guy who is me[133-533-0811], UNKNOWN SENDER[133-420-4411]
[7:04 A.M.] guy who is me
> Ayooooo you tryna get a mouthful of this sausage??🤤😩
[7:11 A.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> You have mere seconds to take that back before I block you
[7:12 A.M.] guy who is me
> I'm makin a breakfast sandwich
>
> I got eggs, cheese, tomato, bacon, all the goodies
>
> You want sausage, ham or turkey
[7:12 A.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Oh
>
> Well in that case I would love a mouthful of your sausage
[7:12 A.M.] guy who is me
> 🤨
[7:12 A.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> :|
>
> Don't do that
[7:13 A.M.] guy who is me
> I mean😏
[7:13 A.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> You know what I meant
>
> Don't be fucking with my head right now
[7:13 A.M.] guy who is me
> I would never, I love your head
[7:14 A.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Repent before the eyes of the Lord. Your soul is corrupted.
[7:15 A.M.] guy who is me
> I'm just makig a sandwich jeez
[7:15 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> Is this how you introduce yourself to everyone
[7:17 A.M.] guy who is me
> Name a better way to test ones character
[7:17 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> I don't know, just asking "hey how are you?"
[7:18 A.M.] guy who is me
> That's fucking gay
>
> My test is better
>
> And at least for now, you have passed
>
> Congratulations
[7:18 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> Aw I'm honored
>
> Also what does your ass know about being gay
[7:19 A.M.] guy who is me
> That's a good question
>
> What do you know about gayness that I don't
[7:19 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> Probably not a lot because my memory is gone
[7:19 A.M.] guy who is me
> Wait what is your name
[7:19 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> '__'
>
> Damarae
[7:20 A.M.] guy who is me
> uuuuuuh
>
> What race is that
[7:22 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> What the fuck does my race matter to you
[7:22 A.M.] guy who is me
> So I know what racial slurs to call you, obviously
[7:23 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> ;|
>
> Guess
[7:24 A.M.] guy who is me
> Thinking about geography makes my brain hurt please don't make me guess
[7:24 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> Guess.
[7:25 A.M.] guy who is me
> Jhhuhhayhhyuuuudhdhfffffppaoosoosoojdjgfh
>
> Brazilan
[7:25 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> Wrong
[7:27 A.M.] guy who is me
> Fffffff ff
>
> Chinese
[7:27 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> As far away from close as you could possibly be
[7:30 A.M.] guy who is me
> $$$$$$$$$$$$.,?
>
> German
[7:31 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> You somehow got even colder
[7:31 A.M.] guy who is me
> I told you I don't know countries
[7:31 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> I'll give you a hint. My last name is Okorie
[7:32 A.M.] guy who is me
> Fuck me in the ass
>
> Cubanian
[7:32 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> Good Lord you're actually stupid
[7:35 A.M.] guy who is me
> Idfk Nigeraguan
[7:35 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> HUH?
>
> NiCAraguan???
[7:36 A.M.] guy who is me
> Oh I thought I heard the c before as a g
[7:36 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> !!????
>
> YOU PRONOUNCED IT THAT WAY?
[7:36 A.M.] guy who is me
> NOT ALOUD
>
> I think
[7:37 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> You walk a hairstring tightrope between ironically racist and actually accidentally racist
[7:37 A.M.] guy who is me
> What can I say? It's how I roll
[7:37 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> "Roll" off the nearest cliff if you don't mind
>
> But give me that fucking breakfast sandwich first
[7:40 A.M.] guy who is me
> I already ate it
[7:40 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> You are so, so fucking dead to me.
[7:42 A.M.] guy who is me
> 😐👍
——————————
group chat 2 without all the fucking libtards
guy who is me[133-533-0811], guy who puts babies in dishwashers[133-378-3077], guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'[133-795-3757], guy who is black[133-845-6373], guy who is white[133-490-6016], guy who listens to weezer[133-382-1325]
ALERT: guy who is me[133-533-0811] HAS BEEN ADDED TO THE GROUP CHAT
ALERT: guy who listens to weezer[133-382-1325] HAS BEEN ADDED TO THE GROUP CHAT
[7:49 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> alright, gang
>
> they thought they could silence us
>
> they thought they had won by kicking all of us
>
> but while we may now live in exile
>
> they have only created a force more larger and more dangerous
[7:49 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> No way
[7:49 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> all of that drama was yesterday
>
> but today is new day
>
> it is a day that this game shall remember until the end of its day
>
> all of the shereens and the juliens and the marias and the ilianas are now but history
>
> and in this new home of ours, this second coming, this free exercise of our god given rights, our DUTY
>
> we will overcome all who would oppose us
>
> all who would stand in our way
>
> we will outlive shereen
[7:50 A.M.] guy who is me
> Yeah!
