Benjamin – Dimensional Siphon #2,015
Now almost completely habituated to the sensation of intergalactically spelunking via system generated wormholes, a me orientate ourselves by way of reading over the expected notifications that informs us of the rules we're still apparently subjected to whilst trying to invade our own world:
You have entered Dimensional Siphon #2,015.
To collapse the Dimensional Siphon and gain access to the adjacent Phase 1 World Earth, you must survive 30 days.
Quest: Perseverance
Description: Survive 30 days within Dimensional Siphon #2,015
Rewards: Manamotes (quantities will vary based on your party’s size).
Willing away the informative boxes, a me surveys the artificial jungle that seems aptly akin the place where all this mess kicked off.
The pain of the loss of our only tangible friend still fresh in our mind’s, also serves as a timely reminder of the midden heap of situations on which our ludicrous power has accidentally been constructed.
Renewing our vow to use this power we’ve gained to punch the systems institutor in the magical dick...Or appropriate female organ where applicable... If only in part to repay the pain they have caused not just me, but all life on earth by instituting such a callous and brutal system.
This in turn leads us to bask in the sense of renewed calm and purpose in the wake of what was and will hopefully be.
Settling in to wait for my new cohabitants for the next 30 days, I’ve elected to put into place the same technique that was applied on my previous insertion attempt into a certain feline oriented world.
Thankfully the me’s don’t have to wait long for my fellow humans to make their presence known, largely owing to how ineptly they're trying to stealthily move through the jungle as they not-so-quietly converse.
“Jin are you sure you can’t find anything with your skill?”
“Like I said the last three fucking times Wang, no I can’t!...This place is a complete bust! I don’t know why I let you guys talk me in-“
Smiling to my selves as all of me recognize the voices of the Party we saved from the Manacraven, a me stealthily moves closer, through the lush undergrowth while they continue their tactically flawed bickering.
“It was your idea in the first pl-“
“Knock it off already you two, we all agreed to come! It’s been months and we need the manamotes…Besides, just because Jin’s skill hasn’t found anything doesn’t mean there’s nothing here. For all we know there are Snakemonkey’s waiting in the tree’s to ambus-“
“Really, again with the Snakemonkey’s Kai! For the hundredth time, they’re not fucking real!”
“You don’t know that Kimi! I mean if I told you a couple of years ago, you would be able to throw literal gouts of fire and shards of ice around to make a living, you woul-“
“That’s completely beside the point and you kn-“
One of me points out that it’s a wee bit creepy to listen in on people when they don’t know you’re there and the rest of me subsequently concur.
Thus, a me slowly moves out from behind the tree trunk and keeps our movements sedate as possible, so as not to startle the fragile group before it announces our presence.
“Hello again…”
A me swat's away the slow motion arrow and ice shard that are on an intercept course with yours truly, due to some of the intrepid Party members reacting a little worse than the others or any of me had anticipated.
An artificial bird that’s an approximation of a toucan, flutters past as the group of decidedly oriental elevant’s eye me with a mixture of shock, disbelief and most definitely mistrust.
Trying to initiate dialogue again a me furthers.
“So what brings you guys to Siphon two thousand and fifteen?”
If there were fake crickets, they would chirp.
Instead bugs just buzz in the background for a moment before the beautiful mage lady steps forward. A me marvels at her new and swishy blue robe that appears to be inscribed with black shiny runes and a staff with a blue glowing orb to match. At least right up until she angrily demands.
“What the fuck are you doing in our Siphon, petty tyrant?!”
Sighing as one of me notes the stellar beginning to our thirty day cohabitation, a me opens our mouth to try and get things back on track when the angry archer interjects.
“Wait a second…if it let us in here it means this guy is an invader…I SHITTING CALLED IT!....I FUCKING TOLD YOU GUYS THERE WAS SOMETHING OFF ABOUT HIM!”
Endeavoring to keep our groans internal a me rejoins.
“Your only half right mate, I just came from another planet, but I am definitely human…well…mainly?”
The archer spits back.
“BULLSHIT! WE HAVE TO KILL HIM AN-“
To my surprise their leader springs to my defense.
“Jin, shut up right now or I will shut you up myself!”
