Young Lan Mei sat alone in her room, looking at the wall. It was a normal day in the Lan household. But that was the problem, wasn't it? She did this often when she was ruminating or when there was nothing else to do. And she had a lot to ruminate on now. And, of course, little else to do. She had initially been excited to enter middle school. But having now been in it for awhile, she was not excited about it any longer. She wasn't excited about anything any longer.

Her family had long since worn her out and called her undutiful for a litany of reasons that she couldn't ever keep up with or follow. Some of these involved claiming she was not taking school seriously enough or that she didn't keep proper face. The former one especially confused her, since she had always gotten decent grades. But it wasn't enough, was it? Of course not. Nothing was ever enough. She wondered what was wrong with her that she was treated this way. And what there was to look forward to if she could never change. This is a time when one might go to friends for comfort. But she could not - she didn't have any friends.

She dealt with complaints that she might end up dropping out of school if she did not take it more seriously. She thought that entering middle school would show that she was doing well and get them to accept her. But this did not work. This was her one hope that she could prove herself and that this would result in them accepting her and going back to treating her the way they had used to when she was small. But this transitional period came and went, and that hope was now little more than a faint memory. And now, seeing how it meant nothing, she had nothing to look forward to anymore.

She had a place she went to in times like these, when she needed to be alone. Not a real place. A place inside of her mind that she could use to shut out all outside input. This place was called The Carnival of Earthly Delights. She would often go there, either when she was stressed or being yelled at. Dissociating from and leaving her body behind like an empty husk to take the abuse her mind could not handle. And her spirit would leave, free to roam, untethered and unburdened.

Sometimes, when extra stressed, she abstracted entirely from form. Coming to view the park as if from nowhere in particular. Like a dream of yours you find yourself watching from on high, not even entering into as a character on the stage. She would drift into this passive nirvana as a way to be free from the burdens of causality and form, resting and observing but not having to be seen or interacted with. In this sense, you could try to bring yourself above suffering. If you have no self, no one can harm you.

But across her visits, even the carnival had lost its lustre over time. In the beginning, it had been a beautiful place. Filled with spectacles of a surreal shape and scope. There were attractions, rides, and shrines to cherished memories, and it was filled with excited patrons. A looping space you could get lost in for hours without ever getting bored. It had a beautiful cloudy sky you could sit under and look up at to call rain from without ever getting wet. Unless you wanted to get wet, of course.

Over time, cracks had appeared in this image. The image of the beautiful park had fallen off. And beneath it there lied an industrial ruin, under harsh, unforgiving skies of crimson red. Beneath the images of the patrons were revealed horrors without a name. Incomprehensible mishmashes of uncomfortably recognizable shapes that, although still visibly living, acted in a way that had no meaning and which could not be reasoned with. And the piercing rain had become red now, dripping in a torrent of endless blood from the heavens.

But still, she visited it. Whether it was for comfort or self-harm at this point, she could not say. For she had long since passed the point where she could distinguish one from the other. They blurred together like an endless tapestry you were forced into the folds of. Doomed to navigate it without end. With no map and on streets that have no name.

On entering the park today, she noticed immediately what looked like a dead body by the entrance. Its face looked familiar yet hard to place, like it was the body of a relative you had only faint memories of meeting. She knew why it was there. She had gone to a funeral of a relative recently. But she could not bring herself to feel anything for them. She had never been taught empathy. And from how she was treated, she could not intuitively register it as a thing that could be processed by her. She wondered what was wrong with her as she stepped over it to go inside. Feeling broken at having to face the knowledge of what she could not feel.

Although the park looked now like a ruin, the rides would often still be operating. Moving as if under their own power, and often with no operator. You could still climb onto a rollercoaster and feel the rush of the wind in your hair as it carried you. Despite appearances, it was still rather cool and often windy in the park. And so she would come here, rolling up her sleeves freely without fear, in a way she was too self-conscious to do in the real world. For her arms bore things that were not for others to see.

She walked up to the cotton candy machine and placed down a coin on the counter. Although there was no visible attendant, a hand took the coin, and it quickly vanished into the ether. She watched the machine as it spun cotton candy onto a stick and took it out. She took a bite. This, at least, still tasted normal. Which was fortunate. She didn't want to eat anything gross today.

She sat on a bench to eat in front of the fountain. The blood falling from the sky had stained the water red. But it still worked, so you could still watch it. As its mechanism was gone now, there was a heart-shaped appendage under the water, pumping it up through the pipes and into the air, like the blood splatter of something that would soon be running low on life.

As she was sitting, sampling her snack, some form of blue bird-shaped entity ambled up to her and looked at her quizzically. Although she called it a bird, its shape had various aspects that did not so closely resemble one. But it looked more like a bird than it did like anything else, so that was as good a label as any. She could see that it meant her no harm, so she motioned up on the seat next to her for it to sit.

She was feeling lonely and happy for the company. So she began to pull off pieces of her cotton candy to feed to it. Something it looked happy to receive. And they sat in quiet solitude together, looking at the fountain for awhile. Though as for what “a while” means, it could not be truly said, as time could not be measured here. She could stay here for minutes or hours and find that in the real world it had been hours or minutes. Sometimes, when she came back to in normal space, she could not place where she was or remember how she had gotten there. She knew this was dangerous, but she did not feel there was much she could do about it.

She finished the cotton candy, and after throwing away the stick, she got up once more to wander around the park. The park was full of tainted memories. Many parts of it had been composed of things she had experienced in real life or dreams she had had at one point. In one corner, there was a large grand piano fashioned into some form of what looked like an iron maiden, with large knives sticking out of the lid. And next to it was a large violin-shaped structure, with its bow and strings covered in blood, like it was used for some cruel purpose.

The larger structure of the park itself was built out of a special memory. It resembled a park she had been to once, long ago. And which was a memory she had tried long to cherish. Her parents had always been hesitant with spending money, thinking that even toys and hobbies (to say nothing of friends) were for the most part a distraction from school. This was a large part of why she often had little to do. This was not, however, because they were short on money. They simply didn't think it was worth it to spend on items they considered trivial. Vacations were one of the few times they were willing to spend more freely. And so had been when she was younger a major source of interest to look forward to. She vaguely understood that it had something to do with keeping up appearances, but as she was still young, she didn't quite understand what this meant.

This vacation in particular that the park was derived from had been the last time she had felt like her parents had truly cared about her. Her family was there. Everyone was enjoying themselves, and no one was being snappy or mean. Even then, she had experienced a lot of solitude and negativity. But in the past, she had thought it was a string of disconnected one-off experiences. That it was something she could get through and which would soon dissipate. It was not something she understood as a recurring pattern. But as she realized its nature as such, her mood worsened.

But past that day, everything fell apart. She experienced more cruelty, and on account of youth, had no context for understanding why. She clung to this memory like a kind of prayer. Subconsciously hoping that if she returned to it enough, she could perhaps return to those times for real. But she could not. The memory began to erode. And with it, all of those thoughts that composed her rosary of peace. And she was left with only pain and darkness.

