Borgarsandr, day 4
Chess & Usefulness
Iselin wakes me up in her the usual way and then crawl up and rests her head on my chest.
"You don't have to that. I appreciate it of course, but a little variety is better. So don't do it next time, okay?"
Iselin nods, and her cute smile becomes devilish, and as she rest her head on my chest I hear her whispered and pleased reply: "Next time."
Yeah.
I just feel at peace and happy. I wonder how far it will go before I really start to consider marrying Iselin, because I would already like to have her as girlfriend and fiancée more than maid slash personal assistant. Someone who is my equal. I need pastimes. Games etc. There are of course games here, and I need to try them. There seems to be some chess like game where one starts in the middle and the other along the sides, but I won't try to pronounce it again. There are dice here, but they aren't very accurate. They can definitely be improved, and with rounded corners so it will be harder to make deliberate throws. Need to let Alith and Bodil train with weapons and I too need weapons training. I need to run a couple of times a week. It sure won't be fun but I need to stay in better shape.
Games. Why not introduce something like chess? Bodil has said she likes to carve wood, and here it can be done compared to a rocking and boat. Maybe I can get her to do the chess pieces. She and Alith seem to be bored a lot. I sure would in their line of work.
Iselin, Ciara and Alith take a trip into town to leave the contract and pick up the slate etc she ordered yesterday. So in the mean time I describes my chess idea to Bodil, and she eagerly agree right away. It will of course be her game but it would be fun to teach them to play it. I am not so good myself, but enough to be interesting. So I sketch on the small slate board, and describe the shape of the board, how it is made of wooden blocks that are glued together, etc. Bodil is very interested, and asks questions, and she disappears out to the yard to what wood is available and I work in my room as Bodil starts to work outside the front door.
I look in on Bodil's progress and she will get sawn wooden blocks in two shades that can be made lighter or darker a little oil or paint, and is working on other parts of the board. The glue needs to dry and finally it will have to be planed and leveled. It was good practise to sketch the different figures on paper, and Bodil looks happy when she sits leaning back on the bench outside, while carving a horse.
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The others have been back for a while. I don't know why Ciara looks so miserable, but best to ask, so I ask her to come out into the garden so I can talk to her. I gesture for her to sit on the bench next to me and speak out. She looks ready to cry. I haven't seen her this miserable last week and thought she seemed to get better and get some drive and motivation in her. I asks if she wants a hug, and Ciara throws herself at me and hugs me as if her life hangs on it. Maybe memories. Given what she's probably been through, I wouldn't be surprise if it bubbles up when she least expects it. Hopefully, time will heal those wounds. Ciara confess that she isn't useful - that there is nothing she can do. Everyone else constantly finds new things, gets new tasks and are useful. First Alith and now Bodil. I can't figure out what Alith has to do with it all, so I ask.
It is so embarrassing when I understand that Alith has talked to Ciara about our sexual activities, but Ciara's experiences make her distort everything, and now Bodil has also become more useful. Ciara looks me in the eyes and declares that she would do anything I ask - anything - and would like to try to fulfill the need Alith does, if I just allowed her to share my bed or sleep in my room, and Ciara looks so dejected when she says she know I don't want to have sex with her. I wonders if Ciara really understands why I can't have sex with her, and I really don't want her to believe she's only useful if we have sex, or worse - that she's only useful for sex. I also have to try to keep some of the principles that make me, me.
Argh. I must try to come up with something Ciara can do to make her feel useful, but first I say it's good that she's found someone to talk to. Someone to trust. I tell her that it isn't always about being special and several can fulfill the same tasks and chores. Ciara doesn't have to have a niche just for her, even though I understand that she wants it. I ask if Ciara believes me when I say something. Without hesitation, she replies: "Absolutely!" And I have no doubt she means it. I say that she will fill a valuable niche, especially at the future Academy; it's just not the right time, and she must try to endure a long time. It haven't even started to be built yet. The Academy won't even be among the first buildings built.