[7:50 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> we will outlive julien
[7:50 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> FUCK Julien
[7:50 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> we will outlive them all
>
> and when the last day comes, naught but this group chat and its victorious survivors will remain
>
> and the grand prize
>
> whatever the jolly green fuck it is
>
> will be OURS.
[7:50 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> YEAH
[7:51 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> WOOOOO
[7:51 A.M.] guy who is black
> Guide me to freedom Rohan
[7:51 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> Be my daddy Rohan
[7:51 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> calm down
[7:51 A.M.] guy who is me
> Lol gay retard
[7:51 A.M.] guy who is white
> What is rhis
[7:52 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> this, my dear Kane, is where the future of this game lies
>
> this is the breeding ground of only the truest champions in this world
[7:52 A.M.] guy who is white
> But we’re eliminated randomly
[7:52 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> this is where the magic happens
>
> WHO CARES
>
> we will adapt to the climate
>
> roll with the punches as they come
>
> and goddammit, no game and its dumb eliminations will ever break up the movement we start today
>
> we will maneuver
>
> and strategize
>
> once we CAN strategize
>
> and make all 1 hundred and forty whateverthefuck players our bitches
[7:52 A.M.] guy who is white
> How
[7:52 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> SHUt UP KANE
[7:53 A.M.] guy who is black
> Don't weigh us down with your semantics and "logical reasoning" Kane
[7:53 A.M.] guy who is me
> Yeah critical thinking isn't allowed
[7:53 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> Who the fuck do you even think you are
>
> Who the fuck do you even think you're talking to
[7:53 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> We stan daddy Rohan 3ever <3
[7:53 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> quite, peasantry
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME CHANGED TO "17 midgets in a box of snakes" BY guy who puts babies in dishwashers
[7:54 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> Incredible stuff
[7:54 A.M.] guy who is me
> How does the man do it?
[7:57 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> Question
>
> Will you be providing a formal training program to teach us of your ways?
>
> Surely not all of us are master strategists like you
[7:57 A.M.] guy who is me
> Yeah Logan is retardee he needs you to hold his hand
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME CHANGED TO "covering myself with curtain drapes to hide my monster cock bulging out of my pants" BY guy who puts babies in dishwashers
[7:58 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> you being in this space listening to my guidance WILL be your training
>
> and if the day should ever come when the game picks me off, you will be ready to take my place
[7:58 A.M.] guy who is me
> 🤯
[7:58 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> 😩
[7:59 A.M.] guy who is black
> But wait
[7:59 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> Logan wtf
[7:59 A.M.] guy who is black
> WHO will take your place? We can't simply be leaderless if you're gone
[7:59 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> We will NEVER lose rohan he'll be with us FOREVER! right?!
[7:59 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> If Rohan is eliminated first I will commit self immolation and end this game right fucking now
[8:00 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> whoever succeeds me as your leader will be your decision
>
> although i may handpick a successor if you so prove yourself
[8:00 A.M.] guy who is black
> Will we get to vote on it?
[8:00 A.M.] guy who is me
> OOOOH GROUP CHAT ELECTIONS
[8:00 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> of course you will have the right to vote on it. the fires of democracy shell never be extinguished
[8:00 A.M.] guy who is me
> LETS GOOOOWOWO
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME CHANGED TO "feeling like a spider in a jar full of jizz" BY guy who puts babies in dishwashers
[8:01 A.M.] guy who is black
> Now what the fuck does That mean
[8:01 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> 😳
[8:01 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> LMAO
[8:01 A.M.] guy who is black
> No Logan, you're not that spider and it's not Rohan's jizz
[8:01 A.M.] guy who is white
> …
[8:01 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> 😔
>
> Reality is often disappointing
[8:03 A.M.] guy who is me
> We should hold an election now
>
> Just to settle things
[8:03 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> Shut up fag rohan is already our leader
[8:04 A.M.] guy who is me
> I know but like we gotta put it on the record
>
> We gotta give him the unanimous mandate
[8:04 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> Oh yeah lets do this like they do it in north kreoa
[8:04 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> i think this is a good idea
>
> kane, i choose you as the impartial minister who will hold this election
[8:04 A.M.] guy who is white
> What
[8:04 A.M.] guy who is me
> You get to read out the votes and declare a winner!
