“Can I ask you a favor, Jill?”

“Sure,” I said while lying down on the new couch.

“Is it possible for you to watch Quinn? I’m heading to Ulm with a few villagers, remember?”

I shot myself upright. “No way. I can’t take care of a child. ”

Ruby checked herself out in the mirror, making sure to get every angle. “Please? Jeremy is coming with me, and Harley is caring for Uwayna.”

Right, Uwayna fell ill due to the harsh weather.

“Can’t you ask anybody else?”

“I’d feel safe knowing my child is in the hands of someone extremely trustworthy. And besides, I see it as a fantastic way to bond.”

Well, if she said it like that, then there was no way I could reject her offer.

“Alright. I’m running late. Quinn is in the other room sleeping. Please make him breakfast when he wakes up.” Ruby grabbed her bag and bolted out the door.

It’s been a few weeks since we moved to the village. They welcomed us with a feast, which I enjoyed to the fullest. The village people were incredibly friendly with us, which wasn’t surprising considering we’ve saved them a few times.

The housing situation was a bit odd, though. Different residents offered a place for me. I declined since I wasn’t sure where Harley was going. She was on the fence about who to stay with. It was easier for her to decide since she knew people. I, on the other hand, was one of the few strangers.

Harley decided to stay with an older man named Grayson. He didn’t do much besides sleep and eat, so it was pretty peaceful. We only slept there a handful of times before we learned that Ruby had a personal cabin. It was so similar to the one back home that I thought she somehow transported the house. The furniture, walls, candle placements, everything was the same.

After our discovery, Harley and I had been crashing at her place. I slept on the couch while Harley slept on a mattress. Occasionally, Jeremy joined the sleepover, which didn’t go so well since Harley constantly tried to boot him out. Ruby and I didn’t mind his presence, but Harley complained about his lustful gaze. Whatever that meant.

Today, Ruby, Jeremy, and a few other villagers went to Ulm. There’s some event going on where items are cheaper than usual. I could only imagine how busy it must be.

The couch squeaked as I stood. I checked on Quinn, who rubbed his eyes with a teary yawn.

“Morning.”

He didn’t answer and plopped back to sleep. I smiled, closing the door.

***

“Morning…” Quinn looked up while rubbing his eyes. “Mom, you look really green today.”

I shoved the biscuit in my mouth and swallowed with a couple of chews. “Your mom’s out for today, so I’ll be here with you?”

“Oh…Jilly. Can I have water?”

“I’ll get you water. Just don’t call me ‘Jilly.’”

I poured a cup of water and handed it. Quinn took baby sips with both hands on the cup.

“Are you going to change?”

He extended his arms, wanting me to take the cup out of his hands. I grabbed it while he shook his head.

“Brecky.”

“Brecky?” I repeated.

“Toast and butter.”

I took a half step back.

He wanted me to cook? I never cooked for myself, let alone someone else.

“F-Fruit? Have a banana instead.”

“No. Toast and butter.”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine. I’ll make you toast with butter.”

Quinn shot both his hands in the air, celebrating his miniature victory. He only won because I gave up.

Smoke and steam were being drawn out of the room by the stovepipe, which rose to the ceiling. Pots, pans, and other kitchen utensils were piled high on the shelves against the walls. Standing in one corner was a large wooden pantry with squeaky doors. The kitchen sink was by a tiny window above it that let in some sunlight.

I grabbed the bread from the pantry and looked around, confused. How should I heat this up? Do I put it on fire? Wouldn’t that burn? Maybe use a pan? I’d seen Jermry use them often.

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I put a slice of bread in a pan and placed it on the fire. Wait, was I supposed to put butter before or after? How much butter should I even put?

Scurrying around the kitchen, I grabbed a glob of butter and dropped it in the middle of the bread. Wait a minute, did I just blunder? Was the butter supposed to go directly on the bread or the pan? I scrunched up my hair, frantically looking around.

What should I do?

***

“Dark.”

“Sorry.”

Quinn pushed the plate away. “Crunchy and darky.”

I flipped the bread over. “Look. No dark.”

“I no want.”

I swung my head low in disappointment. How could I not make simple toast? When Jeremy comes back, I’ll make sure to thank him for the meals he granted me.

“I take banana.”

Those words were a stab in the eye.

Now he wants a banana? He could’ve saved me through all that trouble.

Without verbally complaining, I gave him a banana that I peeled for him. He gladly ate his breakfast without a fuss while I collapsed on the couch in defeat.