In the meantime, I make Ciara fully responsible for food - that we eat regularly and well - and she knows how important I think that is. If we need to buy some food, she should ask Iselin to help her do it. Ciara looks much more collected and more relaxed, and asks if she can help make food too. If she want too, she can. I hold her against me and as we continue to hug she gets a content smile. She hasn't stopped hugging me since she started. I ask if she wants to sit on my lap instead, so it will be more comfortable, and she happily jumps up in my lap and continues to hug me with her head against mine and her smile becomes wider and she start to relax. This just feels really weird. I asks if she wants me to give her a kiss on the cheek from time to time, because I don't do that with anyone and she quickly and enthusiastically nods. Ciara really shines when I give her a kiss on each cheek.
Eventually I have to work, and Ciara understands that but say she will be fine. When I leave Ciara, she straightens her clothes and looks happily towards the horizon and the sea with a determined face. I have to make sure I really find something she can do at the Academy, and preferably before.
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Ciara just sit there and thinks for a long time. Of course Robert has had something planned for her at the Academy. Robert is such a kind smart man, and he thinks and cares about her. She should have trusted him and not doubted. Not been weak in her faith in Robert. She let Robert down because she was short-sighted, gave up and didn't believe in him. Just as she gave up praying to God last winter and stopped believing. She will do her best to never let Robert down again. Never waver in her faith in Robert, no matter what trials she faces. Robert has given her a purpose and she will take care of it well, so she can feel the warmth and light. She is so looking forward to the kisses and hugs, and it was absolutely wonderful to sit on his lap and feel embraced by Robert. She could have spent all day like that. Just warmth, light and happiness.
Ciara's satisfied smile grows as she understands that she can fill a niche that someone else is already doing. She can't guard, or carve wood. She can obviously never fill Iselin's duties. But she can partially fill Alith's niche. Alith learned from Liv and Ciara can learn from Alith. If Robert eventually wants it, she will be ready.
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Bodil sits leaned back and carves on the second wooden horse when Alith comes out, and say Sir wants to be alone with Ciara in the garden. Bodil has a half grin when she wonders why Alith isn't looking on through the window.
Bodil cuts herself when Alith hiss at her with a hard and angry look. She stares annoyed and questioningly at Alith as she sucks on her finger, who sighs and slowly and discreetly begins to tell what Ciara told her the night before, and what Iselin confirmed. Never touched Ciara? Gave her everything and treated her so well for no reason? Refuse to have sex with a slave because they can't say no, even when the ambott is willing and fanatically devoted to her master? Would refuse a rich beautiful noblewoman? Sent a willing naked free woman from his bed, just because he suspected that she might have been pressured by her master or mistress? Bodil just stares at Alith who deeply sigh before she sits down on the bench next to Bodil and continues;
"Bodil, think of what Sir is like. Look past the fact that he is incredibly powerful, rich and masculine and what that usually means. Think about how he behaves towards everyone and what he says. Think back over the past two weeks that we've been in his service: During that time, has he ever made hints that he would like to have sex with someone or asked for it? Have he hinted at anything to you? Last night I contemplated that, and can't think of any occasion, even when we were alone and even though we've been intimate, which we both loved. Since that evening he has made no suggestions towards me, and he doesn't give me lascivious looks as most men do, and when he happens to look at my breasts he is disappointed in himself.
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We both know that if Iselin got what she wanted, they would share a bed every night, with or without sex, because she is completely in love with Sir, but he doesn't want that because she works for him. He has power over her - even though he's obviously in love with her. Iselin's necklace must be an annual salary for us, and it certainly wasn't given to entice her to warm his bed. You saw how quickly and without a doubt he gave her a tenth to reward her for the deal. He cares about her, and rewards good work. He is a generous man. They've had sex once in a while, yes - he is still a man who needs an outlet and they're close to each other day after day - but it's like a reward when Iselin has done something good and really wants sex. You've seen how he treats both of them, and how he treats us and others we have encountered - like the slaves on this farm. He's kind and polite whether he's talking to a slave or the King. You said so yourself."