Having none of it, the archer screamed back.
“OH YEAH? JUST BECAUSE WE VOTED YOU LEADER DOESN’T MEAN WE CAN’T UN-VOTE YOU LEADER! BUT FIRST I SAY WE KILL THIS BASTARD AND TA-“
The me's look on bemusedly as the plate wearing leader uses his shield to devastating effect on the mouthy archer's, leather clad side. As a result, the unprepared Jin gets violently punted into a nearby tree trunk, breaking several of his bones with audible snaps before he crumples into an uncomfortable looking heap, almost certainly out cold for the foreseeable future.
Wincing in sympathy all of me pretend to ignore the other leather wearer who appears to be trying to hide in the undergrowth while a me turns to study the nonplussed leader, who’s rotating his shield arm’s shoulder like it’s got a kink in it.
His Party meanwhile, fields varied reactions to a member being prematurely silenced by one of their own and the haughty woman demands of him.
“Kai just what the fuck was that! I have half a mind to vote with him I-”
He throws a withering glare at the woman as he cuts her off.
“That was me saving our asses, if you want to keep pissing someone off who can survive thousands of manacraven by themselves, be my guest and vote me out! But while I’m fucking leader, no is even mentioning trying to attack him, GOT IT?!?”
The woman is clearly not used to receiving such treatment from the burly man as she blinks dazedly for a moment while the scepter wielding healer in the back stammers.
“I-I’m with Kai on this one Kimi…”
The dagger wielding guy who sucks at stealth, comes out of the dense shrubbery and states nonchalantly.
“As am I…”
Groaning the spear man lowers his weapons tip and adds.
“Fine… but if this goes wrong, I’m coming back to haunt you all…”
Huffing cutely the woman folds her arms which inadvertently frames her ample bosom, before turning away in red-faced disgruntlement.
Having gained implicit agreement Kai turns to Wang and directs.
“If you would be so kind as to get him back to his feet?”
Nodding silent acquiescence, he moves to cast a white light on the insensate archer while Kai then turns his attention to me.
“My apologies for the poor reception Benjamin, it is just…unexpected that we see you again in such…circumstances...”
Collectively smiling at the far more reasonable member of their Party a me offers.
“No problems mate, meeting you guys here came as a surprise to me too!”
Looking conflicted, he pauses for a moment he tentatively asks.
“S-so why exactly are you here?”
Three of me having been completely entranced by the group’s complex social dynamic, snap back into diplomacy mode, by way of one of me rejoining.
“Right the Siphon! Well you see I was on another planet and needed to get back and this was the only way available for me to do it…So if you guys don’t mind just sitting tight in here for thirty days until it runs out, then we can go our separate ways. Oh, you should also get a nice title out if it as well if we're not mistaken...”
His face works through his emotions as Kimi spins back around and shrieks.
“THIRTY DAYS! YOU CANT SERIOUSLY EXPECT US T-“
Skewering her with a threatening glare their leader adds.
“What Kimi means to say is that we had not planned to be here that long and do not have sufficient provisions to sustain ourselv-“
Brightening up as one of me points out that we have plenty of exotic foodstuffs from the cat planet and my siphon clearing, a me cuts him off in earnest.
“No problems mate! I have tons of interesting stuff to eat and drink, probably for a few thousand people for a couple of months if I’m being perfectly honest…”
In response he mutely eyes my personage warily, obviously hesitant to voice his doubts as to the voracity of my offer. However the spearman, Sung, has no such compunctions as he asks dubiously.
“Look, I get magic is a thing now and everything, but you don’t even have a [Minor Bag of Holding] to store a fifty-ith of what you would ne-“
Electing to neglect to point out that I no longer need to actually eat, one of me posits that showing is better than telling, to which the triumvirate concurs.
We stifle a collective smile when his deductive mistrust cuts off as a me opens Mr Pocket to pull out a [Hexabull Rib Rack] which probably weighs a good 100 kilos or so, that’s coincidentally dripping like it was freshly carved just mere moments ago.
The other conscious occupants of the Siphon, stare slack jawed at us while the beetles in the background amply substitute for crickets whilst my's collective discomfort continues to grow. Starting to feel our social phobia reasserting itself on all of me’s with a vengeance, a me retrieves a stronk oblong boulder about as long as we are tall, letting it *thud* face down, on the artificial forest floor.
