“I’M DONE. I WANT TO DIE. I JUST WANT TO DIE.”

Toadette was clearly not happy with the fact that they had stumbled into the Forever Forest and wasted half a day getting lost in a maze of trees and ghosts and Piranha Plants popping up out of the ground to attack.

Bowsette was losing all of her energy, even after a nice dinner and rest at Whomp Fortress a couple days ago, but she still didn’t know how Toadette could be constantly complaining like this. Didn’t she know complaining was the perfect way to continue feeling even worse about herself?

...She realized she was being a hypocrite but she wasn’t going to think about that fact anymore because Bowsette’s self-misery powers were far beyond the complaining stage at this point.

Anyway, they had finally reached Boo’s Mansion, one of the many Ghost Houses in the eastern half of the continent that MAY have held King Boo. This was where he was last reported to have been, at least, and where his daughter usually made her stay, but he could be almost literally anywhere. Toadette did not know this, of course.

Bowsette knocked on the doors to the mansion and they swung open automatically. Sigh, they were going to get spooked a lot and all that annoying stuff, weren’t they...

Some Boos were gathered dancing in a circle above them, one of those fun Boo Buddy Snakes that would soon be jumping at them ready for a deathly stare. Bowsette was ready for a fight, and heated up some fire in her mouth just in case. However, she had to swallow it when King Boo himself came floating down, his tongue sticking out and yucking it up.

“Yuck yuck yuck yuck!” he yucked. Some ghostly spit fell off of his tongue and splashed on the floor.

“Yuck,” Toadette said.

“I always KNEW you’d come crawling back to me someday!” King Boo exclaimed. “After all that talk... you needed me after all!”

Bowsette rolled her eyes. “It’s not exactly a decision I came to on my own free will,” she said. “It’s a desperate hour.”

Peach nudged her. “Can you give us the backstory here?”

A giant desk flew out of one of the second-story rooms and crashed on the floor nearby, shaking the ground and causing Toadette to faint once again. A nice trick, but it wasn’t going to faze Bowsette.

“Yeah, I’ll tell it to you and him,” she said. “King Boo was my sixth General, one who I had to track down through rumor and hearsay, the longest search of my life.” She began addressing the king directly. “Because of your vast network of Ghost Houses and evil mansions you can transport your people anywhere you want, at any point you want, and any non-ghost finding you would be incredibly difficult. But I caught you, and I forced you to pledge to my service. And you proved extremely valuable, just as you will this time.”

“Very presumptuous!”

“But it was not until recently that I realized how despicable of a dude you are,” Bowsette said. “Not until you kidnapped Mario and dressed up like ME to fool everybody. What the heck? Who does that????”

“And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for that pesky plumber!”

“If you hadn’t been beaten by Luigi, that might have caused an international incident, man! Mario’s a war hero! You just don’t kidnap that dude unless you want to start a war!”

“Wait, you’re lecturing someone on kidnapping etiquette?” Peach asked.

“Yes, because there is a lot of nuance involved here,” Bowsette said. “You understand, right?”

“Yeah, I guess. But your Odyssey deal was definitely a breach of that etiquette in my opinion. You really messed that one up.”

“I was trying to beat K. Rool to the punch and I made a plan that was too hasty. I’m sorry...” She turned her attention back to the Boo at hand. “So King Boo has been officially excluded from the Dark Land Vassal State Network. He is now an independent agent of terror and sedition, unsanctioned by any official government.”

“Yuck yuck yuck! And I persist! But.. that’s not the only reason you banned me, huh? Not forgetting about our little... spat?”

Peach looked at the two with suspicious eyes. “You mean... No, you two didn’t...”

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

“Just a little bit,” Bowsette said. “It was nothing. He’s always really blowing it up. It had nothing to do with the rest of any of it.” She absolutely refused to divulge any more than that.

“No worries! I am a free spirit, just like I always have been. Uh, since I died and became a ghost that is. Lower him!”

A rope extended below from the ceiling and attached to that rope was a tied but, shaking Luigi. “He came about a week before you, blabbing about some secret mission and some Bowsette General stuff. So I already know all the details. It’s too bad he couldn’t give me what I wanted. I mean, the thing I MOST want.” King Boo stuck out his tongue and licked Luigi across the face, leaving a ghostly trail of spit behind.

“Bowsette! Heeeeelp!” Luigi cried.

“So then, what do you most want?” Bowsette asked. “We might be able to grant it, unless it’s keeping Luigi, in which case, please hand him back. He’s too precious.”

