The lake is close to here. Once again, with dirty sheets in hand I continue on my way. The spiders are still subdued and only begin to move when I'm several hundred yards away. I keep my perception up, with the spiders as the primary focus. I probably went too far. Most likely, I said too much. I'll have to talk to Cru later and see what I can do to repair any damages. I don't feel like I've jeopardized anyone's safety, well… maybe my own, but I don't get the feeling the spiders will overthrow their god. I'm not sure they can, with how Cru has them all bound to his core.

The goblin druid… might as well be a spider summoner. The classes established by our souls make little sense. Maybe it's mana's attempt at forming an identity within the soul it's bound to. That doesn't seem wrong. Identity is important. Without identity, you wander aimlessly and struggle through life. Mana, like most, just wants a solid direction through this maze called life.

That brings up the question of the nature of mana. Is mana the ruler of all? Are we all worshipers in the various mana's schemes of religion? That would make sense as to why we are restricted to one. If I were a god giving out power, I don't think I'd like those who received my blessings to worship another. Actually, that's not true. I wouldn't want to be a god in the first place, so any misguided worship placed on anyone other than me would be divine.

Does my fractured soul make me a heretic or impure in the sight of the mana gods? What about the elves that Gene mentioned could have dual cores? The short walk to the water's edge becomes longer as my steps slow with each passing thought. This isn't where I want my thoughts to be. My late-night excursion to the lake was supposed to be private and alone, where I could escape the confines of my room and my thoughts. Now, everything has been up in arms, including my thoughts. At this rate, I might as well return to my luxury cell.

Now I'm being dramatic. I sit down at the shore and ease my mind. Maybe I'm upset because there are no consequences for recent actions. Demons wage war on us, and now we've partnered with their leader because we need the help. Invaders are invited into our home and fed. I'm making friends with the horde. Do I need to do more punching and killing? Is that the issue? I'm handing out handshakes instead of boomsticks.

Though the waters are calm, and the crisp air maintains a peaceful chill, I feel crowded and uncomfortable in the peace of my shadow. The mana surges through my channels, eager to be used. Even the dormant death mana rattles inside my core, itching to manifest its glory. Not even my mind mana will relax. I can sense no reason for the activity of mana other than my thoughts.

I cut the mana in my channels at once, allowing the energies to return to my cores, and for once in a long time, my mana pathways are dry. I'm no longer in my realm, and as I take deep breaths, I get a better feel of the woods and lake around me. This really is a beautiful place. Despite all the battle scars we leave upon the land, nature finds a way to shine. The words are inadequate.

"How does one properly describe the beauty of his surroundings?" The question flows from my lips before I have a moment to scrutinize, doubt, and most certainly rescind them before they can be spoken. Too late now. I brush aside my embarrassment and cling to carefree confidence.

Either caught off guard by my question or shocked to be discovered, the soft presence of life dampens. Light gathers and forms until Goldi stands a few feet from me. I look up from where I'm sitting to see her tired eyes. I guess no one is meant to sleep tonight.

"Is that rhetorical, or do you really want an answer?" Lana responds as she promptly sits herself down at my side. She has a comforting aura around her. I'm unsure if it is the light energy she is channeling or her elegant mannerisms.

"Maybe both."

"Well, you can simply state things as they are. Some might argue this adds no value to the object being described. However, I find things can be beautiful just being as they are." I stew on her words. Trees and lakes are just pretty. They don't need words to dress them up. "Of course, telling someone the lake has nice trees and clear water does no good for someone who has never seen a lake or trees. Then, there are several different types of trees and the shape of the lake to consider. So I guess the beauty is in the details."

"What if I miss all the details? Does that make this lake less beautiful to me than someone with a more acute eye?"

"Does beauty have to be on a scale? Can not one just appreciate their own world according to their whims?"

"And if one has no whims to base their judgment on?"

"Then beauty becomes much simpler," Lana says as she picks up a smooth rock and inspects it. "But no less beautiful." She rotates the rock around and then begins shuffling it through her fingers on her left hand. I watch the hypnotizing action of the rock as it dances from hand to hand. And forget to respond to our conversation. "I can see that you have heavy thoughts. I should have not invaded your privacy. I… I just felt like checking in."

"Thank you." I'm still distracted by her rock shuffle but refocus on our conversation. "I hoped to be alone, but you don't have to leave. Actually, I think I'd like it if you stayed. I'll probably get too broody by myself, and if I'm being honest, last time I was alone, I tried to run away… or at least thought about it." Lana relaxes beside me, making herself look comfortable on the rocky shore. I regret not spending the mana or time making my position more comfortable. I shift my body a little but can't match the relaxed lounge of the light templar.

"Then I will stay for a while," Lana says with a kind smile, which I return with one of my own.

"I have a heavy question for you," I say, locking myself into another heavy conversation if Lana bites.

"It will cost you," Lana says. Her playful banter is a welcome surprise.

"And the price?"

If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

"To be determined based on the heaviness of the question."

"What would you do if you were in my shoes?"

"The heaviest of questions. I see." The stone drops from her hand, whether on purpose or accident, I don't know. She doesn't bother picking it up again. Instead, she uses her hands to prop herself up in a less reclined position. "We are two very different people. I thrive with people. I love the attention. I love being in charge. When you are right, the thrill of success and helping others is much higher. Of course, it hurts a lot more when you are wrong.

