Jonah and June laid naked in bed together, holding hands. Though they had been living together for several days and, in pragmatic course seen each other like this from time to time, the trauma they had experienced made them hesitate thus far to take it any further than this. They still felt a kind of ephemeral sense of hesitation about each other's presence. Worried that one day they would wake up and the other would be gone. And this fear came with a kind of superstitious attitude. As if amid the quantum void, they had to establish each other's presence via recognition to establish that the other truly exists. And that perhaps their own existence was in jeopardy as well.

But this fear is no surprise. For after all, it had been true for everything else they had ever known.

As a result, they wanted to take things one step at a time, seeing how they would evolve naturally. Brought together by suffering, they were aware that their connection came from shared trauma rather than shared intimacy. And that, on account of this, their initial connection was based on strong feeling rather than a tangible bond. But they had the presence of mind to know that they wanted to work on a true connection. Believing that if you can't be good friends, you also couldn't be good at anything more.

They felt like they wanted to take it further today. But they also felt like they had difficulty taking the plunge into it. Feeling still awkward and ephemeral. A sense of being detached that had no choice but to pervade all throughout their life. For their detachment was their life now. And there were no more things one could cling to.

June looked over to him.

“You know, I just thought about something. We have been acting like it since we moved in together. But technically, we never really officially said we were a couple.”

Jonah zoned in when she started speaking and then thought back over what she said, thinking about it himself for a moment.

“Well, that's true. I suppose I thought it was implied. Or would be at some point.”

She laid back,

“I suppose this occurs to me now, because I was thinking about it and realized that not everyone in our position would necessarily want to treat it like a relationship in that way. Or at least not with everyone. But from when I first saw you, I felt like it was a given.”

She got a pained look.

“Well... in truth, it was actually long before we met. I suppose I decided it was what I wanted before even meeting you. And I spent a long time having to face the reality that you may not have wanted the same thing.”

He turned to her.

“Well, you don't have to worry about that. I do want it.”

“I know. But I couldn't have known that at the time. And it feels uncomfortable having had to rest so much hope on one single avenue of escape. Because even if it turned out okay, you have to know that it could have easily not done so.”

He thought about this quietly and then looked back over.

"Well, you said yourself. This is just how things are. You just move forward and see whether you ended up in a good or bad situation. If it is a good one, you roll with it. And if it doesn't work out, you move on. And even if you have to move on, that is a chance to show your tenacity.”

She smiled at him.

“Thank you. So... are we in a relationship now?”

“I suppose we are.”

“I think I didn't bring it up because I was afraid of rejection. I mean, not that I thought you would say no. It's not really about you. It's just... how my life has been up til now. And having to live like this felt like another rejection. From life itself. The fact that everyone else I knew could just carry on without me. Everything else remains, but it is like I never was. And yet here I remain. They have come and gone. Had entire lives that I will never know about.”

He leaned up to her.

“Well, I don't reject you. Not just as a relationship. But as a person. We may not have anything else. But we have each other.”

She smiled and ran her hand along his face. She would have spoken again, but she felt like she wanted a moment of silence after sharing so much. Not that she had said all that much in the grand scheme of things. But when the feelings were so deep rooted, it can still feel vulnerable to share them.

They snuggled together a bit. They still weren't entirely comfortable with each other's bodies, but they were getting better at it. They still hesitated with touch, feeling like it was intrusive. But would sometimes do so after a false start.

Laying there, Jonah gradually glanced down at June's body. This too still felt a little awkward, like he wasn't totally sure he should be looking. But this is a feeling you had to get over if it were someone you were going to share your life with. Even if you still only barely knew them.

He thought about them being together. And about the nature of their situation. And he felt a bit calm. For the first time in a long time, he felt like he wasn't alone. And he realized that she was having the same thoughts at this moment. And more than that, he felt receptive. He was glad that he and June had a lot in common. Though he felt that even had they been more different, they would have been able to work it out.

But something entered into his mind. He had a funny idea relating to this that he wanted to share now, in response to her opening up. One that was related to his past. And many of the fears that he had been carrying with him for a long time. Since longer even than he knew he had Parfit's syndrome. This was something he kept close to his chest for many years. And which he did not share even with his friends in his old life.

