Season 3: Chapter 93: Self Destruct
What did you do that for?! I wanted to scream at the amputated robot but sadly, I had other concerns to deal with.
Namely the hundreds of droids that now surrounded us.
“Virgil, you can't honestly believe that your bots will stop us,” Slimey relayed.
“No, I have no illusions my friend, none on da contrary. But I am curious to how well your monster holds up to flamethrowers and sand. As we speak my fabricators are outfitting countermeasures to your pet,” Virgil said as large bulkhead doors slammed shut, blocking our exit. “These bots may be destroyed, but they're only here to buy time.”
Crap. If Virgil was actively making countermeasures then I needed to be quick about this.
Slimey, get them out
Slimey turned, readying Dragon Slayer as Virgil chirped and Jesse and Simone backed away from the glass.
“Ha! Good luck, that's reinforced argon glass, smelted by the finest Lemoidian smiths, aka, me! It's impregnable! Not even a Trihorn can-”
Slimey swung her sword, the blade cracking the glass with one well placed swing.
“-what?! Wait! S-stop stop stop!” Virgil screamed.
“Impenetrable huh?” Slimey smirked.
“It took me five years to make that! Chill! Chill!” Virgil yelled, the armless robot wiggling back and forth. “Do you know how hard it is to smelt argon?! To put it in a nonvolatile state so it doesn't just evaporate?!”
“Release Lord Hiro's servants,” Slimey said.
“Even if I wanted to, I can't! I can't!”
“Welp, too bad,” Slimey said, readying the two-handed legendary weapon.
“Minions! Attack! Attack! LEAVE MY GLASS ALOOOOONE!” Virgil screamed, the old artisan’s voice almost tearful.
The robots immediately opened fire, but it was too late as Slimey swung her sword while simultaneously raising a wall of hardened slime to block the assault.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Virgil cried. “I'LL KILL YOU!”
“Nice prison break boss, couldn't have gotten here quicker?” Jesse asked as Lhikan tossed him his backup dagger.
“We're here now, where is Tipsy?” Lhikan asked, cutting down a maintenance bot rushing at him with a mop.
“Hey Virgil, did you kidnap a gnome and a Drider?” Slimey asked as she duplicated herself with her clone rushing the droids.
“SCREW YOU! WHY WOULD I TELL YOU ANYTHING?!” Virgil screamed.
Ah. He's angry. Fortunately I have a solution.
“Well, if you don't tell me… there's plenty of glass around here to break,” Slimey said, placing the tip of the dragon slayer against an untouched window.
At my threat Virgil fell silent, the automaton visibly rattling.
“You wouldn't.”
“Remember when I threw Haslow into a volcano when he told me I wouldn't?”
The bot chirped.
“She's in section G…” Virgil resigned as more robots flooded our position.
“And that is?”
“Why would I-”
Slimey.
At my command she swung, breaking another exhibit window.
“-NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
“We can do this all day Virgil. If you don't tell me what I want to know I'll just keep smashing!” Slimey spat who twisted my face with glee as she threw her weapon into another window.
“Sir! More metal monsters!” Simone cried, conjuring a barrier over our left flann just as a nearby bulkhead opened to deposit more troops.
“Tsk! We're getting boxes in!” Jesse exclaimed as our available fighting space began to diminish.
“Milord, either we break through or retreat, I fear we'll be buried at this rate,” Lhikan chime in.
Damn…
While Slimey was dissolving the automatons at a remarkable rate, she couldn't melt their corpses faster than they were being reinforced.
“Go! Into the exhibit!” Slimey barked, relaying my order with the papal party retreating as the wave of automatons were reinforced by flamethrower bots.
“That's right! Run! Run! If I can't contain you! I'll just bury you!” Virgil yelled, laughing maniacally as the automatons began to chant “exterminate!” over and over again.
Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.
Has he always been this crazy? Jeez, chill out guy.
“There's too many!” Jesse cried ducking beneath a blaster bolt before he drove his dagger into the eye of a floor sweeper.
Jesse attempted to retrieve his dagger yet it was stuck, the little automaton latching onto his arms.
“Jesse!” Simone cried as the crowd of robots began to pull him into their swarm.
“Remember me!” Jesse cried.
Gobledo leapt into action, the goblin paladin slicing off the robot appendages using The Muramasa and hacking away at the swarm.
“Hey! Virgil! Can you maybe not be a dick?”
“You started it!” Virgil spat, “Now watch as I bury you all alive in-”
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! LEVEL 5 BIOLOGICAL CONTAMINANTS DETECTED!
Suddenly the facility began to blare alarms and yellow lights with even the automatons halting their assault.
“What? What did you do?!” Virgil demanded.
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! LEVEL 5 BIOLOGICAL CONTAMINANTS DETECTED!
“Wouldn't you like to know,” Slimey relayed, irking the robot as the facility seemed to rumble.
Of course this was a bluff, I had no idea what was going on.
WARNING. BIOLOGICAL CONTAMINANT THREAT ASSESSMENT RAISED TO LEVEL 6
“YOU BROUGHT DEATH MOLD?!” Virgil cried, alarm in his voice as what remained of his limbs flailed angrily. “GAH! GET OUT! GET OUT GET OUT OF MY HOME!”
Okay… maybe I do have an idea of what's going on…
“Oh now he wants us gone!” Jesse snapped sarcastically.
“Do you idiots know what you've done?! You've screwed us! You've screwed us all!” Virgil cried.
Before I could inquire more about what he meant, the alarms suddenly stopped with everything falling silent.
“Okay…” Jesse muttered as Simone healed his wrist, “Is this what they call the calm before the storm?”
“Goddess above, do you ever shut up?” Simone snapped.
