Even though Maude hoped that it would never come, dawn came after a restless night. Maude had battled with the decision to fight or to flee for most of the night. She knew that it was time. Jaspar had told her, what felt like so long ago now, that he would give her an opportunity to leave the country if she couldn’t fulfill the king’s request. She suspected that her opportunity would arise at the same time the evacuation recommendation for Aulbert’s citizens would come out.

And sure enough, early morning, on the day after she and Jaspar had learned of Jakob’s death, Jaspar called for her to return to his study.

She’d gathered all of her courage as she’d walked down the now incredibly familiar hallway to his study. She’d been dreading this moment since the strategy session the day before. She could no longer run away from the situation. It was here, in her face, which made her feel as though she had squandered her time.

She arrived at the familiar door, and took a deep breath. I’m not ready to say goodbye, she thought. But I don’t know that I ever will be.

A lump formed in her throat. She swallowed hard, trying to get it to go away, but it stayed against her wishes.

She knocked on the door, taking another deep breath. “Come in,” she heard Jaspar say. She gingerly opened the door, and saw him sitting at his desk. They had made so many memories in the room, and they seemed to be floating in front of her eyes as she strode up to his desk.

Right after the ball, when she’d been laying on the couch, feeling embarrassed that she’d gone after him so fervently. When he’d kissed her once she’d sobered up. Laying on the couch, reading the strategy book in hopes of spending some time with him. His offering to go and spar with her when she needed to blow off some steam. The first time they had told each other that they loved one another.

The lump in her throat grew larger. She swallowed hard again, trying to push it down. I have to remain composed for this, she thought. He’s leaving the decision of our entire relationship in my hands.

“Have you decided what you are going to do?” he asked.

“Honestly?” she asked. “No, I haven’t. And I stayed up half of the night trying to decide.”

“Well,” he replied with a little smirky smile on his face. “Now is the time to. You’re out of time.”

“Yeah,” she replied. “I’m frustrated that I’ve run out of time to make it,” she admitted.

“Tough,” he replied, a little bit of steel in his gaze. “Now’s the time.”

She nodded. “Let me think for a moment,” she said.

He nodded sharply once in response. “Alright,” he said. “But make it quick.”

Let’s see, she thought. What are the pros of fighting? She had already been over this so many times, but it was worth to her to reexamine them one more time. There are three, primarily. The first is that I will get to stay with Jaspar. The second, that I will get to continue to see Melissa and Crystine. The third is that I will get to become a citizen of Aulbert. Cons? There are many. I could die. Jaspar, Cristyne, and Melissa could all die, and I would lose the primary reasons I want to fight for. It also means that I’ll have to not be pacifistic…which I’m not sure I’m capable of doing.

But if I leave Aulbert…pros, I won’t have to fight and I will get to live. Cons, I have to give up everything and I’ll never get to be with Jaspar or be a citizen of Aulbert.

She paused in her thought. Neither of these options are good, she thought. They both have more cons than they do pros.

But could I even fight? She asked herself. Could I even kill people? Or would I just run away again?

No, she admitted to herself. I don’t think that I can.

Tears pricked the corners of her eyes. “I can’t do it,” she said. “I don’t think I can fight in the war.”

“I appreciate your honesty,” he said, closing his eyes and sighing. “And though I’m not surprised, I am disappointed.” He opened his blue eyes and met hers with them. “In that case, I have several things for you.”

“I’m sorry,” Maude said, feeling tears slip out of her eyes, against her will. “I’m so sorry.”

Het let me choose the outcome of this relationship, Maude thought. I will never find another man like him.

Jaspar just smiled sadly at her. “It’s okay,” he replied with a small sniffle of his own.

He carefully pulled something up onto his desk, and it was an object she recognized instantly, one that she thought she might never see again.

“My sword,” she breathed. He’d kept it after all.