At this point, he felt like he could share his secret with June. Because in their situation, they would have to be very open and accommodating with each other. And he did not want to have any secrets. But he still felt scared to bring it up. But he steeled himself and committed to doing so, realizing that she was now doing the same. He turned to her and spoke slowly.

“I had a thought.”

“About what?”

“Well... its kind of embarrassing to say.”

“That's something that shouldn't really matter to people like us anymore.”

“...

“Well... I guess that is true.

“...”

“This must be a big thought.”

“Okay, okay, I'll just say it. Here goes then. Well, what I was thinking is that, well... it's actually a bit hard to frame what I am thinking exactly. But relating to what you said before, I suppose some people might think we were lucky.”

“We have had some bad luck as well. That is how we got here after all.”

“Not in the overall sense. But when meeting each other. I mean, I'm not just saying this because of our situation. But I think I feel closer to you than I have with anyone before. Even if we met each other, if we were too different or less incompatible, it may have been harder.”

“Yeah, that is true. But either way, we could have tried. We are lucky we didn't have nothing in common. Or end up with someone we couldn't get along with.”

“I think... that is what I am getting at. This is something that I would have been afraid to share with anyone I knew before. And... you have to promise not to think what I am about to say is weird.”

“Everything about our lives is weird now. I think I can handle it.”

“Well, I just mean, it would have been nice to have a friend either way. Because it would still be better than solitude. But it is also good we can be in a relationship. But I just mean that... I feel like how I feel about you transcends gender. If you were male, I still wouldn't have minded being in a relationship with you.”

He stopped speaking suddenly, feeling very tense at what he had just said openly for the first time and afraid how she would react. Because he knew that this was not something that would always go over well with everyone.

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June remained silent for a moment, thinking about what she was hearing. But on realizing the implication, she leaned up suddenly and laughed slightly at him.

“Is that all? You made it sound like it was going to be such a big secret.”

“You said you wouldn't laugh.”

“Actually, I didn't say that at all.”

He thought about it.

“I... I guess you didn't actually. But I don't know. It's something embarrassing to talk about. Where I was from, this wasn't the kind of thing you could admit openly. It would have been a social death sentence to be seen this way by people my own age. And I mean, I didn't want you to think of me as weird. Like, I didn't... I didn't mean to describe you like that.”

“It's okay, I understood what you meant.”

She laid back next to him, on his side.

“But its okay. The truth is, we are the same. In terms of attraction, I mean. I would have been okay if you were either a boy or girl. I've never really had a strong preference. In the past, it would have been a thing I thought about more though. Because who you are with can shape your identity and how people see you. But for us now, those concerns no longer apply. I suppose you could say it is like a more pure form of relationship. Now we can be together unburdened by how we would be seen by others. You don't need to care about the observations of phantoms who are already far into your own past.”

Jonah leaned back, feeling relieved.

“I suppose it sounds ominous when you put it that way. In some ways we can be free. Free from the harassment we may have gotten in the past if that ever came up. But to be untethered is a scary kind of freedom.”

They both looked up and got quiet, thinking once more about the eternity that lay before them. After a long stretch, Jonah spoke again.

“I have been hiding those feelings for a long time, in fear. Once I felt attraction to a boy and shared it with him. But this caused problems for me. And I ended up having to lie my way out of it until everyone forgot. But I wonder. Is there a time when that type of thing wouldn't matter? And if so, will we ever live to see it?”

He thought about it for a moment.

“But I suppose that if that time ever comes, we will. We will carry on and see it together. To the future. And perhaps to a more enlightened time.”

June patted his face, looking into his eyes when listening. But then, after he stopped, she got a sly grin and propped herself up on her arm, speaking suddenly.

“So tell me. In this fantasy you were having where I was a boy. Would you have been the top or the bottom?”

Jonah's face turned red, and he looked away in embarrassment. Though it was dark, and so his face's shade could not have been seen either way.

“That's not what I meant. I don't mean I was thinking about it like that.”

She laughed again.

“I know, I was just teasing.”