“Nah, Luigi can stay or not on his own accord,” King Boo said. “What I want is something he can’t give me...”

“...And....?”

“I want a Super Crown!” he shouted, before flying around the mansion in random directions, laughing.

Bowsette looked at Peach. Peach fiercely shook her head.

“Absolutely not,” Peach said. “These are not toys. They are royal power-ups, and are extremely rare and powerful.”

“I mean, the fate of the world might rest on this...”

“But... the Super Crowns aren’t supposed to be for this...”

Oh wait. Bowsette actually had never figured this one out. “Peach, what ARE Super Crowns for?”

“They mainly exist to make body doubles of myself to confuse assassins,” Peach said. “But since I’m usually safe enough to avoid that, the entire cache is locked away except when needed.”

“So what you’re saying is, I’m basically your body double to take a Bullet Bill for you?”

“Well, if you had used it for its intended purpose, yes,” Peach replied. “But since you’re not a Toad, you look too different for it to work. And you seem to be very comfortable in that body anyway, so I didn’t think it was important to tell you that.”

“Well... it’s weird that I have bonded so deeply with such a strangely specific power-up. But that’s okay.” Bowsette looked up and put her hands on her crown. “How do you lose the power-up, anyway? Take too much damage? Or can you pull it off?”

“Um, yeah, you just pull it off and it comes off like any other power-up,” Peach said. “Have you never... tried it before?”

“No,” she answered. “I thought about it once, but except for the times I met the Mushroom Soul I have never been without it. Is that weird?”

“Are you... healthy?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“No sudden psychosis developing where you are suddenly starting to think you are me?”

“Obviously not.”

“Well then... you’re the only one who’s worn it more than a week straight who hasn’t gone mentally insane or collapsed from the exhaustion. It must be a good fit for you, then.”

Ha. Ha. Bowsette was wearing a power-up that had been proven to be dangerous to the mind. And she hadn’t willingly taken it off in almost a year. Amazing.

“Are you done yucking?” King Boo asked. “I want a Super Crown, and then I’ll help you kill your dad again. Alright? I want to know what it feels like to be a half-human princess. It’s been my fantasy for centuries! I want to be Booette!”

Peach shook her head. “King Boo, these items are very dangerous. Besides Bowsette--”

“Do I look mentally stable to you now? I don’t care about any of that! Gimme gimme.”

Toadette woke up from passing out, and the first thing she saw was King Boo’s tongue floating twelve inches from her face. She fainted again instantly.

“Uh, I’ll go send for another one and we can try to get it to you by the end of the week,” Peach said.

“Nope! I want it now! Or else Luigi gets licked again!”

“Peach! Please! Noooooo!” Luigi screamed.

“I’ll... I’ll give you mine,” said Bowsette. “I don’t know if that will be enough for you but if it will help us then that’s fine.”

“That’ll do,” King Boo said. “Gimme gimme.”

Bowsette put her hands on the Super Crown, gripped them. She tried to pull it off, but... something inside her was stopping her. It wasn’t that she couldn’t do it... she wouldn’t do it. She wasn’t willing to do it.

“...No. I can’t,” Bowsette said. “I can’t. This is my body now. I changed my mind. This Super Crown is me, and it can’t be anywhere else but on my head.”

“Aw, little baby’s too scared to go without her protective shell?” King Boo taunted.

Bowsette began to growl. “Listen up here, punk,” she screeched. “You might want a Super Crown for your perverse little fantasies, but it’s different for me. Before I found this, I was a sad, lonely loser who felt nothing but self-hatred in her heart, trapped in a body she hates. I might still be a sad, lonely loser who feels nothing but self-hatred in her heart, but at least I feel like I’m inside of something I enjoy. I look in the mirror and I can smile at myself. And that’s more important than letting you have the privilege of serving alongside me in my new army.”

“Shit,” King Boo said. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to--”

“Shut it. Let Luigi go, and join my army, and if we win you can have a Super Crown afterwards and we’ll give Luigi back. Deal? Deal.” Bowsette breathed a small ember from her mouth. “If not, I’m just going to kill you and take your Boos for myself.”

“Uh, alright, deal.” King Boo put his transparent hand over the rope holding Luigi up and it disappeared; he fell to the floor and hit his head, but he was probably okay.

Peach looked at Bowsette, mouth agape. Bowsette said nothing. Her work here was done. Off to find the Crystal King now.