"I don't know if you noticed, but in this world men don't really grow big beards or mustasches and have very little to no bodyhair except eyebrows and head, and as far as I know, females have no bodyhair at all except eyebrows and head. Elf women are pretty much waxed everywhere without doing anything - trust me, I've really checked. Oh stop giggling; you right now have more bodyhair then most men, and they won't like it since you're more manly than them. If you want to be seen as feminine you might have to fullbody wax - with their technology."

Oh-yes, she isn't going to enjoy that.

"Not liking that idea? Thought so. Anyway. Their male Gods have lots of bodyhair. The two main male Gods Oden and Thor here have big beards, chest full of hair and hairy arms and so on - don't ask me why. I thought their Gods would reflect their image, not our worlds image, but since women don't have any hair it might just be a magnification of that. The consequence is that bodyhair is manly as hell. Being tall and muscular is also attractive, but thats pretty much the same in our World.

The third and last main God is the Goddess Freya, and she is the main magic user of the Gods, and she's the female goddess over sex, love, magic, war and death. Female deity of everything important except the harvest, which is her twin brother Freyr, and the goddess Siv, married to Thor."

"Freyr and Freya? Fantastic naming sense."

"Yes. A name ending in A is usually the feminine form, while ending in R is masculine. There are exceptions, like female names ending in 'dr', but sometimes it just feels like they slap it on to make a point, like a few of their nine worlds end in 'heimr', with an R in the end thats actually pronounced. Its a mans world." Jane rolls her eyes. "Anyway; Oden is pretty much the wise, powerful and cunning old man getting information from his raven spies Huginn and Muninn, while his son Thor is the warrior and manliness ideal, and yes; he is the god of thunder and lightning. Loke is the trickster god, Njord is the sea god, Skadi is the goddess of winter, mountain, skiing and hunting. There's plenty of other Gods and all kinds of beings, but I havn't really learn it all, like how they're related. I'm an atheist.

Their religion doesn't have a Christian Hell, but they have Helheimr and Niflheimr. You end up there if you die in sickness, from age, or is considered a coward or dishonorable, a murderer, niding and so on. There is no Devil. Their religion considers the underworld quite unimportant and they hardly talk about it. Its a cold, dark bad place and you just don't want to end up there. Some say there is a woman called Hel there, but she isn't a goddess and have no power, and she's accumulating undead for the battle at the end of the world. Their mythology have something called 'draugr', undead intelligent revenants, super zombies, hanging about burial places and such.

The Goddess Freya - not Oden - gets the first pick of warriors dying in battle to take them to Folkvang which is kind of Heaven with optional fighting, after that its Odens turn taking those he want to Valhalla, which is feasting with fighting while waiting for the battle at the end of the world. The point is that you live on after death, and have a good life.

But you can get to Folkvang without dying honorable in battle, if Freya deems your worthy. And that is really important and probably the primary reason why Freya is such a damn powerful goddess here, because it gives everyone who isn't a warrior a way to the good afterlife. So women aim for that - along with craftsmen, artists, poets and musicians, since Freya is also the patron of beautiful things like art, poetry and music. To be honest, it kind of fits that people try to impress the most powerful female goddess with her own Heaven to let them in."

Jane snorts and laughs. "Sorry, I can't stop imagining the big badass viking blacksmith kneeling and badly singing a song, while offering flowers and a box of chocolate to Freya, hoping to enter heaven. 'Please? Pretty please?!'"

"Hey, if it works!" Jane giggles. "Although as the goddess of war and death too, she would probably appreciate a nice sword or spear more."

"Then she havn't experienced good chocolate. I'm not religious either and I don't believe in any God, but I kind of like their religion. Nothing about living pious, chaste and following the commandments. Live honorably, and either die well in battle, or you impress the goddess enough. Wait! She's the goddess of love and sex too! Oh boy!" Jane eagerly claps her hands a few times in excitement.

"Their religion is fuzzy about a lot of details, since they don't have a bible or a centralized church. But hey; maybe prostitutes have it easy to get to Folkvang. The culture here sure as hell don't see sex, sodomy, promiscuity or debauchery as a sin when it comes to the afterlife." Jane has a wide grin. "To get back on topic. They do believe in magic and men really avoid having sex with any woman that knows sejd since 'they get power over them'. It's ironic that a lot of devout sejd women are probably pretty sexually frustrated virgins, who's only hope of a family is adopting unwanted children, and they worship the goddess of sex and love which they don't get. Sejdwomen are the safest from being raped."

"So, I just need to pretend to do magic - sejd - and I'm safe?!"

"Just understand that its permanent and for life, and if you get a man in bed he will probably deny it, or believe you bewitched him and so on."

"Yesh! I don't wanna be burned as a witch! How will painting be seen?"

