Mr parker[133-782-0376], Lindsay[133-404-3040]
[4:50 P.M.] Mr parker
> Are you enjoying the afternoon so far
[4:54 P.M.] Lindsay
> i guess
[4:59 P.M.] Mr parker
> Have you figured out any secrets with these damn phones
>
> Only being able to message people is lame af
[5:01 P.M.] Lindsay
> yeah
>
> those who get eliminated early will be the lucky ones
[5:04 P.M.] Mr parker
> Too bad it's all random
[5:06 P.M.] Lindsay
> no competition either
>
> not sure what the point of this all is
[5:25 P.M.] Mr parker
> Who knows
>
> We'll find out eventually tho
>
> But at least we've all got each other until then
[5:29 P.M.] Lindsay
> mhm
[5:31 P.M.] Mr parker
> Good talk
——————————
Mr parker[133-782-0376], Iliana[133-296-8468]
[4:55 P.M.] Mr parker
> Have you seen some of the weird ass TV channels this thing has
[4:56 P.M.] Iliana
> YEAH I KNOW
>
> It's all just a bunch of boomer shit
>
> Like no Directv, I I'm not interested in televangelists or a thousand different crime shows on their 34th season
[5:01 P.M.] Mr parker
> And so many movie channels too
[5:02 P.M.] Iliana
> And its so funny because I dont want to watch ANY of them
>
> Like guardians of the galaxy? I could recall half that movies script off the top of my head already i dont need to watch it again thanks
>
> And what's with all the spanish football channels? The whole sport is literally just a bunch of burly dudes running into each other, that should transcend language barriers
[5:08 P.M.] Mr parker
> The Magic Mike trilogy is playing😏
[5:08 P.M.] Iliana
> What is that emoji
>
> I dont like that
>
> Never send that again
[5:11 P.M.] Mr parker
> 😳🤤🥴😘
[5:11 P.M.] Iliana
> What the fuck is wrong with you
[5:14 P.M.] Mr parker
> 🤪
[5:14 P.M.] Iliana
> Do you want to die?
>
> Do you want to go to hell?
>
> Do you want me to send you there personally?
[5:17 P.M.] Mr parker
> 😨☹️🤐
ALERT: THIS USER HAS BLOCKED YOU. NO MESSAGES CAN BE SENT TO OR RECEIVED FROM THEM.
——————————
Mr parker[133-782-0376], UNKNOWN SENDER[133-812-2602]
[5:10 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Hello there
>
> I know I'm probably a little late to the party on introductions today, but what does that matter, right?
>
> Baxter McAruther, at your service. Bax for short
[5:13 P.M.] Mr parker
> We have been awaiting your arrival, Subject 11
>
> The Overseer will be very pleased
>
> Please state the password
[5:13 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Uh
>
> Red pill?
[5:15 P.M.] Mr parker
> False
>
> Agents are approaching you for an identity check
[5:16 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> No wait I actually meant the password is Run-DMC
[5:18 P.M.] Mr parker
> False
>
> Your IP address is currently being reviewed
[5:18 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> …Gravity Falls?
[5:21 P.M.] Mr parker
> The password is actually the hex code of the 30th pixel from the right of the top corner of season 2, episode 4 of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, timecode 11:20:68 if you're watching on Paramount+
>
> But nice try, the entire dark web has your social security number now
[5:22 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Barnacles!
>
> And that was gonna be my next guess!
[5:26 P.M.] Mr parker
> Anyhow, my names Owen
>
> Owen Parker
>
> "At your service"
[5:27 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
> Pleasure to meet ya
[5:32 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
> So what have you been doing to pass the time in your little box?
[5:32 P.M.] Mr parker
> Mostly trying to find out what to do to pass the time lmao
>
> I'm busy channel surfing right now
[5:33 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
> Same, kind of
>
> I've been surfing all the news channels
>
> Seeing if maybe I was a famous celebrity or something
>
> Or if anyone is talking about this experiment we're doing
[5:34 P.M.] Mr parker
> If there was a TV channel covering our shenanigans that would be awesome
[5:34 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
> I know!
