The baker smiled at her. “Welcome,” he said. His spectacles shone brightly in the sunshine streaming through the window. It was such a beautiful day that it was hard to believe that anything bad could possibly be in Aulbert. “What can I do for you?”
“Hello!” Maude replied with a small, awkward smile. “I’m looking for some food that can last up to a week.”
The baker nodded. “Is this all to be eaten during the next week?” he asked.
“Yes,” Maude replied with a small nod back.
“So I would most certainly start you off with a few loaves of bread,” the baker replied, gesturing to some bread he had displayed next to him. “It will keep you fuller for longer, it’s cheaper, and it will tide you over for a few days before it starts getting too hard. Past that, I’d suggest some dried bread and rations. Those are both more expensive, less filling, but they’ll be great for when the fresh stuff goes bad on you.”
Maude nodded at him. “That sounds great. How much will I owe you?”
“It’ll be two gold pieces.”
Maude felt her mouth drop open. “Two gold pieces?” she asked, stunned.
The baker had a sad smirk on his face. “I’ve barely been able to keep up with demand lately, especially today, being one of the last bakeries open in the capitol’s shopping district.”
Maude swallowed bile. “How are other people affording your food?” she asked.
“Other people?” the baker asked. Maude started ruffling through the duffle with the money in it to find two gold coins so that she could pay.
“The non-nobles,” she replied.
“Ah,” the baker said. “There’s almost no one left in these parts. The common folk have either gone to war or left.”
“Oh,” Maude replied, squirming as she placed the two gold pieces on the counter.
“Most of the men have gone to battle in recent weeks,” the baker said, putting the two gold under the counter and beginning to prepare her order. “And most of their wives and children either left when they heard bad news about their husbands, or started leaving a couple of weeks ago when there were rumors flying around that it was possible that Aulbert might lose to the empire.”
“I see,” she replied. “What about you then?” Are you planning to evacuate now that it’s been recommended by the king?”
The smirk on the baker’s face grew. “If I was a woman or a child, I might,” he answered. “But even though I don’t know how to fight, I fully intend on doing what I can for my country. Even if I am just cooking food and baking bread for our troops, that is enough for me. Someone has to do that job whether we are winning or losing.”
Maude shook her head, recalling how terrible cooks some of her men who had died in battle had been. “That’s very true,” she agreed. “But aren’t you afraid of death?”
“Of course I am,” he replied, looking serious. “Have you ever met a human being who’s not afraid of death?”
“Then why do you stay?” she asked.
“Listen, miss,” he said, gently placing her order on the counter between them. “I have three options. I can fight, and potentially die, I can flee like a coward during my country’s time of need, or I can surrender and become one of the empire’s slaves. And the only choice and fate that I like out of the three of those options is to stay and fight. Of course I’m afraid to die. But I would rather die than live in slavery to the empire or live with the guilt of not defending my home to the best of my abilities. The choice is obvious.”
Maude felt a sting of envy at the man. I wish any choice I made was as obvious as he’s trying to make this choice be, she thought. What would I give to find a way to stay in Aulbert and be with Jaspar.
“I understand,” she replied, taking a small step back. “I was just curious.”
“As you have every right to be,” the baker said with a small smile. “I know that I’m like a gardener in a war. But I still want to do something to show my support for my country.”
Maude smiled back at him. “I understand what you mean,” she said. “And I’m sure that they will appreciate your efforts.” She took a couple of steps towards the counter and grabbed the loaves and the rations. “Thank you very much for your service today.”
“Thank you very much for stopping by,” he replied, nodding his head. “I hope that we have the opportunity to cross paths again some day.”
“I hope so as well,” she turned, and headed out of the bakery. The shopping district was still deserted on the outside.
What will this place look like if the empire wins the war and takes over? She wondered. Will they repurpose these buildings? What was it like for the other kingdoms the empire defeated?
Maude’s mind drifted to the baker’s decision. Flee, fight, or surrender, she thought. All of the people I care about have to make the same choice. None of the options are good for anyone, not just me.
She looked around the city, her mind imagining slaves in chains. Is that what it will be like? Will the people who have lived here their whole lives under such freedom be subjected? She thought of Helena and Melissa. Will they even survive a day in that situation?
She swallowed hard, her feelings threatening to boil up and overwhelm her. I can cry and be upset later, she thought. Now is not the time.