But she clung to it still. For a tarnished memory is better than no memory. She had a tenuous grasp on her own sense of self. Her family responded to her as if they saw her not and were merely guessing as to her inner properties. It made her feel hollow, empty inside, uncertain of her own place in the world. As if she was a phantom looking into the life of another, pretending that it was her who lived there when she had no life for herself. Like she had a hole through her chest she was trying to fill, but which remained empty, and that those who tried to observe her saw only the empty room on the other side.

She stopped from her walking to look at a table with various drawing implements on it. When she had been a little younger, she had drawn often. Most people did as children. She felt like she was fairly good at it for her age. Not that someone so young was the best judge of their own skills. She remembered telling her family she wanted to be an artist and being proud of what she had done. She expected them to be happy on account of their constant demands for being exceptional in life. But they had instead gotten angry. They said that being good at art meant she was wasting too much time on it. That if she had time for art, she had time to study more. She did not understand. But at that moment, she stopped drawing entirely. She put away her art implements in the real world. She never wanted to see them again. She didn't like that they tormented her now with their presence.

She climbed up the winding steps to the Ferris wheel because she wanted to feel high up and to get a view of the wider park. But she turned around and saw that the blue bird was still following her. She motioned for it to come closer and picked it up to hold it. Doing so of which gave her great comfort. She put another coin down at its entrance. An arm that came from nowhere took it and let her pass.

She sat down on the ride's seat and sat the bird down next to her. Although she was glad for the company, she also wanted some quiet. And so she was glad that the bird remained so for the duration. The ride carried them up. And as it did, she began to see more of the park. There were various unspeakable entities roaming it. Many of them were dangerous if you got too close to them. Although the danger was not always physical. Many of them contained dark memories. Ones that were difficult to face. And if you looked upon them too closely, you could find yourself being forced to relive them.

As the Ferris wheel kept ascending, though, she found it taking her through the clouds. This came as a surprise to her, for it had never reached this high before now. And her sight of the park was suddenly obscured as the seat ascended. She hoped that this would not provide a problem for the ride and that she was not about to come crashing down to the ground. For she could see now that her seat was no longer attached to the wheel. She held on to the blue bird for comfort.

But as she was pulled up above the clouds, she gasped, surprised for the first time at what she was seeing. For while the ground beneath her was still tarnished in crimson red, above her, the sky shone clear and untainted. In her vision, there was an untarnished sunset, unbothered by the corrupted ground. And above it, as if in a line, was the cold moon, with the emblazoned rabbit staring down from it.

She noticed something specific, though, from across the clouds. On the distant horizon was a single mountain spire. It was the only thing from the ground sticking up that high. She wondered what it was, for she had not seen it before. In part due to having never been before now above the clouds. She wondered whether it was new and what its presence signified.

But she enjoyed the moment. And stared at it in peace while she was able, sharing this time with the blue bird, who looked like it was enjoying it as well. But she could not truly say what peace was or how to cling to it. And like the turning of the wheel of life, that would not let you remain in one place, it would always come and go.

For such things are not meant to last. As the earth continued turning, the sun was carried down beneath the horizon. And with it, she, too, was carried back down. Deprived of the heavenly vision like a fallen angel cast down to earth. And now, in the harsh cold of night. She felt herself being pulled back down through the clouds. But she could not see how the seat was moving on account of the clouds blocking her vision. But it arrived at the bottom of the wheel safely enough. Sitting there as if it had never left it, just going around in a predictable manner.

Mei climbed out of the seat and looked back around the park. She wasn't ready to leave it yet, but it seemed more worrying to be there at night time, which now was quickly approaching. For who could say what resided in the unseen depths? Though truth be told, night and day had little meaning here. They could come and go at will. Or it could be both. Or neither.

She looked around, feeling lonely. The park used to have more people in it. But now they were all gone. Replaced with nothing but empty, chaotic phantoms and amorphous chimeric shapes. Some of the latter could speak. But it would generally not be super intelligible. Not that she was the best gauge of intelligible speech. Talking to her family never quite felt like a true dialogue on account of them never quite being willing to accept the existence of a response that wasn't up to their standards. Perhaps this had a hand in the shaping of the park itself.

But she suddenly noticed a figure sitting on a bench. It didn't look monstrous like the others in the area. From behind, it looked more like a human. A woman with red hair. Mei wondered whether the woman's hair was naturally red or was it stained that way from the blood falling from the sky. Not that such a distinction had any meaning in this place.

The blue bird walked up and climbed onto the bench and into the lap of the woman, joining a second bird which was in her lap already. Mei walked around to the front and glanced at the woman, who was looking downward at the birds, seemingly not yet having noticed her. She wanted to introduce herself, but she was not good with strangers, on account of having little experience getting to interact with them and being pushed into a realm of being seen more than heard. She stood there shyly, with her hands behind her back, not sure what to do next.

The woman spoke without looking up.

“Ages come and go. But across every life, in every age, the final question of life never changes.”

The woman looked up at her.

“But you have a more specific question, do you not?”

Mei wasn't confused by the lack of introductions. You didn't tend to expect them here, especially not anymore. And although she was confused by the woman's presence, something about her prevented you from scrutinizing it too closely. So she focused on what seemed like the more pressing concern.

“There is a single mountain sticking out of the ground that goes up over the clouds. What can you tell me about it?”

The woman looked off into the distance, at the spire.

“That mountain is a special place. It is the place where dreams and reality meet. It is there that you will be forced to face the question you have been asking yourself.”

Mei looked nervous.

“Are you saying that I must go there?”

The woman looked down.

“No. I am saying that you have already gone there. Now you must come to face why it is that you have gone there.”

Mei made an annoyed expression. She was used to being talked to in an unintelligible way here, but this was even more unintelligible than usual. And she was too lucid to feel like it made sense to put up with it. She looked at the spire, which, now that she noticed it, she could see was also visible from ground level.

She supposed she would have to go see why it jutted into her headspace and to see what was going on with it. For after all, this was her sacred territory, which no one may enter. But the thought of doing so also filled her with fear. For before now, she had never ventured outside of the park. And she was not raised to be one who ventured outwards.

Mei turned back around to face her.

“But how am I supposed to get there? I don't know the way.”

The woman responded.

“No one knows the way. And no one can tell you the way for you. There are as many ways as there are people that live them. But there is only one way that is for you.”

Mei looked down, not really sure what she was hearing. The woman looked to her side and then spoke again.

“Ah, but one more thing.”

Mei turned back around. The woman picked up a wrapped package and slowly unwrapped it in front of her. When it was unwrapped, she handed her a strapped sheath with a sword inside of it.

“It is dangerous for you to go alone. Take this.”

Mei took the sheath and drew the sword from it. She looked it over, and it had the appearance of a general old-time sword rather than a modern blade. She had trained with swords a bit in the past, it being one of the few things deemed an acceptable activity by her parents. And so she had some knowledge of how to use one. But she was still a novice and concerned about the idea of having to use one. She put the sheath on her back, tying it around her.

She turned around to speak once more to the woman. But she saw now that the bench was once again empty. Looking around, she could see no one in the area, with the blue birds being gone as well. She waited for a moment, but saw no further indication that she would meet anyone here.

Looking down and feeling suddenly lonely, she saw that there was no further reason to remain here. So she set out on the journey, heading first to the forest that bordered on the park.

