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Chapter 53 - The Regally Deported

Benjamin – Citadel #1 ‘Keep Out’

Taking things sedately so as not to loose my guides or spook my targets, we go from street to street at Toni’s direction, until I’ve teleported the remaining four groups of white robed insurgents with little fanfare and complaint.

Well save for Toni’s sole complaint that I didn’t even warn them or give them a chance to collect their things from their HU’s...

Indifferent to the zealot’s material loses, I prompt the morally adroit aboriginal girl to lead me to the ‘Royale With Cheese’, causing her to look at me confusedly for a moment, while all three of me begin to feel a little too old and awkward.

Minus some dubious side glances Toni diligently complies and before long we’re standing in front of another storefront in the south east of the central district.

Where the delinquent’s base of operations is blank and low-key, this storefront is adorned with a easily recognizable coat of arms and has two shiny platemailed guards standing at stock still attention.

Shaking my head at the superfluous flunkies, and ostentatious signage, I turn to Toni and instruct.

“Alright, I’ll take things from here, go and wait at your shop and I’ll port out with you guys in a bit.”

Contrary to my collective expectations of unquestioning obedience, Toni shakes her head in dissent before rejoining.

“No way am I missin this! Not every day ya get ta meet royalty!”

Frowning slightly, a me fixes her with a look that tries to convey my displeasure, yet despite my's expectations she refuses to budge for the ten or so seconds it's applied.

Finding its ineffective, one of me huffs in annoyance before countering.

“Finnne, but just you. B1 and B2 can wait for us at the shop.”

Pumping her fist in victory she ignores the complaints lodged by her sub minions and sends them on their not so merry way in short order.

With my delegation sufficiently downsized I cross the short walkway and make to go in when one of the guards demands in the most British of British accents I have ever heard.

“State your name and your purpose!”

I turn to inspect the toy soldier and one of me queries.

“Or what?”

His face takes on an even more stone like expression as he rejoins, completely unfazed.

“Or The Prince will not receive you!”

Raising my eyebrow in a pale imitation of the peoples, a me shrugs and moves to walk past them...

And they obscure the fucking door…

Looking at my companion for advice, it’s her turn to shrug, and I turn to the flunkies and ask.

“Do you wish to continue living here?”

This catches them off guard as they blink in surprise for a moment before the one in charge renews.

“Name and purpose please?”

Thoroughly irritated by the obstruction, the triumvirate unfortunately concludes that death is not the only true answer.

As the irritant disappears in the bluish white light of temporary banishment, his compatriot’s eyes bulge before he stammers in far less gentrified English than the now distant irritant.

“W-what’d ya bleedin do to ‘im?”

Ignoring his plea for explanation a me offers a question of my own.

“Do we have a problem?”

Shaking his head vigorously as his spit polished armor rasps, he moves to the side of the door opens it sheepishly, allowing me with my grinning employee to walk in unmolested.

Inside are more people in leather, mail and plate as they sit around in an open plan common area of sorts that has the atmosphere of a locker room crossed with a coffee shop as the assorted individuals play card games whilst chatting animatedly.

However my presence is quickly noted and all chatter ceases as a large member of their number proclaims.

“Looks like we got a visitor boys and girls. Wait where’s Alfred…And why aint he with ya?”

Turning to the burly chain mailed speaker, I ask.

“You mean the serious guy with a stick up his arse?”

This leads the man to look at me with suspicion as he counters.

“That sounds remarkably like im…So…Where is he?”

Offering him a free shrug, one of me rejoins.

“I sent him out for a bit, don’t worry though…it’s only for a couple of days…So which one of you guys is the…prince?”

The bulky guy scowls as an atmosphere of tension settles on the once laid back room’s inhabitants.

To my surprise however Toni steps forward and states.

“This ere’s Benjamin…e’s a bit rude but e’s alright…He e’rd yur boss wanted ta speak wif im, so ere e is.”

After looks of surprise and a few whispers travel about the thirty or so people, the big guy relaxes slightly and offers far more politely.

“Well you should have led with that lad…Please wait here a moment and I’ll notify the Prince of your arrival.”

Turing to fix the young Aboriginal woman with the appropriate ire for ruining one of my only few pleasures remaining in life, she simply grins it off as the rest of the room goes back to a more subdued imitation of what they were previously about. However all the while, they none too subtly steal inquisitive glances at my impotent anger for my totally indifferent subordinate.

Opting to grumble at her blatant immunity, one of me crosses my arms to wait in silence, while the other two take stock of the room’s occupants and their equipment some more.

Doing some quick guess work the me’s put their equipment at an average level of 50+ which dictates that their mostly dual classes, and I begin to wonder how many of the couple of thousands of the guy’s army is at the same level. Another of my minds on danger watch reports the entrance of the burly guy and a much more normal size guy with brown hair and brown eyes.