Sitting the still leaking side of magical mutant cow on top of the rock a me prompts the now perplexed onlookers.
“So which one of you can cast fire magic?”
It’s not like the me's don’t know the answer is the previously fuming QT3.14 who’s now actively salivating at the sight of our meat, but all of me have long since learned that letting people feel like they need to contribute to a conversation makes them feel valued, which is ostensibly a positive thing…
Apparently my query is enough to kick their brains back into working order as the Korean looking woman in question, hastily replies.
“W-well I don’t know about staying in the Siphon for that long…b-but we should at least do the polite thing and help a fellow adventurer cook a m-meal…or three…”
After she finishes some form of encrypted eye communication with the others, their leader clears his throat and adds.
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“I see no harm in at least sitting down for a meal together and sharing some friendly conversation.”
And so after several trials and errors, the vivacious Kimi, manages to perfect the misapplication of one of her spells called [Fireball] by simply charging it without mentally releasing it.
Taking to the role of butcher a me uses a swift amateur karate chop to slice off singular tomahawk steaks and hold them by the bone whilst she used her spell as an open air grill.
At first she was hesitant that she would hurt me, but after several vehement reassurances, she seemed to take my lack of flammability for granted and took to the role of impromptu BBQ master with gusto.
Once the air is thick with the smell of caramelized beef and a me has stowed the remaining uncooked meat back within the ageless confines of Mr Pocket, everyone, including the clearly perplexed and still irate Jin, had a steak to call their own.
The companionable groans of delight and not-so-quiet mastication, heralding barbecued beef-esque consumption, fill the small clearing which the melee fighters had kindly cut for us.
When there were naught but bones and the burnt remains of our initial experiments, a satisfied air of successful satiation descended upon us and the triumvirate wondered in unified hope, if we had finally made some friends.
All was well within the artificial pocket of reality.
That is right up until Jin finished wiping his hands on a piece of what was likely monster hide retrieved from their [Moderate Bag of Holding], Wang the healer seems fiercely possessive over.
Apparently done with his meal and content contemplation, Jin stated.
“Just because you fed us doesn’t mean I have changed my position. I am not so easily bought you freak!”
He eyed the clearly angered Kai defiantly as he continued.
“Beating me up won’t change my mind either Kai, we can’t trust him, end of story!”
We collectively deflate as a me asks wearily.
“Can’t we do it the easy way, j-just for fucking once?”
At this Jin not-so-quickly jumps to his feet and gestures with an open hand toward me as he adds triumphantly.
“SEE! If the guy doesn’t get what he wants he resorts to threatening us! But I'm no fool! He can’t portal away like last time and he’s clearly trapped in here with us!...I bet he didn’t even fight the manacraven and ran away like a dog! I call a fucking vote!”
Trying to ignore his besmirching of Max’s honor, the me's universally hold on to the rapidly vanishing hope of a peaceful resolution as the triumvirate opted to let our cohabitants hopefully see reason.
However the chances of such a thing drew farther and farther away as Kimi also surcumbed to his reasoning.
“I’m with Jin! So what if he has a magical supply of delicious and juicy meat?! I have to get back to Sae Sae to make sure she’s ok! I can’t wait in here for thirty days with this weirdo and let gods know what happen to her!”
Groaning their leader throws away his own strip of naptkin-esque hide and smacks a large hand over his eyes in frustration. Then Sung the spear man chimes in whilst at least having the decency to shoot me a guilty glance.
“I’m sorry man but I also have to get back to make sure my Oma is ok…nothing personal bro, it's...it's just family ya know?”
However our spirits get a lift as reason eventually gets a look in with Wang the healer declaring.
“No, just no! I’m not sinking so low as to kill someone just so I can get home sooner!”
Unilaterally unable to remain silent, a me advised.
“I would really listen to Wang if I was you…”
To which Jin angrily responded.
“Shut the fuck up freak! YOU DON’T GET A FUCKING VOTE! Hurry up and vote Kai so we can get this over with!”
Letting out a huff Kai adds.
