Midwinter calling, day 33
A moments talk
This morning suck as I have a headache and feel nauseous. Åsa is very worried that it is the food they prepared and she feels guilty, but it could just as well be the journey here or that it just happened to happen today. If I don't feel better quickly, we will travel back tomorrow instead. Again few daylight hours decide my pace and life, and I really dislike that. Yes, horses see better at night and we could drive slowly since we do have storm lanterns with reflectors on the wagon, but is not an ideal situation. An improvised antenna helps us connect with Gunhild, and it's definitely nice that it works, and in the future I should upgrade the carriage with a proper antenna. After that I spend the time in bed, and I just want to be left alone. The others take it literally, and since Jane really wants to see Maurr's mansion, the others join her. Åsa, Elin and the maid are to fetch animals and have other work to do outside like the vegetable garden. Bresir and the craftsmen have been given a day off, as well as a small reward for a good job so far. So apart from Alith sitting in the armchair by the stairs reading a book, the Inn is empty and pleasantly quiet.
Argh. I should have brought my small hiking first aid pack with pills.
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My headaches and nausea go away faster than expected, and I hardly complain. The others are still away so I get a little bored, and rummage through my bags to find a slate plate to sketch on. At the bottom I find the bag with sex toys and plugs I hid away so the others wouldn't see. Damn. I forgot to take it out.
Although, I did say that Alith would get to try...
On the way to the toilet, I tell Alith that I'm fine and ask if she wants to 'help me test some silver in the bedroom'. A confused face switch to a growing smile as Alith realise what I really mean, and she puts the book aside and goes to wash herself. When I return back up, Alith is leaning against the window frame with a sinful smile, and there is a bottle of oil along with bottle of cider and two mugs on the table.
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We lie sweaty beside each other as we talk. Alith is depressed at how insanely expensive all the toys are, although she liked knowing the value of the silver when she had it in her, but even the two Ben Wa cost her a little more than a quarter's salary. She just can't spend so much silver on that, but the glass favourite isn't that expensive, and she really like the stacked one and feeling it as we had sex. This is not the time to tell her that I've already have stuff made.
We continue to talk about everything possible; firearms; hunting; navigation; alarm systems; radio; telegraphy. I just lie there in bed under a blanket with my arm around Alith pressed against me, and eventually my fingers starts to play with her breast ring as we talk, to which she don't mind. We have a complicated relationship. My bodyguard and friend, and sometimes with benefits. I stretch to the bedside table and take the plug with the blue jewel and show it to her;
"The three I recently got made don't have red jewels, because I want hers to be special. The first ones were red because Ciara likes red, and it was gold because she deserved it and to match her nipple piercings. The silver one was just an extra but Kari really wanted it. The green and white one will be saved for now, but this blue one is to match the eyes of its intended owner."
Alith turns around and her bright blue eyes look questioningly at me as she wonder;
"Will Kari get another one? Iselin has green eyes and Caecilia has green-grey? Are the other meant for them?"
I just hold up the plug and switch between looking at Alith's questioning blue eyes and the blue crystal a couple of times, then I reach around behind her and slide it into place in Alith's butt, and she has a surprised face when I smilingly reply:
"Alith, you get this plug from me but not because we occasionally have sex. It's because you are my friend and I don't want you to get sick or have problems from using wooden things."
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When we collapse in bed, satisfied and exhausted, we again just lie and recover as Alith rest her body against mine and I caress her back and behind. We should get up and clean up. The chance of the others coming back just increase, but this is nice and if we hear them come I, it won't be hard to give an excuse and the door is locked.
"Alith, this has nothing to do with the plug you just got but I need your help coming up with gift suggestions for Bodil, Gunhild and Hillevi. Something they really want is better than just something expensive, especially if it is difficult to get or they won't be able to get it. It doesn't have to be a thing either. Cost is less important. You know them far better than I do and spend more time with them. The silver plug is already yours and doesn't count."
"I'd love to help you, as long as it's not too expensive. So you already know what to give me?" The curious tone in her voice is obvious.
"There's a chance I do. I know I've actually already given you all so much valuable stuff it's kind of silly, especially considering the time we've known each other and how long you have worked for me. But since the beginning I have not really seen you all as my employees or faceless guards, but more as friends who also protects us. The chain mail was given because my friends Alith and Bodil live a life with a high chance of battle, and I wanted you to be protected. The gifts like the chain mails and the knives are of course expensive, but as I think you understand I don't see their value that way, although you shouldn't expect to often get such expensive things.
It's when something comes up that I think you deserve or should have that it will happen. I would appreciate it if you tell the others too, although I will let them know if I remember to do it. The problem is honestly more about being fair. You are easier to give gifts to than the others because I know you better, in several ways, but I can't give gifts only to you. Especially not things like the plug which I hope you can try to keep secret from the others, though Ciara have know you would get one before I ordered them. I don't want them to think you're my main bodyguard or the Captain of the Guard because of the sex we sometimes have had."