"I don't think it will be a problem here in the north, as art, woodcarving, and such is a craft, and they do beautiful lifelike woodcarvings of people and animals. There is no taboo about it that I know about, so just tell the story right from the start. About avoiding rape, just be careful and stay in our company. If you ever is afraid that you're close to being raped, try to make a show. Say that you're a human that Freya brought here to teach art, show your ears and body hair, and pretend that Freya's always watching you and their terrible fate will be told of in Sagas, and they will probably beg for forgiveness before you can start cursing them in English. Hell, unless you wax down there, most men would probably run away screaming." Jane contently smile and seems happy with that plan, which apparently, isn't something she had thought about. "Remind them that Freya strongly believe that sex for a woman should be voluntary, as that is the reason rape toward women is really looked down upon, but not rape of a man who should protect himself and his women."

"But they rape women all the time!"

"They don't see it as rape if you have to prove your manliness or honor, or in a marrige, even if its a forced relationship with an unvilling woman. Then again, marital rape wasn't a crime even in most modern western countries until 1980s, and still isn't an enforced law in many countries or cultures that have those laws. The low barrier for what's classified as rape, who has the burden of proof and openess about reporting it, and far less religious pressure, is the reason why Sweden has one of the highest rape statistics in the world. Each instance of sexual violence in a case is also counted separately. EU's own survey actually placed both Finland and Denmark higher of the Scandinavian countries, and they have something like a fifth or even less cases in their official statistics."

"I didn't know that."

"Yeah, statistics lie and its absurd when you just look at selected numbers, collected in different ways, which is what morons or people with an agenda usually do, since Sweden have about 600 times more rapes per capita than a country like Egypt."

"Oh, thats bollocks! My parents didn't even let me travel there with friends, without a 'friend of my father' comming along."

"I don't know how many actually get sentenced for rape, but its far less than it should be in every country. In some ways rape is one of the worst crimes, partly due to victim shaming, and then add that the perpetrator is often known or close to the victim, and gets away with it. Our world is a bad place, and this world is worse.

The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

Anyway, slaves don't count, but many don't see them as much more than cattle, although there is difference levels of statuses among slaves, depending on how you became a slave, what work or skills you have, and other things. There's differences in being born as a slave, taken as a slave in a raid, sentenced to slavedom for a time versus for life and why you were sentenced, voluntarily becoming a slave to pay a debt and so on, and there's levels in each. Like if your mother is a slave - your born as a slave. But who is your father? Another slave, or a rich man? What religion do you have? Who is your owner and how does your owner treat you? Are you a skilled craftsman slave, hardworking miner, farmhand or a bedslave?"

"Bedslave? I assume thats what I think?"

"Yes, thats a literal translation. Usually young and pretty, that does easier work and have bed duties, for the owner or for his or hers other workforce. They might actually be very well treated, and if her owner makes her pregnant she might be freed, so that the child will be born free. If you ever see a slave woman with a pretty pendant in her neckring; she is important for her owner, and often a bedslave if she is young. People assumed Ciara was my bedslave, when I just wanted to make her feel special and beautiful. But some are pretty much seen as a working body to be abused. They have some really harsh words, thats hard to translate. If I were a real bastard I could buy a new bedslave woman each month, to abuse however I wanted, for the rest of my life, no matter how depraved or ruthless it might be, especially if I kept it discreet, which wouldn't be that hard here. As long as I didn't outright kill them it wouldn't even be against the law here, and I can literally write the law in my kingdom, and I decide how it is used.

I won't do that, and its more than likely that any slave I do end up having close by will be treated well, and since I'm a ruler that will elevate them in status. Some slaves live better and have more respect than free people, and they do expect slaves to become free and integrate into their society, even if it takes a generation or two. And unless sentenced to be a slave - slaves can buy their freedom. Slave status isn't as black and white as you might expect, and in many ways slaves here have a better life and future than black slaves in USA did before the civilwar. I've never seen a black elvish slave here, but they do exist. There is atleast one in Borgarsandr.

I didn't think there would be much actual prostitution here, considering a man might force himself on his slaves, but every man doesn't have a female slave, and its a status thing too. Paying for a prostitute is just sex and more honorable, and its pretty much seen as respecting your women and household, even if you pay for a sexslave. Going into town to the feasthall with your male friends and ending up with a prostitute is just being manly, and sharing a sexslave or prostitute also happens."

"'Hey, lets go down to the pub, get drunk and rape a sexslave.' Very honorable." Jane is dripping sarcastic, before she sighs and with a little resigned shrug continues: "I guess I should have expected that, since that happens in our world."

"Yeah, just not as open. Its something a man might treat his male workers or slaves to, to make them happy and so they stay of his women and female slaves. For the common man, paying for a prostitute or sexslave is safer than flirting with a free woman or getting her pregnant, and paying more for a free woman prostitute is a form of bragging and declaring your higher status. And of course its the variety and choice too." Jane again rolls her eyes. "Women visit the same feasthalls, to just meet friends, feast or hook up with men. As a brit just think of feasthalls as pubs and its quite the same. Most visits doesn't end in sex. My guards have feasted, and two visited Borgarsandr the night before last, although I don't know if they hooked up with anyone, since its their private life. They got home the same evening. Two of them should have done so last night, but the weather was bad, and your arrival means they won't do it tonight."