[8:05 A.M.] guy who is white
> Um
>
> Alright
>
> Everybody who wants to run for leader of the group chat, please say so
[8:05 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> 😶
[8:05 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> i would like to run for leader of the group chat
[8:05 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> YEAAAAAH ROHAN WOOOOO
[8:05 A.M.] guy who is me
> LETS GOOOOOO
[8:05 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!
[8:05 A.M.] guy who is white
> We have one candidate
[8:06 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> *crickets*
[8:07 A.M.] guy who is black
> Yeah sure why not I'll run too
[8:07 A.M.] guy who is me
> BOOOOOO
[8:07 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> KALEM WTF
[8:07 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> TRAITOR! TREASON! WHO EVEN IS THIS GUY?
[8:07 A.M.] guy who is black
> Bro it's not like I'm gonna win
>
> We just gotta have 2 people runnnig
[8:08 A.M.] guy who is white
> We have two candidates
>
> I assume that will be all?
[8:08 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> Yes
[8:08 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> I am not running
[8:08 A.M.] guy who is me
> I stand by mr rohan
[8:08 A.M.] guy who is white
> Alright
>
> We will begin voting then
>
> First, I will ask the vote of the gentleman from Arkansas, Mr. Evan Whitaker
[8:09 A.M.] guy who is me
> I vote for Rohan
>
> Whatever his last name is
[8:09 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> escanes
[8:09 A.M.] guy who is me
> Ah
>
> I vote for Rohan Escanes for leader
[8:09 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> Oh no he's a minority
[8:09 A.M.] guy who is white
> K
>
> Next, I will ask the vote of the gentleman from California, Mr. Javier
[8:09 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> kill yourself javier
[8:09 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> That's Javier PADILLA to you
>
> And I vote for Representative Rohan Escanes of Mississippi
[8:10 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.
> dont put my name anywhere near that fucking state
[8:10 A.M.] guy who is white
> Lastly, I will ask the vote of the gentleman from New Jersey, Mr. Logan Wendel
[8:10 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> Rohan
>
> And I'm not from New Jersey
[8:10 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> yes you are
[8:10 A.M.] guy who is white
> With that, the election is concluded
[8:10 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> YEAAAAAH ROHn!!!
[8:11 A.M.] guy who is white
> The result is 3 votes for Rohan Escanes of New York
[8:11 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> ROHAAAN!
[8:11 A.M.] guy who is white
> And 0 votes for Kalem Reed of Florida
[8:11 A.M.] guy who is black
> MAN FUCK YOU YOU'RE NOT PUTTING ME IN FLORIDA
[8:11 A.M.] guy who is white
> I certify the winner of this election as Rohan Escanes, and designate him as leader of the group chat "feeling like a spider in a jar full of jizz"
[8:11 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> ROHAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[8:11 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> Rohan forever! Rohan until the end of time!
[8:11 A.M.] guy who is me
> Rohan for president
[8:12 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> thank you all, thank you very much. i am honored to be your unanimous choise and will perform my solemm duty with all of you in mind
[8:12 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> ROHAN! ROHAN! ORHAN! ORHAN! RAOHN!
[8:12 A.M.] guy who is black
> 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
[8:12 A.M.] guy who is me
> But wait kane who are you voting for
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME CHANGED TO "jizzocratic peoples rupublic of fucking retards" BY guy who puts babies in dishwashers
[8:14 A.M.] guy who is white
> I'm not getting involved in this
[8:14 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> Splendid
[8:17 A.M.] guy who is black
> Hey president Rohan I got a question
[8:17 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> shoot, my little jizzlet
[8:18 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> oh my gosh am I your little jizzlet mr president? 🥺
[8:18 A.M.] guy who is black
> Iwas just wondering, is this group chat government going to be an exclusive club or can, say, other people be inducted with us
[8:18 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> NO
>
> THIS ENVIRONMENT MUST NEVER BE POISONED BY OUTSIDERS
[8:18 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> hm
[8:18 A.M.] guy who is me
> O
[8:19 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> induction may be possible, but the process of vetting them must be careful and considerate
[8:19 A.M.] guy who is black
> Yeah we don't want to go wild with new people and fuck up the democracy we just established
[8:19 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> Induction must come with an official pledge of support forever for our president Rohan
[8:19 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> we will no doubt make many enemies in our tenure of this game, and when those forces manifest and coalesce, we must have our system ready to weed out any dissidents or spies
>
> even within our closest ranks
[8:20 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> Your saying any one of us might deffect against you?
