It took a little effort for Lana to ditch the precession inside the large building. The people here are calling it an academy. The hardest part was avoiding the shadow queen's perception checks and the spider's constant mind probing. Her clone is nearly perfect, and her illusions are strong. No one will notice if she is gone for a few minutes. Not even the queen can trace her. She was, after all, trained by one of the best. Besides, her execution of the principles of the princess' guide to not being noticed is flawless.
She just needed a closer look… maybe even a chance to talk to the man. It is a shame he disappeared again.
"You really think it's him?" The hidden voice behind her comes as no surprise neither does the question.
Without turning around, she answers her friend mirrored as Becky. "I'm not sure. Everything points to it being him, while at the same time, it doesn't. It certainly looks like him."
"His energy is wrong… And he doesn't act like he recognizes you. That's what throws me off the most. He wouldn't ignore you if it was him." Becky's voice is no longer the heavy Alderi accent she usually speaks with. Instead, it is a familiar accent of her home.
"I'm glad you finally decided to drop the mask around me," Lana says. As she turns to face her friend, it is not Becky she sees but Flint — Clip’s mirror adventuring identity.
"I don't want you to face this alone… again." There is sadness buried in her mentor’s offer of support and she realizes Clip isn’t ready to return to his other selves. Becky is his personal guardian from pain and hurt, but he bears that pain to offer her familiar support.. She wants to tell him no. He is not needed. She survived five of the worst years without him. She is so much stronger now…
"Thanks, Clip. I've missed you." Lana settles on the truth she has to accept. She can figure this out on her own, but she doesn’t want to.
"You know I never truly left you." A hint of sadness in his voice is carried by tones of regret. Didn’t he though? All signs of him vanished for years until she happened to befriend Becky. Even then, Clip kept his mirror up at all times, fully embracing the identity of the storm warden. Not even Flint made an appearance. They never brought up the past. Becky was a new life for Clip. He had his reasons, and she never pushed. So he was there, but it was never him.
"I know.” Lana settles on a truth she can accept. Clip was as present as he could be. “I know. Still, it is good to have you here, if only for a moment." A strong hand rests on her shoulder and for a moment she is back home running through a large hall toward laughter and the open arms of her family and mentor. She is surrounded by love and warmth. For a small moment in time death is not stalking her.
"Hang in there, Sunny." Internally Lana reels back. Clip’s familiar comforting words, unspoken for decades, threatens to burst the dam of emotions she holds back. One sentence and her worlds collide. Breathe. She manages a smile and takes a deep breath. The chaos swelling inside stills.
"Did I ever tell you the last words he told me before he…” Lana pauses, searching for the right word. “Disappeared?" Clip’s face scrunches, his light mana bursts in a hot flash that is immediately dispelled. The change in temperament is fast and sudden, if Lana blinked she would have missed it. She knew her choice of words would cause contention. They both saw his dead body on the wooden pike right next to Sasha’s.
Clip opens his mouth to speak. Most likely to refute Lana’s word choice and condemn the hands that murdered their friends. With practiced control, her mentor withholds the words burning to be spoken as he did years ago. He buries his pain and looks to Lana, waiting for her to speak. Lana knew she should have chosen a different word. Killed, murdered, or butchered would have been more precise. But seeing Kip now is proof of what she felt then.
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"He was so different when we last talked. He was so strong and sure of himself. He said many things, many of which didn't make sense at the time. The last thing he said is that he is going where he can't be found.” It wasn’t just what he said, it was how he said it. The words are soon overwhelmed by memories of their last kiss and the pain of seeing Kip’s body.
“Of course, death is an obvious destination of the lost…." She always accepted death's torments. But this didn’t feel like death’s touch.
"But not for you, it wasn't. That's why you held on to hope for so long? By the abyss, that's why you were so adamant about coming here. Lana, you should have told me."
"You left before I could."
"I'm so sorry. I failed you."
"Not nearly as much as I failed you."
"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. I still love him. He's so much more peaceful now than when I last saw him. He looked as if he was being crushed by the world's weight. He was so distant and already lost when I looked into his eyes. I don't want to risk bringing him back into that world.”
"I'm so sorry."
"As am I." Nothing else is said between her and Clip. The hand on her shoulder turns back to Becky's and then is gone. Their window of being unnoticed is almost over. If she stays any longer, her illusions will break, and breaking illusions is terrible. She didn't need Clip's silly guidebook to tell her that much.
Lana takes one last look at the beautiful lake scenery. Kip would have loved it here. With a heavy heart, she breathes deeply and heads back for the academy. Though she is torn, her steps are light. In the company of others, she can renew some dwindled strength.
****
I let myself stay submerged for an extended amount of time. Eventually, the calm water eases my thoughts. My resolve is renewed, and I swim back to the surface. I swim a few laps more and thoroughly clean my body before I exit the lake. I take a couple deep breaths and prepare myself for the intense battle of conversation that is about to happen inside the academy.
Getting out of the lake takes all my best internal arguing. My mid-afternoon swim was very pleasant and just what I needed. Now an academy full of strangers looms ahead of me. I know one of my goals was to eventually find people. That was supposed to be a distant goal and one that I could ease into.
I’m not ready for this new transition. Maybe I need to spend more time cleaning myself off in the lake. My foot halts mid air. I can do this. I step back on dry land. A heavy breath followed by a couple more acts as a countdown. As the self-proclaimed king of Gene’s island, it’s my duty to greet the visitors. The thought is more of a deterrent than anything. If plans are shackles then duty is the barred cell.
I should run. The academy is more responsibility than I’m equipped to face. I can do more for them fighting in the shadows and keeping them safe at a distance. They don’t need me here. Nor will they want me around once I get through my list of complaints. Heavy chains of obligation pull my feet deeper into the ground. With one dive into the lake, I can be free from life’s burdens. One dive, I can swim away from here.
Maybe I was just a coward in my past life. No different than I am now. Life became overwhelming and I ran away from all of it. I laugh at the idea and how hard I can feel the truth hitting me. Life — as they say — is the curse of cowards.
I take another deep breath and turn away from the calling waters. Behind me are my schemes of revenge — deserts to drown, death to punch in the face. Surprisingly all my other goals have been accomplished. That is, all except learning who I am, which I say is a work in progress. Every day I uncover new truths.
Through the gaps of the forest trees light gleams off of the glass academy. To think a building made of glass is expected to be so strong. So fragile and yet it stands. As my thoughts turn to my friends inside the academy my steps feel lighter. Unlike the academy I can feel the shell around myself cracking. I’m scared of who I am, who I was, and who I’ll likely become. I’m angry that I was left alone to die and I’m terrified of the life that keeps haunting me. No, The Rising Fist doesn’t need me. The dungeon will be strong enough. I need my friends.
I take a deep breath and take another step closer to my new life.
End of Book 2