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Mei's breath came in ragged gasps as she darted between the scattered trees. She was too afraid to look back at the monstrous spiders that pursued her, skittering loudly after her with their giant pairs of legs. She was told there would be danger, but she had really hoped that the dangers would be on the smaller side. A few of them had been before now. This was not the first thing she had fought out here, in the dark forest. But the difficulties began piling up. And there was not always an easy out for them.

She tried to play it defensive at first. As the spiders looked too large to handle easily, her initial plan was to back off, slashing at the first one only as it approached, hoping this would be enough to scare it off. But this plan unfortunately did not work the way she hoped. And in the process of doing this, more spiders came out to attack. And as one became two and two became three, she felt she had little option but to turn and run away at full force before they all piled down on her. Something that was not easy to keep up indefinitely, on account of her size.

As her breaths came heavy with exertion, she cursed her luck for stumbling her into this situation. Although the turns she made could give her a little leeway, as the spiders were too large to easily maneuver around corners, the spiders ultimately grew closer, their hissing and clicking growing louder in her ears. She tried to think of potential outs, but with each passing moment, the odds of escape seemed to diminish. She knew she couldn't outrun them forever. With a sinking feeling, she realized that her only option might be to turn around and face them, regardless of the poor odds it suggested to try to do so.

She saw a fallen tree laying over a ravine as a potential crossing, and an idea started formulating in her head. She climbed up onto it and quickly balanced her way across. The spiders shortly followed her, beginning to climb over it themselves. Though their many legs allowed them to hold onto it freely, their size made passing across it difficult, slowing down their forward movement. They could have gone around if they were intelligent animals to try to surround her, but they did not seem to be. Opting instead for the quickest solution towards what seemed like helpless prey.

But their choice to do this had bottlenecked them. And as a result of this, only one could cross at a time. She turned around to face them, hoping now that the ability to deal with them one at a time would result in less of a guaranteed loss than all three at once. But even so, they were no small opponents. Even when dealing with only one, earlier on she had been unable to make much headway in denting its exoskeleton. And she had wanted to run instead of having to face it. But she could run no longer. This was her only chance. And she had to face it, come what may.

Her slashes before had not pierced very deeply into their skin. But she could tell now that it was because she was not using her full strength. And that if she wanted to survive, she would have to come from an angle where she could give it everything. She waited at the edge of the log for them to come by. Time seemed to slow as she saw them getting closer. The one in front raised itself onto its back legs to prepare to bite. And as it did, Mei arched back. And tapping into an endless wellspring of rage, leaped forward, piercing its underside and driving the sword all the way through.

She stood there for a moment with the blade sticking through its back. She had hoped that doing this would kill it, but she quickly realized that it was in fact still alive and began thrashing around. Although it was pierced, she was still not able to pull the blade out through the side. And as an unfortunate result of this, its mouth was now close to being able to bite her, and with her unable to back off easily without leaving her weapon. She had hoped to be able to cut it in half, but its exoskeleton was too strong for this.

Trying to hold it back with her other arm, she pulled the sword back at an angle, slashing it back in to increase the wound. This was no easy task, on account of its flailing. But she did so more over time. And eventually, in her doing so, the spider's grip began to weaken, and it finally collapsed and slid off her sword, falling off of the side of the log and into the depths below.

She looked down after it, surprised at what she had just made happen and that she had survived all the way through. But she quickly remembered that there were two more she would still have to deal with. She looked back at them, pointing the blade over in their direction. Although now weaker on account of her first struggle – something she hoped they would not notice. But the other spiders saw it and hesitated, looking across at her holding up the sword at them. And ultimately, they quickly turned and skittered off.

As they did, she let out the breath she had been holding. She had been so scared, and had been shaking all the way through. But she had hoped that her demeanor would not reveal it, out of fear it would be perceived as a weakness by her opponents. She was an expert at hiding her feelings, after all.

She felt physically weak after this exertion. Now, with adrenaline subsiding, she felt more aches from the encounter. But checking herself over, they had not managed to make any tangible physical injuries on her. She was beginning to grow very tired, but she felt that the current area was unsafe and that she should continue on a bit further in the hopes that she would get far enough that the spiders would not return while she was sleeping. But how could she tell if any area was safe? This was not a world designed for safety, after all.

Alone now in the dark forest, she looked around, wondering which direction she should go in. But it was growing dark. She would need to stop soon for the night so as not to be wandering in pitch black. Looking around, she saw the shadows dance in the fading light, casting eerie shapes that seemed to whisper malevolent words in her direction.

As she continued on through the grove, she saw what looked like a spectral white light ahead of her. As it was now getting deeper into night and the dark forest itself had little in the way of colors besides black and grey, it stood out, being the only light source ahead of her – even the moon being too far blocked out to provide much use any longer. So she moved towards it to see whether it wouldn't be a good place to stay for the night.

She walked towards the light, feeling its ominous glow pervade her. Eventually, she came to see where the light was emanating from. It was a large structure, the size of a wall, standing freely in the forest. As she came up to it, she could see that it was a large single letter Q, glowing faintly. She looked around it, but she could see no implied meaning or explanation for its presence. And its incomprehensible nature left her with a sense of unease. Although its light could be useful to show if further creatures followed her, she did not want to remain in front of it, being uncertain of its meaning. And so continued on until it was out of sight.

She came eventually to a small clearing, just open enough for a beam of moonlight to shine down in the center. So she opted to rest now for the night. She took out a flat object from her pocket and shook it out until it filled out into the shape of a long sofa. She laid this out like a bed along the forest floor, but as she had no other implements to set up, she laid down on this and placed her sword next to her, within arm's reach.

She laid there staring upwards at the stars for a long while, thinking about how this was the first time she had ever gone camping outside her yard, either in reality or in her mind. For it was difficult to mentally construct the idea of experiences you had no source for. She wondered how common camping was in general. And what it would have been like to have a family or friends who would have gone on a trip like that with her. But as she began to feel lonely, she curled herself up into a fetal position to rest. And descended in stages into the void.

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She got up the next morning feeling little more rested. Or, well, it was what passed for a morning, at any rate. But as there was no time here, and so night and day had no meaning. She packed away the sofa, putting it back in her pocket. And picked up her sword sheath to continue on.

She thought about which way to go. But as her vision was surrounded by trees, it was no easy matter to get her bearing. She tried to use which way she had come from as a metric to continue on, hoping that if she at least kept up in a straight line, she was sure to find somewhere eventually. At any rate, she did not want to go back towards the Q. Assuming it was even still there. That provided another issue. She had no way of knowing whether the landscape even stayed the same from moment to moment. And as an extent of this, it could be difficult to gauge any serious progress along it.

But she had to go somewhere. And using the angle she had pointed the sofa the previous night as a reference, she tried to continue on, hoping she was going the same way. As she trodded along quietly, she stole a moment to glance around, this being the first time she had seen the forest in daylight. The trees loomed tall and gnarled, their twisted branches reaching out like claws, reaching at the dim sky. The air was thick with an ominous silence, broken only by the rustle of leaves and the distant calls of creatures that had no name.

