Thrash awoke to the sound of crunching. He could still smell smoke, the hairs in his nostrils sizzling. He was alive. Panic rolled through him like thunder, body jolting as he tried to move. He needed to get up, to protect himself and make sure that the spider was dead. However, he couldn’t move. His interface was blinking red, once more signalling his low health. Mush’s voice pulled him closer to full consciousness.
Critical warning: Your health is below 10%.
You have received 18 points of damage.
You have 10 health remaining.
‘Ouch,’ he uttered, voice wheezing with his breath. ‘Big ouch.’
Thrash opened his eyes. He was on the floor, back against a sharp stone, alongside something warm… something suspiciously warm. The dungeon’s sky was now clear, though still dark. Stars covered the ceiling, reminding Thrash of his evenings on the surface of Starr Training Base 1, staring up into the galaxy.
Slowly, Thrash managed to reach up into the sky, holding his hand above his face. It dripped with thick, red blood; blood that was most certainly not his own. He half sobbed, half laughed, resting his head for a moment more. His interface chimed: ‘Combat Over’.
We did it, Mush.
Commiserations, Dungeon Master, the voice returned.
Thrash sat up. The arena was mostly intact. It was now the heavy smell of his vomit that whirled through the air, catching with the wind. He sat upon a sunken hole, filled to the brim with heavy stone. The tower had crumbled over, crushing Sheila into the floor and covering her in full. A single, twitching leg remained, stretched up beside Thrash’s head. He had almost been skewered, the pointy end of her leg as sharp as a knife. He noticed that it was glowing, a light, white light emitting all along. He selected it with his interface.
Sheila the Spider
Level 5 - Lootable Corpse
Item 1: Sticky Webbing
Item 2: Sheila Leg Staff
Item 3: 45x Gold Pieces
Thrash grinned, taking the items into his inventory. He would inspect them as soon as he was back at base. His eyes flickered across the interface, only now noticing how many notifications he had missed throughout the battle. He looked at the top left of his screen. He had gained 250 experience points for killing Sheila. He’d grown a whole two levels, now sitting at Level 3.
His excitement started to grow, the old feeling of success and victory elating his mood. This was it - this was how he could fight, Una was right. He was going to climb that leaderboard.
He tried to stand, but his left leg crumpled beneath him.
Mush, will I heal properly when I get back to base?
There was a moment of deliberation. Brigwell always returned with full health. Of course, Brigwell was competent, strong, and successful.
Thrash tightened his lips, refusing to acknowledge her. He had been successful and he wasn’t going to let the AI convince him otherwise. He pulled out his pickaxe and began to lean on it as he hobbled, moving away from the destroyed centre. Upon the altar, where Sheila had emerged, a glowing blue portal had appeared. Above it, the words ‘Exit’ hovered, luminescent and flashing.
For a final time, Thrash looked around. Stone walls still surrounded him and the floor felt complete; as complete as it could feel. He couldn’t believe his luck. First, landing in the middle of a boss fight on the very first floor - odds that must have been astronomical. Second, he had actually managed to defeat the beast. Sheila had been tough, and he was incredibly weak. It was a testament to his strength. He smiled. Whether the pacifier was doing its job, he didn’t know; Thrash still felt accomplished.
He walked toward the portal, exiting with a flash.
----------------------------------------
The first thing Thrash had to do was wash. Mush had been right about the healing; he returned, and his health ticked up almost instantly. He stripped - amid many, many comments from Mush - before sending her into her cubby hole. Afterward, he tossed his clothes aside and began cleaning himself. It didn’t take too long; most of the dirt and blood had somehow avoided his body. However, his hair was another story. Thrash had forgotten to consider that he’d been asleep for six months, and when he awoke that morning, he’d done little to improve his hygiene. Honestly, Mush could have berated him far, far more than she did. But she hadn’t, and now Thrash sat idly in his chair, reviewing his interface.
‘Wow,’ he said, grinning ear to ear. ‘Look at this, Mush. I’ve not seen my interface this busy in -’
Thrash couldn’t finish the sentence. He tried to remember what it had been like while training, but it had been so long ago the memory eluded him. Not to mention that his memory had been altered to begin with. He sighed, looking again.