The shorter one whom I’m assuming is the fabled royale, has an air about him that reeks of self-importance, which a mind notes is not misplaced as every other person in the room snaps to attention while he finishes sauntering toward me and Toni.

Already annoyed by all the fuss from trying to just meet the guy, he finishes his strut and opens his mouth to speak when I cut him of as I demand.

“So what are your plans here in the citadel?”

The leather clad ‘Prince’ looks like I just slapped him for a moment and the rest of his entourages reaction differs little from his own. Toni on the other hand groans dramatically as she covers her eyes like I just told a daggy joke.

The following seconds uncomfortably tick by and the tension in the rooms other occupants becomes palpable, before the royale breaks it by barking a laugh and replying.

“I forgot how refreshing Australian manners can be…Lets not beat around the bush shall we, I am Prince Alexander and for all intents and purposes I am what remains of the British monarchy. Given the current circumstances I have chosen this ‘Citadel’ as my new seat of power.”

Looking to me's for a nonexistent reaction, he licks his lips and forges ahead with a little less pomposity.

“Now my men tell me that you are severely lacking in armed forces as they have found none save for the black clad individuals who number much less than a hundred…Being the pragmatic leader that I am, I propose that we have a power sharing arrangement. One where I provide an army with which to defend this impressive construction and you simply continue to oversee its running and maintenance. So what do you say young man? As a person who was a subject of his majesty…may he rest in eternal peace… Do you wish to aide in my coronation and help restore Britannia to her former glory?”

Not even needing to consider the offer I state.

“Nope. You guys are free to stay here as long as you like though…providing you don’t actively recruit any other residents.”

A series of negative emotions do a dance on his face as he sputters before demanding a moment latter.

“Come now, be reasonable man! As a subject of Britannia’s monarch it’s your duty to aide its cause! I’m no warmonger, but people need to defend this place and you alone cannot hope to hold it, should some well-organized undesirables or worse, sentient beasts choose to take it from you!”

Toni is looking at me like I’m an idiot, but I ignore the judgmental young woman and counter.

“I really don’t need any help on the combat front mate and as I’m sure your aware ‘your highness’, my country was founded on invasion and slave labor…think of this as me doing my part to see we don’t get a repeat of history…Now are you and yours going to keep out of the other resident’s way so everyone can live in peace?”

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

His face begins to take on a tinge of red as he sputters with renewed vigor, and to my side Toni hisses.

“Why do ya always gotta be a dick!?”

Slightly annoyed by the fact she doesn’t appreciate the restraint I’m currently exercising, I collectively turn to give her an impromptu lecture about slavery and coercive control.

Opening my mouth, one of me is about to enter lecture mode when my two other minds simultaneously point out her Aboriginality and the level of whitesplaining that would occur should I proceed and... The me on face time promptly shuts our pie hole.

Meanwhile the royal to my left is about to blow a gasket, when the burly guy clad in chain mail offers.

“Your highness, would you allow me the honor of finding a more palatable resolution?”

Turning to glare in anger at the interruption, Alexander let out a deflated sigh before adding.

“Very well Jacob, it seems that I shall have to defer to you on this…matter…”

Nodding solemnly Jacob, who’s sporting a brown crew cut with blue eyes on a face like a brick wall, steps forward and states.

“I’m willing to overlook your atrocious treatment of his majesty’s grace on account of the exceptional circumstances we find ourselves in… Also allowances have been made due to the obvious fact that you come from commoner stock…But word to the wise lad, don’t keep pushing your luck...”

He then begins to try and stare me down for a moment and seems to be unsettled for some reason, before continuing.

“Ehem…now… to business. What is it going to take so his highness and his retinue can set up base camp here and start recruiting?”

Looking at the slightly larger man with my confused face, a me replies.

“Mate the answer is the same for you as it is for him. No recruitment or armies period. If he wants to have a ceremony where he walks around in a sheepskin and waves some incense for tradition and what not I don’t mind one bit, but I’m sure as shit not gonna endorse him if that’s what you’re asking…”

Doing a decent job of controlling his anger he snaps back.

“What a load of hypocritical bollocks! We know you cut some deal with that Shakti lot, letting them preach on the streets without a care in the world! But when it comes to helping the motherland in a time of need, we ain’t worth the spit on your boots is that it!?!”

Glowering at the man, the triumvirate concludes that sharing the information about how the white robes were dealt with might help display my impartiality, leading a me to counter.

“Look guy, I just finished kicking out the white robed ya-hoo’s before I came to meet with you lot. So I can assure you, the fact that you guys weren’t actively pestering people with this nonsense is the only reason we're still having a conversation...”

Blinking in surprise he turns from me and instructs.

“Liam and Ian, I want confirmation.”

