Me[133-341-1489], Riley[133-474-7366]
[3:00 P.M.] Me
> Waltuh
>
> It’s time to take your meds Waltuh
>
> You’re gonna have seizures without them Waltuh
[3:00 P.M.] Riley
> I am the one whose body can’t function without 7 medications
>
> Okay now I’m not going to die
>
> Thank youuu
>
> Now where was I...
[3:01 P.M.] Me
> Where would you be without me?
[3:02 P.M.] Riley
> Probably tweaking on the floor with a bunch of raw chicken breast slices on my face and covered in boiling water and grease
[3:02 P.M.] Me
> You’re cooking a whole chicken breast for LUNCH?
[3:05 P.M.] Riley
> It’s fine dining baby, and you don’t get any
[3:06 P.M.] Me
> Me and my airfryer are perfectly happy together, thank you very much
[3:08 P.M.] Riley
> Oh, nice. You make a lot of fries with it?
[3:08 P.M.] Me
> I am so so so grateful for my french fries
>
> I had two full bags of them yesterday and ate both of them
>
> And there was TWO MORE when I woke up this morning
[3:10 P.M.] Riley
> Awesome, so you’ll be leaving the game in 148 days with the diabetes/heart disease McCombo
[3:11 P.M.] Me
> the diabetes/heart disease McCombo.
>
> I fucking hate you
[3:12 P.M.] Riley
> 😁
[3:12 P.M.] Me
> That's the meanest thing anyone has ever said about my diet
[3:12 P.M.] Riley
> Well you won't know for sure until you get your memory back
[3:13 P.M.] Me
> I don't need to take this from you
>
> Don't count on me to remind you to take your prescriptions anymore
>
> I hope your chronic disease kills you now
[3:14 P.M.] Riley
> :(?
[3:14 P.M.] Me
> Aw okay nevermind I'm sorry
[3:16 P.M.] Riley
> :)!
>
> I loooove you Shaye
>
> Even though I’ve only known you for a day
[3:16 P.M.] Me
> Oo that rhymed
>
> You should write a poem about me
[3:17 P.M.] Riley
> Wow, that sounds like a... really bad idea
[3:17 P.M.] Me
> That’s how all great ideas start
[3:18 P.M.] Riley
> Not... really
>
> But I’ll do my best
>
> Hang on, I’m tapping into my inner Robert Frost
[3:21 P.M.] Me
> Warming up in the microwave
[3:23 P.M.] Riley
> Alright, listen to this:
>
> Oh Shaye, my Shaye—
>
> I've known you only a day—
>
> But I still wanna say—
>
> I loooooOOOOove yooou bAaae—
>
> Oh, Shaye Sullivan—
>
> You are more delicious than a mulligan—
>
> Like, a stew, that kind of mulligan—
>
> I don't know what else rhymes with Sullivan—
>
> My Shaye, oh Shaye, you are a sight to see—
>
> Without you I would be dead from my epilepsy—
>
> One day in the real world when you can see me—
>
> I will cook you a real dinner with some fine chianti.
>
> How's that?
>
> I said I was tapping my inner Robert Frost but wrote like Emily Dickinson instead for some reason
[3:26 P.M.] Me
> I'm speechless
>
> That's the worst poem anyone has ever written
>
> And it was just for me
[3:28 P.M.] Riley
> Really? I felt like I was kind of on fire at the end there
>
> I was spitting like a roast
[3:29 P.M.] Me
> I'll give you points for that last rhyme, yes
[3:30 P.M.] Riley
> Now if you'll excuse me, if I keep holding my phone while stirring noodles I'm going to drop it in boiling water
[3:30 P.M.] Me
> Hmph. Fine. You cook your delicious meals. I'll just be here. WAITING.