“My vote is still remains no! Be reasonable you fools, it’s just a few damn weeks!”
Snorting derisively the dagger wielder puts the last nail in hopes coffin as he states flatly.
“Jin, while your actions have and always be questionable, in this at least you are correct... He is clearly trapped in here with us and has resources we could utilize far better than he currently is…My vote is to dispose of him as humanely as possible and leave.”
Unanimously shaking our head, Jin carries on exultantly.
“Hah! Four to fucking two Kai! You and Wang have to follow through or your out of the Party! No backing out now, that was the fucking agreement!”
Looking like a volcano about to erupt Kai grips his shield and mace tightly enough that the metal groans in protest as he bellows at the archer.
“FINE! BUT AFTER WE MAKE IT TO THE SETTLEMENT I’M DONE WITH YOU, YOU HEAR ME YOU SLIMY PIECE OF SHIT!”
Chuckling at the man’s anger, Jin continues to wear a self-satisfied smirk while Wang steps in front of me and pleads.
“W-wait guys there has to be a-another way…something we haven’t thought of yet! Can’t we just think about this for five minutes?”
The dagger wielder puts a warning finger in front of the healer as he flatly states.
“No Wang, I understand if you do not wish to participate I do, but the decision has been reached. Step aside…I will only warn you once.”
Growing more frantic, his voice takes on a shrill pitch.
“Please Lee! You ca-“
But his words are taken from him as he crumples to the ground from the punch to his stomach thats unrepentantly delivered by Lee.
Standing up slowly from our slavic squat, a me informs the grim faced people whom we'd just shared one of the best meals of our recent years with.
“Don't worry, I’m not going to kill you...But this might sting just a bit.”
As the orange glowing arrow and fireball shoot toward us in slow motion, apparently having already not learned that such things are ineffective against me's. We collectively set about teaching them the inhospitably unfair, chasm of difference between us with but a fraction of the tenacity of the previously and unfairly maligned canine.
Steel plates crumple and bones snap whilst they mingle time dilated cries and the whipping of wind in our enhanced ears once more. Restraining our strength enough so as not to sever their frail limbs we render them mostly inert and their looks of retarded disbelief and terror tell me’s that our lesson plan is turning out to be extremely effective.
After their boot camp is finished and their faces are a uniform shade of unhealthy white, one of me posits that due to their obvious lack of judgement they have proven themselves a potential threat in the future and should be nipped in the bud. All whilst one of me eyes the group as they uniformly try to shambolically flee. Sadly even the pacifistic Wang, who all of me had initially counted as a sympathizer to our cause clearly now views me as a hostile by way of joining their efforts.
A less bloodthirsty me points out that the preemptive homicidal course of action will likely lead to more hostile encounters with the fresh wave of people trying to clear the Siphon. Plus that is not even taking into account the fact of what to do with Wang after we've have finished killing his friends…Would we have to kill him too should he turn hostile?
Thus the three of me elect to let them hopefully not become repeat attempted murderers when they no doubt luck onto a hamster who trains them in the art of magical eye gouging.
As artificial night falls in the fake jungle, the Party who all of me had once hoped could be called friends, have fled to make a camp at the farthest possible point in the Siphon to have Wang tend to their broken appendages.
And so days of silence begin to pass as our body readjusts to earth like gravity whilst we wait for our cohabitants to try to see reason.
It’s the fifty day when a me hears people not-so-silently approaching.
The aproachee’s in question turn out to be Wang who nervously edges into the clearing, followed by a sheepish Kai, who keeps his gaze firmly plastered on the ground.
Quirking an eyebrow at the clearly terrified healer whom is noticeably absent his [Moderate Bag of Holding], he gulps before blurting out.
“I-I’m sorry I didn’t try harder to s-stop them!”
Realizing that due to the past few years, people threatening to murder me’s has become all too common place. A me can’t help but chuckle before replying.
“No worries mate… That’s basically an average Tuesday for me.”
Looking at us like he clearly doesn’t believe me's, the downcast Kai drops his armaments and kowtows to the faux dirt floor, before begging.
“P-please spare me B-benjamin, I would take my own life in shame but I have a s-son!”