>
> I would watch the shit out of that
[5:34 P.M.] Mr parker
> Hang on can I disappear for a moment
>
> My messages are blowing up right now
[5:34 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
> No problem
>
> Do what you gotta do
——————————
Mr parker[133-782-0376], Iliana[133-296-8468]
[5:31 P.M.] Iliana
> Alright youre unblocked
>
> Ready to behave now?
[5:31 P.M.] Mr parker
> 😒
[5:31 P.M.] Iliana
> Oh what? Youre gonna be a sourpuss now?
[5:31 P.M.] Mr parker
> 🤧
[5:31 P.M.] Iliana
> Gross
[5:32 P.M.] Mr parker
Love what you're reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on.
> 🤮
[5:32 P.M.] Iliana
> I'm blocking you again if you dont cut that shit out
[5:32 P.M.] Mr parker
> 😭🥺
[5:33 P.M.] Iliana
> Actually, you know what
>
> I have just the right hellscape to send you to
[5:33 P.M.] Mr parker
> 🤨
[5:33 P.M.] Iliana
> There
>
> Now go bother somebody else
——————————
"GRoup cHat?"
Mr parker[133-782-0376], UNKNOWN SENDER[133-378-3077], UNKNOWN SENDER[133-795-3757], UNKNOWN SENDER[133-656-8961], UNKNOWN SENDER[133-440-6740], UNKNOWN SENDER[133-802-7988], UNKNOWN SENDER[133-382-1325], UNKNOWN SENDER[133-853-2667], Iliana[133-296-8468], UNKNOWN SENDER[133-347-4232]
[5:33 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> What the fuck kind of name is that
[5:34 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Pug spaghetti
>
> Hence the name
[5:34 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> if you can't handle the atmosphere being replaced with co2 maybe you're just too weak to live on earth
[5:34 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> I'm a little concerned
>
> Does it mean spaghetti made of pugs or a pug making spaghetti
[5:34 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Thats lame as fuck bro
[5:34 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Pug making spaghetti I guess
[5:34 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Its whatever you want it to mean
[5:34 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Yo hold the fuck up why are we adding another person
[5:34 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Name the chat The Crucified Potatoes
[5:34 P.M.] Mr parker
> What the fuck
[5:35 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> That name is fucking trash
>
> Get your goofy ass out of here
[5:35 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Hang on yall can I get everyones names for my contacts
[5:35 P.M.] Mr parker
> What have I just entered
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "The Crucified Potatoes" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
[5:35 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> JUST SCROLL UP MOTHERFUCKER
[5:35 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Dude no
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "GRoup cHat?" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "Uhh Uuhhhhm pug spaghetti" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
[5:35 P.M.] Iliana
> Enjoy, Owen!
[5:35 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Holy shit dude stop
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "kill yourself" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "GRoup cHat?" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
[5:36 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Rohan what the fuck are you doing
[5:36 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> I finish cooking dinner for five minutes
[5:36 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> I've gota name suggsetion
[5:36 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> And I come back to 62 new messages
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "eat my crusty deepfried ballsack" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
[5:36 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> I can't scroll up past the point i was added
>
> So give me names
[5:36 P.M.] Mr parker
> Yeah do that
ALERT: UNKNOWN SENDER[133-382-1325] HAS BEEN ADDED TO THE GROUP CHAT
[5:36 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> How am I supposed to wathc south park wiht you retards squabbling constantly
[5:36 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Eliot I can just send you everyones name
[5:36 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> anyone up for a law and order marathon
[5:36 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Oh my god another one
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "Nicolas Cage's 2009 $36 million lawsuit" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Rohan are you fucking kidding me
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Hi. I think
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Bro stop
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Suck my balls maria
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "Comedy Central" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "The crease between my asshole and ballsack" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Would anyone perhaps be interested in purchasing wet baby powder
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> I'm not stopping and you cunts cant make me
[5:37 P.M.] Iliana
> Uuhh no I have plenty
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> IMG_053714_005.HEIC
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "Shut the fuck up" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
[5:37 P.M.] Eliot
> What is that
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "Shereen is a fucking whore" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Weezer album, zoomed in
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> You petty bitch
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Where the fuck did you get a weezer album
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO " " BY UNKNOWN SENDER
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> ROHAN
>
> STOP
[5:37 P.M.] Rohan probably
> Make me slut
[5:38 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> oh, you guys haven't found the music stash?
