Borgarsandr, day 13

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Iselin's special way of waking me up is still appreciated even though it is hardly needed. I hope that she doesn't feel any performance anxiety or so since Ciara became my concubine and how loud she was. The wet sound increases and I wake up, become drowsy and relaxed at the same time. Then we're just lying there, as we hug each other. Some day I need to wake Iselin up in a similar way since she loves when I go down on her, but she is a morning person and I'm morning zombie the first hour, or two.

I will try to keep sex between me and Ciara to once or twice a month or so. It will be more complicated when Kari becomes my concubine as well, but it will at least take a while before I have sex with her too. I hope. I don't really trust my ability to say 'no'. I haven't told Ciara about Kari, and I don't think anyone else has either, but I don't think it will be a big problem for Ciara, because she was first.

Ciara will know that she was special in that way, but it feels a bit dishonest that she is honored to be the first that I have offered to be my concubine. I can guess the reaction that modern Swedish women would have had to such an offer. But Ciara now has her position secured, and I have a concubine - forever. I suspect she really means forever, and for the rest of my life, Ciara will always be there - always available and willing. No matter what. It might really mess my head up, and the chances are high that I will have two wives in a couple of years.

No pressure.

Polygamy plus. I know it's a lot of my upbringing and the world I grew up in that makes me dislike it, because we've all been indoctrinated by our upbringing. But upbringing sets the standards and it can be difficult to break. Polygamy also exists in my world, and here it is the norm among powerful men and women. A rich or powerful man should have at least two wives or a wife and a concubine, to show that he is rich or powerful, and I should be grateful that I already have met the minimum and we've had time to choose each other. But social rules and norms ingrained since childhood are deeply set.

Humans birth is about 50/50 men-females, and there are several studies that make it clear that one man / one woman is best for social stability, and for the stability of the region when all men have a chance of a woman and family. Then there are also studies whose result are politically incorrect that explain why it tends to be distorted, especially in a world like this without a social safety net or food for the day. It is generally the average woman who wins in a polygamous relationship in a resource-poor, uneven society. The average man looses and goes without a wife, or gets a less desirable wife. Polygamy also increases violence in society, and violence against women, when other factors are removed. The unpleasant truth is that men have built and ruined civilizations, created masterpieces or done amazing things and great feats, largely driven to it so that women will say 'yes' to them. And if that don't work, or they have low morals? Violence.

Not everything is influenced by modern media, and both women and men here dye their hair blonde and try to look good, probably to appear younger when the rest of the body is covered in unflattering clothes for large parts of the year. Long hair on the head is attractive because it grows slowly and is a sign of something that takes time to care for, and has luster if the person is healthy and young. Light coloured eyes are easier to read if the person seems interested and attracted. It is not the narrow waist in itself that's important, but the body proportions to try to assess a woman's fertility by eyesight. Large breasts don't produce more milk, but they will be more affected by age and hang more, as well as provide better body shape proportions. Female fertility symbols from ancient times often have excessive body shape and large breasts, while males have excessively large phalluses, ie the penis. Tall big strong men find it easier to get a partner because it feels safer and more secure for the woman regardless of reality. There isn't as much cosmetics, any plastic surgery or opportunities here as modern Midgård, but both sexes do the best they can to look attractive. Here, however, is the addition that a little body fat and obesity is seen as well nourished on both men and women. Someone who has plenty of food for each day, but excessive obesity is looked down upon. So I have that working in my favour.

There are many studies in Midgårds modern world, with women in modern times, that many women would rather be one of several women who share a desirable man, than have a less desirable man as their own. It is suppose to be a combination of attractiveness, ensuring their own position and rich life, make it safer for their children to grow up prosperous and achieve success, and so on. If it happens to include other women and their children - so be it. There are of course exceptions and everyone is individuals with their own opinions and feelings, but successful men often have wives and children, as well as mistresses. Clichés are clichés for a reason.

How many such men have not been found out? Even leading religious men and politicians who should put the family first and have strong values? The same little animal instincts that make us afraid of darkness and heights, poke them in the back of the head and make them look for mistresses or other relationships. Because they can, or because women are attracted to them or their status, which gives them opportunity. Those men know it's idiotic and political suicide, but hormones and instincts control more than we want, and in a world like Alfheimr without the mass media and religion saying no, I'm not surprised. Honestly, society here push in the other direction.

I haven't dreamed of having a threesome - which may sound weird to some men - but to me it sounds difficult. It is simply about performance anxiety and fairness, because can I really satisfy two women at the same time and can I be fair and give both the same attention? How big is the risk that two women will be disappointed, when a single woman otherwise had been satisfied? When my deep-rooted attitude to fair play and being fair mess with sexual fantasies, most men would probably want to give me a slap in the back of the head, followed by a 'Man the fuck up!'

But we are, who we are.

