Lana and I end our lakeside chat shortly after the sun starts to shine on the clear waters. I never washed my sheets. Instead, I burn them and commit to weaving some new sheets later. Lana heads back to her room to prepare for the day while I take the opportunity to get in a quick swim. A small, greedy part of me wants to bind the abundant water mana here. It feels so close that I can almost feel the liquid energy in my core. Fear convinces me now is not the best time.
Instead, I think of Lana's departing words. "I do not think you should feel guilty for staying here. Trust that the ones you love will find you even when you are most lost." She left with a haunted smile after that, and I couldn't help but think her words were just as much for her as they were for me. We aren't two different in our scenarios. Both abandoned. One remembers, and the other can not. I like Lana and hope she finds her peace. As I swim back to shore, I chuckle at the irony of our lives.
I dry off quickly, summon new clothes, and head to the academy. No spiders or trees interrupt my trail and I let out a breath of relief when I make it through the academy doors without causing a scene. A few lycan children are already up.
A couple of pups are fighting over the same loaf of bread, each with a firm bite of the bread. They tug and twirl their head until the loaf rips, sending the smaller of the two reeling back into the serving table holding beef, poultry, fish, and pork. The impending disaster is narrowly avoided when the older team member, the cub, catches the small pup in her arms. Unfortunately, the fast action of the cub results in her bumping into her pack leader, who has a plate full of food. The broad-shoulder lycan teen isn't able to maintain balance. His plate falls with a crash that echoes in the cafeteria and his food flies in all directions. The pack leader looks desperately overwhelmed as another pair of pups in his team start a game of tagging tails.
Two cubs try to reign in the excited pups while a fellow pack leader helps the other clean up the mess. Words are whispered between them that I can't quite hear. As fast as they scramble to clean, there's just too much food on the kid's plate for the mess to be easily cleaned with hands. Despite their best efforts to maintain control, the helper leader's pack is beginning to get restless, and I can see three of the pups itching to join in the game of chase.
The pain of the loss of family tugs on my heart as I see children taking care of children. The fact that I considered leaving them behind eats at me as well. I may not have much to offer them, but I can at least be here for them. Maybe they just need an older friend or something. I can be that guy to them. I make my way over to the teens, scrambling to clean.
"I told Gene we needed to grab the bigger plates," I say to the leaders so focused on their tasks they don't notice my arrival. The sudden sound of my voice causes the broad shoulder teen's body to jump and then he freezes. "She said we couldn't because it was a space issue, and I said that is exactly why we needed the bigger plates." The culprit of the mess is still frozen. I'm not sure if he is breathing at this point. "Hey, are you OK?" I ask with genuine concern.
The frozen boy's helper nudges him back to life. He takes a gasp of air and shakes himself clear of the fog. This isn't going how I wanted it to.
"Yes, sir. I'm fine, sir. Sorry for the mess. And the rowdy kids. I'll have everything in order right away, sir." My stomach churns at the boy's response for several reasons. The panic he feels hits me hard. He's trying his best and is overwhelmed. Being referred to as sir sounds like I'm being cursed each time. And now I'm at a loss of words. I thought I could offer to just clean up the mess myself, and that would resolve the conflict. Now, I feel like I am the conflict.
"You can relax." The words are more for myself than the boy. "The name's Jim… though that is subject to change. Stick with Jim for now." These are more self-serving words. I summon a bone tool that I can use to scrape food and a broken plate off the floor as I bend down to help. What are your names?"
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"My name is Leon Blacktail," the helper says with pride as he says his last name. I get a good look at the youth, who is less broad than the other leader but looks the same height. He's covered in white fur, which is exposed except for the leather pants he wears with a rope for a belt. Sticking out the back of his pants is a pitch-black tail. At least his name should be easy to remember.
"Leon, that is a solid name. I like it."
"You can not have it," Leons says with a playful bite in his tone.
"Not sure I want it."
"It is mine."
"I'll trade you a new belt for it."
"No."
"Fair enough," I say with a sincere smile as I hand him a belt I summon out of my magic cord. "You can have this anyway. It should last you a few days. Come back when you need a new one. And what about you?" I look toward the frightened pack leader, who seems to have calmed. "What's your name?
"I'm called Nils." His head slumps. "I have no last name." Nils broadness doesn't stop at his shoulders. His whole frame is thick. A good portion is muscle, but the thickness mostly comes from insulation. His leather vest does well to contain his shape. It is where he isn't covered in clothes that you can see his bulk. I'm tempted to summon him some clothes, but I don't like where that leads. Desert dwelling is better than a life as a tailor.
"Can't you just pick one? I don't have a last name either, but I blame my inability to stick with a first name. Imagine not having a first name… actually, it isn't too bad as long as no one is around.
"You can't just pick a name. It must be given," says Leon, who no longer cleans, choosing to equip his new belt instead.
"And who gives out names?" I ask sincerely.
"Usually someone of power like Genevieve or Bones."
"I've got power. I can give you a name, or I can give you permission to name yourself." Both of the lycan pack leaders eye me skeptically.
"If you have to say you got power, do you really have power?" I didn't expect Nils to hit me with the wit. Leon, maybe, but not Nils. Good boy.
"Touche." I concede. "I'll leave the naming up to you then, Nils. When it comes to my identity, it's best to let myself decide." I try to end the sentiment with a wink and regret it instantly. I'm trying to be a friend, not a creepy guy. But maybe I can make winking not creepy if I do it enough. I add a few more winks for good measure alternating eyes. Pretty sure I've buried the wink with spastic blinking at this point.
"Are you OK?" Nils asks
"I'm great." I stop my last wink short. "Look, I can clean up the rest of the mess. You two go settle your packs. I'll bring you some food when I'm done." Possibly terrified of my eyes, the two leave immediately to calm the chaos from the pups running away from the cubs. I quickly scoop up the rest of the mess, which is now easier to clean since Leon and Nils aren't in the way, and prepare large plates of food for the leaders. When I deliver the food, the two have asserted control over their packs.
"Well done you two." I gesture to their controlled packs. "It was nice meeting you. Mind introducing me to your team?
For the rest of the morning, I spend time in the cafeteria, forcing myself to speak with anyone I can strike up a conversation with. It isn't easy. Possibly the most challenging training I've done yet. And I don't think I've gotten any better. I find that talking with the kids comes easiest. Maybe it's their willingness to test their wits against what they feel is an easy target. Or it's the lack of judgment I feel from them that allows me to be less concerned with my image. I struggle with the newcomers and repeatedly remind myself of Cru's advice to care less.
By midmorning, I'm more than full and completely exhausted from all of the conversations. Attending the meeting now taking place is the last thing I want to do. However, everyone, including kids, is asked to attend.