She looked to the side at the wall.

“But I mean, I don't mind talking about it. Suppose you had to answer for real.”

Jonah looked back. He felt embarrassed to talk about it, but he realized that in this situation embarrassment didn't really matter.

“I mean, I don't know. I never got that far in a situation like for real. I assumed you just take turns.”

She smiled softly and then suddenly put her arm around his face, onto the far side.

“Having never been a guy, I've never been in that situation either. So I'm also not sure how it works. But I like that answer. I don't like when people are only thinking about themselves.”

She put up her other arm in a shrugging motion, and smirked.

“But you know, we can still try something like that. If you are open to it, I mean. Where there's a will, there's a way. You know, artificially.”

Jonah got embarrassed again and rolled back to look away.

“Well, I never thought about anything like that before, really. I mean, not with a girl. But I suppose I am okay with it if it's with you.”

She reached her hand down to pat him and then snuggled up behind him with her arms around him as a big spoon.

“Don't worry. I would be gentle.”

She pulled up closer.

“I think you would make a good girl too, though. You know, there's no one to stop me from making you into one now. I could dress you up however I want.”

Jonah made a resigned expression.

“That is a bit odd to think about too. But I suppose I would be open to anything now. Sometimes. It's not like there's anyone left to judge us for eccentricity. I don't want to go out like that, though.”

“That's a fair deal.”

They stopped speaking and laid there for awhile, with him feeling her on his back. Eventually, he got up to get himself water, and as he walked to doing so, June looked at his body lit faintly only by the outside lights. She lifted up her sheet and looked down, and thought about it for a few seconds, and then stood up quickly with a devious expression, putting her arms around him.

“Lets go out on the balcony.”

He looked nervous.

“The balcony? Are you sure? People might see us.”

“Would they really, though? We are kind of high up. And it has walls.

He thought about it for a moment.

“Yeah, I suppose so.”

“Don't worry. I'm a little nervous too. But this is our life now. Is the life we have really one where we will be rewarded for playing it safe?”

He thought about this for a moment and quickly realized it was true.

They walked sheepishly together to the balcony, both being self-conscious about being naked. But seeing that it was dark and that they were high up, they got more confident to stand out on it. On doing so, they realized fairly quickly that they liked the idea of being nude in an open area like this but also felt that they would have been much too nervous to do something like that in a place they could actually be seen. But doing so did make them consider whether that is something they would think about doing later on, if there was a place where it was accepted.

They looked up at the sky above. Above them there were sky fish floating past listlessly in the night breeze. Looking at them they took in the feelings of the ebb and flow of the world instilled by this image. The kind of feeling of flowing through reality, being carried along its endless stream.

Eventually this feeling made them more self-aware of being naked again. But as they realized, no longer in an embarrassed way. Although they were surrounded by buildings and could not see much of nature save for the parks and rivers that were visible from their height, standing out here among the sky fish gave a feeling of being one with it. As if they could float up and swim along with them, leaving behind their worries to the mortal world below.

In a sense, it felt inspirational. The rest of the world still existed, of course. It carried on to and fro with or without them. But from their perspective, it was like they were entering into a new world. Standing naked in a new Eden, with the freedom of untold possibilities stretched before them and the beauty of it all laid out. They would see things that they couldn't believe. Ones they could at the current moment scarcely comprehend. And none could predict what the future would hold.

They turned to look at each other and stood apart, taking each other's hands and holding them at length, soaking in the moonlight. They had lost a lot. But sometimes, with loss, new freedoms could be gained. Paving the way to things which you would have never had the chance for before.

After basking in the moment, they turned back to the edge to lean on the railing. They remained like that for a long time, without speaking, feeling a kind of sublime bliss that could not be placed into words. And hoping these feelings would never end. But they knew that the future would not always be so kind. But that is life. And one has to take it as it comes and goes.

June began speaking.

“You know, I've been thinking.”

She paused a bit to decide what she wanted to say.