Ruby asked me to care for her child, and so far, I couldn’t even do that properly. This was the only time I was alone with Quinn. Usually, I had Harley by my side, but she had her own responsibilities.

But I shouldn’t let this one defeat get in the way. It’s an obstacle I could easily jump over.

“Is there anything you want to do after breakfast?”

He ate his banana, swaying his head from side to side. “Play!”

“Play what?”

“Cover ‘n search.”

“How do you play?”

“Someone find cover, and other person tries to find them. And if you get caught, you lose.”

So, someone had to hide while the other searched? And once the hider gets caught, they lose. This game was flawed. How does the hider win? Once the seeker gives up?

I rolled off the couch. “Sounds simple enough. I’ll play.”

His eyes sparkled with glee. “I hide first. Count to ten,” he said, tossing the peel on the ground and running away.

“Hey—at least throw it out…”

It took me a handful of seconds to find him. Was he unaware that hiding under the blanket isn’t a good idea? We played a few rounds where I hid and he searched, and vice versa. There was a broad smile on his face each time I found him, paired with a little giggle. He was eager to continue playing regardless of the outcome.

As I continued playing, I wondered how different our childhoods were. He ate good food (besides today), was loved by everyone, and was well taken care of. If I had half—no—ten percent of the care he received, it probably would’ve been a smoother ride. He had no idea how lucky he was.

After our extended playing time, Quinn collapsed on his bed and fell asleep. I tucked him in and made sure he was comfortable.

***

“Morning…”

“It’s afternoon.”

“Breaky?”

“You already ate.”

Quinn plopped himself onto the couch. He slept like an elderly man with no care. I guess that playing got to him.

It was a boring couple of hours without anyone here. I mainly lay on the couch. I was probably the laziest as I ever was. It wasn’t like I could go to Randy for a quick training session. How would I know when Quinn awakes if I wasn’t in the cabin?

Quinn said something, but his face was stuffed against the couch cushion. I asked him to sit up straight and speak, which he did.

He rubbed his eyes. “I had a scary dream.”

“Did you? Well, that’s ok. Not all dreams are good.”

I checked on him a few times. He wasn’t tossing and turning. He slept in the same position as when I tucked him in.

“But this dream was the scariest.”

“Meaning?” I asked right before I took a sip of water.

“Mom was really sad, and it made me really sad.”

Water nearly fumbled out of my mouth. I covered my lips to prevent water from going afar.

“Sad? Why was Ruby sad?”

“Because you said ‘bye-bye,’ and Mom didn’t like that.”

I placed the cup on the kitchen counter and walked over to Quinn, who was still on the couch. “Bye-bye? What do you mean?”

He fiddled with a pillow, ignoring my question. I grabbed his arm, but he shrieked. I pulled away quickly, repeatedly apologizing, but that only made him throw the pillow at my feet.

“You make Mom sad!”

By his yell, I wasn’t sure if he spoke of his dream or something else. Dreams couldn’t make someone’s emotions this raw.

“Mom is sad all the time. You leave one day.”

Oh, so this is what it’s about? I thought.

He continued. “Mom talks about how you leave one day. She gets really sad. I don’t like it. Mom is always sad because of you.”

I couldn’t respond. Nothing in my mind was good enough to announce as words. I had nothing, and I felt so sick because of it.

“Don’t leave Mom. She is so happy. I do not want that to go away.”

I got down on one knee, looking Quinn square in the eyes. “No, I’ll never leave. I’ll stay here forever.”

Then came a voice I hadn’t heard since the raid.

“Lies.”

Ignore it. Pretend it wasn't there.

“I’ll be with your Mom forever.”

“Lies.”

“Nothing will separate us.”

“Lies.”

“I promise you, Quinn.”

“How could you blatantly lie to a child? Lie after lie after lie. It’s obvious you’re bluffing. Your heart, no, your mind is set in stone. Nothing will stop you from achieving your dream. A dream of combining two distinct groups.”

Tears immediately sobbed down my cheeks. My eyebrows furrowed, and my lips turned into a grimace. I was intertwined in a mixture of agony and regret and didn’t know how to stop these unwanted tears from running.

I could no longer look him in the eye. I laid my hands on his shoulders, staring at the wooden floor.

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry!”

I wasn’t sure if he understood. I hoped he did. I really hoped he did.

I could apologize till I decompose. It still wouldn’t change a thing. It wouldn’t change what my mind was set to. Never.

I’m sorry, Quinn, but please don’t hate me for this. Ruby will be fine. It’s only a pebble on the path. She’s strong enough to walk over it. I hope one day when you’re older, you’ll understand.