Conflicting emotions war within me. In one mind I want to let him off the emotional hook and site things like peer pressure and apocalyptic state of mind as valid excuses. Meanwhile in the other mind's, he did just try and kill us simply because they voted me off the dimensional island and as a result he should make severe reparations.
After the Triumvirate dictates the course of diplomacy in light of our earlier promise to spare them, a me offers.
“Mate get up, I said I wasn’t going to kill you and as I’m becoming less and less of a vanilla human bean…I’m starting to realize that my word is all I’ve got.”
The large man gets his shaking under control as he rises and meets my eyes with a fervent gaze, stating.
“I will find some way to make up for the lapse in judgment till the day I die, I swear it!”
Feeling even more collectively uncomfortable with some form of life debt malarkey, a me waves him off as it tries to lighten the dour mood a smidge by asking.
“So you guys wouldn’t happen to know any good stories would you?…Only I can only stomach so much interpretative dance and parkour for twenty something days…”
The two share an unreadable look for a long moment before Wang shrugs and offers.
“I-I know a quite a few actually…b-but they were originally written in Mandarin so some of the meaning and context might be lost in the systems translation…”
Nodding encouragingly a me offers.
“No worries mate, common…ill set us up some seats!”
Directing the two wary men to follow me back to the site of our recent BBQ/Bootcamp, a me fells a tree and swiftly cuts off some rounds with our hand for us to sit on and beseech the healer once more, to give any of me some entertaining culture.
It took some time, but eventually the two lost the look of a pair kangaroo’s in the headlights and loosened up a bit. Unfortunately, they were still keenly aware of the sheer gulf of capabilities between us, as evidenced by the occasional involuntary twitch, whenever one of me made a movement. But still all of me chalked it up as a win being that it was a welcome improvement from the initial cowering they’d displayed.
Thus we shared several more meals over the days as I became enraptured with the vast repertoire of stories Wang and Kai, knew. To be fair though, it was mostly Wang telling a majority of them but Kai added the occasional Korean horror story to spice things up.
We had always been a fan of the escapism story telling provided and given the immediate loss of all the written and visual works human kind due to the bloody Elevation, all of me were only now beginning to realize how much we missed their ease of access.
So it was, when Wang was finishing one such story.
“-Le Guang laughed and took off the bow on the wall. ‘Can you see the snake anymore?’ he asked. His friend was surprised to find that the snake was no longer in the wine. Since the whole truth had come out, his friend recovered from his prolonged illness right away!”
Smiling appreciatively at another masterful retelling of a tale a me queried.
“So what, was it all in the guy’s head after all?”
Kai however dissented.
“Nah, the bow was magic, had to be!”
Shaking his head in disagreement, Wang confirmed.
“No no, Benjamin has the right of it, it’s supposed to be a story to warn aga-“
But a me held up a hand to cut him off as we heard the telltale sounds of multiple pairs of feet approaching our campsite and sure enough four individuals walked defiantly into view. There was a tense silence only punctuated by the crackle of the fire and buzzing of magically spawned insects.
We unflinchingly stare at one another for a few moments before Lee the rogue steps forward, stating.
“I will not apologize for our actions as I believe we made the best choice with the information available to us at the time…However, the fact remains that you are forcing us to say in here together and we no longer have sufficient supplies to sustain ourselves for the remaining days.”
The three of me are shocked for the first time in a long time at the sheer size of this guy’s balls to refuse to admit his mistake and ask for sustenance in almost the same breath.
One of me wants to refuse out of sheer spite while another wants to capitulate if only to avoid needless conflict, whilst the third cowardly me sits on the fence. But things change as Lee takes my silence for disagreement and begrudgingly continues, with a prod from Sung.
“We are prepared to pay above market price in manamotes for whatever you are willing to sell.”
Having just tipped the scale to that of the more humanitarian me's side, one of us counters.
“No worries, you can have the supplies for free, w-well sort of…as long as you meet one condition…”
The four narrow their eyes in collective suspicion as Lee asks in a cautious tone.
“W-what condition?”
Grinning jubilantly at my universal stroke a genius, a me demands.
“You each have to tell any stories you know to the rest of us.”
We barely contain my multitudinous mirth generated from the plethora of expressions their faces travel through.
