The moon was up, showcasing a milky glow on her skin. As she strolled across the camp, the only sound was the crunching of leaves underfoot. The bonfire was cold, and the picnic tables were empty, as if everyone had just vanished into thin air. The wind whispered secrets in her ear as if trying to tell her something.

Considering no one was around, it could be safe to say it was too late. The night guards, however, couldn’t be seen. Were they slacking? She jotted a mental note to scold their laziness when the sun rose.

She headed to her tent, the biggest one in sight. As the leader, it was acceptable for her to live in a bit of luxury. The walls were made of thick, cream-colored canvas, and the floor was covered in soft carpets. The ceiling had swirly patterns of line. Though, it wasn’t much luxury since it lacked furniture. Yet again, she’s only ever in her cabin for sleep. She’s at her work tent, partaking in tedious meetings or outside in the fresh air.

Speaking of sleep, Quinn was nowhere to be found. He usually slept on his bed, draped in sheer white fabrics and piled high with fluffy pillows. The bed she made in the morning was still in perfect appearance. The sheets weren’t wrinkled or uneven.

But she didn’t care about the made bed. There were other things to worry about.

Where was Quinn?

He’s the center of attention in camp, so he couldn’t wander off alone. He’s incapable of going anywhere without someone. He clung to anyone who cared for him. He was way too dependent on others. Yet again, he’s only a child.

So that meant someone had to take him? But who?

Right. Why didn’t I think of that? She thought. He’s probably at Kathy’s.

It was the only logical guess. Quinn stayed by Kathy’s side like loving siblings. Unlike someone else, their relationship was cute. They’re constantly with each other, and never had they argued. It was almost certain he was there.

But just to be sure.

She left her cabin to walk the short distance to Kathy’s. It was one of the few cabins that were similar to her own. Though it’s a tad smaller, its thick wood was still enough to store heat in the winter. She knocked a few times at the entrance door.

The door creaked slowly open, the rusty hinges protesting with each inch it revealed.

“Isn’t it pretty late to knock on an elderly woman's door?”

“My apologies, Uwayna,” she said with a polite bow, “Is there a possibility that Quinn is with you?”

“He’s fast asleep. He and Kathy played as if the world was ending. Fuh-fuh-fuh. Why must you ask? Do you wish to take him?”

“That covers my concerns. I just wanted to make sure he’s here. I wouldn’t dare to wake him up. I’ll leave you be. Goodnight.” She was about to walk away but stopped by the elderly woman.

“Ruby, do you want to come in for a few snacks? I have your favorites.”

And just like that, Ruby was at the table. It was a miniature feast for the senses. A colorful array of treats and delicacies were laid out on the crisp red tablecloth, each one more tempting than the last. The smell of cookies and pastries filled the air, making her mouth water.

“I see you're as big a foodie as ever. Look at you licking your lips.”

Ruby shot back immediately, “Am not.”

As Ruby chowed down snacks, her eyes darted around the room. From the inside, it was similar to her own place. The only difference was the ample amount of furniture. Cushion chairs were scattered around the main table as if she hosted guests. The hypothesis grew stronger when she noticed the mountain of dishes inside the sink.

“Did you have some sort of party?”

“The children were over. We did our normal games and whatnot. Wouldn’t call it a party, though,” said the elderly woman, who rocked back and forth on her rocking chair, fiddling with a blanket.

“It’s remarkable how you manage all these children with ease.”

“I believe it’s nothing praiseworthy. Once you learn who they are as people, it’s like walking on cool grass. But enough about me. It isn’t why I invited you in.”

“Oh?” Ruby responded, surprised. “You lured me with snacks for exterior motives and not kindness? Cunning, aren’t you?”

Uwayna tittered with poise. “I’ve known you long enough to understand that you would never turn down a snack. Without bringing that up, you would refuse my hospitality.” She paused to catch her breath. “Enough said with my brief explanation. I want to know how your day went. Did you have fun?”

“Excuse me?”

“Did I not make myself clear? I care to know how your day went and whether you had fun.”

“N-No-no-no-no, you did,” Ruby said defensively. “I simply found your questions odd.”

