of days to realise that Iselin was more or less bisexual, while I missed it for 3 months.
"How can you be that hilariously clueless?! And the fools doubted you manliness!"
Jane has a lot of fun with the stupid notion that Freya may really exist here, and will continue to 'bless' me in several ways until I start believing in her. But for a person in my situation, it's like realising that unicorns are real and I've had one by my side all along. That my fiancée has been an almost mythical existence since the beginning, and I don't even mean that literally considering that she is an Elf.
I hardly think about the fact that everyone is elves; they are humans and people in my eyes. But how could I have even guessed, that the beautiful red-haired maid with the intense green eyes and cute freckles on her cheeks, that I flirted with at a feast, would grow into my wonderfully charming, smart, confident, nice, sexy, bisexual fiancée with a wonderful personality and good humor, who to top it all off has started to become a nerdy metalhead?
Why have I not already asked her to marry me?