The heady scent of the mid-spring flowers filled the garden, hanging heavily in the dew rich air. Maude walked on the loose stone paths that she’d once tried to escape using, holding a parasol and twirling it every few seconds. It was another experience that she’d never gotten to have before, and although she hadn’t particularly cared if she ever had or not, Helena had insisted that it was one of the most lovely experiences a young lady could have.

Maude couldn’t help but feel that it was a complete and utter waste of time. At the point she was getting to in her life, nearing her twenty-first birthday, she was starting to wonder if it was worth all of the effort she’d been putting in to be a “normal” noble lady. Or maybe she was just starting to realize that her life experiences had been far from normal, more so than she’d ever realized before.

“Why did you say that the noble ladies like doing this again, Helena?” Maude asked, looking up at the cloudless blue sky above her. The sun gently warmed the air around her, leaving her feeling pleasant. The sun’s pleasantness was a unique experience for Maude. For most of her older years, she’d spent time in the sun only for the sake of training. Even in the mildly warm air, she had been working hard enough to have been a ball of perspiration.

“A lot of them enjoy looking at all of the beautiful flowers in the garden,” Helena replied, smiling up at Maude. “There’s also many public gardens in the capitol that ladies will take a stroll in, in hopes of coming across a noble gentleman.” She giggled next to Maude.

When have I ever had the time to stop and smell the flowers? Maude wondered to herself. Would I have ever wanted to if I hadn’t had to focus so hard on being a sword saint?

She looked at the blooming pink, purple and blue flowers wistfully. I don’t even know if I would have ever been interested.

“I envy them,” Maude said, gently holding one of the blooms in her palm. “To live their lives so carefree must be such a dream.”

“Indeed,” Helena agreed.

Maude sighed, letting go of the flower. “This feels like a waste of time,” she admitted to Helena. “Probably because I’m not used to having as much freetime as I have been afforded here.”

“Mmm,” Helena replied as they continued down the garden path.

“The flowers are beautiful and smell amazing, it’s just difficult to spend any substantial amount of time admiring them.” Maude paused and thought about how Sara would always talk about having received fresh flowers from her many male admirers. “Has Jakob given you flowers, Helena?” she asked.

If I’m going to be out here against my will, I might as well try to enjoy it, she thought.

Helena’s cheeks flushed. “Several times, actually,” she answered.

“Oh! What a dedicated man you’ve found!” Maude squealed. The grin that was already on Helena’s face spread even wider.

“I am very happy,” Helena agreed. Then, a stricken look crossed over her face.

“What’s wrong?” Maude asked. “Did something happen?”

“There has just been a lot of talk about the war intensifying,” she said. “I fear that Jakob will be deployed off to war soon.”

Maude stopped twirling the parasol. The sunlight suddenly felt harsh, and the breeze too chilly. “What do you mean?” Maude asked, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. “I hadn’t heard anything.”

“It sounds as though the empire may be changing tactics because Aulbert has been doing so well so far. Aulbert may need to deploy some of our stronger troops to keep up.”

Maude felt her stomach twisting into knots. Not only did the “strongest units” of Aulbert include Jakob, but they also could include Jaspar as well. She felt as though there was a giant ball of ice rolling through her guts at the idea of Jaspar going out to war.

“I hadn’t heard anything about that,” Maude admitted.

“It’s fairly recent news,” Helena replied solemnly. “I’m sure the duke has full intentions to talk to you about it sooner rather than later.”

Maude nodded. What if this means that the king will ask me to go to war to become a citizen of Aulbert after all? Maude wondered. It was beginning to feel like acid was eating up her insides.

“What do you plan to do if he does get deployed?” Maude asked.

“We’ll probably get married fairly quickly,” Helena replied. “It would allow me to hear any news of him quicker, and it would be easier to send messages to one another that way.”

Maude nodded. “I’m sure it will be fine.” She paused briefly. “And I’m sure you’ll get to have an actual beautiful wedding when he makes it home.”

Maude swallowed some bile in her throat. She hated the words that were coming from her lips. She knew just as well as Helena did that there was no guarantee that Jakob would make it home. Maude was just doing her best to make Helena feel better.

It was Helena’s turn to look wistful. “I hope you’re right,” she said.

“Jakob is strong,” Maude confirmed. “And he’s most certainly the type that will do everything in his power to come back to the woman he loves,” Maude said.

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

Helena’s smile widened as she gently touched one of the roses growing near where they were walking. “That’s most certainly true,” she replied, still looking a bit forlorn. “I just worry that they empire is going to pull some tricks that could put him in danger.”

Maude swallowed hard. She thought about how Callum dueled with her. He always had dirty tricks up his sleeve, or something he was trying to pull. She’d always had to be extra alert whenever she’d fought with him as a result. She doubted her father was any different than his only son, especially since Callum’s mother also had a bag of tricks she regularly employed.

But what about the emperor? Maude wondered. All of my interactions with him have been straightforward on the surface, where he is ordering me around. But behind the scenes…he had all of these sneaky plans, too.

“I hadn’t thought of that,” Maude finally said to Helena. “The empire does us a lot of dirty tricks, doesn’t it?” Maude thought about how the empire had started the war in a sneak attack against the troops of Aulbert trying to rescue slaves. “You’re right,” she continued. “That’s a very concerning thought.”

Helena smiled sadly. “There’s nothing we can do except defend ourselves,” she said. “Even at the potential loss of our loved ones. I just struggle with the idea of letting him go because he is so recently my loved one.”