Bodil just stares at Alith and forgets to suck on his finger. Sir has never done such a thing, and it's spot on for Iselin, as well as his behavior towards everyone.
"Do you remember how Sir took us aside the first night, and told us to protect and keep watch on Ciara from the beginning? It wasn't like we assumed because she is his bed slave and he wanted control over her, and so no other man would touch her. It really was to protect Ciara from men who can assault her without real consequence because she's a slave. You do not want to know what her last year was like - don't ask her because she might tell and you don't want that memory. Just her tone and face when she told me... I had nightmares last night. Nightmares just from what she experienced, how her life has been. Ciara has been about to kill herself just to escape from that, aware that her God would punish her with eternal suffering, and she believes that Sir was sent by our Gods to save her.
We as Shieldmaidens were largely employed instead of male warriors, so that Ciara would be protected and feel safe. Remember Iselin's words about how Sejdmann Arnesson was, so we would seek the service, and just think about how we sleep here compared to the ship or tavern. Sir would never allow any man to sleep in the same room as Ciara or Iselin. They slept in Sir's ships cabin so he could keep them safe, not because they had sex, and he gave them sleeping dresses so they had privacy. Should any man have to sleep here in the house one night, I'm convinced that Iselin and Ciara immediately would move in to Sir's bedroom, even if it meant letting them sleep in his bed. Ciara only sleeps well in Sir's presence, whether we are there or not. She wish that he snored, so she at least could hear him and feel safer."
It's just to much for Bodil. Who does something like that for an abused and raped slave woman? Many wouldn't even look away but instead participate, because it's 'just a slave woman'. Many women think that they're the lowest slave too, and the Gods wouldn't have given them such a fate if they didn't deserve it. Such lives usually continue in misery until they happen to die, or until they take their own lives. They are not saved and treated like noble women by powerful men.
"By the way, have you heard of Iselin's agreement?"
Bodil has not heard of any agreement, so she just slowly shakes her head.
"Iselin quickly mentioned the agreement, as she wanted me to know. Apparently she was also a slave until the days before we met - born slave, and also in the service of that swine Jarl Steinnes in Kambsnes - you sleep better not knowing, and just be happy that we never went and sought service there. But Iselin was so much better off than Ciara and was given to Sir as his reward for that impressive sejd we've heard about."
All that hate towards Jarl Steinnes makes Bodil curious, but she trusts Alith.
"But Sir wanted someone to trust as his personal maid, who could protect his secrets and who could help him with the transition to life here. But a slave can be beaten, raped, etc, by others and it will only be silver for it legally, if something even happens. You know how it can be even with free women, if there is a powerful Storman or Jarl involved. We both remember Mildri. So Sir wrote an agreement with Iselin, where she agreed to serve him well for 5 years, and as if it weren't short enough can be shortened by Sir - which he certainly will - and then Iselin is a free woman without reservations for all time to come. No ordinary free-neck, whose children are still in debt to the old master, must obey and vote in Ting as the master, and so on. Not Iselin, and not even during the agreement. He freed her so that during these 5 years she could have the protection of the law from others and from him. He made sure she have a document he don't want to know the location of, as to guarantee her protection against himself. Have you ever heard of something like this?"
Bodil can only slowly shake his head - it's a lot to take in. What man in power would weaken himself so much because he cares about others, especially slave women? Unfortunately, several powerful women don't differ much there either.