She ruffled through her duffle bag that she had just added the food into, until she found the map that Jaspar had created for her. She carefully unfolded it. As he had promised, he had put circles on the places that he had recommended she go to. She noticed that one of them was fairly close to Aulbert’s capitol, and was just over the border out of Aulbert.
She took a deep breath and nodded. “Alright, then,” she said out loud. “To Gardia. Northeast.” She folded the map back up and pulled the compass out of her pocket.
It’s going to be a long walk, she thought. Then, she took her first step.
~
Dusk was falling on Maude’s second day of travel after having left Aulbert’s capitol. The chill of fall had been creeping into the air, and Maude hadn’t even noticed until she’d slept outside on the first night. She had prepared a fire, thinking that it would be enough to keep her warm for the night, and it had not been. She had woken up in the middle of the night, the crickets chirping in the air, shivering. She’d pulled out one of the velvet peasant style dresses and put it on, on top of the clothes she was already wearing to help keep her warmer. It had done the trick. For the short term, at least.
She’d also realized that she and her men should have counted their blessings when they had headed out to war. Not only had the horses been much quicker than it was to walk, but the pain of having ridden a horse for two weeks straight was much less than it was for Maude to have walked for hours for two days straight. She certainly didn’t envy the horse for all the walking that they had to do to move people around. She’d found joy in the calm and stillness of Aulbert’s forests, but was beginning to realize, only after a couple of short days, that she missed people. She’d seen no one, and not even a peep of an animal.
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Perhaps I might have been able to live in complete isolation before I had met all the wonderful people of Aulbert, she thought. Now I’m not so sure it will be possible at all.
Her mind wandered back to when she had been traveling with her men. Every night had meant setting up a huge camp, and cooking for tons of people. At the time, it had seemed like an excessive amount of work for her to coordinate, but the companionship they had provided had been something immeasurable.
I shouldn’t have taken their lives for granted, she thought. I wronged them for seeing them as disposable, as a means to an end.
And the horses, oh how she had complained! Yet from a single full day’s worth of walking, she had been more exhausted than a day’s worth of horseback riding.
Then there’s the issue of food, too, she thought. When I was riding the horse, I knew how quickly we were going to get to our destination. On foot, I have no idea. Did I buy enough food? Did I shortchange myself?
She felt panic rising in her stomach as she continued to stroll forward through the forest. Nope, she thought. I can’t let myself get worked up. I have the tools to hunt and gather if I absolutely need to.
Still, she couldn’t completely turn off the wriggling worry in her brain. At least before she’d always had someone to rely on. The men that had been under her command would have hunted and gathered if they’d needed the food. Now, it was entirely up to her own hands to do the work. She would live or die by her own hands. While there was freedom in being free from everyone, she was shackled by her naivete, filling her with fear.
I was so foolish, thinking that I would have been able to leave the Rosenberg manor and live entirely on my own, she thought. I would have died completely alone if I’d done that.
I could still die completely alone out here, she heard a quiet voice from her psyche whisper.
She shook her head to dislodge the voice from her mind. It was nearing dusk which meant it was almost time to stop. I’ll be okay, she told herself. I was fine last night. I will be okay again tonight.
Though, if she was being entirely honest with herself, she wasn’t quite sure how she was going to last five more days alone in the woods of Aulbert. If she was even going in the correct direction to the town.
She pulled out the compass Jaspar had given her, and it pointed north faithfully. She still was moving northeast, which was towards the town. Nonetheless, she was beginning to wonder if heading straight north for a day wouldn’t help keep her on target. It wasn’t as though it was a perfect northeast direction from the capitol city to the border city of Gardia.
People who had traveled and survived entirely on their own for months seemed far more impressive now that she was doing it on her own. They always made it seem so easy, she thought. As if it wasn’t that big of a deal at all. But it’s far more daunting than I could have ever imagined.
Maude could tell that the sun was now below the horizon. Darkness was falling quicker under the canopy of trees than it did in the plains of the empire. I need to find a camping spot, she thought, her eyes scanning through the forest that she could see. There was plenty of firewood around her, but it wasn’t the greatest place to lay. She took a few more steps and noticed that there was a clearing, about a thousand feet away. Perfect, she thought. She started stooping down to pick up the soon to be firewood, her legs aching as she stretched them further.
God I can’t wait to sit, she thought. Even though I know I’m going to be feeling this tomorrow.