‘Where do I start?’ he asked Mush.
She chirped. ‘Start with the heart, Thrash.’
Thrash rolled his eyes. ‘I’ll start with the achievements, shall I?’
Thrash opened up his achievement list. He had six unread notifications, all whirring around the screen like shooting stars. He started from the oldest, a grin on his face. He used to love doing this.
Commiserations! You have earned the achievement 'Choo Choo to Ruin’.
You have used a dungeon ticket to enter 'Ruins of the Fallen'.
ARE YOU PUMPED? YOU SHOULD BE!
Dungeons are scary places in the Starr Galaxy. They can host dangerous monsters, extraordinary loot, or the coffin for your corpse. But hey, it’s usually only two out of three, right? Let’s hope the coffin stays shut!
Reward: 3x Floor One Tickets
‘Awesome,’ Thrash grinned, moving on to achievement two, the tickets whizzing into his inventory.
Commiserations! You have earned the achievement 'First Base’.
You made the first move and struck an enemy before they could strike you!
Wow, look at the balls on you, kid. Those big, beefy, hairy, balls.
Kidding. KIDDING!
I know that they’re small.
You have managed what many others could not; you jumped an evil creation without hesitation. Let's hope that you survive... OR NOT.
Reward: Boots of the Premature
‘Big, beefy, hairy balls,’ Thrash repeated aloud, turning again to the robot. ‘What is it with you, Mush?’
She ignored him, so he decided to refrain from any further comments, reading through the rest without a break.
Commiserations! You have earned the achievement 'Sick to Your Stomach’.
You have expelled the contents of your stomach with impressive force!
That's... well, that's pretty gross, dude.
*Starr Galaxy Entertainment Corporation is not liable for any illness or health issues.
Reward: Pack of 5 Wet Wipes
Commiserations! You have earned the achievement 'Going in Blind’.
You have completed a quest that you didn't even know you were working on!
HOLY SHIT!
That takes some serious premonition. That, or you are too stupid to have done otherwise. You'd think that an achievement like this would give you a great reward, right?
WRONG! Don't miss the quest next time.
You still get a reward though.
Reward: Eyepatch of the Bold
Commiserations! You have earned the achievement 'Quest Upgrade’.
You’ve advanced from part 1 of a quest to part 2.
Look at you go, little adventurer. Part 2? That must be so rewarding. Good for you, honey. Mummy is proud.
Come and get your reward, sugar.
Reward: Mummy's Tea Set
Commiserations! You have earned the achievement 'Spider Boss’
You have defeated Sheila, the first boss of the Ruins of the Fallen.
All dungeon bosses have a history. Sheila, the Dungeon Spider - you know, the one that you just murdered, has an extensive history. Her children will remember this day, and believe me, she has thousands. Why should this bother you? IT SHOULDN'T. Just don't be surprised when you wake up in a tomb of silk, fangs piercing your skin and draining your blood.
This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author's work.
Yummy. Suckle suckle, bitch.
Reward: The Whimpering Sword of Sigrid
There were half a dozen comments that Thrash wanted to make about the descriptions, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. He could feel his excitement emanate in the room. This was almost exactly like it had been, he was sure of it. The achievements, the rewards, the drive to have more and kill more and learn more… Either he was settling in really well, or his pacifier was the best of the best.
‘Check your quests,’ Mush instructed. ‘Then, you can go through your items all at once. That’s what Brigwell used to do.’
‘That’s not your worst idea, Mush,’ Thrash said. ‘On it.’
Thrash selected the icon in the very top right of his interface, one that read ‘Quests’.
Quest Update: Ruins of the Fallen: Monster Hunter
There are rumours that a horrific creature lives across the first five floors of the 'Ruins of the Fallen'.
You need to investigate. Uncover the secrets of this boss and take drastic measures. You know what I'm asking for - murder. Oh yes.
Find the first boss of the Ruins of the Fallen. Kill the boss.
Reward 1: You will earn a new skill.
Reward 2: You will receive 1,000 points of experience.
Reward 3: You will earn the title 'Boss Boy'.
BONUS OBJECTIVE: Defeat the first boss after being struck by their sticky white goo...