>
> I can keep watching Friends ALL DAY if I have to
[3:31 P.M.] Riley
> 👍
>
> Can always count on you, girlie
——————————
Me[133-341-1489], Tyrell[133-669-5857]
[4:39 P.M.] Tyrell
> Music is so frickin cool man
>
> I want to get a guitar or a keyboard or sum
[4:44 P.M.] Me
> Uh
>
> Did you only start listening to music yesterday
[4:45 P.M.] Tyrell
> The game started yesterday?
[4:47 P.M.] Me
> No it’s just saying you like music is the most obvious thing in the world
>
> It’s like saying “Oh you know what I’m really liking right now? Movies”
>
> Like no shit buddy
[4:48 P.M.] Tyrell
> Oh I get it, you were just being snarky
>
> Well maybe I just wasn’t a real music-head back in the real world
>
> But not like I’d know
>
> Because I don’t remember my life in the real world
>
> But I know right now
>
> That the stuff I’m hearing is really cool
[4:50 P.M.] Me
> Maybe you were in a band back in the real world
[4:50 P.M.] Tyrell
> Oh my god that would be sick if true
>
> If I had a band I would call it The Runk Pockers
[4:51 P.M.] Me
> I’m gonna level with you, that's an absolutely atrocious band name
[4:51 P.M.] Tyrell
> You get it? Because it’s like The Punk Rockers but the P and the R are switched?
[4:52 P.M.] Me
> That somehow makes it worse
[4:52 P.M.] Tyrell
> Well that’s your opinion
>
> I’ve gotta find other musicheads in this game so I can form that band
[4:53 P.M.] Me
> Trust me, you’ll have no problem looking for fans of music anywhere
>
> Have you been DMed by the music collector yet?
[4:54 P.M.] Tyrell
> The WHAT?
>
> Is that some eldritch creature? Or creepypasta?
[4:54 P.M.] Me
> No it’s just some guy who calls himself the music collector that texted me to ask for every album I have
[4:55 P.M.] Tyrell
> Wait, like to send the albums TO him?
[4:55 P.M.] Me
> No I just told him the names of everything
[4:56 P.M.] Tyrell
> Oh
>
> I’m stupid
>
> Thought there was some thing about the game I missed
>
> In any case that seems like a guy I should be getting to know
>
> Maybe he’ll share his music collection with me
>
> Andmaybejoinmybandhehehehehe
[4:58 P.M.] Me
> Yeah, feel free to run “The Runk Pockers” past him
[4:59 P.M.] Tyrell
> I'll make it happen, you'll see
>
> The Runk Pockers will be the biggest stars this game sees
>
> Setting aside the technicalities of trying to record music via these phones
ALERT: A FEW SELECT PLAYERS OVERNIGHT RECEIVED CROSSWORD PUZZLES AS AN EXTRA ENTERTAINMENT OPTION. LAUNCHING TOMORROW, THERE WILL BE A DAILY SUBSCRIPTION TO RECEIVE MORE PUZZLES EVERY MORNING. TO SUBSCRIBE, WRITE YOUR INTENT TO DO SO ON A REQUEST NOTE.
[5:00 P.M.] Tyrell
> OH MY GOD THAT SCARED ME SO BAD
[5:00 P.M.] Me
> *Holy shit I can’t believe they just jumpscared us with a loud ass TV announcement two days in a row*
>
> I am so mad
[5:01 P.M.] Tyrell
> BUT WHOA
>
> CROSSWORDS
>
> This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
>
> I mean wow, I didn’t know we were getting THAT pampered
>
> A crossword subscription sounds so cool
[5:03 P.M.] Me
> Don’t talk to me I just spilled my glass of milk on my feet
[5:03 P.M.] Tyrell
> Oh no
>
> I’m not laughing I swear
[5:08 P.M.] Me
> Good because if you were laughing I would punch you
[5:09 P.M.] Tyrell
> This great folly of yours is absolutely no laughing matter
>
> Now you go wash your wet socks
[5:13 P.M.] Me
> You do NOT understand how much I hate walking barefoot
>
> Especially when I just spilt something on them and now my skin is drying up
>
> This is the worst feeling ever
[5:13 P.M.] Tyrell
> Dry feet? Honestly it’s better than wet feet if you ask me...
