Benjamin - Citadel #1 'Keep Out!'
Sitting in the space our best employee used to call home, ruminations on the nature of our failings began to compound.
Second after second.
Minute after minute.
Hour after hour.
We began to wonder where it had all gone so wrong in the proverbial kitchen of life.
Was it the magic? The mayhem? The suffering?
Doing has when cinnamon table done be could gone have was like France toast plate?
It was too soon to say...Much much too soon...
Scratching our itchy knee we figured it was time to ch-
The whole world shook like it had been struck by the [Tenderizer of Doom]!
Scanning around with our passive senses we were surprised to find Giselle was unresponsive to the tectonic disruptions of the present.
Yearning to know more but unwilling to leave our fortress of no-longer-solitude, we opened a portal to the Citadels Command Centre to discover what brand of condumented torment the Elevation System had seen fit to unleash our way:
You have entered Citadel #1 'Keep Out!'
As a me willed away the redundant notification we finished stepping free of the tear in reality we walked in to find the concave viewing panes of the circular room depicting hell itself.
The once woody and appropriately water featured Alpha Zone was now leveled dead flat to be punctuated by gaping maple syrup like spewings of napalm-esque fire and buttery viscous brimstone stone!
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The Triumvirate was rustled.
Beyond a shadow of a doubt none of us had foreseen such an instant and inflammatory attack.
How could we?
Unfortunately however it was not over...Not by a long and poorly aimed squirt of the sauce bottle...
Screeching erupted from the heavens flaming white meteors the size of a monstrous chickens caboose tore through the sky to crack on the uncompromising basalt like bed rock of the once green Zone. The Contents of the [Special Go'Ose Egg]'s spilling forth like an unfertilized placenta, freed from its shattered calcified confines that they were, barely adhering to the laws of fluid dynamics on their path of total subsumence.
Just when the six ovoid harbingers of destruction had finished their fatalistic kinetic disembarkment, we breathed a collective sight of relief....
That's when the sizzling began.
In an not-instant, clear fluid conjoining undeveloped yellow embryo sacks shifted toward muted opacity as they battled for supremacy with the Zones moltenous bedrock. Clutching our white haired head in despair every which way we turned we found naught but sizzling carbonization.
The once oh-so-protective viewing glass nor our trusty magical moss was nary protection for our olfactory sense. Amidst the hedonistic haze of thermic conduction we refused to waver.
But we were foolish!
NAY WE WERE NAIVE TO THINK IT WOULD STOP AT THIS!
Supersonic wooshing heralded the coming of the [Javelins Of BACON]!
Down they flopped onto the zone in an assault that any of me's could only describe as unconscionably islamaphobic!
They popped and squealed to join the sizzling now shell-less poultry offerings to further decay our thoughts in their subversive insurgence to our psyches...
Collapsing to the floor we began to wail and nash our teeth as we begat the unfairness of it all:
We had tried so hard!
And come so far!
But in the end!
It doesn't even matter!
Balling our fists in frustration we refused to give in.
WE COULDN'T!
NOT WHEN WE WERE SO CLOSE!
But alas...
Little did any of us know...
Of the final uncompromising blow coming to the proverbial dinner table of our minds.
As the descending impossibly-fluffy-cakes of the Japanese pan obscured the very sky itself, we knew our end was neigh.
Like an animated character with far too large eyes and reddened cheeks the excessively meme'd morning treat released a hellish; *Pomph!* as their trio broke the atmosphere to bring an end to humanities final seconds of hope...
It was over for humanity!
It was over for the unjustly anthropomorphised aliens!
IT WAS OVER FOR THE ELEVATION SYSTEM ITSELF!
Because where all of them were concerned...Down to the last ill mannered Australian...Breakfast was served...And there wasn't a thing anyone anywhere could do to stop it...
April fools!