Maude made it back to her room and collapsed onto her bed before a sob found its way out of her throat.

This can’t be happening, she thought, clutching one of the bed pillows to her chest. He expects me to fight in the war? I thought I had found someone who finally understood me, but was I wrong?

She tried to look at the logic in things he had said to her. She struggled–it was hard for her to accept that he had brought her to the manor in hopes of getting her to fight to Aulbert.

How can he be so selfish? She wondered, rubbing her face on the pillow to wipe it dry. Surely we can find another way to be together…

His words suddenly came to mind. “Aulbert is losing right now. This is not a matter of you and I getting around this barrier to find another way to be together, this is literally a matter of life and death.”

Maude tried to swallow the knot that had formed in her throat and failed. If this isn’t something we can figure out, what happens then? She wondered. What will happen if I keep refusing?

It’s possible we’ll both die, a different part of herself said.

“Am I doing the right thing?” she wondered out loud. “I always believed my pacifism was valuable and helpful, but what if I’m wrong? What if Jaspar is right and I am being selfish?” She blubbered to herself. “Can’t someone just tell me the right answer?”

It wasn’t all that long ago that she had Jaspar had talked about how it was possible that her pacifism had kept her alive in the Holloway manor. Now he was asking her to forsake the very thing that may have kept her alive.

“How can he ask me to do this?” she moaned. And how dare he suggest that I value my beliefs over his life! Surely he must know the reason I am this way is because I value human life more than anything else!

Are other people the way he is? She couldn’t help but wonder. Would other people put down their lives to save their loved ones?

Two women came into Maude’s mind, the first was Lady Melissa Wright, and the second was Lady Sara Savoy, her only female friend from the empire.

Both Melissa and Sara were jealous of me, Maude remembered. And both of them said that they would love to have my capabilities to protect their loved ones…

Maybe they are rare types of people, Maude thought, trying to come up with reasons why people may be more like her. Maybe they are the weird ones, not me.

“So you’re going to spend the rest of your life fighting your fate and who you really are?” Jaspar’s voice echoed again in her mind.

I would have never chosen to be a sword saint, Maude thought. Am I really fighting who I really am by having as little to do with sword fighting with real people’s lives on the line as possible?

Some words that were said at her sword saint ceremony suddenly came to her mind. “A sword saint never chooses the path they walk on. The path chooses them for their capability to deal with greater levels of adversity than the rest of us can.”

Maude sighed. Her tears were dry, but now her thoughts were leaving her feeling frustrated and restless. Am I really fighting my fate? She wondered. Is forsaking my ability really that big of a problem?

She paused, and listened to her body’s emotions. For the first time, she noticed that there were two of them, simultaneously. One, that clearly told her, “No, forsaking my capabilities is the correct thing to do.” And the second was soft, like a child’s whisper, “Yes,” it said. “Forsaking my sword saint capability is forsaking a part of myself.”

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She never felt so conflicted in her life. She face planted into the pillow and sighed heavily into it.

Is it possible that while my pacifism kept me safe in the Holloway manor, that it may no longer serve me as well as it used to? She wondered. Are things outside of my father’s house less black and white than I think they are?

But isn’t it most important to hold steadfast to my own beliefs? She considered. Isn’t that how other people live their lives? They value their loved ones more than anything, so they are willing to put their lives on the line for them?

Maude was finally beginning to understand why Jaspar was so upset by her lack of compromise.

I can’t do this, she thought. This is too much to think about. She threaded her hands through her hair and was pressing tightly with them on her skull. Surely not everything I’ve held onto up to this point is a lie?

She shook her head at herself. No, no, Maude, she thought. You’re letting Jaspar influence your thoughts too much. Just keep doing what you’ve been doing. You don’t have time to sit here and question if everything you’ve ever believed to be true is true. Instead, I need to be thinking about what else I could do to gain citizenship and ensure Aulbert ends the war successfully.

Yes, she thought, sitting up in the bed and tightening her hand into a fist. Surely there is a way for me to resolve all of this peacefully. ~

Maude was thankful when the invitation to have tea with Melissa and Cristyne arrived. It had been awkward between her and Jaspar for days, to the point that she had started taking her meals in her room again, just so she didn’t have to sit across from him at the dining table in silence. Neither one of them had made a move to apologize. Having never had a genuine fight with anyone before, she wasn’t quite sure who was supposed to apologize first. When the invitation from Melissa had come, Maude couldn’t help but feel relieved. If it was anyone she could ask for frank advice from, it was Cristyne and Melissa.

This time, it was going to happen at the Wright manor. Maude had gotten excited at the prospect of seeing how her second friend lived. When the carriage had pulled up, Maude was surprised to see that it was even more modest than the Zellers manor.

It is as though it belongs to a baron, Maude thought. Though I don’t believe I ever asked Melissa for her title, I was under the impression that Melissa’s father was close with the king. The Wright’s butler showed Maude into a humble sitting room. This time, Maude had arrived before Cristyne.

“Lady Maude!” Melissa exclaimed, standing up to greet Maude with a hug. Maude hugged Melissa back, feeling a bit stiff from the sudden, unexpected contact.

“Thank you for inviting me, Lady Melissa,” Maude said as the butler left the room.

“So happy to have you here,” Melissa replied back with a smile. The two ladies sat down, at the beautifully decorated table. Floral arrangements were embroidered into the small white tablecloth.

Melissa gestured to a smaller teapot that was porcelain with blue floral embellishments on it. “This here is a strawberry hibiscus tea,” Melissa said. “It’s been harder to get our hands on hibiscus tea since the war started, so I specifically brewed this for you.”

Maude touched her hand to her chest. “Thank you so much, Melissa,” she said. “I appreciate it.”

At that movement, the door opened again, and Cristyne entered the sitting room. “Lady Cristyne!” Melissa exclaimed, getting up and hugging Cristyne as well.

“Hello, Melissa,” Cristyne replied in her warm, soft voice, hugging Melissa back. She looked just as surprised as Maude had felt when Melissa had hugged her as well.

Something is up today, Maude thought. If even Cristyne is surprised by Melissa’s actions, then it is Melissa who is acting weird.

Melissa and Cristyne walked over to the table and sat down. “Lady Maude,” Cristyne said with a warm smile. “It is nice to see you today too!”

“It’s lovely to see you as well, Lady Cristyne,” Maude replied, smiling back.

“Something is going on with you today, Melissa,” Cristyne stated, turning to the redheaded girl.

“Oh, you know,” Melissa replied, seemingly doing her best to make light of her behavior. “There’s just been a lot on my mind lately.”

She stopped talking and there was an awkward silence. Maude could tell from the look on Melissa’s face that she didn’t want to talk about whatever was going on beneath her surface.

Maude cleared her throat. “Melissa,” she said, doing her best to try to change the subject. “Didn’t you say that your family is made up primarily of merchants? I was surprised to see how modest your family’s estate was when I came in today.”

Maude paused, and thought about the words she’d just said. Her eyes widened. Had that really been all she had been able to come up with?