And while Kimi’s and Sung’s end up at disbelief, Jin looks more pissed off than ever, whilst Lee manages to re-school his face into a deadpan expression before supplying.
“Very well, if that is what you wish I will tell you the few I know.”
Getting up slowly so as not to spook my clearly still skittish, new founts of entertainment. We gingerly extend our gauntleted hand which he flagrantly inspects for booby traps, before shaking it once and withdrawing his own swiftly, almost like we were about to change our minds and crush it.
After that it was a matter of trying to make them forget what we were capable of and sadly, like their two compatriots before them, the knowledge learned from firsthand experience was not so easily forgotten.
Still it was about fifteen or so days into our tenuous non-aggression pact that the wary companionship had managed to continue its recent renewal unabated. And like the deluded fools we were, all of me still somehow thought that it might be possible to overcome our relationships’ shaky beginnings and enter into the fabled 'friend zone'.
However, like so many times before, our unrealistic dreams of prolonged amiable companionship were quashed at the end of another fateful dimensional BBQ.
It was just when Kimi had finished a story about a pair of fish sisters in the moon and three of me were still flummoxed as to its actually meaning, when the perennially surly Jin posited.
“You know you’re about to lose your precious Citadel right?”
The warm silence that was amongst us is no more as the three of me try to figure out if he’s trying to threaten us.
Apparently equally unimpressed with his statement Kai threatens.
“Jin...I’m warning you…”
Holding his grease covered hands up in a placating manner he hastily adds.
“L-look I’m not trying to start trouble…quite the opposite actually! I still don’t trust him one bit but…I just thought I would show some good will, seeing as he was kind enough to feed us…he should know what’s about to go down outside is all…”
Kai lets out a displeased sound at his teammate before sighing, clearly conflicted about something, he turns an apologetic grimace toward me's as he states.
“As much of an idiot as Jin might be, he’s right…We only heard about it because we recently signed up with The Asian Union. Apparently The Shakti are about to try and take it.”
Eyeing their mixture of regretful and somber expressions, the triumvirate doesn’t think they're lying but as my collective yearning to know more intensifies, a me asks.
“Ok…So how exactly are they going to try and take it?”
Confused shrugs abound as the groups body language is confirmed by the healer Wang’s words a moment later.
“W-we don’t know much and its only because its just been designated a no go zone by The Union that we do…The Shakti have been making straight toward your Citadel, taking Outposts and a few Settlements along the way. L-last we heard from one of our new superiors, tens of thousands of high level troops were only a couple of days march from it...I-I’m sorry Benjamin…Maybe we can put in a good word for you at the Asian Union?”
Despite our selves, a me snorts in amusement before breaking into hearty laughter.
A me notes I’ve unsettled my dinner companions and we struggle to collectively control our mirth, before a me offers.
“They’re gonna need ten times that many to even make a dent in the things wall!”
Before recommencing a throaty chuckle.
They share some nervous eye communication before the near mute leather clad, Lee queries.
“Forgive my ignorance, but what makes you think it can withstand that many attackers who no doubt have super human abilities, like all of us?”
Quirking a brow at the guy, many me’s weigh up the need for operational security against making it plain just how screwed people are if they attack.
Shrugging at universally seeing no downside to being truthful at just how overpowering the structures fire power is, a me rejoins.
“So you guys know about the pointy towers on top of the Citadel right?”
Receiving wary mute nods in response a me continues.
“Well each one of them is like a magical cannon that can blow hundreds of them up in a matter of seconds…So unless they brought some seriously long range spell casters or make some magical siege equipment, the things automatic defenses will obliterate them almost instantly.”
The group shared near unreadable looks and no one said too much more that night as uneasy silence settled upon us yet again. Most of me got the impression like they wanted to disagree with our strategic assessment, but one of me pointed out that they were still a bit skittish from our semi recent educational engagement.
Still being far more comfortable with silence and our thoughts than the average human bean, we contented our selves with staring at the facsimile of Earths night sky.
And so, whilst the others eventually passed into the realm of slumber and a me huffed as we were collectively forced once more to put in the earplugs a me had molded from stronk stone, in the near futile attempt to guard against Jin’s incessant snoring.