[8:20 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> No. I would never. I would die for you Rohan
[8:20 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> anything can happen over the next 149 days
>
> we must stay as vigilant as we can, and be ready for tides to turn at any time
[8:20 A.M.] guy who is black
> I feel like we're all pretty solid, our loyalty has been demonstrated
>
> Any disputes can be taken to the democratic process
[8:20 A.M.] guy who is me
> Yes there will be no military coups in this group chat
[8:21 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> If everybody votes for Rohan, I vote for Rohan
>
> If only half of people vote for Rohan, I vote for Rohan
>
> If only one person votes for Rohan, I am that person
>
> If nobody votes for Rohan, I am dead
[8:21 A.M.] guy who is me
> I agree with this
[8:22 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> Me too big agree
[8:22 A.M.] guy who is black
> But if all three of you agree, then if only one person votes for Rohan, who is it?
[8:22 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> It's me
[8:22 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> NO ITSN NOT YOU WHORE I LOVE ROHAN MORE
[8:22 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> FUCK YOU YOULL BE KILLED FIRST
[8:22 A.M.] guy who is white
> I think it means two of you are dead and one person is left to vote for Rohan
[8:23 A.M.] guy who is me
> By the way yall if were talking about adding new people, I have one
[8:24 A.M.] guy who is black
> What about Kane? Are you forever loyal to Rohan?
[8:24 A.M.] guy who is white
> I
>
> Am loyal to the results of the democratic process
[8:24 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> how thoroughly have you vetted this person, mr evan?
[8:25 A.M.] guy who is me
> Oh hes cool don't worry
>
> I think he will come to appreciate the body politic we have here
[8:25 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> Is Evan about to betray us
[8:25 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> no evan has proved his loyalty
[8:25 A.M.] guy who is black
> Should we do another group chat for testing new people
[8:25 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> Evan has already secretly massed the anti Rohan forces to blitz this chat
>
> No thats fucking gay we dont need more chats
[8:26 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> what is the name of this person
[8:27 A.M.] guy who is me
> "Damarae Okorie" some fucking philipinian shit like that
[8:27 A.M.] guy who is white
> Damarae Jolie?
[8:27 A.M.] guy who is me
> No Damarae Okorie
[8:27 A.M.] guy who is white
> Because I talked to a Jolie yesterday
>
> Wait are there two Damaraes
[8:27 A.M.] guy who is me
> What was the jolie one like
[8:28 A.M.] guy who is white
> Uh
>
> Timid and peppy
[8:28 A.M.] guy who is me
> Lol yeah not even close to my Damarae
[8:29 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> The fuck are we talking about
[8:29 A.M.] guy who is black
> It seems… that there are two people named Damerae in this game…
[8:29 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> thats retarded
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME CHANGED TO "strippers on stilts in the boston marathon" BY guy who puts babies in dishwashers
[8:31 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> So are we inductioning this dude
[8:31 A.M.] guy who is me
> Yes yes I will go grab him
[8:31 A.M.] guy who is black
> No hang on everyone shut up
>
> I can handle the induction
[8:31 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> what
[8:31 A.M.] guy who is black
> SHUSH let me talk when hes added
ALERT: guy who wants my sausage[133-420-4411] HAS BEEN ADDED TO THE GROUP CHAT
[8:32 A.M.] guy who is black
> Ahem
>
> Welcome to walgreens how can I help you
[8:34 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> What
>
> Excuse me
[8:34 A.M.] guy who is black
> Welcome to walgreens how can I help you
[8:34 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> What the fuck is this group chat
[8:35 A.M.] guy who is black
> This is a walgreens sir
[8:35 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> No why is the name that
>
> Why are strippers on stilts at the boston marathon
[8:35 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> LMAO
[8:35 A.M.] guy who is black
> Shit
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME CHANGED TO "welcome to walgreens" BY guy who is black
[8:36 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> Guy who I talked to a couple hours ago, where the fuck are you and why am I here
[8:37 A.M.] guy who is me
> Uhhhhh
>
> My name is Evan actually I work in produce
[8:37 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> Walgreens doesn't sell produce fucktard its a pharamacy
[8:37 A.M.] guy who is me
> Well this Walgreens does suck my crusty balls
[8:37 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> Maybe I will cunt
[8:39 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> hi im the manager are we having a problem here
[8:40 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> Yes I am having a problem sir I've been brought into this Walgreens against my will and I don't know why
[8:40 A.M.] guy who is black
> Would you like us to show you around the bakery section? I made a fresh batch of sandwiches
[8:40 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> BRO WALGREENS DONT GOT A BAKERY EITHER AND THOSE DONT MAKE FUCKING SANDWICHES YOU FUCKING TURBO RETARD
[8:40 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> Oh
[8:40 A.M.] guy who is me
> Don't mind him he's a cop inspecting the store
[8:41 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> Fucking COP?!!!