"I just realised something. There is a really important part of that agreement. Iselin isn't allowed to own slaves while serving Sir. They instantly becomes his if she buys or gets one. Considering all the rest I believe that the more power Sir feels over someone, the more responsible he feels for their well-being, and the more protective he becomes. We've never seen Sir do any kind of real sejd, and he avoids it. You've seen how controlled he is, and you said he didn't show the least bit of fear or worry standing in front of the King. I think Sir really didn't see the King as powerful, compared to himself. He might be kind to everyone because to him there isn't much difference between a slave and a King in power. I think he's so controlled because he has to be, because he is too powerful. He might be afraid of what his power could do if he got drunk, or started to use sejd because it was the easy way, so he won't abuse any power. That's why he doesn't even touch Ciara without asking, and that might be why he wants to start that Academy. He feels responsible for the future of all Elves."
That is one hell of a scary thought, but it becomes clearer to Bodil why Sir wouldn't use Galdr with such an attitude. To spellbind someone would be contrary to Sir's core principles, and it's no wonder that Freya really blesses Sir. Bodil doesn't have to worry about Sir looking down on Alith because they were intimate, or will lure her to bed. She needs to worry about Alith giving herself to Sir, because she is very well aware of her outspoken friend's beliefs, dreams, fantasies and what she's attracted to when it comes to men.
"So, I don't want to hear any comments that Sir is a lustful man and that he would force himself on someone. We swore an oath to protect Sir, his property and his honor, and you have unknowingly just insulted it. We both have. We're guilty of that, in several ways, against our Sir. But Sir is a better man than we knew, and I will protect his honor and glory even against you."
There's an unpleasant silence between them, and Bodil can only agree. They have both had preconceived notions about Sir, for who would guess the reality? They stare out over the farm, the fields and the people who work. Many slaves and some free men and women. Finally, Alith breaks the unpleasant silence between them, with an unpleasant thought:
"During these two weeks we will be here... How many Sir's, guards or just general men do you think would have forced themselves on one or more of the slave women who work here? How many times will it happen while we are here by others on this farm?"
The silence continues for several minutes while they watch the life and movement of the farm. Finally, Bodil asks:
"Why doesn't Sir just free Ciara or give her the same agreement as Iselin, and give Ciara what she dreams about?"
None of them come up with an answer to that. After several minutes, Alith sighs and a little hesitantly and resignedly say:
"Maybe he's just blind to the obvious like many men, and just haven't thought about it?"
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That guild really know how to sew things, and seem to have many who work for them. I didn't expect to see four different models - one or two yes - but apart from a sports bra for work or for warrior women, there's a 'normal' everyday bra in linen, one in really nice silk or something like that, with small embroidery, lace, ruffles and patterns. How did they get made it in a day? They must have had prepared ribbons and fabric they could use, but then again, it's probably something to do while waiting for work. The last bra model Alith's rightly proud of as a design proposal from her, but Iselin says that they where many women who collaborated when they understood the purpose. Front opened and made to make women feel luxurious, and men to drool. Alith proudly says that she named it 'Valhalla', because the man who sees it thinks he got there, and unlike wrapped breasts, there is an easily opened front clasp.
Iselin happily model a fine model in dark blue, and it's a revelation to see her in it, matching the gold necklace with blue stones that she normally wears, and framed by her beautiful long red hair. Her intense eyes are drilling into my soul, and I'm happy that I'm sitting down. But Iselin then switches to the everyday model, just like Ciara. Alith and Bodil are happy with sports bras. I'm happy that it works, and that I've hopefully introduced another good thing in this world for women that can help relieve back problems. If it helps with future sagging breasts or not, I have no idea.
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I sit leaned back and think about how to puzzle between the maps, exactly what covers what, when Alith knocks and ask if she can have a quick word. Sure. So Alith comes in, and leans back against the table with a sinful smile and a bare upper body with only her Valhalla bra in bright red, framed by her blue-gray braid hanging down in front over her shoulder.
Damn. They are perfect at my eye level and I can only stare as I appreciate the view.
"If it works that well on someone who has seen them before, it might cause shock death in other men. Maybe I should have called it Hel instead...". Alith puts on her tunic again before she goes out to the others. I just look after her, and there may be something in it. It's again lucky that I am sitting down.