But despite all of this, the space did not feel very active. Despite the potential for occasional horrors that might meet her, she felt more that the forest was a quiet place. As if every frame of motion was a snapshot of immobile time, like a tortoise who can never begin its journey as it has always a smaller journey to do ahead of it.

This morning she did not have to fight against any horrors however. And so she trekked through the remainder of the forest without much incident. She wondered whether this was a coincidence or whether they were merely more active at night. At the park, they were active around the clock, but there was no guarantee that the forest operated on the same rules. Or any rules at all, really. She wasn't used to life operating on consistent rules. In her real life, the rules could change on a whim or be haphazardly applied differently based on who they were being applied to. So she had come to expect the unexpected. There was no reason that here wouldn't operate the same way.

However, though there was nothing there to overtly antagonize her at the moment, she did notice something out of the corner of her eye. It was some small black shadows with glowing eyes that were staring at her from far off. They did not approach her. And they did nothing but observe at a distance. For a moment, she stopped to stare back. But this did nothing, and at any rate, if they were leaving her be, she did not want to make more problems for herself by approaching needlessly. So she went on, occasionally glancing at them. And though they seemed to follow her for some time, she never saw them from any closer. And as she got to the edge of the forest, they eventually vanished without her ever seeing them up close.

Seeing that the trees were now getting more sparse and that she must be soon getting to the edge of the forest, she continued on. And in time, she came out to another clearing. So glad was she to finally be out in the open that she momentarily looked all around, not noticing the striking image before her. But eventually coming to, she saw that the only figure in front of her was a large teacup with a smug grin. It seemed to be alive, so she walked up to it to see if she could ask it for directions.

“Hello, Mister Tea. I'm afraid I am a bit lost. Could you tell me what way I should go from here?”

The tea made a face, as if it was thinking.

“Well, that depends a good deal on where you are trying to end up.”

She thought to look around her for the spire, but could not see it from within the forest. And as it was not the only mountain range in the area, she was not entirely sure how to describe it either, to one who may not have seen it themselves. She thought about this for a moment, and then, getting discouraged, looked down sadly.

“I suppose I don't really know exactly where it is I am trying to end up.”

The tea reached for its own cup and lifted itself up off its plate to take a drink of itself.

"Well, then, it should not matter much which way you go.”

She thought about this too for a moment before responding.

“I can't stay where I am, though. I need to keep moving. But it wouldn't do so well to go in the wrong direction.”

The tea held up its hands.

“But if you don't know where you are trying to go, then what makes any direction the wrong direction?”

She considered this for a moment.

“Even if you don't know where you are trying to go, I suppose you can know where you are trying to get away from.”

The tea made a face, like it was thinking.

"Well, then, where are you trying to get away from?”

She was suddenly shocked by this question, since she had initially meant it less rhetorically. But she realized that she had conveyed what she was feeling but unable to describe. And the feeling cut through her like a knife. It pulled forth deep emotions, bringing them up to the surface. And as it did, she started sobbing suddenly and rubbing her eyes, sniffling for a time before managing to respond.

“I'm lost, Mister Tea. I feel like I've been lost for a long time.

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“It's not just here. I feel lost everywhere. I don't feel like I belong with my family. They don't love me. They don't care about me. They don't have time for me.

“Everything I do, I do for them. But they never care. Why do I do it? Why should I do it? Tell me, why do I need to do any of it? Why do I need to do anything?”

The tea looked nervous, like it was not prepared for this line of inquiry.

“This is a lot to spill out to a tea in the woods.”

She was still crying, but suddenly shocked with herself at how much she said, she made a sad grin slightly, and wiped her eyes.

“I'm sorry. I just... I come here to talk. I don't have anyone else I can talk to.”

The tea put its arms down and shook its head. Or rather, cup. Which seemed to be functioning as its head. It didn't seem like it was very receptive to this line of conversation, and Mei began to be self-conscious that she had spilled so much so easily.

“I'm sorry. Maybe we should start over.

“I am trying to get to the tall mountain spire. A unique one. It sticks out above the clouds, far above all the others. If you know which one I mean, I would be happy if you could tell me how to get there.”

The tea looked suddenly extremely nervous.

“That is Mount Meru! You cannot go there! There is nothing there!”

Mei looked quizzical.

“What do you mean there is nothing?”

The tea got up and took a few steps back.

“No, no! There is nothing!”

He took off running, and before Mei could protest, he was already long gone. She felt a little dejected at having been left once again alone. But as there was now nothing more in this clearing to hold her attention, she took one last glance around and continued on.

She journeyed on past the clearing and, over time, out of the remainder of the forest. Now at the edge, she could see an opening and past it, a large and deceptively serene-looking red river. Tall reeds swayed lazily along its banks, their slender forms casting rippling reflections onto the water's surface. Though there was a tranquility to the scene, there lingered a sense of reverence, as if the river held within its depths ancient stories and forgotten whispers, waiting to be discovered by those who dared to listen.

In front of the river, on a dock, there was a large statue sticking out of the ground. The statue looked old, like it had been worn down over time. The inscription on its base could not be read, and the face was no longer discernible. Something about it made Mei sad. Like someone's attempts to say that someone should be remembered had come to nothing. And it all crumbles down to dust.

Looking it over, she felt that the river was too wide and active to be swam through. But on the river's edge was a ferry. So this was a task she would not have to undertake. Coming closer, she could see that the ferryman was already on the boat. He stood there motionless and nondescript, as if he had been waiting there endlessly. As if his sole purpose for being was to bring her and her alone across the river.

She looked up at the mountain looming over her. She was not sure whether it was any closer now than it had been previously. But she was tired, and would be glad to rest her legs. There is a kind of extra-tired feeling. The kind where you are so tired you can feel it even in your dreams. That was what she was feeling now.

She stepped onto the ferry and gave the ferryman a coin. She wondered why it was that everything in this world was so money-obsessed. But it was no surprise. After all, money was a large chunk of what her family talked about. Not even in the sense of money being necessary for practical concerns. More like the idea of using money as a scorekeeper. And you proved your high score by amassing more of it.

The ferryman began paddling, and she sat down on the ferry. She would have tried to speak to him, but he did not seem to be very receptive to it. And so she gave up on that plan rather quickly. She leaned against a post to watch the river pass by, along with the land on the opposite shore. Now that she had more time to rest, she felt like she had forgotten something important. But hence is the problem with forgetting. You can't remember what you forgot because you forgot what it was that you forgot. She wondered what was at the mountain. And whether she would remember it when she got there.

She looked listlessly out at the river. While the rain had stained it red and the color unsettled her, it felt like there was something calm about it too. For rivers of blood are the basis of life itself. And to sail along one was like a journey through your own body – your own life. And this world was the world of her life, after all.

The rhythmic splashing of the paddle against the blood-stained waters lulled her into a contemplative trance. In the quiet solitude of the river, she found a strange solace, a brief respite from the chaos that had engulfed her. The mountain's enigmatic presence beckoned her forward into the unknown. And as the ferry glided along the river's scarlet currents, Mei couldn't help but wonder what secrets lay hidden within the shadowed valleys and towering peaks that awaited her arrival.