>
> Alright yeah I inspected this store and found 18 health code violations youre all going to fucking prison
[8:41 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> Oh no
[8:41 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> non sense. maybe you and i can chat in my office about this, see if we can reach some arrangement
[8:41 A.M.] guy who is black
> You mean the 40 million in cash we stored in the attack?
[8:41 A.M.] guy who is me
> Wait we only have 18?
[8:41 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> yes, kalem. the 40 million in cash in the attic. i am going to bribe this police officer
[8:43 A.M.] guy who is me
> Hey mister Damarae wanna check out our pizzaria
[8:43 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> YOU DONT HAVE A FUCKING PIZZAREA
[8:44 A.M.] guy who is black
> Wait who works in the pizzeria
[8:44 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> I do I am the pizza meister come over here kids
[8:44 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> AYO?
[8:46 A.M.] guy who is black
> So that just leaves Kane to work at the pharmacy
[8:46 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> I would like to go to the pharmacy so I can get a bottle of Klonopin and overdose on it
[8:46 A.M.] guy who is black
> Well you're in luck, our doctor is desperate for money and will give you literally anything you want
[8:46 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> Oh ok fine go somewhere else then I'll just flip pizza dough by myself over here 😔
[8:46 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> Even crack? I would much rather overdose on that
[8:47 A.M.] guy who is me
> Bro he's got enough black tar heroin to kill a heard of elephants
[8:47 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> Herd*?
[8:47 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> Thats funny I didnt notice the black tar heroin in my search care to show me?
[8:47 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> theres no need for that
[8:47 A.M.] guy who is me
> What you wantsome?
[8:48 A.M.] guy who is white
> The pharmacy is closed. I'm going on vacation to Peru
[8:48 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> no you fuckin aint ho
[8:48 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> Spinning pizza dough sadly
[8:48 A.M.] guy who is me
> NOOOOOOO
>
> Kane please I need my antidepressants
[8:48 A.M.] guy who is white
> And I'm taking all the drugs with me
[8:48 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> WE NEED THOSE YOU FAG WTF
[8:49 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> Fine I'll just go get a pizza then
[8:49 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> YIPPEE
[8:49 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> Well there goes my afternoon.
