"Ahem." A young man stood on a stage in a hall filled with hundreds of people. The hall went silent as he clearer his throat, hundred of faces turning to meet his own.

He felt extremely nervous before the attentive gazes of the audience. Never had he seen so many people gathered during the recruitment event, but he was sure he could do it! He'd rehearsed the speech two times! (Don't ask me why the pope decided to send an inexperienced spokesperson.)

"I-in- the beginning, there was nothing. Then the mighty, beautiful goddess Xenon came! She made the planet from-"

"But you said there was nothing!" Shouted a young boy sporting a mischievous smile.

"Shut up!" Squeaked the young bishop. Snickers rose from the crowd.

The young man paled, how could he have messed up so badly? He felt like digging a hole for himself. The stress he put off earlier start to bite hard at him, and he felt like he couldn't take it anymore. He had to leave!

"And the world of Uchalous was created! That's it" He shouted in a squeakier tone, conveniently skipping all the lines. He then hopped off the stage in embarrassment, running into the even more convenient nearby staffroom.

....

The little boy felt very awkward. Who'd have thought such a small joke would scare off the bishop? His mother reprimanded him as discussion spread amongst the crowd.

Creak!

The door creaked as another person soon walked out of the staffroom. She was a pretty nun.

"Sorry for the interruption everyone, I shall now do the speech in his stead!" The nun said in an apologetic tone, bowing to the audience. "In the-" She began.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" A man screeched in agony. The crowd turned over in puzzlement but similar shouts soon followed.

Level up!

Congratulations, you are now level 2!

+50 Stat Points.

+50 Max HP.

+50 Max MP.

Poopy nodded its head in satisfaction. It wandered into the city (which was mostly empty because most were at the church) and headed into the tallest building out of curiosity and look at what it found: Hundreds of 'poop machines' primed like a buffet! The security guard tried to stop the smelly thing from entering but was now collapsed on the ground, clenching his butt in pain. It just so happened that he was constipated, so the exiting was extra rough. At least he won't have to struggle on the toilet for an hour, right? Oh wait, hemorrhoids are worse.

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

"Stop the monster!" Squealed a fallen man. The crowd stiffened as they watched anyone who got close get the *ahem* butt treatment. Nobody wanted to step up. They moved further away progressively in fact. There were random adventurers that had enough MAG to resist the attacks mixed in the crowd, but Poopy was lucky enough not to encounter any. As such, all of the people were quite frightened and backed off as the monster approached, grinningly menacingly (it looked menacing from the crowd's POV).

"It's a level three unique monster!" Someone who took out a scan stone yelped. The crowd was shocked. A unique monster of such a low level? 

"Get him!" 

Quickly, dozens of people charged over. What's a little pain when you have the chance to be rewarded by the Monster Collector Guild for such a valuable addition? More people would have charged over, but there were far too many people in the way.

Hmph. Ignorant! Poopy laughed with glee as it extracted the dung from the people who ran over only to be vanquished. More people were about to rush over, but they stopped. The collapsed people started form a barricade, and it wasn't like the other people could just step on them, could they? With the help of the barricade, Poopy quickly extracted more poop from the innocent. 

"Stop right there!" Yelled a man wearing a yellow track shirt and yellow track pants with yellow hair styled in the shape of a lightning bolt. Oh, and he was wearing yellow spectacles too. He hopped over the pile of people and posed dramatically, thinking he looked very cool. He didn't. Without hesitating, Poopy attacked.

The target's MAG is too high for Poop Control to take effect on it. -1 MP.

The target is now aware of you.

Damn it! Poopy felt very wronged. Why did so many targets have to be immune to Poop Control? 

"Oh? You can't get me? Hahahaha!" The yellow man grinned smugly. "Looks like I'm the one to save the day!"

Splat!

You've hit the target in the eye with dung. Target HP -1.

"Hah! Stupid!" Taunted Poopy as the man shrieked from the pain. It then started to run away, knowing that it couldn't win.

"It can talk!" Shouted captain obv- I mean... an old woman. The adventurers in the crowd yelled with renewed vigour. Talking monsters netted the highest reward from the Monster Collector Guild! (Also, they now knew that the attack didn't work on anyone who dabbled in a little magic.) As Poopy ran, it now had dozens of adventurers in the 30-60 level range chasing it.