"You are both a good friend and a Sir to serve like no other. But you must be careful about gifts to us and how it is perceived by others, and I really hope you understand that you didn't need to give us anything at all until possibly in the future when our service ends and we have earned it. Do you know how many years of faithful service Gunhild and Hillevi had for King Asbjörn, before they each got their own saddled horse they left to serve your? And remember it is King Asbjörn Aeriksson we're talking about. The King and from one of the richest families in the lands. The knives you gave us are worth more and basically unique, and you gave us them more or less right away instead of waiting. And you expect them to be used and not be decorations or ornaments.
I know you don't truly understand how I would have reacted about being shown and told about a knife like that before I came into your service. That is a gift you get after earning it, otherwise it would be an unobtainable item for a shieldmaiden like me. I would never be rich enough that I would buy something like that, especially not to use it in everyday life, and it is unlikely I would ever be in a position to buy it even if I had the money to spend. Lets not even mention one of those swords. Weapons like those swords are almost never used in battle, because anyone that have a sword like that are important enough to not fight unless something have gone very wrong. If taken in a raid weapons like those doesn't stay in common hands for long.
Whatever you think of it, you have to understand that just gifting us the knifes makes us all feel obligated to earn it afterwards, and that others who hear about them will think we need to earn it. Even if you don't like to hear this, you must understand that with every gift we receive, our 'debt of honour' to you increases. So we don't expect any gifts at all. We guards have talked, even with your sambos, and we all know you don't see it this way, and don't give us expensive gifts to force us into continued service, or try to get any sexual service from it.
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We don't have sex because of the gifts you've given me, and I know you better than to assume so. In the beginning we had sex because you are a charming attractive man, and it was so incredibly hard to stay neutral in the background that night with Liv. I really wasn't prepared for how you have sex with women. No woman will be prepared for that. The next day I was worried about having gone to bed with my Sir, but you behaved as usual and as if nothing had happened. I realised several things when I guarded outside when you and Jarl Skiringe had sex, and later I realised even more. I knew I would succumb to temptation again, and the bathhouse was a big gamble. I've had a sinful fantasy about having sex with my Sir while he was bathing, where I was taken from behind like a slave woman before being sent away to guard duty. I took a chance on you being a really good Sir, and my life with our moments have only gotten better. You have been a so much better Sir than I ever hoped to serve.
The way you reacted from the first time and how you treated us all more as equals and friends than just your guards or employees, and how concerned you were about our health. Plus clothes, bras and so on... None of us could have predicted it.
Our guard service with luxurious living, and everything you have done for us...
Everything you have done and are doing for all Elves...
Robert, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm not alone in believing you feel... anguish that you must have staff, guards, and maids, and you dislike having people like us do such work for you?"
"You're basically right. I'm uncomfortable with it. You know I've lived alone, but that also means that for the last fifteen years I've washed my own clothes, cleaned, shopped, and cooked. It's boring, yes, but I feel bad about someone else taking care of me or 'my shit'. I should do it myself. It's my responsibility to deal with it. I really hate the whole status and Lord thing, and I don't see myself as more important or worth more than for example you, Iselin, Elvira or Hrappr. I can somewhat act the role of being a Furst and I know why I'm more important, and I know how everyone else sees me and you. But it doesn't change how I feel and see myself. Nor do I want to change so much so I do. I will happily admit that it is nice to not have to take care of cleaning, washing and cooking, especially here in Alfheimr where it's a lot more work and harder, but I feel uncomfortable when someone comes and cleans or makes my bed or serves me. I'm trying to get used to it, but it will take time partly because deep down inside I want it to take time to change. How would you feel if I made your bed, cooked your food, and watched over you while you slept?"
Alith just go blank from that idea and it takes time before she responds.
"You really see it that way. Really really believe that we're all the same?"
I just nod.
"I've had this conversation with Iselin, Kari and Ciara before. I know what they said. It doesn't change how I feel. To me, it feels like I'm forcing you to put your lives aside to serve me, even though I know that you don't see it that way. To you, your life here is a great career and success and you love to be here. But I can't just see you all as faceless employees to ignore as part of the background, and frankly I hope I never really do as I will have been corrupted by wealth and power and lost an important part of me. It's important to me that you are people I care about, but that makes it hard to see my friends 'sacrifice' their lives as that they work for me.
