Sigh.

Bowsette sighed. That’s all she ever did these days.

She laid down in her throne, feet against one of the arm rests and head against the other. He still couldn’t believe he was small enough to actually do it.

“Yo, Toadsworth!” she yelled out past the throne room. “Come over here and get me some more Triple Pie!” If she had access to a Pie Bazooka, there was not telling the wanton pie-related destruction she would surely be causing right now, but for now eating a bunch of it was good enough.

Toadsworth huffed away, doing his master’s bidding at any cost but still grumbling while doing so.

Bowsette didn’t even care about this anymore. She didn’t want to rule the country and attack a bunch of countries for dumb resources because that’s all she ever did when she was King Koopa, Master of Realms Unknown, the Unwise Fury Sage. But it was such an automatic now that she hardly even thought of it when her generals came in the other morning to discuss tactics and she had gotten them to enact a strategy to send a false force to distract in Stardust Fields while the main army invaded the Beanbean Kingdom by way of Sherbet Land, a No Man’s Land between Shiver City and HooHoo Mountain. They went through with it completely and Bowsette had hardly even thought about it.

Whatever. Peach was around but she was refusing to talk to her. Something about how taking her as a captive prisoner for a month was not the right way to treat a woman. Bah!

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Well...

Man, Bowsette had never thought about that kind of thing. Certainly SHE had never been held captive for any extended period, but she had most certainly held many women captive. Almost entirely women.

It was kind of rude, wasn’t it?

Ugh... Now Bowsette felt really guilty. Without regard to the pies that would soon come upon her, she got up from the throne and headed downstairs to the garden. Peach was usually there this time of day, feeding the Piranha Plants (with water, just water!).

But when she reached the door, it was shut and locked. She knocked on it and didn’t get a response. “Is there anyone in there?” she asked. “Hello? Peach?”

Still no response. She knocked one more time, and-- “I don’t want to see you, Bowsette!”

“Wait, I want to apologize!” Bowsette yelled through the door.

“I don’t care!”

Harsh.

You’d think Bowsette was a bad person or something.

Well, she gave it a shot. And now she was going to go back and get a pie, because--

All the Toad Guardsmen laid unconscious on the floor, littered around the foyer like someone went to a doll convention and bought way too much on their credit card. And for some reason bought the same kind of doll.

Standing in front of Bowsette were five individuals.

Mario, a giant stopwatch, a woman in a white dress, a woman with a pink afro, a man in a fedora, and a giant wooden dude.

“It’s-a us!” Mario shouted, pointing at Bowsette with an accusatory glare. In his other hand he held a giant red-and-blue orb shaped like a mushroom.

Ah, crap.