She impatiently tapped her fingers on the arm of the chair. “Well, do tell.”

“It wasn’t anything eventful.”, she said with a reluctant sign. “Eating, shopping, chatting. Nothing that stood out.”

“Care to tell the details?”

“You seem to be awfully nosey. Aging side effect, perhaps?”

“You’re chipper than normal. Did something good happen?”

Ruby paused, then spilled the beans on what happened to Kirei. Uwayna sat calmly, listening attentively as Ruby spoke. Her body language was relaxed, with open and uncrossed arms and a gentle smile on her face.

“My condolences for your loss. May he rest with all the peace the afterlife has to offer.”

“This one stung deeper than normal. He was…he was everything to me.” Her head hung low with her shoulders hunched forward. Her eyes were fixated on her lap, and her face was etched with sadness.

Uwayna got up, offering Ruby a glass of water. She accepted with little hesitation.

While watching Uwayna taking her time with the water, Ruby recalled those precious memories with her furry friend.

She remembered how Kirei would always greet her at the door with a low mew and a nuzzle against her leg. She remembered the way they walked around town. Loyal as ever, Kirei followed her around like a child with his mother. Never once had Kiriei left Ruby’s sight when outside. He constantly sought attention and affection, curling up beside her on the ground. Kirei stole food from Ruby. What a silly cat. He chased bugs around the cafe, always seeming to have boundless energy.

But most importantly, Kirei would always listen to Ruby. She would explode, ranting about anything that comes to mind. Kirei would lie with his head up as if he was paying full attention. When she had nowhere else to go.

No one to go to.

There was always one place that would accept her. One heart that would warm hers.

That’s who Kirei was.

Those memories brought a smile to Ruby’s face. She missed their dear companion, but the memories of their time together would always remain dear to her heart.

“Here.”

“Thanks.”

“Give me a quick rundown of your day. Not every day you go outside the camp, especially with other people.”

Ruby pushed her hair behind her shoulders. She went through her day with little interest. The incident before the ride, conversations during the ride, and the town itself. Jeremy’s and Harley’s quarrel in the bakery. Shopping with the others. Listening to more hideous talks and then receiving the tragic news.

While going through all this, Uwayna nodded after every sentence, showing plenty of care. She didn’t interrupt. She didn’t ask a question or comment. It’s as if she cared but didn’t simultaneously.

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

It was weird. Usually, when people want to know something in greater detail, they would toss at least a few questions.

But her? Nothing. Did she not care enough to ask? Or was she waiting till Ruby stopped speaking?

“Are you satisfied?” Ruby asked when she had nothing else to say.

“Of course. I’m glad you enjoyed yourself with your friends.”

Ruby felt caught off guard by Uwayna’s remark, so much so that she scoffed at that hideous statement.

“Our relationship has no emotional connection so that I wouldn’t classify it as friendship. It’s nothing more than a leader-comrade relationship.”

“You never change, don’t you?” She uttered with a disappointing smile.

“With my job, it’s impossible to have emotional connections.”

“Was Kirei an exception?”

“No,” snapped Ruby. “Let’s be honest, I knew today would come. It was only a matter of time. But his life wasn’t meaningless. He’s a reminder of why I shouldn’t have emotional connections.”

“You don’t believe that.”

“I do.”

“Do you really,” she questioned in a mellow voice, partially leaning over the table. “Something tells me you don’t.”

“What do—what do you know about my thoughts?”

“I know you’re not a heartless person. You care for others; otherwise, you wouldn’t offer them a place to stay. Food to eat. People they can rely on no matter the circumstances. Who’s the newest person? Errrr…what was her name? Jane? Jinx, maybe?”

“Jill?”

“Yes, thank you. Jill is her name. Forgive me; my memory isn’t as sharp as it once was, but weren’t you with her today? Quinn spots you with her, Jeremy, and Harley for most days.” She paused to catch her breath. “If you simply have a leader-comrade connection, why spend ample time with them?”

Ruby took a sip of water. It was her preferred room temperature.“You’re confusing yourself. Harley, Jill, and Jeremy are always together. I happen to be there since Jeremy refuses to leave my side unless I’m busy. I’m not with them by choice.”