[5:15 P.M.] Me
> I didn’t
[5:18 P.M.] Tyrell
> Also wow I completely only thought the sticky note requests were only for food stuff
>
> Can we ask for other stuff on them too? Like a new TV or something?
[5:24 P.M.] Me
> Speaking of requests, did you remember to ask for the Buffalo Wild Wings ranch for your salad yesterday?
[5:24 P.M.] Tyrell
> Oh NO
>
> Ratdammit I flubbed it
>
> Just slap a kick me poster on my back and get it over with, I'm an idiot
[5:25 P.M.] Me
> You know what? I think you might be
[5:27 P.M.] Tyrell
> I don't want you to agree with me on that
>
> Mannnnn I want that ranch so bad
[5:30 P.M.] Me
> Why don't you write it down NOW?
[5:31 P.M.] Tyrell
> And then while I'm at it subscribe to the daily crosswords?
>
> Wait is that like a paid subscription
>
> I don't want to do it if I have to pay money
[5:33 P.M.] Me
> It didn't say anything about that in the message
[5:40 P.M.] Tyrell
> You're right it didn't...
>
> Maybe it IS free?
>
> There's free subscriptions out there, right?
[5:41 P.M.] Me
> Yeah, like newsletters
[5:41 P.M.] Tyrell
> LIKE NEWSLETTERS
>
> Well, I'll just shoot my shot and see what happens...
[5:42 P.M.] Me
> It's not like you aren't swimming in cash already, Mr. Runk Pocker
[5:42 P.M.] Tyrell
> You're so RIGHT
>
> I can afford whatever this game offers me, I'm SWIMMING in Runk Pockers money
[5:45 P.M.] Me
> I would genuinely be surprised if that were true
[5:49 P.M.] Tyrell
> "Thank you for your undying support, Shaye," I said sarcastically
[5:50 P.M.] Me
> 😁
——————————
Me[133-341-1489], Riley[133-474-7366]
[5:00 P.M.] Riley
> OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK
>
> THERE WAS ANOTHER ONE
>
> THAT STUPID FUCKING ALERT THAT WOKE ME UP YESTERDAY WAS BAD ENOUGH
>
> BUT TO DO IT AGAIN JUST TO ANNOUNCE CROSSWORD PUZZLES?!?!?!?!
[5:04 P.M.] Me
> Ohhhhhhh I'm unironically steaming mad at the people running this game
>
> My face is beet red rn.
[5:05 P.M.] Riley
> SAME
>
> STEAM SHOOINTG OUT OF MY EARS
>
> SHOOTING*
>
> FUCK
>
> MY HEARTBEAT IS RACING SO FAST
>
> IF THEY DO THAT AGAIN IT'S OVER
[5:09 P.M.] Me
> I was just trying to chill sitting at my counter
>
> MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS
>
> When my fucking television screamed ALERT at me
>
> And I thought there like a NUCLEAR BOMB coming at me
>
> And I immediately turn my body around
>
> AND KNOCK MY FUCKING CUP OF MILK OVER
>
> SO IT FALLS OFF THE COUNTER AND HITS MY FOOT
>
> AND I STEP OFF THE STOOL INTO A PUDDLE OF FUCKING MILK
>
> IN MY SOCKS??????
[5:10 P.M.] Riley
> OOOOOH MMNOOOOOO
[5:11 P.M.] Me
> And this milk is still like halfway full
>
> This is like not even five minutes out of the fridge
>
> I was so excited to drink it too I LOVE milk
[5:11 P.M.] Riley
> Ooooooh cold liquid on your socks
>
> You FELT that
>
> I am absolutely devastated on your behalf
>
> Why would they wait until 5:00 to send that alert if some people already had crosswords this morning
>
> That had to cause so much confusion
[5:13 P.M.] Me
> This game has to have been created by teenagers dude
>
> They saw me drop into my spilled milk and just laughed their asses off
[5:14 P.M.] Riley
> DUDE YOU’RE RIGHT I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FUCKING GUINEA PIG IN HERE
>
> “Hey dude you know what would be really funny to do to those stupid idiots we’ve trapped in a box? Throw crosswords at them and blast the reminder at full volume without warning”
[5:16 P.M.] Me
> Real.
