Waking up was not a fun experience. After the declaration of Hestia, Lady Hecate kept me in Her realm for an undefined amount of time, it had felt like days, talking to me. Most of the talks were fascinating, debating possible uses of Mind Magic with a strangely mixed focus on possibility and ethics. Looking back, it was fairly obvious that She wanted me to consider if something was right, not just if something was possible. The ethics of the question became fairly murky, debating who had a right to a Shattered’s body, using them as an example, and what steps ought to be taken. The purely mechanical aspects were incredibly fascinating, especially once I started to consider larger, longer-lasting applications of the untiring labour of Shattered and Undead, but the rest was a mess.
How was I supposed to know how somebody would feel if they had to discover that their mother, lover or similarly close relation was gone and their body used as an automaton for manual labour? When trying to imagine my reaction if it was my mother, I was strangely ambivalent. She had died years ago and while I remembered discomfort and a strange, pressing sensation on my chest and head, I couldn’t really place those sensations. Similarly, would I be joyful that my mother, or at least something of her, remained or would that strange discomfort return?
It was a lot easier when I tried to imagine the same situation with Luna or Sigmir. Just imagining Sigmir’s body being used made me contemplate murder and the idea of my little Luna being Shattered and controlled was not pleasant either. Amusingly, imagining Lia in that sort of situation was a lot less impactful, possibly because she was Shattered but her mind was her own, so part of the process didn’t really apply. But what would I feel like if somebody were to control my mind or the minds of my companions? Again, the idea was not a pleasant one.
From the discussion about ethics and their place in magical education, Lady Hecate turned the discussion, or rather the lesson, to interpersonal relations. How to talk to, with and about people, how to guide them and how or when to teach them. That part took even longer and by the end, I had a serious headache, why did people have to be so incredibly complicated? Couldn’t they simply act rationally and act as needed? A small voice, somewhere in the back of my mind, reminded me that ‘rational’ often meant different things to different people and that what was needed was highly dependent on personal priorities and agendas, meaning there were no objective answers.
The world would be so much easier if that was the case, something that could be reduced to numbers and an answer deduced. The system made the reduction to numbers easier than it had ever been, with people having distinct levels and attributes, giving them inherent objective values and allowing priorities to be adjusted. But even those inherent objective values were quite complicated, especially because the worth of a person would have to take into account their potential. Luna, for example, was objectively more valuable than most people at her level, thanks to her connection to Lady Hecate. Yet, despite knowing that, I was uncomfortable with the consideration and somehow, I could almost feel Lady Hecate’s grin in the back of my mind when I considered that. Obviously, I wasn’t thinking rationally about this, or rather, there was an inherent value I placed on my relationship with Luna. Something I also did to my relationship with the companions I had travelled with on Mundus, the Grandmother and, most important of all, Sigmir. The value of those relationships was apparently something I couldn’t quantify, I hadn’t even put that idea into my mind, it was a strange realisation and one that made me feel all fuzzy as if I was wrapped in a comfortable sweater or something like that. It felt almost as good as Sigmir’s hugs but as good as it felt, it only made me yearn for my love.
Maybe it was that yearning that made waking up so incredibly unpleasant. Having to face the world, knowing that my love wasn’t in it, that I had yet to make any real strides towards getting her into this world. Sure, I had gained some power but it was only a smidgen, even the Grandmother hadn’t been able, or maybe willing, to resurrect Callisto’s partner and she was more powerful than I had been at my best. Likely not only more powerful in level but also more powerful in understanding, in the ability to wield her magic and make the world obey her whim. I still had a long way to go until I reached that level and had a chance to bring Sigmir back. For now, I could only yearn for my love, think of her and maybe, if Lady Hecate didn’t teach me, dream of her.
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Looking back, I realised that the outcome of my previous plan was just about the best I could have hoped for. The punishment I was given by Hestia, who could have put a much higher price on things if I understood the custom of guest rights correctly, was a mere slap on my wrist, a little extra to something I’d have done anyway. It was likely a lesson given out of grace and one I should consider paying forward. A lesson about the importance of guest rights, of knowing that you can trust those you let into your home, it was something I should put into the Shrines to Hecate I was certain Luna would continue to set up. Maybe even add something to them, some formulaic invitation to enter without malice and leave without hindrance, a greeting I had read in some novel. It might be possible to add some sort of blessing or curse to that greeting, to give guest rights some teeth, though I wasn’t certain it would be wise to put the teeth into an automatic system. Better to teach people that they could appeal to the Gods if the guest right was broken so the Gods could dole out punishment. This, in turn, opened up the possibility for people to simply kill anyone who knew about breaking the guest right, thus preventing punishment from being levied. There didn’t seem to be a simple answer, as was often the case.
Luckily, it was not on me to find the right answer to this problem, that was on the Gods interested in upholding the guest right and their actual followers. I would happily help them, it sounded like a generally good idea that people would be punished if they attacked those hosting them or lured people in under false pretences to harm them. Not that I was about to completely rely on something like that but it was a comforting idea. An ideal, even if I would continue to trust but verify because even those who are paranoid have enemies. Maybe especially those who are paranoid, at least if their paranoia is born from exposure to danger.
A soft growl pulled me from my contemplations and I was faced with Silva and a rather displeased expression on her face. I didn’t have to think hard about its meaning, she either had smelled Lia and me the previous night or Lady Hecate had informed her of the events in a dream, something similar to what I had undergone. Either way, she was unhappy with me and I didn’t have to think hard about the reasons for her unhappiness.
“I should have told you,” I admitted, my voice nary a whisper. Nobody but Silva would be able to hear and she seemed to be content to listen to me. “Having you with Luna was the best option, I needed my munchkin protected. But I was worried that Luna would know if I told you and I wanted to keep her out of this.”
The look with which Silva judged me was not a kind one but there was understanding in those large, brown eyes. She wasn’t angry, but maybe disappointed? I wasn’t sure but I knew we would be okay when she pushed her head into my stomach like an overgrown cat and got some cuddles. Maybe Lady Hecate had told her that She had already scolded me enough, or maybe Silva simply accepted that I had messed up and was willing to move on from it.
When she let out a quiet huff, I realised that there was someone else I had to talk to. My munchkin, who I had left alone in a possibly dangerous situation. Or at least a dangerous situation according to her perception, which could easily damage her trust in me. I would have to talk with her, explain to her what I had done and assure her that I wouldn’t let her be in danger. But could I really claim that? Didn’t I repeatedly leave her alone during the last two weeks while I was working on my Mind Magic, open to attack if there had been an attack like the one I caused?
More amends that needed to be made.