[8:49 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> Take a look at our menu here we have everything you could want
[8:49 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> with a handy 40 million in cash officer, you could buy as much black tar heroin elsewhere as you want
[8:49 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> We have shrimp skillet pizza
>
> We have poptart pizza
[8:49 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> Anything to make me forget about the divorce
[8:50 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> We have the smoked fag special, which is made with cigarettes outside of a Tesco
[8:50 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> Wait you put shrimp in a skillet and then put that on a pizza
>
> Oh god
[8:50 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> We have the smoked faggot special which is made with gay people
[8:50 A.M.] guy who is me
> Oh alright
[8:50 A.M.] guy who is black
> I get the smoked fag at least three times a week, it's better than you'd expect
[8:50 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> You guys really like your slurs huh
[8:50 A.M.] guy who is black
> The nicotine really spices things up
[8:51 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> you got a problem with it dike
[8:51 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> We got the american idiot pizza, which is made of grinded up green day cds
[8:51 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> At least spell your homophobic slurs right if you're gonna use them dumbass
[8:51 A.M.] guy who is black
> Oh man I love getting the american idiot special with 21st century breakdown that stuff is spicy
[8:51 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> fairy
[8:51 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> I smoke faggots every day I'm on the job lol
[8:51 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> We got the 12 inches pizza, made with cloned tissue from rasputin's pickled cock
[8:51 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> sissy
[8:51 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> Okay maybe that slur should be disincentivized a bit
[8:52 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> queer
[8:52 A.M.] guy who is black
> Jesis christ
[8:52 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> We got the uhhhhhh
>
> Big mac
[8:52 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> Bro pick a pizza
[8:52 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> How about we put a slur jar down right here. Every violation is one dollar for me to go buy an actual pizza
>
> I CANT PICK ONE ALL THESE OPTIONS ARE NAUSEATING
[8:52 A.M.] guy who is black
> You want a sandwich? I can whip up a mean grilled turkey
[8:53 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> YOU DUMB CUNT YOU WORK IN A BAKERY
[8:53 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> That was a quick first violation
>
> Give me a dollar
[8:53 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> FUCK OFF SLUT I DONT OWE YOU SHIT
[8:53 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> You actually owe me 2 dollars now
[8:53 A.M.] guy who is me
> Give the man his two dollars bro
[8:54 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> hey logan why dont you make me an old fashioned fagaroni and cheese pizza
[8:54 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> SUCK MY FUCKING DICK AND BALLS
[8:54 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> Oh man I havent a fagaroni and cheese since the war
>
> But anything for you mr manager
[8:54 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> Hey you two thats a dollar from you both
[8:54 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> oh my apologies heres my dollar
[8:54 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> I follow Rohan's example and give a dollar also
>
> Now… I grab my bag of f*garoni noodles…
[8:54 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> Thank youu
[8:54 A.M.] guy who is me
> It's your turn to pay up Javier
[8:55 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> YOUR NOT GETTING A CENT FROM ME SLUT
[8:55 A.M.] guy who is black
> Bro that's three dollars stop digging your grave deeper
[8:55 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> I try to carefully pull the bag open… but it won't…
[8:55 A.M.] guy who is me
> I steal Javier's wallet and grab 3 dollars
[8:55 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> WHAT?!
[8:55 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> need some help with that
[8:55 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> I TAKE MY FUCKING MONEY BACK AND PUNCH YOU IN THE TEETH
[8:55 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> No I got this I just gotta… the bag bursts open and the f*garoni spills all over the floor
[8:55 A.M.] guy who is me
> I dodge you
[8:56 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> Oh my gosh mr manager i mso sorry!
>
> I turn and bend over to pick up all the noodles
[8:56 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> dont worry it tastes better when its been on the floor
[8:56 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> YOU FUCKING
>
> FUCK YOU
>
> I PULL MY FUCKING GUN OUT AND SHOOT YOU IN THE HEAD
[8:56 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> I take my handful of f*garoni noodles… and drop them in the pot… and a bunch of boiling water splashes out and onto my cock
[8:56 A.M.] guy who is me
> I dodge it
[8:56 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> OOoooh!!! Mr manager is burns! My cock burns!!!!!!
[8:56 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> oh no
[8:56 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> YOU DODGE A FUCKING BULLET GOING THE SPEED OF FUCKING SOUND?
[8:56 A.M.] guy who is me
> Yes
[8:56 A.M.] guy who is black
> Whoa! So cool!
[8:57 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> I start rolling my blob of pizza dough…
[8:57 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> WELL I UNDODGE IT! THE BULLET GOES THROUGH YOUR FUCKING SKULL AND YOU DROP DEAD
[8:57 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> My hands slip and the rolling pin flies into my mouth
[8:57 A.M.] guy who is me
> No it doesnt'
[8:57 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> I slowly pull the long, cylindrical rolling pin out of my mouth… eugh… its so gross now…
[8:57 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> YES IT FUCKING DOES WHORE
[8:57 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> I have to wash this rolling pin now… unless… you want it this way 😳?