She gathered enough firewood to last her the single night, and began trudging toward the clearing. The chill was increasing rapidly, so she set up her campfire and got it going before sitting down and pulling out one of the last bits of her bread. It was beginning to harden, just as the baker said it would. Maude grimaced as she ate it, suddenly wishing for something a bit more seasoned than the hardened loaf offered.
I’m beginning to realize that even though I was treated like absolute shit in the Holloway manor, that I still had benefits and still lived better than a lot of people, she thought. How many people in the empire, or maybe even Aulbert, spent their lives surviving on bread alone?
After chewing for several minutes, she swallowed the slightly softened chunk, and took another bite.
I have to eat this, she thought. If I don’t then I’m going to run out of food.
The woods had darkened around her, leaving herself in the circle of light that crackling fire provided. She gently tried to massage her legs, whining under the pressure of her finger tips.
I used to think I was in such good shape, she thought, finishing the last of the bread. But I was exercising a lot every single day. This is more than I am used to now.
She sighed and pulled out the velvety peasant gown she’d used as a blanket the night before, from one of the duffle bags. She stood up and donned it over the clothes she’d been wearing for two days. She had yet to have found any water, which meant that she had been rationing the water in her waterskin.
Living in the city is so convenient, she thought as she took an incredibly small sip. She laid down, her head on the fuller duffle, and snuggled in as close as was safe to the fire.
Though her body ached mercilessly, her mind was awake. She stared at the glow of the fire, and its warmth reminded her of Jaspar.
Have I met a warmer person? She wondered. I don’t know that I have. The lump that she’d felt so often in her throat lately formed again. I didn’t even think that closely about the fact that I may never see him again when I left his office, she thought. In fact, it’s much more likely that he will die. Her heart clenched in her chest. Can I cope with living in a world without him? She wondered. I don’t know if I can. Even if I could not be with him, just knowing that he was alive somewhere, still breathing and living his own life was a comfort. But that’s not going to be the case.
She heard herself sob out loud, making a loud cry in the quiet forest.
I made this choice, but that didn’t make it any easier.
As she was crying, her mind drifted towards Helena and Jakob. This must have been how Helena felt when she got the news about Jakob, Maude thought. And both of them went all in on that short relationship. Helena is going to have so much hardship to deal with as the result of their actions.
Maude compared Helena with herself. Did I give Jaspar’s and my relationship my all? She asked herself. Did I decide to live with the consequences of falling in love during a war? Or did I run away?
She swallowed hard, knowing the answer. She hated how clear it was to her now, only in this moment.
I ran, she thought.
I ran so much that I chose to sacrifice my relationships with all the people I cared about, potentially even to the point that they may sacrifice their lives so that I, and all of those leaving Aulbert, might have an opportunity to lead a life free from the grasp of the empire.
She breathed out heavily, trying to calm the sobs racking her body. I can’t do this anymore, she thought. I can’t keep running away and blaming my values, my pacifism, or even the horrible situations I went through in the past. I’m far more capable of protecting them than they are of protecting me. It is time for me to fight.
She shuddered at the idea of going out onto the battlefield and having to kill people again. But I’m strong now, she reasoned with herself. I am not a small child defending myself alone against grown adults. I am defending the life I built in Aulbert, and the people I love. And I am no longer alone. Just as I would be defending them, they would be defending me.
She let out another hot breath of air, and her friend from the empire, Sara Savoy, came to mind. She asked me if I cared about her enough to defend her, Maude thought. And I definitely did not.
“Thank you,” she whispered out loud, though her old friend would never know and never hear. “And I’m sorry.”
She was right all along, Maude thought. And I know now what I must do.
She swallowed hard. I hurt the people I actually do care about the same way I hurt Sara Savoy that day, Maude thought. If I ever see the people I love in Aulbert again, I vow to apologize to them.
She breathed deeply, the sobs subsiding in the face of the plan of action. A heavy weight felt as though it had been lifted off her shoulders. One she hadn’t even known that she had been carrying all this time.
Melissa told me to come find her if I changed my mind, Maude thought. And she will probably know where any troops have been deployed to for battle, and where my capabilities would be best utilized. Maude’s heart skipped a beat, thinking about how lucky she was to be friends with one of the key strategists for the war.
She might even be able to lend me a horse to get there, too, Maude thought with a small smile. It will for sure beat walking to wherever I should go.
Maude sighed heavily. It’s two days to walk back to Aulbert, she thought. But it’s worth it. Though, that also means it’s far more important for me to fall asleep than it was before. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, and fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.