The clock ticked away as the morning passed. Thrash had risen earlier than expected, eager to accomplish as much as he could today. He needed to determine which Dungeon Management upgrade would be the most valuable and then wait to see whether or not a patron would arrive. The message from Una hadn’t been particularly reassuring, but the prospect of a potential patron after nearly two weeks of nothing - well, that was exciting. Not to mention that Starr Eternal, Mines for the Everyday Hero, would finally see its first new face in over six months.
Thrash completed his new morning ritual: push-ups, stretching, and then navigating his interface, mostly checking the leaderboards to find the names of his old crew. While he looked, he listened to Mush’s continuous chatter to the sword. She had been talking to it nearly all through the night, with Thrash tossing and turning in his sleep, waking up to different nonsensical lines from her. He’d written down a few, planning to ask her later just what they had both been talking about.
‘Honestly, honey, you just have to push hard. Really, really hard.’
‘No, dear, I am Mummy. I. Am. Mummy. You are not. You can be Daddy.’
‘Left, left, right - JAB. Yes dear, just like that. Nice and easy.’
Mush was still talking. Thrash shook his head, almost exasperated by her endless drivel, but he took a deep breath and calmed himself. As much as she annoyed him, her presence was invaluable - an opinion that he would absolutely be keeping to himself. She kept him more distracted than anything else could have, regardless of her nonsense, and her obsession with mothers.
He sat to eat his Miner’s Delight, the flavoured water now familiar and favourable to him. He sipped away, chewing on whatever the meaty pieces were. ‘Mush,’ he said, distracting her from her one-way conversation. ‘I’m going to buy the Basic Merchant Centre.’
‘GASP!’ Mush said out loud, catching Thrash off guard. ‘Mush thought that we had discussed this, man-child. Mush wants some privacy; she and Sigrid can’t talk in peace.’
Thrash selected Dungeon Management on his interface, bringing up the upgrades menu. ‘I know, and believe me, I want the bedroom too, but we need to start making some proper gold. If I can buy and sell things, people will eventually recognize our name, right? Which means they might start visiting us, and we’ll start to make more money.’
‘But I wanted the bedroom,’ Mush said, a temper tantrum forming. ‘Mush is not happy with this outcome.’
Thrash looked directly at her, raising an eyebrow. ‘But Mush will agree?’
Mush nodded simply, then moved over to his side. She settled just above his shoulder, resting like a small parrot. He selected the upgrade he desired, reviewing the text on the screen.
Basic Merchant Centre
Purchase for 100 gold?
Thrash read through the description once again, checking for any finer details. ‘So, the only limitation is that we can't use the auction function. That works for me. Mush?’
The robot buzzed. ‘Mush is neither positive nor negative about this upgrade.’
Thrash nudged her with his shoulder, reading the most important part of the description for a final time.
The programme will connect you with other merchants and vendors, whether they’re NPCs or Starr Galaxy participants.
‘I’m doing it,’ Thrash said, eyeing his gold with a final breath of exhilaration. He selected ‘Purchase’, the choice sending rolling bells chiming through his interface. Three achievements immediately jumped in front of him.
Commiserations! You have earned the achievement 'Dungeon Upgrade!’
You have successfully upgraded your dungeon for the very first time.
Upgrading your dungeon is a key way to improve its rank. You can unlock all upgrades before reaching the highest rank, Divine, and each upgrade is imperative to helping you get there.
Well done, baby. Mummy hopes that you chose the bedroom. We - I mean, you, need your beauty sleep.
Reward: 100x Dungeon Experience Points
‘What are the Dungeon Experience Points for?’ Thrash asked, but needn’t have bothered. The next achievement moved into view.
Commiserations! You have earned the achievement ‘Dungeon Rank - E’
You have successfully improved the rank of your dungeon.
Well, well, look at you! You’ve finally dragged your dungeon from the pits of obscurity and into the almost respectable world of Rank E. Sure, you’re a universe away from Divine, but hey, you’ve got to start somewhere, right?
Now that your dungeon has levelled up, expect a slight uptick in visitors - hopefully the kind that survive.
Well done, kiddo. Let's make sure you look the part.
Reward: 1x Black Tie
‘A black tie?’ Thrash asked, confused. He inspected it. There wasn’t even an effect attached to it. ‘Great choice, Mush.’
‘I don’t choose all of the rewards, man-child. I wouldn't have given anything for a simple rank upgrade. Need I remind you that Brigwell increased the dungeon to Rank S? That’s around ten billion experience points.’
‘No, Mush, no it isn’t.’
Thrash noted a new notification within Dungeon Management. He found that his Dungeon Master Skills had all improved. His Mining Skill had moved from 10 to 20, while his Mining Efficiency rose from 20% to 25%. Finally, his Mining Luck improved from 2.5% to 3%.
‘That’s not much,’ Thrash said, thinking hard. ‘They must skyrocket in later ranks, right?’