She felt uneasy thinking about what lie ahead at the end of this journey. And about what she had been told to expect there. But she had come too far to turn back now. She had to see it through to the end. Too many obstacles had been overcome to falter in the face of the unknown. With each passing moment, the mountain grew larger – not in distance but in shape - its silhouette etched against the cloudy sky like a silent sentinel.

In the distance on the other side, she could see what looked like a large city. It made her wonder what types of things might live there. But the city was not where they were headed. And so, as she watched, its visage came and went. This made her feel a bit sad, like there was a separate world out there that she was not part of. She lived in the world, but it was not her world. She was raised to be alone.

As if in response to her feelings, suddenly she heard wistful singing, like the sound of a choir singing an ancient and beautiful language. She stood up to look over the edge to see a row of flowers along the shoreline, singing in a high tenor. The sound of them was a comforting reprieve in this hellish place. And it made her think of the silver lining of beauty that can be found even in darkness. She thought of the ebb and flow of this sound as she was carried listlessly along the current.

She sat back down to just listen. And as she was drifting away to the quiet sounds, suddenly she noticed a male figure a few seats down from her and jutted awake again. She looked around at the ferry, but it did not seem to have stopped, leading to the figure's presence having a confusing air.

“How did... how did you get on the ferry? We didn't stop.”

The man looked off wistfully into the distance.

“No one knows. Not even the person who threw me in knows. Perhaps it is only the gods and demons who know such things.”

Mei wasn't sure about this answer, but it did not seem to warrant further conversation. So she let it be and opted not to follow up on it.

The ferry slid eventually to a stop at the furthest edge of the river. She climbed out, and the ferryman continued on without her ever having heard a word from him, bearing now only the other single passenger. She wondered if he had a story. But, of course, that might not even be a meaningful question to ask.

The mountain still loomed over her, steep and imposing. But she was not yet at its base. And she still had a ways to go. She continued on.

----------------------------------------

Mei traversed through the final field before the mountain, under the pink and red sky. From here, it was a straight line to the pinnacle. She had met a few more small-scale terrors on the way. There was a rampaging stampede of large slippers and spoons with an aggressive air. And although she had survived the encounter, she had been injured in the process, being covered now with injuries that left her blood dripping behind as she carried on. And although she was not yet at her limit, she was beginning to feel more tired, feeling like she was losing strength, and concerned about her ability to finish the journey.

She looked up at the mountain. Its size did not really seem to change with distance. It was as if no matter how much you walked towards it, it always looked the same distance on the horizon. She hoped that this did not mean it was moving away from her. But it did not seem to be. That was simply how things looked here. Its shape also became more odd the closer you got to it. From far away, it looked like a normal mountain. But as you moved closer, its shape changed. Looking at times inverted, or like an abstract mathematical model.

She trudged on through the field, with the long grasses blowing beside her in the wind. The field had a melancholy air. It felt like the absence of company. Certain types of nature made her feel like it was an exploration to be in them. But not so much when it was the flat nothingness of an empty field. She found herself wondering why she had been in her headspace for so long this time. For she had no memory of having ever spent this long inside of it in one go before. And this was something that began to make her concerned about what was transpiring in the outside world.

Looking back down, she could see only one thing laid out in front of her, in the center of the field. It looked like some kind of black stone table, like a slab laying on its side. As she approached closer to it, she could see that it was a table with three occupants. The first, to the left, was a floating eye, with veins drooping off of it like tendrils. In the middle was a short man with a large head, wearing an oversized top hat, on top of which was another oversized top hat. On the right was some kind of small ghost ogre wearing a tie, having a very thin neck but otherwise larger proportions.

She looked them over, wondering if they would mind if she sat.

The man in the middle stood up and held up his hands in greeting.

“Welcome. We have been awaiting your arrival.”

She looked around, confused at what was happening. But she felt she really needed to rest. Although she was also concerned that if she rested too long, she might no longer be able to go on. But she accepted the interlude without protest and sat down at a seat opposite to them, looking around.

“What is this place?”

The man in the hats waved his hands.

“This is the last supper. For you are nearing the end of your journey.”

She felt it was ominous to refer to a meal that way. But she wasn't about to protest a chance to eat at this point. She remembered that she hadn't eaten in awhile. Although while you were here in her headspace, you did not really need food in regular intervals on account of it not operating with linear time.

“What type of food do you like the most? We can make you anything you like. But you get only this one moment.”

The ogre to the right interjected suddenly.

“And be quick about choosing. I'm starving!”

The tophat man shot him a glare.

Mei thought about it. She was indeed very hungry. She wasn't sure how they could provide a meal while by themselves in an open field, but she wasn't about to protest. She thought about what she wanted to eat most of anything in the world.

“I could go for a Banh Mi, if you don't mind.”

As she said this, the man in the top hats clapped his hands, and then the three figures started running and doing various things that she couldn't quite follow. She wasn't sure whether the things looked entirely food-related, but at the end, they came back with a large serving tray with a dome and lifted it up to show several sandwiches. She was cautious about taking one, on account of the place she had found herself, but not wanting to be rude, she took one quickly and took a bite. The sandwich at least seemed to function like a real one, and so she kept eating it without protest, being now very hungry.

The other three occupants took sandwiches of their own and ate them in a quick gulp. Mei watched them in astonishment but ate hers at a fairly normal pace.

The man in the center spoke up again.

“Would you like a wine pairing with your course?”

Mei considered this. But she didn't feel like pushing the limits.

“Umm... I'm too young to drink wine. I'm only in middle school.”

The man stood there as if he didn't expect this answer and wasn't sure what to say next.

“Would you like... a soda?”

She thought about it.

“That would be nice.”

The man set down and slowly slid a can over to her. She momentarily finished her meal. After this, the man in the top hats leaned forward and crossed his hands.

“It is good that you are here, for there is much that we must discuss.”

But before he could go on, the ogre quickly interjected.

“It is time for the next meal. I am hungry again!”

The hatted man shot him another glare.

“We're not making another meal. You just ate.”

The man looked back at Mei with a blank stare.

“Pay him no mind. For he is always hungry.”

The ogre waved up its arms in protest.

“Tis a cruel fate to be so starving at all times.”

He looked at Mei.

“Down this path, there is no respite. Once you begin the path of endless consumption, you can never be satisfied. And you will never be at rest.”

It slammed its arm down on the table.

“I consume, and I consume, and I consume, and what does it get me? Where does it lead?”

Mei thought about this for a moment.

“Is this a riddle, or, like, a rhetorical question?”

“Is what?”

“The thing you just said.”

“What did I just say?”

Mei was frustrated and decided not to pursue this line of questioning any further. As she looked away from the right side, the eye on the other side of the table spoke up now for the first time and waved its tendrils wistfully.

“You see, there are people who will consume endlessly, all in order to keep up appearances. They will go on and on and on until the point where they consume even themselves. Who consider how they are perceived to be more valuable even than their own life. Who will even willingly go into debt if it means a chance to be seen as rich. Paradoxical as it might seem.”

The eye reached for one of the hats of the man to place it on his own head, and the man momentarily grabbed it to return it. The eye continued speaking without missing a beat.

“But if you only exist in the observation of others, then who are you?”

It blinked.

“In a sense, there is a disconnect between all life. Because the you that exists in the world can never be the you that exists in perception. Perception is stained by bias, even if it is your own. But you must choose whose perception you want to live in.”