[5:38 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> That was Pinkerton
>
> Easy
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO " Hulk hogans' sex tape" BY Rohan probably
[5:38 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Oh my god
[5:38 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> What we having for dinner boys im starvin
[5:38 P.M.] Rohan probably
> Your children
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "GROup Chat?" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "gROuP ChaT?" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "gRoIp cHEt?" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
[5:38 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Please stop screwing with the name everyone
[5:38 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Shereen just let them burn out their energy it'll stop soon enough
[5:38 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> IMG_053831_006.HEIC
[5:38 P.M.] Rohan probably
> lmao wanna bet bitch?
[5:39 P.M.] Eliot
> Is that Hurley?
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "11 swollen cocks in mcdonalds" BY Rohan probably
[5:39 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> What is this man cooking
[5:39 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> That IS Hurley
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "pissing in a fucking drainage pipe" BY Rohan probably
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "go ahead cocksucker. keep telling me that anime is superior medium of entertainment. the same worms will eat your fat ass too." BY Rohan probably
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "not only do i enjoy weezer, i also like fucking donkeys in little skirts because it allows me to feel like im fucking a 9 year old schoolgirl without actually getting into legal trouble" BY Rohan probably
[5:39 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> HEY.
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "does it look like i give a fuck?" BY Rohan probably
[5:39 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> What the fuck bro
[5:39 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> IMG_053849_007.HEIC
>
> Weezer stays winning bitch
[5:39 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Hey Rohan
[5:40 P.M.] Eliot
> Do you have the teal album? Thats my favorite
[5:40 P.M.] Rohan probably
> Hey Julien
[5:40 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> I wrote a poem for you
[5:40 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> The teal album? Are you high?
[5:40 P.M.] Julien?
> Roses are red,
>
> Violets are blue,
>
> Nobody likes you.
ALERT: Rohan probably HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM THE GROUP CHAT BY Julien?
[5:40 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
> Everybody knows Raditude is the best one
——————————
Mr parker[133-782-0376], Baxter's Laboratory[133-812-2602]
[5:40 P.M.] Mr parker
> Jesius christ Im back
>
> Did you know that you can make group chats in this fucking app
[5:40 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
> I did not
>
> That's interesting
[5:40 P.M.] Mr parker
> I just got added to one
>
> And fuck me
>
> Those people are like fucking high schoolers
[5:41 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
> Oh now THAT'S interesting
[5:41 P.M.] Mr parker
> Sure is.
[5:42 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
> Oh man, I just realized that I horrifically misspelled my last name back there
>
> It's Bax McArthur, not McAruther lol
[5:42 P.M.] Mr parker
> Oh yeah I was confused by that
[5:42 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
> But yeah anyways this group chat of yours…
>
> …Could I join it?
[5:42 P.M.] Mr parker
> Why would you want that
>
> They just yell slurs at each other and argue over the chat name
[5:42 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
> Isn't that the beauty of chaotic gatherings of immature people?
[5:43 P.M.] Mr parker
> Theres already like 9 people there
[5:43 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
> Even better!
[5:45 P.M.] Mr parker
> 🙁
>
> Lord help me
>
> I need alcohol
——————————