“I held onto this for you,” he said with a wry smile. “I wasn’t allowed to give it back to you up until recently, but just haven’t had the chance to get it to you with everything that’s been going on.”

She picked up the familiar handle and smiled softly. “You got me a better sword than this one, too.”

He flinched and then smiled. “You’re right, but I figured it was special nonetheless.”

She nodded, as he placed two overnight duffle bags on his desk. “Do not pack more than what you can fill in these bags,” he said. “I didn’t think you’d be super into completely starting over again, and may want to bring some of your new clothes and belongings with you.” On top of the bags, he also placed her original boots that had been issued by the empire. “And these,” he said.

“Thank you,” she said, with a small smile. “I will do my best to use them well.”

“Of course,” he said. “Just don’t bring too much more, if possible, because carrying more is just going to slow you down.”

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She nodded sharply at him. “Understood,” she said.

He even thought of ways to make sure I’d stay safe, even if I chose not to fight in the war, she thought. Am I going to regret this decision?

“Next,” he said, opening a drawer at his desk. “A compass.” He held a circular object in his hand and placed it down. A needle bounced around inside of the circle, settling on pointing towards a worn “N” inside.

“What’s a compass?” Maude asked.

“It’s a navigation device,” he said with a small smile. “It always points to the north, no matter where you are.”

She gingerly picked up the device, even changing the orientation so that the “N” was pointed towards her body. Still, the needle settled towards where the “N” had originally been. She felt her drop open. “What a miraculous device!” she exclaimed. “Thank you.”

“It’s my pleasure,” Jaspar replied. “One thing you do need to know about that one is that it is a Rosenberg heirloom. It’s something I’m willing to part with, but should you hear that Aulbert wins the war and that Duke Rosenberg still lives, I also wouldn’t mind if you brought it back, either.”

Maude felt her heart skip a beat. She looked up from the device to Jaspar’s face, and his eyes were serious.

“I’d love to get it back, personally,” Jaspar emphasized.

Maude’s lip trembled, her grief threatening to overwhelm her again, and she nodded.

“Lastly.” Jaspar pulled something else out of the same desk drawer. “A map.”

Maude nodded, and picked up the folded piece of parchment. “Thank you,” she said.

He smiled and nodded. “I highlighted a few spots that may be of interest for you to go to when you start your new life. I hope you will find a good home in one of them.”

A few tears snuck out of her eyes again, and she wiped them away with the back of her hand. “Mm-hmm,” she replied, her voice crackling with her emotions spilling over.

“I did not tell the king that I was going to give you an opportunity to leave Aulbert, and I’m not entirely sure what he would say if he knew, so it would likely be best that you head out sooner rather than later,” Jaspar said, pursing his lips. “It would be better if you left with the masses of Aulbert so that you would be less likely to be recognized.”

Maude nodded, her tears preventing her from speaking. “Thank you,” she finally managed. “And I’m sorry.”

Jaspar got up and walked around his desk. He wrapped her and her arms full of her belongings up in a hug while she continued to cry.

“I love you, Maude Holloway,” he said. “Now, and forever.”

“I love you too,” she managed to whisper, amongst her sobs.

~

Maude looked around the room that she’d spent most of the last nine months of her life in. A knot had formed in her stomach as she’d walked away from Jaspar’s study, and it grew as she scanned the room.

What do I even bring? She wondered. Clothes? Her eyes once again caught sight of the wooden box that held the sword that Jaspar had given her. Obviously, I’ll bring that, she thought. Though probably not in the box.

She sighed heavily, and laid on the bed, planting face first into the pillows. It smelled softly of clean sheets, a scent that had become familiar to her. She started choking up.

What is going to even happen to this manor if Aulbert loses the war? She thought. What will happen to my room? Will it all burn down? Be repurposed for a new noble in the empire?

She shook her head at herself. Continuing down this road of thought was not productive. I need to get ready to go, she thought. Even though I’m not ready to leave.