“Rude. So rude,” Jesse said before the pair were hushed by Lhikan.
There was a low hum, a vibration in the air as though something had changed.
I decided to do what I should have done and focus on Ayaka and figure out what she was up to.
Ayaka!
“Y-yeah?”
Through our connection I could feel it, guilt. That little tiny drider had done something!
Ayaka what did you do?!
“N-no thing!”
LIES!
“NUH-UH!”
I CAN SENSE YOUR GUILT! WHEN I FIND YOU I'M GOING TO CRUSH YOU WITH A BOOT! NOW TELL ME WHAT YOU DID!
“I didn't do anything!”
YES YOU DID!
“IT WASN'T MY FAULT!”
TELL ME OR YOUR GETTING THE BOOT!
“I dropped my food!” Ayaka replied, attempting to be cute.
And your food just so happens to be mold?! Where did you even get it?!
“It was the gnome's fault! They gave it to me!” Ayaka sent but I could tell it was a lie.
Suddenly the ground began to violently shake, every inch of the facility vibrating.
“Virgil… why is the floor vibrating?” Slimey relayed.
“Oh, that's just the self destruct priming,” Virgil replied casually.
…
…
““WHAT?!”” Jesse and Simone screamed.
“Virgil.”
“Yeah?” The bot replied.
“I'm sorry for breaking your windows.”
“Don't worry about it lad…”
“Can you turn the self-destruct off? Please?”
“Nope. You idiots did this. I'm locked out! Death Mold is incredibly caustic! It eats metal and melts even steel! The administrator has taken over and now we're all going to die and I blame you! I was happy! I was numb! And you just had to barge in here and restrict my privileges! And get my facility blown up!”
WARNING! BRIMSTONE PROTOCOL IS NOW IN EFFECT. ALL PERSONNEL ARE TO EVACUATE IN A ORDERLY AND SAFE MANNER
“Hey, Virgil?” Slimey relayed as blue lights began to blare.
“What?!”
“I missed you.”
Virgil spun his head to face Slimey wearing my face, his red eye flashing so brightly it looked like it was about to explode. “I missed you too buddy. I hate you so much.”
“This is touching and all!” Jesse cut in, “But can we focus on the fact that we're all going to be vaporize?!”
A nearby window unsealed at Jesse's outburst, allowing my group an escape route not barred with metal corpses.
“A way out!” Simone yelled with everyone moving as every bulkhead and window came undone.
“Virgil, You're letting us go? I thought your protocols were against us leaving?” Slimey relayed.
“I’m not!!” Virgil chirped angrily, “Brimstone protocol opens all doors so everyone can evacuate before the nuke goes off!”
Ehem. Nuke?!?! I squeaked with no words coming out.
“Why are you nuking the facility?! Can't you just use a bunch of flamethrowers to burn the mold?!”
“And what? Aerosolize it? Death mold can survive in even molten lava, setting it on fire does nothing but create tiny spores that are invisible to the naked eye and hang in the air until the heat dies down. If you're trying to kill it, you need holy magic or radiation and I don't see an army of clerics here,” Virgil explained as we ran through the winding hallways. “Wait, please don't tell me you've been setting it on fire?”
Squeak.
I decided not to answer, instead focusing on Hector who was busy guarding Alexio.
“How much time do we have to clear the blast radius?” Slimey relayed.
“Not long. There is an emergency tram we could take, but-”
“Where is this tram?”
“-hold on, let me finish!” Virgil spat as we passed by a statue of a catboy and a pile of bones reforming. “But the tramline was never completed. If we board it there's a high chance everyone will die once it crashes into the tunnel.”
“That is a risk I'm willing to take,” Slimey sent with Jesse adopting a horrified expression.
“But I don't want to die!”
“Would you rather be made into a pancake or vaporized?” Slimey asked with clear annoyance in her tone.
“Neither! Neither is good!” Jesse exclaimed.
“It'll be fine! I'm sure Lord Hiro has a way to guarantee our safety!” Simone said, clasping her hands around her talisman as she ran. “Right?”
Well, there was an idea, although Slimey wouldn't like it.
Seeing as she was a living liquid, Slimey could act as a shock absorber to dampened the impact of any blow and hardened once we made impact.
Basically a living air… water bag?
“I do,” Slimey said with Simone and Jesse visibly relaxing. “Take us to the tram.”
“What about Tipsy?” Simone asked.
“Your mini knife-eared friend already escaped, slippery munchkin,” Virgil grumbled much to my surprise, “The tram is situated on the highway, we have about fifteen minutes before the place explodes.”
“You heard the machine, lets move!” Lhikan barked as everyone began moving faster.
Ayaka! I sent, reaching out to the drider.
“Hm?” Ayaka replied.
This place is going to explode, if you don’t get out you’ll die. Meet us.
“But food! It’s growing everywhere!”
IF YOU DIE YOU CAN’T EAT ANYMORE! NOW COME MEET US!
It didn’t take long before my party of misfits were at the designated tram system parked within the middle of the highway. Even Ayaka was there albeit carrying a jar atop her head that was overflowing with mold.
“Death Mold! Get rid of it! Throw it away!” Virgil cried, the robot genuinely terrified.
I wonder how he would feel knowing there some of it inside of me.
“The door isn’t opening!” Jesse cried, attempting to pry open the tram.
“Yeah! Because I’m not going to open it if she has death mold with her! What part of the word DEATH makes it seem like a safe traveling item to bring along?!” Virgil yelled.
“Ayaka-” Slimey said, more her voice than mine.
“No! I just got this! You can’t make me give it up! Its mine! Mine! MINE!” Ayaka screamed, flaring up with power.
Self Destruct Sequence Initialized. Safeties Disengaged.
Oh. Great. We’re all going to die.