I didn't think I could relax and just indulge in lust. Which I can't, but it was easier than I thought it would be; the night with Iselin and Disa showed that, but it helped that they both helped each other. I can't expect that in any future threesome, so it's better to keep sex separately, and more privately. It isn't like a threesome was that much more awesome than with the right enthusiastic woman. My continued philosophizing is interrupted when Iselin wants to hear more music, and how could I say no to that?

The group Era's old songs will probably end up among her favourites. Iselin doesn't really know how to react to the variations in Jinjer 'Pisces', but growling is definitely not to her taste, and she has a hard time understanding a woman can make such a sound. I almost want to showing her the video so she can see it really is the same woman. Oh, man! Talking about posting Iselin reaction videos on Youtube would have been entertaining. An Elvish woman from the Viking Age.

'Hells Bells' seems to work quite well and she likes the guitar sound and the different voice. Sissel Kyrkjebø's 'O helga natt (O holy night)' in Swedish makes her stare in surprise at her arm, which becomes lumpy and she have a beautiful smile, so I pretend to sing along in some parts and play the fool to make her smile more. I wish I had more songs in Swedish or Norwegian with me, as she do understand some of it. Evanescence 'My Immortal' also appeals to her but doesn't give the same reaction. She doesn't understand lyrics but she likes how it sounds, and I know that feeling because I have lots of songs where I don't know the language but still like the song. However, I have often googled the lyrics and meaning and read translated lyrics.

'Ohne Dich' she recognized as the same singer and language as her favourite expression 'Ich will'. I explain that 'Ohne Dich' means 'without you' and a bit of what the man sings. I don't know all the German words myself, but the lines I can interpret hit her hard. Come to think of it, I probably actually have that video on my tablet. I don't have many music videos on my tablet but I do have about 20 older, or sometimes newer as I dump the video to MP3 a song. I also think 'My immortal' might be there. Maybe that is a good way to show Iselin a little from my world. Good song and video without crazy modern things in it. A standard pop or rap video? Nope. So much Nope. So I tell Iselin that it is common for those who are musicians to record a performance, a small theater show, which she doesn't know what it is, so I explains it is a type of saved musical performance. Some are just so the musicians want to show off being cool, brag or so, but some tell a story with pictures instead of with text in a book, and 'Ohne Dich' is one of them and I think I have it with me.

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Asks if she wants to see a little of my world, and she furiously nods. First I take out my little compact camera, and she recognise it. So I use it to show how it saves memories. She is so shocked when I take a selfie of us and show it to her. She turns her head and gently turns the camera, and I show that it is possible to zoom into the image. We take a couple more. I put it in film mode and she is even more impressed, and there is a short explanation why she doesn't sound as she her herself, while I sound like she's used to hearing. Then I show her some of the previous pictures I took, and go back further and further. Some I should have remembered that I took and of whom, but she just smile a little and get embarrassed. She likes several of those I took on the boat and our journey and recognises the places and occasions, especially the one where they all sit in the bow and she understands what I mean by saving memories.

The pictures of her and Disa give her a sinfully wide smile, and she definitely likes and understand how pictures keep memories alive. She understands that I continue to go further back past where I met her and Disa, see the ship and the north arrows on the stone when I made them. Hildifjoer. The mountains and nature, and see me lying in my tent. Pictures from the hike I did. I show that there are short recordings when I talk into the camera. Aurora and the colors of the sky. The approaching storm. She hugs me and just lies and takes in everything, with eyes that are moist with tears as I continue showing her pictures and recordings of my hike, making food and the nature.

I show a picture of Dyranut where I started and she sees the funny road going far across the high lands, big houses with big windows and the strange carriages with people in the background and I quickly explain roads and cars and Iselin understands why I can't ride. That Midgård has such roads over mountains and where they wind their way up ravines and through huge tunnels! We continue looking and see a picture when I sit on a bus and take a picture backwards that shows it is otherwise empty. She comments that the bus is so incredibly big and comfortable, and has a hard time understanding that it doesn't have horses pulling. There is a short movie and pictures out of the buses front window. It's moved by sejd and goes so incredibly fast. I took most pictures with the DSLR camera so I know there will not be more before the first time triggering selfie at my car when I was waiting for the first bus. I stand there with my backpack in front of my Volvo. You can see the village and the houses on the mountainside in the background. Different but not too different.

I kiss and hug my fiancée Iselin and asks if she wants to watch that music video and she nods. So I pick up the tablet, boot it up as she looks at it in amazement and I show the black plastic backside and so on. Iselin wonders who the woman is I have as a background image, if it's an old girlfriend, which I didn't consider. It's Scarlett Johansson's 'Silken floss' from 'The Spirit' movie I edited a bit and removed the text over her cheek and so on. It is only a part of her face you see, most of the background is completely black and along the sides for icons. I've used it, or a blue-purple variant of 'The Matrix' screen with shapes instead of characters, for the last 20 years, because there are almost always lots of windows open in the middle and I want good contrast on icons and text. I dislike having programs in full screen mode, unless it is a game. Those to pictures have just become the norm, and normally I just change the background for Christmas where I have often had one on a troll who clubbed down Santa and stolen the Santa hat and presents, or a couple similar with silly Christmas themes.