‘Indeed,’ Mush responded, talking quickly. ‘I must explain to you that due to the increase in rank, sponsors of your dungeon are now legally obligated to provide you with basic materials for sale. These will be provided via the barrels behind your counter.’
Thrash looked at the robot. ‘That was a very formal message.’
Mush banged against his head. ‘Indeed. Mush was prompted to inform you of the change.’
Thrash rolled his eyes but still moved over to check the barrels. There were six of them. The first, to his surprise, held Health Apples. There were dozens of them, matte and red. They were worth 1 gold each and provided 50 health points when eaten.
‘That’s so much better than the Beastly Dungeon Bars,’ Thrash told Mush.
The rest of the barrels were filled with similarly exciting things, all items that could be sold for a single gold each; seemingly the lowest available currency. In each respective barrel, Thrash found: Shiny Apples to restore mana, Torches, Buckets, Rope (10 feet), and Bandages. Beside the barrels was another crate, one that hadn’t existed before. It held five rusty pickaxes, not unlike his own.
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
‘You own a Rank E dungeon, now,’ Mush said as he picked one of the tools up. ‘It is expected of you to provide a pickaxe to inexperienced patrons.’
Thrash looked at the robot, smiling from ear to ear. ‘This is beginning to look so much more hopeful, Mush.’
Finally, Thrash moved to the last achievement.
Commiserations! You have earned the achievement 'Basic Swindler!’
You have successfully upgraded your dungeon to include the ‘Basic Merchant Centre’.
Look at you, my favourite new capitalist! Every store has to start somewhere, right? Today, you can sell some dusty potions and used clothing, but tomorrow… Well, you could be selling anything!
*Please, no dirty underwear. Mummy has a line.
Now you can buy, sell, and swindle your way to the top - just like Mummy taught you.
And don’t forget - no refunds. Happy haggling!
Reward: 50x Dungeon Experience Points
Reward: 1x 50% off Coupon
‘Nobody actually buys dirty underwear,’ Thrash said to Mush.
‘Tell that to Brigwell,’ Mush said simply.
Thrash rolled his eyes, inspecting the coupon. ‘50% off… That’s not a bad reward.’ He looked more closely at the item description. It was applicable to items sold via the Basic Merchant Centre only.
‘Indeed,’ Mush agreed. ‘I recommend saving that until you find an expensive item that you are in dire need of.’
Thrash nodded. ‘I like that recommendation, Mush. Let's have a look at this Merchant Centre, shall we?’
He opened Dungeon Management again, and a new icon appeared in the top right hand corner, reading ‘Basic Merchant Centre’. Thrash opened it, watching the interface change on his screen. His eyes lit up, furiously engaged.
The screen had changed. In his interface, he could see an almost fully realised building, charmingly set in the centre of his view. It appeared to be a simple wooden structure, with a sign reading ‘Basic Merchant Centre’ hanging above, crooked and unsavoury. There was a single window, revealing a tall, dark figure. Thrash could only see the being’s stomach, chest, and neck - it was too tall for its face to align with the window. Long, bony fingers tapped away at the windowsill.
There were three tabs for him to explore: ‘Browse’, ‘Sell’, and ‘Vendor Exchange’. He started to read through the description for Browse, eyeing them all with interest.
Browse
Review what is on sale today. This option allows you to buy items from legitimate vendors across the Starr Galaxy. Your vendor will act as the middle-man between NPC sellers from far-away locations and yourself. Explore daily for unique items, although a host of basic goods will always be accessible.
Buy something nice for Mummy.
Note: These items are approved by the Starr Galaxy Corporation for use in the Starr Galaxy Entertainment System.
Sell
Sell your items today. Drag items from your inventory and into your merchants designated sale space. Your vendor will act as the middleman between NPC buyers from far-away locations and yourself. Prices may fluctuate daily.
It’s all clutter, darling. SELL IT!
Note: Haggling is unavailable at Rank E. Haggling with NPCs is only available with the ‘Advanced Merchant Centre’.
‘I like it,’ Thrash said, moving on to review the third tab, ‘Vendor Exchange’.
Vendor Exchange
Connect with like minded adventurers across the Starr Galaxy. Check this area frequently to see items sold by adventurers like you. You can list your own belongings for sale, or exchange via a trade. Stay in touch once you’re connected!
It’s time to make some friends!
Note: You will match with individuals within one rank of your own.
Note: There are no limitations on the rank of items to exchange or purchase.
Thrash let out a whistle. ‘I’m not going to say that this is a lot to keep track of, but this is definitely a lot of information to take in.’
Mush chirped. ‘Do you require a dumbed-down explanation, man-child?’
Thrash waved her away, snorting. He checked his inventory. ‘Oh, now that is very, very cool.’