>
> What’s the next big announcement gonna be? “ALERT!!! WAKE UP IDIOTS, IT’S 5 A.M. AND WE LEFT LITTLE CUPS OF PUDDING ON YOUR COUNTER TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST! THEY COME WITH SPOONS!”
[5:16 P.M.] Riley
> THEY COME WITH SPOOOOONS😭💀💀
[5:18 P.M.] Me
> ALERT! DONT GO TO ALEEP YET IF YOU LIKED THOSE CROSSWORD PUZZLES YOULL LOVE THE LITTLE SPIDERMAN LEGO SETS WE LEFT FOR YOU BY THE TV! ITS GOT A GREEN GOBLIN AND A LITTLE SPIDER MOBILE!
[5:19 P.M.] Riley
> WHATS THE SPIDER MOBILE
>
> STOOOOOP😭😭😭
>
> “ALERT: WAKE UP SLEEPYHEADS, IF YOU LOOK TO YOUR LEFT YOULL SEE WE LEFT EACH PLAYER AN EMOTIONAL SUPPORT TEDDY BEAR BY THEIR PILLOWS TO SNUGGLE YOUR STRESS AWAY
[5:21 P.M.] Me
> Wait I would actually love an emotional support teddy bear
>
> Do you think if I ask for one on a request sticky note they’ll give me one
[5:24 P.M.] Riley
> Oh shit you should try that
>
> Also hear me out if they’re gonna send us legos I need them to be bionicles, those are so cool
>
> I would make the fucked up guys and play with them literally all day
[5:25 P.M.] Me
> Mmmmm…
>
> You’re really good at tempting me with good ideas.
[5:29 P.M.] Riley
> WE SHOULD BOTH ASK FOR BIONICLES
>
> We can make our little squads of bionicle guys
>
> And make wacky names for them
>
> And do silly role playing shit with them
>
> And just go fucking crazy with bionicles all day
>
> And send like pictures of them back and forth
>
> And god I sound like a 5-year-old right now
[5:30 P.M.] Me
> Girl I am so fucking on board
[5:31 P.M.] Riley
> EEEEEEEEEE
>
> You’re my hero Shaye
[5:32 P.M.] Me
> I know >:)
——————————
Me[133-341-1489], James[133-553-3459]
[5:51 P.M.] James
> Duuuuudde
>
> Ffffffffffffffu
>
> FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUC
[5:55 P.M.] Me
> *good god*
>
> Hi James
>
> Are you joining the crossword subscription
[5:55 P.M.] James
> I'm withdrawing so bdad right now
[5:56 P.M.] Me
> It's not even 6:00 yet have you already burned through your weed supply
[5:56 P.M.] James
> Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
>
> oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooodkljhdiekhvnfjf
[5:56 P.M.] Me
> Stop mashing your face on your keyboard
>
> Get it together
[5:58 P.M.] James
> DUUUUUUUUIUIIUIUIUIUIUIUD
>
> Why did hthye only gibve mer that onre w boel
>
> thats waskike krhing
>
> notging
>
> GGGHHEHGGDFIFOPOTOOTOSAFAGVABABnawoi
[6:01 P.M.] Me
> Only one bowl?
>
> The one you found yesterday?
