“No.”
“Yes.”
“Absolutely not.”
“It’s possible.”
“Never in a million years.”
“And... let’s go to a commercial break!” MC Ballyhoo yelled, before the stage lights cut out and the audience politely clapped. He turned to his two guests, oil tycoon Ratooey named Lumpy and the Mayor of Down Under Land, T. Perth. “So uh, guys... I’m going to need you two to be a little more... cheerful when we come back, okay? My shows’s a FUN time. For FUN stuff.”
Lumpy laughed. “I’m having a good time.”
1. Perth frowned. “You’re sadistic.”
“Save it for the camera,” Ballyhoo said.
In a moment, the advertisements ended and the show started back up. “Okay, guys, welcome back!” The audience let out a single “woo.” “We’re continuing our discussion between Lumpy and T. Perth right now, where they are discussing the future of the Mushroom Kingdom.”
1. Perth leaned back as a show of confidence. “And as I was saying, I believe in Princess Peach and her government is as strong and capable as ever, even despite the likes of people like you.”
“Me?” Lumpy asked. “My only defense is that I am spending a lot of time and a whole lot of money trying to give certain regions the advantages they deserve, while Princess Peach was seen taking a vacation in Isle Delfino last week, on the kingdom’s tax dollars no doubt. Down Under Land’s independence should not even be a question. I support it as do forty-six percent of your citizens.”
“We are one small island,” T. Perth said. “We don’t have the ability to sustain ourselves on the world stage. Therefore, the Mushroom Kingdom does it for us. We only have to worry about our own affairs, then.”
“So you enjoy being treated like a second-rate colony?” Lumpy asked. “When Bowsette comes back, will you be expecting the Mushroom Kingdom to aid Down Under Land against attack?”
“Well...”
“Because the Lumpy Oil Conglomerate Association, Limited would help for sure. Just like we helped the Dry Dry Republic.”
“But that was.. only so you could suck their oil reserves dry, dry!”
“My, my. Reading off the Castle-approved talking points, now, are we?”
The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.
“You’re despicable,” T. Perth growled.
“I am just a benefactor, and I support any and all secession movements that bring regions greater prosperity,” said Lumpy.
MC Ballyhoo felt the warm glow of higher ratings basking over him. His comment to tone it down only spiced it up, and that was exactly his goal.
***
“...and that was when Bowsette took out her axe and sliced the Thwomp in half!” The two Hammer Bros hatchlings chased each other around, reenacting the scene they had heard so often from the others in the village.
Bowsette... that was the common name given to the mysterious hero who had appeared and freed the Chaos Castle prison a couple months ago, but then had disappeared as quickly as she came. No-one knew who she was or where she came from, but her glimmering, spiked shell and curvaceous horns were the striking images used as symbols for her power. Bowsette was a constant source of adoration for the local villages out in the outskirts of Dark Land, where there was not much to be found but farms... and hideaway rebels.
Wendy O. Koopa wished she could be as strong as this Bowsette woman. She had wished and prayed for a moment to escape her grandfather’s shell and break out into her own, just like most of her brothers. But she had an important task to play, apparently. As the only Koopaling on the inside, she was the only one who could do exactly what she was doing right now.
She entered the hut, where an elder Koopa and two Lakitus were huddled around a small blue Podoboo.
“It’s you again...” the elder Koopa grunted.
“Yes. I wanted to meet here again to ask you an important question.”
“Anything for my favorite... daughter...” This elder was not entirely in his best state of mind these days, which struck Wendy as something sad, but his information was almost universally reliable otherwise.
“I heard somethin’ in the throne room the other day I was wonderin’ if you’d know about. You ever heard about... Dread Lords?”
The elder Koopa’s eyes went wide. “Heard of them? Everyone’s heard of them. In legend and myth, they were great dragons of darkness that brought destruction and chaos to the world for two eons. They were finally stopped, but their dark power...” The elder trailed off and didn’t finish the sentence.
“Elder Koopa?” Wendy asked.
“Oh, right... Dread Lords... their bones, daughter. Their bones are hidden throughout the world, clamoring to reunite and bring forth incredible destruction, because that is their sole purpose. If you wander into a cave on your own, and you encounter one, you will only have yourself to blame. Stay out of the wilderness, and... you’ll be safe.”
“I think my grandfather is planning on... doin’ something about the Dread Lords,” Wendy said. “Do you know how I could perhaps... stop it?”
“Grandfather... No, my grandfather’s been dead two hundred years!” the elder Koopa balked. He started chuckling. “Silly girl.”
Suddenly, several Koopatrols burst into the hut.
And... so did Dry Morton himself.
“Finally,” Morton said. “I have you in a compromising position, Wendy.”
“Um, yeah, ya do.”
“I knew there was a mole in the court. I just didn’t expect it to be you. I expected it to be one of the Monty Moles.”
“Wait, I can ex--”
Without hesitation, Morton raised a magic wand, pointed it, and blasted his granddaughter. She was turned to stone in an instant.