The ogre, who had been making expressions for awhile, looked like it had suddenly realized something. It stood up on the table and began to look agitated.

“Wait a minute. You were talking about me!”

The eye looked over at him.

“I talk about many things.

"But yes, I was in fact, in this circumstance, talking about you.”

The ogre dove over at him, and the eye moved slightly out of the way, resulting in it shooting past him and crashing down on the ground, rolling on for some distance as the trio at the table watched it tumble down the hill. This motion seemed to have deflated it, however, and so they continued to watch as it slowly got up and walked back to its seat. After which, it scratched itself and spoke again, having seemingly forgotten the whole episode.

“Does anyone want to gamble?”

The eye shook its head in disapproval. It turned back to Mei.

“It is you who must observe yourself. Where you come from. Where you are going. I pray you find your way.”

The hatted man took out a pocket watch to observe the time, and upon seeing it, he became visibly anxious. He stood up and bowed his head.

“The time for discussion has passed. Remember what we talked about.”

Mei made a quizzical face.

“But we haven't talked about anything yet.”

“You must go. Time is running short.”

He remained standing and pointed for her to go onwards. She did not understand, but she had no other reason to protest, and did not want to overstay her welcome. So she stood up and continued on. As she went, the eye turned and made a final wave at her.

“Fare thee well.”

----------------------------------------

She arrived at the base of the mountain. As she began climbing, she could see that not only the clouds but the sun and moon and planets all circled the pinnacle. For indeed it was the center of the world. Ascending it was a process that took you out of space and time. Stars streamed past you like bright lights, flittering in rainbow radiance. The climb went in directions that had no name, for the shape of the mountain did not conform to normal space.

Although she was tired, she began rushing now, for she was eager to finish her journey and leave behind that which troubled her. But suddenly, she was stopped in her tracks. And so far from the top! She felt a great sense of fear. It was an air she recognized, the one that had tormented her all these years. There was a lot of things she no longer reacted to, as she had grown dull to the outside world. But this was one that she could never shake.

A dark figure emerged before her, slowly standing up and spreading countless hands into the air. The creature stood tall among its surroundings, having the visage of a thin and shadowy wrathful deity. It was split down the middle, looking half male and half female, with two heads and a monstrous appearance. It commanded a regal air. Demanding respect as if it was the lord of lords. Doing so as if through an endless chain of filial piety. On and on.

She tensed up and drew her blade, thinking it was about to attack her. But it did not. It put its arms down on the ground in front of her, and from them began shaping an object from the jewels in the ground. She waited to see what it was constructing.

It pulled up from the ground four sides of a structure. And in stages, she could see that it was constructing a large seat. The creature filled it with jewels and gold, and it began to take on a majestic appearance. As it finished with this, she could see that it held up now over it a crown, and beckoned to her with its other arms. The crown waiting to be placed on the head of the one who would sit on the throne.

“Is that... for me?”

It held one of its hands up high and gestured at the landscape all around her. She followed its hand motions all around the landscape. Seeing the world now from above, where it looked beautiful once again, the details of its corruption blurring into the landscape itself.

It turned back and spoke to her. Not with its mouth, for it had no mouth. The place where its mouth should have been was stitched shut. But in a voice that pervaded her being, entering directly into her soul.

“All this will I offer you if you but fall to your feet and worship me.”

She looked back towards the throne, and although she tried to resist, she found that she inadvertently took a step closer to it. It had an enticing appearance. And it had a force that pulled you in. Seeing it made you want to sit on it. Made you feel like it was the only possible choice. No less so because the difficulty of her journey had made her want it to reach its end. She had been suffering for so long. And the opportunity for reward felt now like it was becoming overbearing. A temptation being placed before you that no one could deny.

But she stopped. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. What was it she wanted? To be accepted? To rule? Was this the end of her journey? She thought about what it would mean to take the path of compliance. And to simply accept that which was to come, in the hopes that she would come out of it as the one with power.

But no. She couldn't accept this. This isn't the thing she came here for. And she had no intention of becoming another dark queen. She looked up with determination. She could see now that, in its hands, it was holding chains for her arms and legs. Chains that would bind her to the throne. And she saw it now for what it was. For the chains it held were connected to it as well. And went back on and on, in an endless cycle. If she took the throne, she too would become like this. And she, too, would eventually come to hold the chains. Waiting here and hoping to ensnare another.

She took a step back.

“No! This isn't what I want!”

Its demeanor became instantly more aggressive, with it now twitching in response to her words. She could tell now that it wasn't really trying to offer a deal. It was presented as a deal. But in the end, the only option was to accept. It began to drop its pretense of making an offer and started slowly moving towards her, quietly but aggressively. She began backing up from it.

“Your life is not your own. It is not in the man that walketh to direct his steps.”

She began to feel more fearful. Although she did not want to accept it, she began to feel like there may be no option. For it was far too large for her to challenge the way she had done so for the smaller terrors. As its hands began to engulf her, she was about to give up, but, getting a sudden twinge of panic, she lashed out aggressively, slashing at its hand.

“I said no already. And I'm done talking about it!”

It recoiled slightly and looked at its hand, which was now bleeding. It spent a moment taking in what it was looking at, like it could scarcely comprehend what had happened. But in stages, it looked back at her, now even more aggressively. It crouched down, growling and screaming in her direction, and slapped at her, sending her flying onto her back. Though with no open mouth, the sounds it made defied comprehension.

“Insolent worm!”

Mei slowly climbed to her feet and drew her sword. Although she had been running low on energy, she felt energized now, in defiance. Mei had always been adept at swordsmanship. And despite the creature's size, she felt emboldened now to stand against it with the last of her energy.

She saw that without physical limitations to slow her down, she would be unbounded by gravity. She ran and jumped, bounding into the air with her sword and slashing along the creature. She landed down on the other side, with a blood splatter surrounding her. She turned back to see how much damage had been done.

But she gasped. She looked up at its wound, and although faint, she could see that its wound was already healing. She thought about this quickly, wondering whether it could even be harmed if attacks like this had no meaning.

It lurched at her, pinning her to the wall and beginning to squeeze. Her heart pounded as she struggled against the creature's strength, her breaths coming in ragged gasps. She looked behind the creature at the mountain's pinnacle. She had gotten so close to the top. Yet it felt now so far away. And she wondered if she would fall here after she had come so far.

But no. It's not over until it is over. She breathed in and pushed slightly back at its hand to allow her space. And then she used this to slide underneath, slashing along its arm again as she did. She saw now that slashing it did very little. For the wounds would heal momentarily. But it could delay its use of that arm for the moment. And it seemed to take time to respond to the attacks, often staring at them in confusion.

It tried to grab her with two other arms, but she fought them off and backed up to give herself some distance. It began to lurch and swing at her repeatedly to wear her down, and although she was fighting off its arms, she still felt paralyzed by the fact that she had no solution to this fight, and so it was just a matter of time until she was captured.

The creature itself did not seem to have unlimited stamina, however. So it reeled back for a moment to rest for itself. The wind blew by quietly as it stood up tall, taking on an air of disappointment. And Mei faced off with it from the opposing side.