[6:05 P.M.] James
> Yyyeyh
>
> EhHHOOOEEEHEHEHEHEHEEEEH
>
> Bro uts soooo baaaad
[6:07 P.M.] Me
> Did you check if they left another one for you last night
[6:07 P.M.] James
> noo
[6:07 P.M.] Me
> Well it wouldn't hurt to look would it
[6:08 P.M.] James
> Wate
[6:08 P.M.] Me
> What
[6:08 P.M.] James
> Wate
[6:10 P.M.] Me
> ??? ???
>
> Are you trying to spell "wait"
[6:10 P.M.] James
> O yea
[6:10 P.M.] Me
> I think you're illiterate
[6:11 P.M.] James
> Ya
>
> WAIT
>
> Ooooheheheheheh
[6:11 P.M.] Me
> Did you find another bowl
[6:16 P.M.] James
> Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeheeheeeeeeeeee
>
> It wear i found thefridtgibeoneone
[6:17 P.M.] Me
> Dear god
>
> *Where you found the first one?*
[6:21 P.M.] James
> Yha
>
> Oooooooooooooooo@@@@&&&&@@@‘m
>
> Thhfats beter
[6:23 P.M.] Me
> You elude my understanding
[6:27 P.M.] James
> Heheeeeeeee
>
> Watching amazingwo rld of gunmball
[6:28 P.M.] Me
> Good for you, buddy
>
> I'm proud of you for enjoying Cartoon Network at age 21
[6:30 P.M.] James
> Yeeeee
>
> Is so funny bro
>
> Likebwhy that is there that bitch mader of paper
[6:30 P.M.] Me
> I don’t know James
[6:41 P.M.] James
> Dude
[6:43 P.M.] Me
> Yes James?
[6:43 P.M.] James
> Itds socfiunny
>
> so ufnny
>
> Im making lunch
[6:43 P.M.] Me
> Making lunch at 6:00?
[6:44 P.M.] James
> YA
>
> MAKINF A PBJ
[6:44 P.M.] Me
> Is peanut butter and jelly the only thing you know how to make
[6:44 P.M.] James
> Lolllll
>
> Im making my pbj
>
> And like
>
> JhhehhhehshhEHEHEEH
>
> Kikel why am i
>
> Hang on cant thjnk of the words
[6:46 P.M.] Me
> That’s twice you’ve accidentally typed a jewish slur
[6:48 P.M.] James
> Lol
>
> Like whu put like i alredy put have nhhtbekjuelly kn onebresd
>
> Anf im justg outettin likr preemtutbuter onthe other onte
>
> Heheheeeeeeeem
[6:50 P.M.] Me
> I seriously question your literacy
[6:50 P.M.] James
> Izs fjnyy cas likr ihgave brthtk ofo thrme nd jhstihhhu smmdsasSMASG THHE M TOGETHTRR LLOLLLLLLL
[6:50 P.M.] Me
> Are you even trying to type words my man
[6:51 P.M.] James
> Inm ficking bBAKED BHHEEEHEEE
[6:51 P.M.] Me
> You’re baked, got it
>
> I guess weed just removes english from your vocabulary
[6:54 P.M.] James
> You shhdould watch humball to
>
> LMAAOOOOOOOLLLLL ONE OF GYJRM IS A VALLOONNNNNNN
[6:55 P.M.] Me
> You better not disrespect my best buddy Alan
[6:57 P.M.] James
> Alennnnnnn
>
> Is alaen a girl
[6:58 P.M.] Me
> Don’t you have better people to text while stoned
[6:59 P.M.] James
> IS theb aLLOON A GIRL
[6:59 P.M.] Me
> I’m not gonna answer any further questions
>
> Have a good night Mr. James
[7:00 P.M.] James
> Itdn playing freugkglar show now
[7:05 P.M.] James
> LMAOOOOO WHYDFS THSI GUYS HEAD A GGHEAD A GUMBALL MACHNINE LOOOOOOOL
[7:12 P.M.] James
> Youg otsaa watch thisu bro this episode is fuhucking crazy
[7:29 P.M.] James
> Heheheeeeeeeeeee💀💀💀💀💀
——————————