"You, conversely, are more comfortable alone than with people. Responsibility is a burden; you would rather let others decide for themselves. You barely like making your own decisions."

"That's not very likable."

"On the contrary, you easily accept friends, and the friends you make are completely loyal."

"How do you know this? I doubt any friends you mentioned would agree to the label."

"Do you want the answer to your first question, or do you want me to keep pursuing these side questions? Either way, you now owe me."

"Well, when in debt, it's best to keep digging."

"I'm a people person. I make it my job to know and notice these things. I have a careful eye and always take notes. I know who watched you protectively as we dined together last night. I know who keeps watch over you now as we sit here alone. Like it or not, you are important to these people, which I think you already know.

"If I were in your shoes, I would lean into all this — the new people, the opportunities, my new chance at life, and even my old memories. I would find a way to enjoy it all and cherish my time with it. However, if I were you in your shoes, I'd probably run and seek a comfortable lifestyle.

"Yeah…"

"You aren't running though?"

"No, and it feels like I'm letting someone down by not doing so. I'm just not sure who."

"And… if — you aren't?" A loose strand of golden brown hair covers Lana's face as she looks down for her lost rock. She looks back up, brushes it aside, and begins fiddling with her rock again. Her eyes are locked in an intense stare at the lake, and there is a stutter to her breaths, if only for a moment.

"Then I'm afraid I've already let them down." The rock falls again, hitting another rock on the ground with a sharp crack that seems excessively loud. The fallen rock rolls to shore before resting partially submerged under the water's edge. It sits undisturbed by the gentle waves pushed ashore by the breeze. That is until I start picking up rocks and throwing them at my new target. My sixth throw knocks the rock further into the lake, and after the tenth, Lana joins me in a silent competition. When we submerge the rock, the cleric clears her throat.

"Can you keep a secret?"

"Does this mean we are friends?" Damn my mouth.

"The best of friends." Lana winks and smiles so casually. I know she is only playing along, but it makes me smile as well. "Back at my home, in Lumin, I was very popular. Some might even call me royalty."

"Is this a secret, or are you just boasting?” I ask, barely containing my smile. “You know I'm somewhat of a king myself."

"Quiet, it's my turn to be glum,” Lana jests back. “Though not the ruler, I was in charge of the country. My parents wanted me to be experienced when it was time for me to take over. I secretly think they feared I would maliciously seek the throne sooner. It is odd to be loved entirely by your parents and feared simultaneously. I did not fault them for that, though. The more I tried to assure them, the more they feared me, but that isn't what I'm talking about right now.

"Every day, our kingdom seemed to be thriving. Cultivation was easy, and resources were given liberally to all, not just hoarded by the military. Even then, it wasn't the military that despised me. They saw me as their gem, and when I connected the island of the Horn to our capital through portals, they nearly worshiped me.

"The Horn had been a sore point in the Lochland empire for centuries. It was the one military base that protected us from wildings that turned into monsters in the deep sea or juvenile dragons wanting to create a new roost. Soldiers on the Horn kept our nation and the empire safe. The problem was the difficulty for them to get home. Between transportation logistics and the dangers of the sea, soldiers were expected to serve on the Horn for five years at a time. Five years of service away from family, friends, and society and always fighting.

"That all changed when I strong-armed the installation of portals. Soldiers could return home regularly, and life was brought to the Horn. Once again, my name was shouted with praise, and our kingdom flourished for another five years. All was not well, though. The portal to the Horn angered a few nobles who owned the dockyards and the shipwrights. Ultimately, their support of the Grand King and his schemes to own me and the kingdom brought Lumin to its knees.

"My parents were assassinated, and the portal to the Horn was destroyed. I was forced to flee for my life, as I was not strong enough to combat the powers after me. To this day, I still flee. To this day, I feel the weight of my people and the guilt of abandonment. I try to tell myself I will return. I even believe I will. However, I do not know if my people want me back or if I can even improve their lives. Most of the time, I feel it is best to stay far away from them, and that is when I feel the most guilty."

"I am sorry for your loss." We sit in another spell of silence. Each content to bear the weight of our choices in solitude. Her tragedy doesn't make me feel better at all. I might actually feel worse.

"As you and your people know," says Lana. "Not all stories feel good. The life of roses is covered in thorns. I'm not trying to make you feel better. Just know you are not alone in your guilt. Life is full of letdowns. Our struggle is not in avoiding the letdowns but knowing when we should let go or hold on."

"And how do we know that?"

"I'm not sure we ever do. I have held on too tight to things, begging me to let go. And I have let go when I only needed to hold on a moment longer. Death, of all things, seems intent to haunt me. Whether it is claiming the lives I love or robbing me of peaceful thoughts, the inevitable end of all things is always near. The constant toil has been my greatest difficulty to face. When do I let go of those who have passed? Do I hold on to them forever, even if their memories bring me pain? Do I let go of the pain and risk losing the joy? Sometimes, I feel like I have the power to defy death and bring back the ones I love, but then I do not know if I am doing it for them or myself. If they are at peace, is it my place to bring them back into this turmoil we call life?"

"And you're the people person?"

"We did just become best friends, didn't we?"

"Thanks, princess," I say, smiling at her joke. "Your secret is safe with me."

"And yours with me." Her words are so quiet that I'm unsure if she even says them or if they are in my head. Before I can ask her to clarify, she bumps my shoulder with her own and tosses another rock into the water, and our game begins again.