“You are such a burden. Think of how lucky you are to have someone to take care of you. Who else would take you in?”

Mei looked down sadly. She knew why these words were entering her headspace. She could see that fighting it directly was pointless. For in a way, it relished the conflict and antagonism. But she realized that there was something it didn't want. And she could see now what she had to do. She stepped back to get a running start. And she jumped up onto the back of its hand, springing upwards and bounding between aspects of its body for more height. It tried to grab her as she went up, but she used the arms that tried to for additional leverage in turn.

As she reached the top, she jumped up to the crown, as it now desperately tried to grab her. But as the arms bounded down on her, she slashed through it, and with it ending its symbol of authority.

She flew through the air freely and landed on the other side, turning around after landing. As it saw what happened, it began to thrash and writhe, holding onto the crown as it began to decompose in its hands. As this began to happen, the creature started dissolving as well. It turned to Mei with anger in its eyes and tried to rush to her to grab her. But she took a step back. And it was prevented from doing so by the chains that bound its feet.

As it saw that its chains prevented its movement, it turned now on the chains themselves, trying to pull off the very same chains it had tried to saddle her with. And seeing them now as an inhibition that held it in place, it raged at their presence in a moment of self-awareness as it continued to dissipate, thrashing as it did.

In its final moments, it turned to Mei with sad eyes. And she felt overpowered by this and could not meet them, and so turned away to close hers. She kept them closed for a long while, in fear of the feeling of that glance. Wondering if doing so was an act of weakness. But as she finally looked back, she could see now that the shadowy figure was gone. And what lied before her was nothing but the empty chains.

She waited for a moment, thinking of all that had transpired. And then turned forward to continue on for her final ascent. The pinnacle was just ahead.

----------------------------------------

She arrived at the top. She was very tired on account of the journey she had undertaken. But she felt relieved now that it was going to all soon be over. For she felt she needed the rest. A long rest. Here at the end of everything.

The top had a solemn air, as if it was a place of great importance. And from it, she could see endlessly into the distance, as if beyond the limited scope of the living world. She walked to the center and took out her sword, placing it face down in the center of the ground as if it was a flag to show her ascent. And stood before it to gaze off at the majestic image one could see at having reached this far.

But... that was it. There was nothing here to meet her. And there did not seem to be anything further to do. She walked around the top, glancing in various directions and waiting to see whether anything further would happen. But nothing did. And as the minutes grew on, she began to grow restless and nervous at this absence.

She looked down over the edge. She could see that there was nothing there except a field of flowers, seemingly untainted by the corruption of the area, placed as if left in memorial. She looked around, confused. This was the pinnacle. But she did not make any discovery here. At the end of the path, there was nothing.

Having nothing else to do but rest, she sat down over the edge, letting her legs dangle free. She had reached the zenith and was now unsure about whether the journey had meaning. But there was nowhere else to go. This was the end. She looked idly down into the flower field, mesmerized, wondering who they were for.

But she began to feel nervous. She could sense someone coming. She had always been good at doing so. She climbed back up and looked back as a solemn-looking figure draped in a black robe trodded towards her. As it got closer, she could see that under its hood was a hollow skull, bearing no emotion. And in its hands, it held a long scythe.

She petitioned it cautiously.

“Who are you?”

“I am Death.”

Mei gained a tense expression, thinking over the phantom's response. But although she could not place why, she could feel that it was not lying. She looked around to see who he had come for. But there was no one else. Seeing this made her nervous to ask her next question.

“But who are you here for?”

It looked coldly on her with its empty eyes and waited a moment that seemed to last eternally before speaking.

“I am here... for you.”

She looked around nervously once again, hoping that it had made a mistake.

"But, Death, I am not dying. Not yet.”

She thought about this, momentarily distracted from her fear and thinking of what could have happened.

“Unless... did someone kill me? Out there? In the real world?”

Her eyes became empty, thinking of what it could mean if she had been killed by someone outside of the headspace. In that moment, she felt no surprise at the idea that someone in her family might ultimately try to kill her. They no doubt wanted to be rid of her, after all. She felt a chill thinking about the world carrying on without her. Of her fading from her family's memory. Being nothing but a scrap of old photos as they continued on with life in her absence.

Death's tone softened slightly.

“Poor child. Do you not remember?”

Her nervousness increased.

“Remember what?”

Death held up its hand. As it did, a spiral appeared, slowly tearing open space above the gap over the ledge. Within this, an image slowly came into being in front of her, of her own room in the real world. She hesitated before looking, afraid to see what would be revealed. But she had to look eventually. And as she did, in the center she saw, in terror, her own body hanging from the ceiling, motionless.

She reeled back in shock.

“Is that... me?”

But her memories were all flooding back now. She flitted for a moment in panic, collapsing to the ground and holding her head. Denial rushed through her like lightning, making her hope that there was some mistake. But she could remember it all now.

The panic slowly subsided. And on realizing what had happened, she looked down in shame. She remembered now why she had come here today. It was to say goodbye. To say goodbye to her memories one last time before she sailed off from life and identity.

But she could not accept it. Maybe she felt that way before. But she did not feel that way now.

“No, it can't be. I'm not ready to die. I don't want this!”

Death looked at her without expression.

“There are few who are. But they do not get that choice. You are given one chance at life. And your life is now drawing to its close.”

She made an angry face, about to protest again. But she thought it over and gave up without speaking. How could she be angry at Death? It was not the one who brought her here. No. She was the one who had brought it here.

She stood up slowly and walked over to it quietly. She stood next to Death now, hanging her head in defeat.

“Is this it, then? I guess I really did do it after all. I was thinking about it for a long time. I suppose my family might be happier without me. Now... I can give them what they want.”

She looked at the body that was in front of her.

“Did I... did I live a good life? I did what I was supposed to? What was needed of me?”

Death stared down at her quietly.

“It is not for me to say. You, and only you, can decide the value of your life.”

She looked down.

“I don't feel like it was very valuable. I wasn't wanted. I wasn't loved. I didn't even love myself. Maybe it wasn't very valuable after all. It's not like I got to enjoy it. Its possible I could have made it better, but... Its too late now.”

She stood there next to Death in the cool breeze. Despite everything, she felt strangely comforted by its presence. She felt that death did not mean her ill-will. It was just a part of life. Like yin and yang. Time ebbs and flows. And sooner or later, it catches up to all of us.

But she had regrets. And although she was beginning to come to terms with her situation, the regrets poured over her like a river, framing into her mind a torrent of lost opportunities.

“I wish...

“I wish I could have made a real friend. Just one. For all my life, I have been lonely. And I think if I had someone to share it with, it would have been more bearable. I think... if that happened, I would have been happy. Even if I had to die young.

"I... almost had one once, but..."

She sat silently for a long while.

“Can you tell me what it is like, Death? To have a friend?”

Death stood there quietly for a time. She worried for a moment that it was not going to answer.

“Friendship is when lives become intertwined. It is to see the other as the self. To care about their life as if it is your own.”

Mei looked at Death, then looked down sadly. These were feelings that were alien to her. She understood the vague idea of caring about someone else. But she had never been taught this empathy. Her family did not ask for empathy from her. Just compliance. And they gave her neither in return. She felt like she was broken for not being able to feel it.