She stood up and strode over to the wardrobe where she and Helena had been keeping all of the clothes that Duke Rosenberg had been buying her. It had slowly filled up as time had gone on, to the point that she had grown to have a considerable amount of clothes, especially for someone who should have been considered a prisoner of war.

She glanced over at the duffle bags that were laying on the bed. I most certainly will not be able to bring all of this, she thought. She pawed through the clothes, grabbing the several pairs of pants that Jaspar had purchased for her to practice her sword fighting, and the several shirts that went with them. These are the most practical clothes for the new life I will lead, she thought. So I will bring all of them. She laid them down on the bed, noticing that the pile would be close to filling one of the bags. She strode back to the wardrobe and grabbed out a couple of the peasant style dresses that she’d had since the beginning of her stay at Aulbert.

And these are the second most practical kinds, she thought. So they come next. She stacked them on the pile. Tears pricked her eyes as she noticed the first peasant style dress she had been given on her first day in the Rosenberg manor. She’d plotted to try to escape in the dress. She was grateful that she’d failed since Aulbert had become like a home to her.

To distract herself from her growing sadness, she began to stuff the clothes into the duffle to see how much room she would have left. Only one of the peasant dresses fit with the pants and shirts, so she stuffed the other two in the second bag.

She looked around the room again. I really didn’t have all that many belongings, she thought. There’s less here than I thought that I had. In that sense, it was very similar to living in the Holloway manor, she thought. But the memories I have from living here have made my life so much richer than the life I lived in the empire. Even though I don’t have many belongings.

She bit her lip at the flood of memories of her room coming to mind. To stave off her feelings, she grabbed her slippers and shoved them in the duffle, and went over to look at her hair and jewelry box. She grabbed a handful of each. Worst case scenario, she thought, the gems in these ought to fetch a hefty price.

She slid the compass in her pocket on her pants, and put the map in the second duffle. It was beginning to look pretty full, so she decided that she was done packing.

She glanced over again at the wooden box that held the sword Jaspar had given her. Doing her best to swallow her feelings down, she walked over to it, and gently placed it on her bed. She opened the case again, and pulled out the sword.

I know it’s impractical to bring both swords, she thought, lifting the period encrusted sword out of its case. But I’m going to do it anyway. She latched the additional sword on her right thigh. Her belt sagged low around her waist from the added weight. She gingerly walked with both swords.

It feels awkward, but I’ll make due, she thought.

She took a deep breath, looking around the room one more time, feeling the lump in her throat growing.

Now where do I go? She asked herself. I’ve already said my goodbye to Jaspar. Do I dare try to find Helena?

She shook her head. Helena is probably still too upset, Maude thought. I’ll just leave her a note.

She opened the desk drawer and pulled out a piece of parchment, a quill and some ink. She carefully sat down at the desk and wrote a brief letter to Helena.

Helena–

Thank you for everything you have done for me. I’m not sure where I would be in life without your thoughtful guidance and friendship. You have warmed my heart in ways no one was ever able to do before. I will always be grateful for the memories we have together, and I hope that we will get to meet again someday.

Yours,

Maude

Maude sighed and put the quill down. She walked the letter over to the bed, putting the letter on the pillow that she’d regularly slept on.

I wish I could do more for you, Helena, she thought in her mind. I wish Jakob hadn’t died.

She swallowed back her tears. I suppose I should visit Melissa and Cristyne one last time before I leave Aulbert forever, Maude thought.

She gathered up the two duffle bags, and looked around the room one last time. Her tears were right on the cusp of spilling. It had been her private space and home for only nine months, but it had been the first home that Maude had really had.

It’s time to leave, she thought. And I’m not ready. I don’t think I will ever be ready to leave this place.

She stepped out into the hallway of the Rosenberg manor, closing the door of her room behind her, and hearing the door latch for what was most likely the last time.

Against her will, a couple of tears still managed to sneak out. Goodbye, she thought.