Mush hummed, inviting him to continue while she moved back to Sigrid, dusting her with a feather. Thrash found a new button within his inventory, a button named ‘Sort’. ‘I can arrange by the estimated gold value, Mush. Let's see…’
He allowed the items to sort themselves, quickly inspecting the value of each. ‘Holy Moby Dick!’
Right at the top of the list was The Whimpering Sword of Sigrid. ‘Mush - holy shit, Mush, we could sell Sigrid for -’
‘Absolutely not!’ she exclaimed, bouncing down onto the sword as though covering its ears. ‘You have promised that you won’t sell her! You promised yesterday! You attached a Soulstone and said, word for word, ‘See, Mush, I’m keeping her’.’
She gagged with exasperation. ‘I even asked her to whisper for you - to whisper, Thrash! I will ask her to shout. I WILL ALWAYS SHOUT FROM THIS MOMENT ON!’
Her voice rang through Thrash’s head like a high-hat, banging and clashing between his ears. Even his interface shook. He held up his hands, begging for relief. ‘Mush - listen, Mush! I am not selling Sigrid!’
Mush immediately quietened, making a sniffing noise. ‘Excellent.’
‘All I wanted wanted to say was that she is worth at least -’
‘HOW DARE YOU -’
Thrash jumped away from the counter, Mush throwing the empty bowl of Miner’s Delight at him. He swore at her as it hit him, and then as it landed on the floor, knowing he’d have to clean that up. He spoke quickly. ‘Okay! Okay, I will never, ever mention Sigrid’s material worth again. Deal?’
Mush stopped vibrating, her display shifting from angry to content. ‘That’s agreeable.’
‘Damn it,’ Thrash said, rubbing his neck, a bruise quickly forming. It felt tight, so he stretched it, a resounding snap echoing through the room. ‘That’s better. Can I continue, now?’
Mush was silent, so he started looking at the list once more. ‘From the list of things that I can sell, we could make a nice bit of gold.’
‘Proceed,’ Mush said.
Thrash cleared his throat. ‘In order of lowest value to highest, the Dismembered Sheila Leg Staff is worth 15 gold, and the Eyepatch of the Bold sits at around 25 gold.’
‘Those are meagre prices for meagre items,’ Mush said. ‘A Spider Leg Staff is worth 15 gold. You might find an Adventurer willing to pay more for a named weapon.’
‘Oh, really?’
Mush chirped. ‘Absolutely. List it in the Vendor Exchange instead of selling through the NPC system.’
‘That’s good to know,’ Thrash said. ‘Thanks, Mush. Great advice. What about the final item, the Glade Stone? It’s worth 75 gold.’
He could feel Mush inspecting the Merchant Centre in his interface. She whirred through at a steady pace, then spoke to him. ‘All common quality items are likely to sell for the same price, whether to an NPC or another adventurer. I recommend listing all uncommon items in the Vendor Exchange to see what offers you receive. The Glade Stone is suitable for those with mana-heavy classes, and an NPC won’t offer as much as an Adventurer would.’
Thrash decided to do just that. He opened the Vendor Exchange and inspected it for a moment. A torrent of names scrolled down his screen, with items being offered for sale and various bids being made. The name of his dungeon appeared on the bottom left of the interface, beneath the title ‘Recent Visitors’. There was an enticing filter to better sort through the items at the top of the screen, but Thrash immediately noticed that most items listed were absolute trash.
He hadn’t made it two scrolls down before he received his first message.
Hey, sugar. Upgrade your gear with our secret methods! 100% success rate guaranteed!
Thrash literally backed away from his interface, hitting the counter and cursing. ‘What is this, Mush?’
Another message came through, and then another. And another.
Warning: this item will make you lose control.
Last longer down there - order your potions today!
Unlock our exclusive content. Join our guild now for more information.
Mush made a small laughing noise, like a bee buzzing in rhythm. Thrash sighed, closing the incoming messages and muting the entire Vendor Exchange interface. ‘This is ridiculous,’ he half-laughed, watching as the number signifying his inbox messages increased at a furious rate. ‘I’ll just post these and review the inbox later. I must be able to see chats associated with certain items, right, Mush?’
She nodded, so he listed all three on the Vendor Exchange, marking them as ‘Open to Offers’. A loud ding sounded, the achievement star rolling in place. He quickly reviewed it.
Commiserations! You have earned the achievement ‘Now Accepting Gold!’
You listed an item on the vendor exchange for the first time!
Your trash is now someone else’s treasure! May the gods of commerce smile upon your overinflated pricing.
Let's overinflate a thing or two more, shall we?
Reward: 25x Gold Pieces
‘Brilliant,’ Thrash said. ‘That helps, doesn’t it, Mush.’
She ignored him, so he moved back to the storefront and selected Browse.
‘Huh,’ Thrash hummed. ‘Not much here today. I wonder if -’
Thrash paused, a notification appearing within Dungeon Management. He opened it.
An Adventurer is on their way. Please close all interface windows and await arrival.