Jane give me a look that I find hard to interpret, so its time for a subject change.

"Subject change. Beside the afterlife, Freya is the goddess all female warriors, women that wants power or powerful men, all magic users and everyone that want sex, or be better at sex or love, idolize, pray and sacrifice to most of the time, and most other females pray to her just because she's powerful. As far as I get it, Freyas ideal man is a powerful magic user, wise, knowledgeable, a good warrior, craftsman and of course manly, good looking and good in bed.

In that mix of beliefs I stumbled in, not knowing any of it, pretending to be a wise, powerful magician. I'm a Sejdmann confirmed by the King, and that has never happened before. I'm older and therefor wiser, lots of knowledge, healthy, well feed tall male, good teeth, very impressive manly beard and too much bodyhair, and rich. I guess you figured it out - it took me until I was told. I'm attractive as hell to a lot of women here.

Who would have guessed? I have been living alone for the last decade, havn't had a girlfriend for years because I havn't even tried since the last time, so it really messes with my mind having all these sexy elf women wanting to have sex with me. From young to old. I'm getting use to it and getting better at ignoring it, but its really weird when young jailbait elf women just stare slack jawed if they see me without a longarmed shirt on, and try their damnedest to flirt and signal me to 'take them' by stroking my leg or groin. Or a powerful attractive elf milf give me great gifts to convince me to stay, or try to blackmail me to have sex with her. When I was demonstrating the lifepreserver in my shorts on a beach? I was the boothbabe, and there were many women in line. There's even a stupid rumour that I'm a halfgod and Freya is my mother, or Thor is my father, which doesn't exactly make me less desirable. Denying the rumours doesn't help."

Jane grins and laughs, before something pops into her mind: "Is that how you got that land in Norway?!"

"Yes." Jane bits her lips and tries to stop herself from laughing. "Jarl Myrun Skiringe also tried to convince me to build my Academy there by telling me about all the land she owned adjacent, and she insisted on showing it to me personally."

Jane laughs: "You! Shagged! Her! No man say 'no' to 'huge tracts of land'." Jane grins at her ingenious double entendre, until she realizes something. "Oh! I bet she gave you more land going back, after your romp in the woods."

"You loose that bet. But yes; the longhouse bed had clean blankets, pillows and so on when we got there, and it was a vacant farm."

"What?! Are you a lousy shag?"

"Whats with these questions?! And no."

"Ungrateful bitch! Oh. I need to stop doing that."

"Yes, although when speaking English with me in private is fine by me. It nice being treated like a person, instead of a damn Lord. Jarl Skiringe suggested that a 'strong personal connection' to the local ruler would benefit my Academy, and started laying the groundwork for a marrige. Alith can confirm, she was my only guard."

"So... is she a lesbian?"

It's clear what Jane's trying to imply, so it's best to stop those thoughts. "Nope. Well, I don't think so. Shieldmaidens have this very sensible rule that they don't have sex with their Lord. So they continue being a guard, and Lords don't expect Shieldmaidens to have bed duties. There's no such rules for male warriors guarding female widowed Ladies, but obviously the Lady is still in charge."

"Pfh! Typical!"

"Anyway! Me being a Sejdmann have become a problem on so many levels. No man would currently work for me as a guard, even though I'm a Furst, because I'm a Sejdmann and they might get tainted by association. No man would want to work as my servant, doing unmanly things for an unmanly man and so on. Just offering that work to a man will be insulting. It needs to be something thats manly and not too close. Women on the other hand is the opposite. They're serving or associating with their Goddess favourite male, brought to Alfheimr by her. They have carefully warned me that some women will see sex with me as a form of praying and being blessed by Freya, which is ironic when men don't dare to have sex with sejdwomen. There's plenty of double standards here."

Jane finds everything very entertaining, but even her hand clamped against her mouth can't stop her from giggling and replying: "Oh, God! You're not trying to make a harem! Their culture and religion is forcing a harem on you; an anti-social awkward nerd! Because you're pretending to be a magician! No wonder Iselin crawled in to your bed, Ciara was desperate that you didn't want her, or that Kari started scheming to become your wife the moment she could! They're shagging their Goddess messiah, and are sure to go to heaven!"

"It's not funny - but partly true. It also doesn't help that I'm a modern western man that try to be polite and a gentleman, and its automatic that I'm too kind and treat everyone nicely, including lower status women and slaves. The women take it as flirting, when I just don't want to be rude."

Jane continues to giggle, but it feels good to lighten my heart. Alith looks quite confused, so I reassure her there is nothing to worry about, I just said something funny when I informed Jane about the world, religion, law and sejd, so she hopefully avoids more serious mistakes, and we're learning a little about each other and our experiences here, and how it could have gone. It feels so good to vent to someone who can really understand, when no one else understands the language. However, its best if I change the topic a bit.