So I just reply that it's a picture I like the look of and how her face fades from the darkness. Iselin jerks back as she tries to touch Scarlett's face, touches the screen and things happen. I shouldn't laugh but I can't help it. So I explain that you can control the tablet by touching the screen and have to explain what glasses are that Scarlett wears. Iselin thinks Scarlett's so beautiful, and no matter how she moves her head, she seems to look at her all the time. Since she seen the camera, I shows that it is possible to take pictures with the tablet too, and she loves to see herself and makes faces and smiles at us, and plays with the small delay the picture has compared to a mirror. She gets completely stunned when I show that I have recorded us and she gets to see and hear herself again.

I start the 'Ohne Dich' video. She sees other men like me; hairy with similar packing for a hike going up into the mountains. The cuts to change scene is strange, and require an explanation, but they're not too bad and she accepts that it is a way to tell the story faster and from different views. Iselin screams when Till Lindemann falls backwards and lies there, so I pause and lay down the tablet on the screen and I say it's just theater, they pretend, it is not real.

Alith comes rushing in with a drawn axe and looks for threats, with Bodil close behind, but they see us just lying there in bed. I comfort Iselin that everyone is alive, no one was hurt, it's a fictional memory, but it ends a little sadly. It didn't really happen. They pretend for the Saga. That confuse Alith even more, so I say everything is alright; Iselin was just scared by something and she confirms, so a little hesitant Alith leaves the room after looking around one extra time, including checking under the bed and out the window.

As the moron I sometimes am, I hadn't considered that Iselin would interpret it that way. She has only seen what I call memories of my own journey and those pictures and movies happened, and it is too reminiscent of the video. Of course she would think these are memories from Rammstein's hike, from something that happened. So I hug and calms her and eventually ask if she wants to keep seeing. Should I start over? Iselin nods, and say 'yes'. Iselin silently cries through the second half of the video and clings to me and looks sideways at the screen, and I also slightly weep because I too connect with the story. Sometimes I'm too sensitive, and empathy is a damn feeling. A few minutes later she asks if we can see it again. This time it's far easier, but it doesn't help that I translate some of the lyrics. I think it's her favourite song along with Cecilia Vennerstens. Luckily, or sadly, I don't have any other Rammstein videos on the tablet, and she's only heard 'Ich will'. So far.

I discover I have Within Temptation's 'Dangerous' and 'Memories'. Dangerous with wingsuits is not suitable but Memories is a song she has already heard. To prepare her, I explain that it too is a sad video, but warns her what the video contains from what I remember of it; that it is about an old woman who returns to the house where she was in her youth, dreams back to her time as a young woman and sings about how she misses her husband who is now dead. That 'memories' she sings about means that it is her memory that keeps her dead husband alive inside her heart and soul. Everything is made up and pretend, but it will look like sejd when broken things become whole again. But it is a beautiful song.

Iselin so badly wants to see it and promises not to scream, and bites the blanket. I didn't even consider that there is a bit of title text etc that appears but it makes it easier for Iselin to accept that it is made up. She comments that Sharon is 'so beautiful', and loves her clothes, and draws her breath when things fall backwards and become whole. Iselin is so impressed by the huge mirror and hugs her own necklace when Sharon gets her necklace in the video and holds her necklace for the rest of the video. She kisses me and mumbles that no matter what happens in the future, she will always remember this, and I can't help thinking I am much older than her and will probably die long before her, so she will be like the woman in the video. Stupid choice of video. Stupid tears. But she wants to see it again, and the second time we cry together. Iselin still have not let go of her necklace, but she comments that the men aren't as hairy as me - a couple are bald and one has only hair in the middle - as she caresses my beard.

I need a better video before we are both crying wrecks, but 'Lok står när de andra faller (Lok stands when others fall)'... Nope. Thank goodness I have 'Shadows' with Lindsey Sterling too, and it works better, in part because it's black and white, and soon Iselin is lying down but still trying to dance to the music. She really likes the beat and the violin. Time to stop for today. Well, after replaying Shadows once more.

Iselin seems to really want to be able to dance like Lindsey and try after she gets out of bed, while she hums. That is a memory I will have for a long time, and I quickly film a bit. Iselin is naked with her long hair flying about, as she tries to dance like Lindsey. She realises it doesn't go well, and is a little annoyed that I have a hard time not laughing, but we embrace and kiss and when I work my way further down and go down on her, my apology is accepted, even if most of the sounds from her mouth turn into unintelligent sounds and she hugs my hair between her fingers. This is a good morning.

It's a hassle as usual to fill the bath barrel with water, but we bathe together, which is nice even if the bath barrel is small. Iselin likes when I clean her and takes time with her hair, massages her back and neck and soaps her in, and in the end it becomes a mixture of cleansing, tickling of feet and sensual caressing of legs and other body parts with a lot of kissing involved, but it doesn't becomes more than that. Very good morning, and when we get out she puts her hair up in two long ponytails much like Lindsey had, but far longer.