Just like Cristyne and Melissa, Maude thought. And their potential engagement partners. Getting engaged and then going off to war…I can’t imagine the weight Melissa is under.

Maude felt her heart sink into her chest. How could the emperor not see that his ruthless conquering was causing people to suffer?

The emperor only cares about himself, she thought. He believes his cause is righteous for that reason…he doesn’t care who gets hurt or killed because they get in his way. A flash of fire swirled through Maude. She quickly did her best to dissipate the emotion so that she did not get too impassioned in front of Helena.

She’s so strong, Maude thought. I could never be in her shoes while still being able to do my best to move forward.

“I admire you,” Maude said, looking at the woman, who was only five or so years older than herself.

Helena chuckled softly. “I appreciate that,” she said. “I admire you as well,” she stated, her brown eyes sparkling at Maude. “You stood up to the empire.”

Helena’s words were like a punch to the gut. Maude nearly keeled over at them.

“Are you alright, my lady?” Helena asked, bending over Maude, and holding out a hand for Maude to steady herself with.

“I’m…alright,” Maude replied. “I probably just ate something that didn’t sit well with me,” she said.

“Oh dear,” Helena said. “Let’s get you back up to your room, then.”

“Let’s,” Maude agreed, hobbling next to Helena.

She admires me for the very thing that no one should ever admire me for, Maude thought. I didn’t stand up to the empire for any noble purpose. I stood up to them for my own selfish desire to not fight. I’m nothing more than a cowardly pacifistic sword saint. My selfishness should not be admired. Maude felt a sour taste come into her mouth. If only Helena knew what I was truly like.

~

Helena’s hands combed through Maude’s hair, gently arranging it in a way that would be appropriate for the crown prince’s birthday ball. Maude’s dark brown hair was now long, and thick. She looked more like a young, aristocratic lady than she ever had. Her hair had slight waves to it, something she would have never known if she was still living at the Holloway manor. Her wavy hair framed her face in such a way that made her look elegant, even when she was just tumbling out of bed. Elegant was never a word that could have been used to describe Maude Holloway, the sword saint of the empire.

Helena was quietly working. Maude still couldn’t meet her eyes, and the awkward air between them had continued since Helena’s garden comment.

“Are you excited for the ball my lady?” Helena asked. “Prince Erich’s birthday ball is one of the most high profile events in Aulbert this year! And you get to go!” Helena added a little squeal at the end, that Maude wasn’t sure if it was fake or not.

“Mmm-hmm,” she answered softly. In the corner of her eye, she saw Helena in the mirror, looking a bit crestfallen.

“And you’ll get to go by the duke’s side! You’ll be the envy of many of the ladies in Aulbert!” Helena tried again, her face earnest.

“Indeed,” Maude replied softly, while picking at her nails.

I once thought that I could tell this woman anything, Maude thought, glancing at Helena’s downtrodden face in the mirror. And now I can barely have a normal conversation with her. Maude’s heart ached in her chest. But how can I possibly look her in the eye when she sees me as someone I’m not?

“Are you alright, my lady?” Helena asked, her eyes in the mirror full of concern. It was probably the twentieth or so time that Helena had asked that question since their walk.

Maude glanced away from Helena’s eyes in the mirror. “I’m perfectly fine,” she lied.

“Are things going well with the duke?” Helena asked while braiding some bits of Maude’s hair. It was a new question.

“Things are going well,” Maude confirmed.

She heard Helena sigh behind her, and her heart panged. “Well, I expect you’re going to be the absolute belle of the ball,” Helena said, seemingly trying to normalize the discomfort between them. “If his grace doesn’t think you’re absolutely breathtaking, then he’s going to have to answer to me, personally.”

Maude smiled while examining the wrinkles in her deep blue satin gown. How do I fix this? She wondered to herself. It’s my fault that she has this idea about me. If I wasn’t such a coward, I actually could stand up to the empire against all of the things they’ve done wrong.

“Lady Fronica Von Wickten won’t be able to hold a candle to you,” Helena continued, twisting half of Maude’s hair up into an up-do.

Maude smiled wider, feeling her smile become faker. Would I have been able to find out the emperor’s betrayal of the citizen’s trust if I wasn’t a coward though? She wondered. Would I ever have been in this situation in the first place, or would myself or Jaspar be a corpse instead?

She shifted in her seat, feeling a sour taste come into her mouth. There has to be a way to fix Helena’s interpretation of me without trying to change the past. I can’t keep her under the illusion that I’m anything like what she thinks I am.

Maude glanced at Helena in the mirror. Her chatter had died down, but her brows were still knit closely together.

“Are you angry at me, my lady?” Helena finally asked. “It seems as though things haven’t felt the same since we went on the stroll together.”

Maude swallowed hard, surprised that Helena had the guts to ask her something so straightforwardly if there was something wrong between the two of them.

Should I tell her the truth? Maude asked herself. Am I capable of dealing with the outcome?

Maude squirmed in her seat again, as the question hung in the air between them. Helena was staring at Maude intensely in the mirror, waiting for Maude to say anything.

“No,” Maude finally lied. “I just haven’t been sleeping well. I have a lot on my mind these days.” She couldn’t look Helena in the eye.

“Alright then,” Helena replied, going back to fixing up Maude’s hair. “Just let me know if there is ever a problem between us,” she said. “I am always more than happy to work things through with you, my lady,” she added.

“Alright,” Maude replied with a nod. From Helena’s tone, Maude couldn’t help but wonder if Helena already knew Maude was lying to her.