“Back when I was first diagnosed and wasn't sure what to do, I spent my weeks wandering around aimlessly. During that time, I met an artist. Well... an ex-artist. And I talked to her about life. She seemed a bit... sad. Like she felt forced to give up doing what she wanted in order to do what she thought she had to. I felt sorry for her. Because she talked like she didn't think there was any other option. And I suppose I relate to her. Because we too had to give up the things we wanted. Though we really didn't have another choice.”

She looked at him somberly.

“I am glad I met you. But it would have been nice if we could have met under better circumstances. I had things I could have shown you. People I could have introduced you to. But I suppose most of them are probably dead now. And now we will never get that chance.”

He leaned to the side.

“Well, maybe not people. But we can still show each other things. There are always aspects of your life that never really disappear. And we still know of books, music, other things we have nostalgic ties to. Even after so much time has passed, we should still be able to find and share them. Even places, though now any places will be very different. And we can watch them change together.”

She smiled.

“Yes, I suppose so. I mean, its something. But its not the same. Sorry, I shouldn't be pessimistic.”

She looked back over the side.

“Where was I though? Yeah. I felt a spiritual attachment to the art that she showed me. I would have liked to get a picture from her as a memento. Since I had to leave everything else behind. A painting of when I was happy. Though I suppose I wasn't happy at the point I found her anyway. I thought at the time about seeing if I could go back and check on her to see if she ever picked up art again. But I never did. I suppose that at this point she might be dead now.”

He looked over at her from where he was standing.

“Who knows. Maybe she has kids who saw those same pictures and followed in her footsteps. And you can get one from one of them one day.”

June laughed to herself.

“Fat chance. Though it would be nice. Maybe we can look them up and seek them out in the future. They will be wierded out when we say we met their grandma a hundred years ago and were just strolling by again like its no big deal to see if anyone kept up the family practice.”

Jonah smirked at her joke. She turned back to speak again.

“I was glad I had that conversation with her, though. I owe a lot to that conversation. And while she didn't say much, I feel like it pushed me to not give up, and to carry on. But I wonder if she benefited from it as well. I feel like there was something important about it. But I suppose we will never know.

“That conversation was what inspired me to seek you out. And I know, maybe it seemed obsessive of me to spend so much time searching for you when I didn't even know you. But I felt like... you would understand. You weren't the only one who was alone. And I spent that whole time not just feeling worried about rejection. But also feeling entitled that I was placing my sole hope for the future on someone I didn't know. Do you get what I mean?”

He reached over and stroked her face with his hand. And she put her hand over his as he began talking.

“Its true. I would probably have been afraid to do something like that. And it's hard to say what might have happened if I were someone else. But I'm glad you did. I mean, of course I am. You literally gave me a new chance at life. When I was going to...”

He trailed off, gaining a pained expression, and spent a moment in silence. But then began again.

“But it's not just that. I know we haven't known each other for very long. But I care about you. And whatever else happens, I'm glad that I met you. And whatever happens to us now, it will be together. If we go through the abyss itself, we can be each other's light in Hell.”

She put her own hand on his face.

“Thank you. I feel the same way about you. I think... I think I am ready now.”

They both looked down at each other's bodies. They still felt slightly embarrassed at the idea. But now they felt more intimate, like it felt more natural to imagine being connected in this way. He looked back.

“I think I am too. I'd say there is no time like the present. But we no longer have a distinct present. Only the eternal now.”

She took his hands in hers to look at him for a moment and then led him inside by the hand. When they got to the bed, they looked at it unsure of what to do next and how to begin. They looked at each other, and both began to speak at once, stopping and then laughing nervously. She put her hand on his chest to give a tap backwards.

“You lay down. I can be on top.”

He backed up, still facing her to lie on the bed. Once there, he smiled sheepishly.

“Sorry. I don't have that much experience with things like this. I can't promise much.”

She climbed over him and looked into his eyes, her naked body hanging over his.

“That's okay. I don't have much experience either. But now we can practice for all eternity. We can be like tantric deities, embodying the unity of will and action. Ages come and go, but we remain forever. All reality comes from us and will return to us. We will be one and all.”

He put up his hand to stroke her face.

“I think... I wouldn't mind being one with you.”

She looked down at him.

“That's good. Because you are going to be forever.”

She reached down her hand.

“Lets begin.”