And two onlookers scurry from the near full shop front, before his scowl resettles on me as he continues.

“Even if what you say is fact, you are either a nutter or haven’t stepped foot outside in a while. You and your fifty strong rabble think it’s a pretty comfortable existence I’ll bet. But I got news for you lad, It’s every man and woman for themselves out there, if the monsters don’t get you, the people will…I get you are no monarchist but the people need something to rally behind. In this this time of medieval magic and classes, what better than a flesh and blood king?!”

Flicking an eye to my eagerly nodding employee one of me lets out an exasperatedly redundant sigh before rejoining.

“I took and made this place because the people that had begun to organize here were getting fat off other peoples hard work and suffering! Everything I know of people is that if you give them a chance to screw each other over, then they will!... Oh sure it may start out with noble intentions, but if I let you lot in the door you’ll doubtless try and wiggle in mandatory conscription's and taxes and if I relinquish control of it to someone else, then who knows where it will end up!”

Then poke a thumb in Toni’s direction and continue.

“There is another thing you seem to have misinterpreted, she and her people are employees, they are not an army and if anything they are my charges. I will fight if this place needs defending, I don’t need someone to die so I can ensure the citadel stays free. I can also guarantee that the royale you follow wont do the same!”

Toni looks to be suffering from a mixture of embarrassment and amazement, while the burly Jacob’s nostril’s flare like I just insulted his liege…which I collectively suppose I just did, whilst he bellows.

“YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU SPEAK OF CUR! I HAVE FOUGHT AND DIED WITH HUNDREDS OF MEN AND WOMEN SINCE THIS BEGAN AND ANY ONE OF THEM WAS WORTH TEN OF YOU, YOU SNIVELING LITTLE WELP! IF IT WEREN’T FOR HIS HIGHNESS'S NEED FOR YOU I’M OF HALF A MIND TO PUT YOU OVER MY KNEE AND BELT SOME HUMILITY INTO YOUR UNGRATEFUL OFF COLOR BACK SIDE!”

While his tirade washes over me, one of me points out that this is the first time I have not suffered a flashback from several of the large angry guys triggering phrases, and I’m filled with a sense of achievement as some of his spittle hits my face.

With levity getting the better of the triumvirate, one of me inquires.

“So I take it that you are refusing to keep to yourselves then?”

Looking like Mt Vesuvius about to erupt, Jacob’s muscles bulge and the veins in his temples throb worryingly. I’m about to suggest he start doing something about his blood pressure for his own well being, when Prince Alexander puts a hand on the large man’s shoulder, and adds.

“It’s ok Jacob, it seems this meeting was a waste of time….I’m sorry young Benjamin that we could not come to some sort of arrangement. I will however proceed with my recruitment efforts despite yo-“

And I waste no further time in engaging with the royale twat, engulfing him in the bluish white light of permanent banishment.

Silence reigns for a moment as the whole room seems to be holding their breath, before Toni breaks it by demanding in a not so quiet hiss.

“Dammit Benji, what tha fuck did ya go an do that for!”

Looking confusedly at the youth I offer.

“What? You heard the guy. He wasn’t gonna follow the rules.”

To which she rejoins.

“Yea but e’s a bloody royal!”

I’m about to try and educate her on entitlement and equality when in a low and threatening voice Jacob demands as unhooking his large mace from its hitching brace on his back.

“What did you do with the Prince, boy…Answer me quickly or so help me god, I shall smite you where you stand…”

Shifting an attention back to the large and angry man, a me replies incredulously.

“What are you deaf? As I was saying to Toni, he refused to follow the noninterference rules and was banished.”

His knuckles pop as he grips the mace with both hands, whilst nearing incoherence as he screams.

“BRING HIM BACK NOW YOU INGRATE OR I WILL SMASH YOUR HEAD OUT THROUGH YOUR ARSE!”

Wiping some spittle off my face with a grimace, all of me look at him like he just told me that pigs can fly, before a me counters.

“Yeah nah, that’s not happening mate.”

Clearly alarmed by the escalating events and picking up on the not so subtle signs of impending violence, Toni screams.

“NO BEN! DON-“

But it’s too late. I grin at the in motion, mountain of a man with his mace held high as he disappears into the comforting light of banishment.

Turning to give my employee a wounded look, a me does my best impersonation of a tv dad.

“You really do have low opinion of me don’t you… That’s something we are gonna have to work on young lady…”

Making a sound like I just told her she is not allowed to see her boyfriend for two weeks, she throws her hands in the air and exits the packed shop, un-accosted.

Looking to the rooms remaining and thoroughly unimpressed occupants a me queries.

“So do you guys want to stay or….”

This leads to a flurry of motion from several of them as all manner of weapons are brandished and spells readied.