“But you could easily demand them to leave. You don’t, though. Judging by your voice, it seems you don’t enjoy their company, but you allow them to stick around. If you find them repulsive, why don't you demand them to leave you be?”

Ruby quickly averted her eyes. She couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable. The elderly woman was ordinarily kind and understanding, but today, something felt off. There was something about the way she looked at Ruby that made her feel exposed. She found it difficult to hold the woman’s gaze for more than a handful of seconds at a time.

“Why did you recruit Jill?”

“Hu-Huh?”

“You heard me. Why did you recruit Jill?”

Ruby, who typically had her fingers interlocked, was uncharacteristically fidgeting with them.

“She needed a home, so I gave her one. There was nothing special about it.”

“Is it because you cared for her well-being?”

“D-Don’t get it twisted. The more people the cult has, the better. Whatever I do is, and always is, for the cult.”

“What about Quinn? You took him under your personal wing. You fed him, told him bedtime stories, played in the fluffy snow. Was that also for the cult?” smiled the woman in a way that made Ruby feel even more uncomfortable.

“He could make a fine warrior in the future and potentially a squad leader. Or maybe even lead the Bariac cult as a whole.”

“That’s a cover-up. He reminds you of yourself, right?”

Ruby’s eyes widened as the glass was close to her mouth. She took a long sip, stalling for a response. Once she was done, she cocked her neck back, getting every last drop of water. She gently put the glass on the table, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Why would he?” Ruby asked.

“You don’t notice the parallels?”

“I know what you mean, though he doesn’t mind me of myself.”

“Lying once again.”

Ruby snapped. “Am not.”

“Lying to yourself is a dangerous thing. If you are not true to yourself, it can be difficult to be honest with others. Isn’t trust the most important aspect of a leader?” The elderly woman explained. She took another deep breath to catch herself. “Quinn has a nearly identical past as yours. Groups of bandits attacked both of your villages. Like Quinn, you were rescued by the Bariac’s cult leader and placed under her aid. After Lexy’s death, you took her responsibility, similar to what you previously stated that Quinn might have. You two are different people but share nearly identical roads.”

“You’re half correct. We indeed share the same beginnings, but we branched off into different roads.”

There was a pause between our words.

With a half smile, she said, “Lexy, right? Is that whom you're referring to?”

“She always worried about everyone and never herself. She mourned every death she witnessed. A leader so soft has no business leading a cult.”

“Perhaps you’re right,” she said. “But you cannot argue the influence she had on others. She laughed the loudest out of all. She mourned the most out of all. Cried till her tears dried. Ate with everyone. Sang with all her heart. The founder of this marvelous cult left her footsteps for all of her children to follow. Especially you, Ruby.”

“Me?” Ruby tittered with a question. “Forgive me, but I’m nothing like her. As I said before, she’s too much of—”

“A weakling?” She smiled. “Yes, she’s a child in an adult body. She wasn’t the brightest when it came to battle or when it came to anything tactical. That’s why she was open to assistance. She allowed people to guide her, even though she was in full authority. She made herself an equal. That trait alone made her special. There wasn’t a day gone by without her checking on nearly everybody in camp. Conversing with children to squad leaders. And the most important of them all, spending time with you.”

She let out an exasperated sign. “Spending time with me was her biggest mistake.”

“Can you say that without an ounce of regret?”

Ruby's fist, shaking her head in denial. “Regret or not, this isn’t a job where emotions can run free. Lexy cared too much about the people, crying after almost every raid. Mourning after almost every raid. How can someone live like that? Live with death dragging them along? Doesn’t that make you weak?”

“Yes, she was much weaker than you. Oftentimes, I heard her whimpering like a lost puppy in the cold. Her caring personality got in the way of life, but I can assure you, even with all those tears shed, she lived as happy as she could ever be.”

“Happy…? With everything she lost? With everyone she lost? How could someone be happy after all that?”

“Memories,” she claimed.

“Memories? Don’t give me such a hideous answer. You’re telling me she's happy by reminiscing about the past?”

“Unlike you, she never suppressed herself from others. She was an open book, always in the middle of everything, creating cherishable memories as if that’s her only role on this planet.”

