What the hell is happening!? What the hell is happening!? What the hell is happening?! What the hell is happening?! What the hell is happening?!

Okay, okay. Take a breather. Focus. Think about the past. Look at the now. Accept reality. At least for now. It helps no one to panic.

I am a lawyer. I paid rent and tons of other bills. My research skills are top-tier. I have a yearning to learn at the very least. My mind can rationalize this if I think carefully. Stop freaking out! I need to put my feelings aside for the moment to get a better grasp of the situation.

Alright.

To recap!

I tried to kill myself, found some weak semblance of hope, resolved to at least try and change things…then slipped on the ledge of a building.

Did I go to heaven? Hell? No. I reincarnated.

I reincarnated as a baby girl named Scarlet.

And not just Scarlet. Scarlet Embers. My name sounds like an amateur porn star’s handle.

How wonderful…

“You haven’t cried in quite some time,” says the woman from the bed, Lady Embers. ‘Mom,’ I suppose, at least in a biological sense.

I glare at the noblewoman. None of this is her fault, but I need to take my aggression out on someone. It’s not like she’ll actually take offense to my glances. I’m a damn baby, after all. If anything, she’ll just think I’m hungry or something if she even notices my mindful stares at all.

I don’t know how long it’s been, but my vision has gotten better. I still can’t see color, but the blurriness is better. It feels more like I lost my glasses than before when it felts like I was going blind. Light still hurts my eyes a bit, but I muscle my way through the discomfort.

Mom begins to sing. I will hand it to her; she has a soothing voice. Hopefully, that’s hereditary. I could never sing well in my previous life as much as I desired the ability. I could play instruments, but my voice never matched that initiative.

With my current baby body, if I weren’t trying hard to avoid it, I’d be fast asleep right now as I’m drawn along by her peaceful melody. It’d be a nice nap, too, cuddled into her arms, neatly wrapped in a soft cotton blanket.

Hmmm. When was the last time I felt this kind of comforting love?

“…”

Mom has held me nearly every waking minute since I’ve, for lack of a better term, emerged into this world. My sense of time is skewed. I’m not sure if a day has gone by or a week. Maybe it’s only been a few hours. Has she held me the entire time? Or am I imagining that?

A baby’s brain isn’t reliable. There are likely inconsistencies within my mental capacity at the moment. It’s taking everything I have just to stay conscious.

Part of me is nervous that this could be a long dream occurring as I die. One wrong action might end this existence, suspending me into that void of beautiful nothingness again. This could also be purgatory, a test of my faith. If that’s the case, I have nothing to fear except earning redemption.

It’s all too real, though. I think, honestly, I’ve come back to life.

If this is reincarnation, and I’ve retained my memories, I’ve been rewarded. Supremely so. Especially if, based on my surroundings and the people I’ve seen, I’ve been sent back in time. I’ll be seen as overtly intelligent in this period, though that might be dangerous, considering that I am now a woman. Wouldn’t want to get burned at the stake for being a witch. I’ll have to gauge things as I grow up. If I grow up.

Don’t get me wrong. For the first few hours in this world, I was shocked beyond belief. I kept thinking, “I’m a baby” and “I’m a girl” over and over again in my head until I forced myself to come to terms with this reality. I just stopped saying “what the hell is happening” a second ago. I’m sure I’ll panic again in a minute, but for now, I’m calm. Rather, I’m forcing myself to be so for the moment.

I thought I was going crazy for a moment there. I mean, I was a thirty-year-old man. I’ve paid taxes, paid rent, dated people, people have died around me, and I’ve experienced personal loss in many forms. To go back like this, to start over, and in such a weak little form devoid of my past abilities, even my past sex, is mind-numbingly terrifying.

Acceptance hasn’t come easy. I expect that will take a while, no matter how much I may wish it so, but I’ve at least tentatively comprehended the situation for now.

“You want to take a nap?” My mom interrupts her singing.

Mom’s pretty face shines brilliantly with a smile. For some reason, there’s a hint of sadness as well. Regret? I don’t understand that. Her emotions have constantly fluctuated since our ‘relationship’ began. Happy one moment, sad the next. Her eyes are full of conflicted thoughts, blurry as they are to me. Then there’s my ‘dad.’ I don’t even know where he is, not that I care.

“Not really,” I try to say, but my voice is still ineffective. The noise is more of a garbled, childish yelp. Dammit!

“Is that a yes?”

I roll my eyes. As a baby, even if I make that motion, my mom probably thinks nothing of it.

“Let’s take a nap.” Mom generously rubs her finger across the bridge of my nose.

Carefully, I’m taken back inside the castle. Yes, castle. I’m pretty sure it’s a castle. The flowering brick courtyard soon disappears as light plummets behind us. My vision is somewhat shaded now. Stone ceilings tower above my head. They surround me on all sides. Tapestries and paintings line the hallways with suits of armor, intricate drapes on windows, random mirrors, priceless antiques, and the likes. Each hallway looks as if they’re stuffed with literal pieces of ancient history. Or, in this context, future ancient history.

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I’m so lost. None of these vast corridors seem any different than the others. I’m glad I have a chauffeur guiding me on this impromptu tour.

Eventually, Mom and I arrive in a particular room. A spacious bed sits in the middle. Around it, books and furniture decorate the room in many aspects. Huh. It seems this place services as a loft with a library, though its collection isn’t that expansive. Is this where my parents live? So my crib must be in here? Well, it’s big. I’ll give them that. I shouldn’t hinder them too much.