“Death, have you... have you ever had a friend?”

There was an even longer pause now. She worried that what she had said might have come off improper. She felt herself growing cold. But in the end, Death looked down at her softly.

“All of life is my friend. That is why I come to meet them in their last moments. To walk them home. And so that they will not have to die alone.”

She paused, thinking it over. And then held up a hand to Death.

“Will you... will you be my friend?”

She looked down sadly.

“I have... no one else.”

Death looked at her. And then silently took her hand. She looked back at the image of herself.

“I suppose if I had had a friend in life, I would have had something else to live for. Something other than...

“My family wanted me to live for them. But I'm not sure they were really living either. It didn't really feel like caring about someone.”

Death shook its head slowly.

“It is not a true bond if one looks only at what you do for them. A true connection is when their pain is your pain. Their grief is your grief.

“There is a saying. No greater love one has than one who lays down his life for his friends. It is through valuing others that you can learn to value yourself.”

Mei thought about this. And she felt something beginning to connect in her mind. She felt she was finally beginning to understand the idea of true bonds. Ones that existed beyond the false ones she had been forced to play the role of. Not only of friends. Of family. What would it mean to have a true family?

She felt something intently for the first time that she had never thought about before. Something that made her chest hurt. She could feel her mind expanding. Having empathy now for the whole world.

“There must... there must have been many others like me. Ones who had no one to care for them. If I could have known them, I could have helped them as well.

“Its sad. Thinking of all those who are suffering alone, with no one to care for them. But I... I can't do anything.

“I...”

She fell silent. She thought it over for a long time. About what it means to value life. Not just your own. But all life. Seeing yourself within a nexus of the great tapestry of creation.

And then... she came to an answer.

She looked up with determination. She gently took her hand out from Death's and glanced up at it intently.

“I'm sorry, Death. But I can't go with you today.

“I have finally found the answer to my life. I will never stop fighting. For me. For my sisters and brothers. For everyone who is alone and helpless.”

Death looked down at her.

“It is appointed to men once to die. Do you truly believe you can run from fate?”

She held up her arms in a commanding position.

“No. I'm done with running. It is now that I have to face myself.

“But you just stay there and watch me. Watch me, and you will see that Lan Mei never gives up!”

She turned around to look at her silent image. She took several steps back, crouching over her sneakers for a running start. And then ran and bounded off the ledge into it, breaking through the barrier that separated it from the open space. As she broke through, she was surrounded by a tessellating image that pervaded her all around. She found herself in a fractal of her own mind, in an image of her room. She held on to her body. Hugging it now in an act of self-love that she had never before known. Seeing herself now from outside eyes, as her body hung there silently.

She pulled her hand back and then jabbed it into her own chest. As she did so, she felt great pain as if from a real wound, with both images of her spraying blood out all around her. She reached through her flesh, grabbing onto her own silent heart, taking hold of it. As she did, she squeezed it. And let go. And then repeated this, as if to recreate the movement of its beating. She pumped it to activate it as her blood sprayed out and dripped down the side of the mountain onto the flowers below.

She went on doing this for some time. But despite her efforts, it did not make it active on its own. She started slowing. And as she did, she began to be discouraged. She looked back at Death, who was still standing there, staring at her silently.

She looked at her silent body. She caressed its face, seeing now what it looked like to see yourself as an other. And by extension, what it means to see another as yourself. On and on, like an infinite jeweled net. With each jewel reflecting the others in an endless fractal.

But no. This was not over. She was not dying today. She shoved her other arm into her chest, giving it everything she had. She squeezed down on her heart as if to fall into it. She reached in, peering with her mind, seeing it now as if it was its own world full of her fading hopes and dreams. She grabbed hold of them with invisible arms and put them back in their places. And then squeezed the entire thing, as if to turn it into a diamond, doing so as her hands burned under the pressure, putting her through pain she could not have imagined.

As she did this, all at once, it began again. Her heartbeat returned, and as it did, a wave of energy exploded outward, shooting her back from the image and onto the ledge, dropping her on her back. Ruffled from the fall, she slowly stumbled up and steadied herself to bring her to her feet. She looked at her body, waiting eagerly. But all at once, she saw it begin twitching. She could see from the image that her body was now moving again, faintly, and not yet dead. And that there would still be time to return to it and fix her mistake.

She also looked around her. From the change she had caused, it had begun to change the headspace world as well. The energy wave traversed across the landscape, and as it did, the blood rain ceased and was replaced with open sky. The tainted ground returned to its green form, and the frightening imagery eroded away as it was restored to its clean sense of untainted memories. She stared in awe as she saw the change it had undergone, seeing things she thought she could never see again.

She turned to death, who was looking up at the changes as well, and whose robe had now changed with the scenery, becoming pure and white. She could not see its expression, for it had none over its empty skull. But she felt that its face looked soft. It looked back and spoke down at her.

“For some, it is only when facing death that they learn the meaning of their life. Pray you do not forget it.”

She smiled back.

“I don't intend to. Not ever.”

She thought for a moment. And then looked down, smiling now more shyly.

“But... Death... Did you know that this would happen?”

“No. But I knew you had it in you.”

She smiled, still looking down.

“Thank you. For believing in me. I will show you. I will show you all that I can do with life. Not just for me. But for all others who are alone and who need someone to care for them.

“But I'd better go. There is someone who needs me right now. Even if it is myself. So I have no time to dawdle.”

Death looked down at her.

“Farewell, Lan Mei. We will meet again."

It changed to a softer voice.

“On that day, tell me how you lived your life. I will be happy to hear it.”

She gave Death a thumbs up.

“I will. Just you wait.”

Death held up its arm, holding its fingers over her head like a scissors. She gave a final wave to the landscape and then sheepishly bowed her head, holding her hands behind her back. It spoke to her one final time.

“I appoint you the messenger of death. Carry this message with you. And show to people the value of their life. For it is all too fleeting. And there are many who do not get a chance to see its beauty.”

She nodded.

“I will.”

Death snipped its fingers together. As it did, she woke up back into the real world, falling from her ceiling as the rope snapped. She hit herself slightly on the ground as she fell, getting up and rubbing herself in a daze. She looked at the rope, which had fallen with her, and after examining it, quickly untied the noose. She looked at the plain rope for awhile and then threw it away where it would not be noticed.

She laid back down and looked up at the ceiling.

“Thank you, Death.

“I know... things will still be difficult. Probably for a long time. Maybe forever. But I think... I think I am up to it.”

She reached a hand up to the ceiling.

“We'll see.”

She laid there for a long time, just thinking. About the future. About life. About what type of person she was going to grow into. And what that person would say to her if she could see her now? Would she remember this day? Or would it be lost like so many other things into the sea of forgotten memories? She held up her arm as if to reach through time to see where it could be taken. Sorting through infinite futures to find the one that would reach back to her.

“Mei! Come down and eat dinner.”

She sat up, thinking, and then speaking out loud to herself.

“Yeah. I could eat.”

She put on a fake smile so that she could maneuver the family meal. Though she felt that a bit of a real one was creeping into it as well, for the first time in a long time.

She got up and walked out of the room. She never visited the park again.