Ruby placed her palm on her forehead as if she had extracted her thoughts. “I don’t get it. Why create memories with people who might not have a tomorrow? Didn’t that make her depressed? Thinking about the times when those people aren’t with her?”

How could someone not be riddled with despair? How could someone create cherishable memories with the ones who might not live past you? She could’ve suppressed herself to minimize the pain.

Why didn’t she? Why was she so outgoing and happy? Even with lives dropping in front of her own eyes, why did she never feel regret?

Even with all that, how did she always find a way to smile?

“Ruby, as someone with more experience than you, I beg you, for your own sake, to listen to my words. It’s better to create as many memories as you can. That way, if you lose someone, those precious memories will stay alongside you. You’ll look back, smiling because those memories happened, rather than dwelling in regret. Please. Do not isolate yourself from others. It may not hurt now, but in the future, you’ll feel it burn more than the scolding sun.” Her eyes were wide and filled with a sparkle of hope and desperation as she waited for Ruby to respond.

“The thought of being connected with them… and the possibility for them to… you know. It’s scary. It’s scary getting close to people, knowing they might not live for too long.”

“And? Are you going to shut out everyone? Are you going to shelter yourself away? Is that how you wish to live?”

Ruby looked at the elderly woman. Her gentle smile and pleading voice tugged at her heartstrings. But inside her head, an emotional hurricane raged. Memories of the past flooded her mind.

The time she was saved. The first steps on camp. Her first meal here. First greetings. Her training. But most importantly: Lexy.

Lexy. The orange-haired woman who saved her from a burning village. The one who sheltered her fed her, told her stories. Cried, laughed, sang, ate. They did everything together. Went everywhere together. Ruby was attached to her like a puppy on a leash. Even in raids, she would never leave Lexy’s side.

But that’s when it happened. Lexy wasn’t the strongest, nor was she quick on her feet. What made her incredible in battle was technique. Techniques are something humans use to counter their weaknesses. But it only took her so far.

It was a rainy day, the kind of day where the raindrops seemed to mirror the tears streaming down her face. Ruby stood there, holding the lifeless body of her loved one, feeling numb and in disbelief. The rain soaked through her clothes, but she didn't care. All she could think about was the person she had lost and the fact that they were now gone forever. The sound of the rain was the only thing that filled the silence as she refused to say her final goodbyes in the pouring rain.

She couldn’t believe it. How could she? Lexy was the only person Ruby cared for. The only person she truly loved.

It’s over, isn’t it? That is what she thought when holding Lexy’s corpse.

Lexy chose her and loved her, but she’s gone. She’s now gone.

It’s over. It’s been over. So why, after all these years, couldn’t she move on?

After all this time, she still thought about that horrid day.

After peeping back through time, she responded to Uwayna.

“No,” said Ruby calmly. “I want what I had with Lexy. I want someone to love me how I loved her. I want someone to be there for me. I want…” Her choking voice didn’t allow her to speak.

“What’s stopping you?”

“A repeat of the past.”

“The past is gone and cannot be altered. The thing you can change, however, is you. The mindset you carry is rotting that head of yours. Let it go. Let it all go. Start tomorrow not clinging to the past but aiming for a clearer future. It’s a wonderful lifestyle to live by. One with guaranteed happiness, even if it's just a glimmer.”

“Even if it’s just a glimmer…” Ruby repeated with a distant look. “Will that even make a difference?”

“Who knows? It may or may not. You might not even find the joy you’re seeking. The potential effort to get closer to everyone may fall in vain. Is that a path you’re willing to take?”

In silence, Ruby got up and put her empty glass and crumby plate in the sink. She headed to the door, where Uwayna questioned where she was going.

“It’s getting late. Someone your age shouldn’t be up at this time.”

“Is that so,” she replied. “I take it with a grain of salt that you’re not going to answer my previous question?”

Ruby opened the door halfway. She took a step out, holding the door open. She mumbled, “I had fun.”

“Excuse me? Care to repeat those words louder?”

“I had fun,” she said louder.

“Care to look me in the eyes while speaking and not on the ground?”

Ruby gave a quick smirk and closed the door behind her.