Speaking of it, my body is gently lowered until I’m surrounded by wooden bars on all four sides.

“Welcome to your room,” Mom simpers. “I hope you like it.”

She means our room, right? This woman will not leave her newborn baby in his, um, her own room, I hope. I haven’t seen any baby monitors, not that they exist. And based on the layout of this place, if something happens and I need to cry out, no one will hear me. I’ll die!

No, no, she’s been very good to me so far. Yes, she seems kind of flakey, but there is no way she’d-

“I’ll have the maids check on you every hour on the hour.” Mom gently brushes my nose. “I’ll be available when you need to eat!”

Oh, don’t talk to me like a regular person! I’m a baby, dammit!

Mom kisses me considerately on the cheek. Rising from me, her eyes are sad. It’s the first time I can see them clearly. “I’m sorry.” I detect her speaking softly. She gazes painfully into my eyes mere inches away. “I…tried. I thought I could get past my own selfishness, but I cannot stomach this.”

I’m soon abandoned in this empty room.

That bitch!

Don’t give me your confusing sob story! Take care of your child, dammit!

I have no autonomy! Come back here!

Calm down, calm down. Everything will be okay. It’s fine. If I were a different baby, I might be ruined by my mother’s blatant negligence. Hmm. She seemed sad, actually, like she doesn’t really want me. That’s great to know. Maybe I will die again.

Why am I creating excuses for her?

At least she is better than my father. I haven’t seen him since I was born. Oh well. That’s better than my relationship with my last dad. This one’s actually alive, so he has that going for him.

Whatever! I need to think. Quiet time is preferred. I should-

Footsteps alert my ears. I perk up.

Ha! Maybe I judged the woman too harshly! There’s no way she’d leave her baby all alone. I probably misheard her. Yeah, she was depositing me for a moment and coming back. The maids would be coming along every hour to help her. Okay, that would make more sense.

My smile brightens as the footsteps get closer. And then-

I deadpan.

The maid from my birth stands over me. She smiles down at my face. “Check on her every hour, eh?” the woman sighs, shaking her head as she makes a ‘tsk’ sound. “Young woman did her duty of birthing but doesn’t want to care for the baby. A shame. Makes sense given the circumstances. Poor woman. Doesn’t mean she should be taking it out on her babe.”

The maid picks me up in her arms. We gently move across the room to a chair by an array of books. I glance about. There’s a fireplace nearby. Guess they wouldn’t have air conditioning or heating in this time period. That’s going to be terrible.

“You poor babe,” the maid continues talking. She’s an older woman, probably in her early forties. She has more age and wisdom on her than my own mother. “I’ve raised three kids of my own, all out of the house now. Looks like I’ll be raising a fourth,” She chirps.

That means me, huh?

“Suspect you’ll be calling me ‘Mom’ someday.”

Well…this is very depressing. And accurate. That further validates my conclusions then.

Ahem!

I am a princess. Or something like that, I think.

First off, my parents are called “lady” or “lord.” Suffice it to say, they are either very wealthy or politically powerful to have earned those titles, so I’ll be living in some prominence.

Second, my mother. I didn’t expect to use her as a point to prove this, but she’s done it herself. The vacant parenting, allowing the maid to do her job, shows a sense of selfishness that can only be attributed to nepotistic nobles and royals.

Third, I’m pretty sure we live in a castle based on the fact that it very much looks like a castle from what I’ve seen thus far. Along with the maids and the armed guards carrying swords and spears, I’d say my assessment at least warrants some deference.

So, in the grand scheme of things, I’ve reincarnated as a girl named Scarlet Embers, likely royalty or the daughter of a wealthy family. There could be worse things, I suppose.

“Shall we get a fire going?” the maid buzzes. “Yes, that sounds pleasant. Then I’ll tell you some stories that’ll help you go to sleep, my lovely.”

This woman is very nice. I hope I learn her name someday. Calling her “maid” will get annoying since she’s clearly going to be more than that to me without much input on my part. I already appreciate her. I hope she doesn’t get replaced. At the very least, if she does, I hope the second maid also has the know-how to, you know, not leave a baby alone for hours repeatedly. Or to give it its own room. Along with many other concerning factors.

“Let’s light that fire….” The maid holds out her hand.

Um…what is she do—

Fire dances within the palm of her hand. It surges forward, lashing out at the firewood placed neatly in the fireplace. The logs catch. Flames leap about, cheering joyously as they produce both light and heat for the room.

My eyes widen.

Uhhhhh....

Th-That was magic?! Wasn’t it?!

My gaze remains stuck on the fire. It flickers back and forth from the maid to the flames in amazement.

“…”

Wait, so this isn’t my reality, is it? I’m not in the past? That’s what I thought, but my version of Earth didn’t have magic. There were no fruitful records outside of religious texts that validated such a thing. Then… a different dimension? Or a congruent reality from my own supplied with magical abilities?

That’s...unbelievable.

How the hell did I end up here? Is this the true afterlife? Is there even an afterlife? How can I remember my past? Why is there magic? What am I going to do with this life? This...second chance...to do...better.

“Oh! I’ll tell you the story about my first love.” The maid launches into a story.

Largely ignoring her, I continue to stare into the flames as thoughts swirl around in my brain. Before too long, they wear out my infantile mind. Slowly but surely, I drift to sleep. Time continues to progress erratically as my confusion rises.