[8:57 A.M.] guy who is me
> I take a 4th dollar out of your wallet and put it in the jar
[8:57 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> wash the rolling pin
[8:57 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> I SHOOT THE FUCKING JAR AND TAKE MY MONEY BACK
[8:58 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> Okay mr manager, whatever you say…
[8:58 A.M.] guy who is me
> I reverse time and move the jar before you shoot it
[8:58 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> LICK MY FUCKING ASSHOLE
>
> I SHOOT THE JAR WHERE YOU MOVED IT AND TAKE MY MONEY BACK
[8:58 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> Okay mr manager, whatever you say…
[8:59 A.M.] guy who is me
> I reverse time and move the jar again
[8:59 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> I SHOOT THE JAR AGAIN AND I FUCKING SHOOT YOU
[8:59 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> Okay mr manager, whatever you say…
[8:59 A.M.] guy who is me
> I reverse time before you shoot me and throw the jar to Kalem
[8:59 A.M.] guy who is black
> Whoa! So cool!
[8:59 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> I FUCKING SHOOT KALEM THEN AND TAKE ALL HIS MONEY
[8:59 A.M.] guy who is black
> Hey! That's mean.
[9:00 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> Okay mr manager, whatever you say…
[9:00 A.M.] guy who is me
> Kalem has no money. I pickpocketed all of it while he wasn't looking
[9:00 A.M.] guy who is black
> Oh come on
[9:00 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> THEN I TAKE THE MONEY FROM YOU
[9:00 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> I wash the rolling pin off in the sink…
[9:00 A.M.] guy who is me
> Take it from where? His money is hidden somewhere on me
[9:00 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> WHEREVER IT IS I TAKE IT AND SHOOT YOU IN THE HEAD
[9:00 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> I start rolling the pizza dough… pushing down on it… laying it flat…
[9:01 A.M.] guy who is me
> My body falls over, dead and limp.
[9:01 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> FINALLY
[9:01 A.M.] guy who is me
> But little did you know, a nuclear bomb was strapped to my chest and set to explode if my heart stopped beating.
[9:01 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> I start tossing the pizza dough in the air and spinning it around…
[9:01 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> I DISARM IT
[9:01 A.M.] guy who is me
> The bomb starts ticking.
[9:01 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> The pizza flies out of my hand and splats against the wall! Oh no!
[9:02 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> DISARM THE FUCKING BOMB
[9:02 A.M.] guy who is me
> The bomb cannot be disarmed.
[9:02 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> YES IT FUCKING CAN
[9:02 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> Bro I disappeared for five seconds and come back to 80 messages
[9:02 A.M.] guy who is me
> 5 seconds.
[9:02 A.M.] guy who is black
> *dead noises*
[9:02 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> I try to peal the dough off the wall… its so sticky… and melting in my hands…
[9:02 A.M.] guy who is me
> 4 seconds.
[9:02 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> I DISARM THE BOMB
>
> DISARM IT
[9:02 A.M.] guy who is me
> 3 seconds.
[9:02 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> How many dollars do I have? Where is my jar at
[9:03 A.M.] guy who is me
> 2 seconds.
[9:03 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
[9:03 A.M.] guy who is me
> 1 second.
[9:03 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> ungh…
[9:03 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> What are you
[9:03 A.M.] guy who is me
> The nuclear bomb explodes and everybody in a 6 mile radius is incenerated
[9:03 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
[9:04 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> What just happened
[9:04 A.M.] guy who is me
> You're all dead
[9:04 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> IM NOT
[9:04 A.M.] guy who is me
> Yes you are
[9:04 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> NO IM NOT
[9:05 A.M.] guy who insists on being called 'gay retard'
> *horny dead noises*
[9:05 A.M.] guy who is me
> Yes you are
[9:05 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> NO IM NOT
[9:06 A.M.] guy who is me
> Yes you are
[9:06 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> Yeah I'm just going to
[9:06 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> NO IM NOT
[9:06 A.M.] guy who is me
> Yes you are
[9:06 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> Go eat lunch
[9:06 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> NO IM NOT
[9:06 A.M.] guy who is me
> Yes you are
[9:06 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> NO IM NOT
[9:06 A.M.] guy who wants my sausage
> Maybe watch shrek
[9:06 A.M.] guy who is me
> Yes you are
[9:06 A.M.] guy who listens to weezer
> FUCK YOU NO IM NOT
[9:06 A.M.] guy who is me
> Yes you are
[9:06 A.M.] guy who puts babies in dishwashers
> where did my fucking fagaroni pizza go
——————————