That is especially true for you, because I got to know you and Bodil just a week after I came to Alfheimr when the only other people close to me were Iselin and Ciara. I have a much closer and deeper friendship with you for obvious reasons, and we spend much more time together than I do with Bodil. I've made an effort to try and keep it that way with Bodil and the others, even as she's been working on wood and helped with crafts in my workshop. Friends, but not that close. Not so personal. It was hard with Iselin and Ciara too, but they have gradually become more, and have the lives they dreamed of and loves. But you're still 'just' my bodyguard, and the way I see it, I haven't been able to make your life that much better since you are basically living in the background of my life. Even with everything here in the mansion and all the gifts, it doesn't change that."
"Because you value freedom and wouldn't want to live a life like we do. You've said that you worked to earn silver to have a life, not that work was your life."
"Alith, you should know that if you earlier this morning had asked if you could leave my service and buy a piece of land to create a farm on, I would have gifted you that land. I would have been happy to give it to you, so you could go on with your life the way you want it, and try to fulfill your dreams.
Telling you this is almost as hard as when I cancelled Iselin's contract and asked her if she wanted to be my fiancee. She could have said no and left, and still can. I know that telling you this it will probably change our friendship and the situation between us, and I don't want you to become a wife, concubine or kept woman, because I want you as my friend with your own future with your own dreams to follow. And knowing this probably put you under pressure and is uncomfortable for you to know. I don't like myself right now for what I burdened my friend with."
I lie on my back with eyes closed and feel tears run down my cheeks. I feel like a coward for not wanting to see how Alith must be looking at me, because I've noticed how she moved as I talked. Alith slides her leg over me and I feel Alith's soft lips touch mine and her gentle kisses. We've kissed and had our lips and tongues all over each other's bodies, but it is uncomfortable how different this feels. So much more emotion instead of being a part of sex. I feel drops on my face and realise it's her tears joining mine. I see how teary-eyed Alith is, and after another kiss she sniffle before turning around as she glide down beside me again, and she pulls my left arm around her waist as she rests her head on my shoulder. The silence goes on forever as I don't know what to say, but eventually Alith do:
"If you really wanted me as your wife or concubine, you could have easily paid my bride price, and my parents would have been happy about it regardless of what I thought. That applies to almost every woman in this realm. Almost everyone would have been honoured if you took them to be yours. I would have felt highly honoured and happy to be your wife or concubine, and we would have had a good life together. But I am not interested in having you as my husband, although I know that my future husband will never come close to being like you. I love my life right now and it's a dream to be your friend, your bodyguard and to occasional have sex like we've had.
When you asked me if I wanted to help you test silver, that was actually the first time you asked if I wanted to have sex with you, and that was only because we had talked about it in Borgarsandr. You probably didn't think about that until now, and I know you would have accepted a 'no' as the most natural thing. You wouldn't have felt insulted and I wouldn't have had to give any kind of reason for saying no. I realised that while I was standing by the window and waiting for you. It felt good to know for several reasons. I love that I can leave guard duty and enjoy time with my friend Robert, then return to guard duty without any real issues or complications.
Eventually I will leave your service and no longer be your bodyguard - how or when is something for the future to tell - but it won't be for at least a year and a half. Until then, I hope we can continue as we have done and maintain our friendship."
Alith's voice shifts from seriousness to the playfulness I love to see and hear, and she wiggles her butt as she press herself against my body, while moving my hand to grab her breast as she continues to speak:
"I love to feel your latest gift, and I like knowing you really care for me, because I care really deeply for you too and have known since the duel in the harbour. I understand you better now, and no matter how you feel about it, we all love our lives right now. You just have to accept that you are so much more important than us all of us, and that we would gladly give our lives to protect yours and the the others lives. We are honoured to be in your service, and it feels like an insult to take silver for it, even without the gifts. So it feels very good to know how much you care about us too. How much you care about our dreams. I hope we will have sex from time to time, because it gives us an outlet and a sinful secret we both like, and you respect me and our shared secret by never bragging or even implying it to Iselin or others. Also, I just want to add that it feels good to know that not even your beautiful young sexy hóra has replaced me.
The time we just had, where we tried many new sex toys and enjoyed ourselves without them knowing, is precious. But I think it's important for both of us that it doesn't become routine, and it feels good that we share that attitude. When we leave this room, you are my friend Robert, but also my Lord to serve as a guard, and I am your friend Alith, and also your Captain of the Guard and bodyguard. Until next time we get a private moment and it's just friends Robert and Alith enjoying each others company - with or without sex."
I give Alith a kiss and a hug, then we get out of bed. Alith says she's going to clean up what she brought with her, and say I should take a shower. She will also take one. I open the door and it is dead quiet in the Inn. Good. I look back at Alith who is gathering her clothes. The blue crystal sparkles in the sunlight as she bends down, and Alith got a damn sexy body with plenty of curves and muscles. Glass and earthenware are not particularly expensive, so in the future I can surprise Alith with giving her one of those stacked creations.
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