Hardly threatened or impressed by their arrayed might, the triumvirate considers momentarily, if I should display some force to adequately convey the level of shit they will be in should they choose to fuck with me and mine in the future. The moment however passes as the many me’s see a far more humane and amusing option available to us.

Seeing as I don’t have to kill or hurt anyone with the anti-harm teleportation in effect, we elect to instead enact the freshly hatched plan titled, ‘how to royaly piss of British royalists’.

“So I heard that the royal family are all inbred’s…is that also true for the whole of the British population?”

The plan is critically effective.

The room erupts into a flurry of shouts and activity.

Yet despite their vigorous attempts, one and all are met with flashes of light, leading the room to be an epileptic’s worst nightmare for a few brief seconds.

Shaking my head at the now empty room I exit to find the lone guard looking past me to see the outcome of our meeting, he seems thoroughly confused by the distinct lack of his countrymen as he stammers.

“W-where’d the Prince and tha others get too?”

Deciding to give the guy the benefit of informed consent I counter.

“They’re all permanently banned from the citadel. So I guess I should tell you what I told them, you can stay here as long as you like, just don’t go pestering the other residents with ideas of kingdoms or holy crusades…”

Looking askance at me for a moment, he replies far more timidly.

“N-no problems here sir!... b-but please understand…I just wanted a safe place away from what’s out there for my children…”

Looking in surprise at the man and his willingness to see reason, an internal alarm is raised at the fact that none of me had taken into account they might have had dependents. The triumvirate engages in a swift debate on possible solutions resulting in leniency for the families.

So in a belated attempt to assuage my collective guilt a me offers.

“If you or any other family members of the banished wish to stay they are more than welcome to, but same rules apply. Oh and if you want to be safe and don’t mind switching employers go and find Toni and tell her I sent you.”

Blinking at me in shock as the gears in his head start to do a 180 he hastily adds.

“T-thank you sir, If you’ll pardon my caution though, I will need time to weigh my options…”

Waving the man off I reply.

“No worries mate, do what you gotta do…Now if you don’t mind, I’m running behind schedule on taking my insubordinate’s fishing…”

The man looks at me quizzically for a second before nodding and murmuring some more thanks, before we part ways. Leaving me to take a leisurely jog across the bustling hub that results in more than a few upset hairdoo’s and shouts of alarm.

Coming into the storefront that doubles as the delinquents headquarters I’m momentarily surprised to find Toni isn’t present amongst the bored looking gathering, only to realize a beat later that she still hasn’t unlocked fast-travel yet.

Making apologies to those present and letting them know their immediate supervisor will be back soon. Yet despite me collective expectations of my explanation being met with ready acceptance, its instead met with nonplussed glares as they go back to talking amongst themselves or waiting in tense silence.

Fortunately for my comfort levels, it doesn’t take long for the aboriginal girl in question to make her appearance and I’m a little amused to find that she is still annoyed at how things turned out with the princeling.

Electing to try and lift to mood a little, a me pokes.

“What took you so long?”

Huffing, she snaps back.

“Some of us can’t solve all our problems with flashy lights an stuff Benji...I had ta update Yerg on tha goin’s on with tha royals, so we can do the job you bloody employ us fer!”

Smiling a me offers.

“Thank’s! As employee of the month I now officially owe you a favour.”

Eyeing me dubiously she asks.

“Wat sorta fava?”

Shrugging a me supplies.

“Your pick…it can be anything! Manamotes, an item or even a specific task, but I personally recommend you don’t waste it on something frivolous like hookers and blow…”

She grumbles something about grey skinned smartarses and the triumvirate chooses to let it slide due to the dedication she showed today.

Figuring the homemaking things have been sufficiently sorted for the day, a me asks those gathered.

“So, we ready to go or what?”

Their original vigor has resurfaced as some whoops and a couple of enthused ‘about time’s’ can be heard, where as their leader just glowers at me as she grumbles.

“Just get on wit it would ya…”

Needing no further prompting a me summons [Lesser Dimensional Portal] with a level appropriate zone in mind. Disappointment collectively buds in me as the gathered teens no longer seem impressed with my magic form of transportation and just look at me only half expectantly while a couple even make shew’ing motions for me to go through to make sure its safe.

Pouting like only a grown man can, all of me slump slightly and make to go in to the ripple in reality when Toni exclaims.

“Oh shit! I completely forgot bout tha merchant guy who wants ta meet with ya!”

Hearing a chorus of groans from the gathered adolescents and personally not really interested in trading with anyone but the terminals Auction house, a me instead tries my hand at playing good cop for once as it counters.

“Eh, I’m sure if it’s important, he’ll still be interested when we get back!”

A much more enlivened chorus of cheering erupts at the announcement and Toni lets out a relieved sigh as I enter the portal with posture improved.