BONUS OBJECTIVE REWARD: FAILED
'How could I have possibly accepted that quest,’ Thrash asked Mush. ‘I entered the room and the dungeon threw a giant spider at my face.’
‘Don’t complain,’ Mush ordered. ‘Only bitches complain. Do you know who didn’t complain?’
‘Yeah, yeah,’ Thrash said, cutting her off. ‘Brigwell and his lovely muscles. Let me read through the other quest before I accept the rewards of this one.’
Quest Update: Ruins of the Fallen: Monster Hunter, Part 2
You have killed the first boss of 'Ruins of the Fallen'.
If you're a party leader, you will not face this boss again. However, Sheila's webbing had deep connections. The Thorn Prince will be unhappy with her death.
NEW QUEST: Ruins of the Fallen: Monster Hunter, Part 2
Find the Thorn Prince. Kill the Thorn Prince.
Reward 1: You will earn a new skill.
Reward 2: You will receive 'Key of the Fallen'
Reward 3: You will receive 8,888 points of experience.
BONUS OBJECTIVE: Kill 8 thorny subjects before murdering the prince.
BONUS OBJECTIVE REWARD: Receive an item to help defeat the Thorn King
'Amazing,’ Thrash said. ‘I thought I’d only receive escort quests, Mush?’
‘They are all that count,’ Mush said simply. ‘You will never be able to proceed past Floor One without a patron. You were extremely lucky today.’
Thrash felt his excitement fall a touch. She was right, there wasn’t much more to it than that, and once his experience was high enough, those first floors would be redundant to him. He had gotten ahead of himself. Still, he had items to review and experience to earn. He carried on.
He went back to his first quest, accepting the 1,000 experience points. He watched his level immediately jump to 5, all of his stats making some headway as well. He noticed that they weren’t particularly focused, all increasing by a small amount. His only amplifier was still his 5% charisma bonus, from the achievement ‘You're in Charge!’.
Level: 5
Overall Stats:
Health Points: 100 - 120
Mana Points: 50 - 70
Charisma: 30 - 42
Strength: 10 - 18
Dexterity: 12 - 23
Intelligence: 10 - 23
‘Mush, this doesn’t seem right,’ Thrash said, a sinking feeling in his stomach. He could feel her watching within his interface. ‘Shouldn’t I be able to distribute stat points how I please?’
‘No,’ Mush replied, matter-of-fact. ‘It’s your items and skills that make the difference. Review your items. Brigwell knew to read all of his notifications before asking foolish questions.’
That made sense, he supposed. Thrash sipped on some water, the cool drink soothing his throat. Still, his strength was far below what he wanted it to be. He reviewed his new, unsorted items, starting with the loot from Sheila’s body.
Sticky Webbing
Item Rarity: Common
Commiserations! You have been awarded Sticky Webbing.
Don't even ask me what this is. You really don't want to know. Just use it wisely. And remember, once it's on, it's not 'coming' off. Wrap it up tight, baby!
Effect: Reduce an enemy’s movement speed by 50%. One time use.
Sheila’s Dismembered Leg: Staff
Item Rarity: Uncommon
Item Level: 1
Commiserations! You have been awarded Sheila’s Dismembered Leg. This uncommon-level staff is… unsettling. SHUDDER. I'd get rid of it if I were you.
If you decide to keep it, be warned - it’s said to have a mind of its own. Some believe part of Sheila's soul still lingers within, cursing the owner daily, yearning for your demise so she can feast on you in the afterlife.
Then again, maybe it’s just a magical staff. WHO KNOWS? Level up this weapon and see where it takes you.
Effect 1: Deals 15 magical damage
Effect 2: +2% damage per level of Intelligence
Effect 2: This item provides an additional 20 mana points on your maximum base Mana
Thrash read in silence, frowning at the descriptions. ‘These are getting increasingly more explicit, Mush. Do you write these?’
‘Of course!’ Mush said. ‘Mush has full authority to create and convey whatever descriptions she pleases; providing that they are accurate, of course.’
‘Then I have to say that you have a dirty, horrid mind,’ Thrash offered simply. ‘These are decent items. I don’t think I’ll be using the staff, though.’
He pulled it out for a quick moment, holding it briefly before dropping it. ‘Ew, ew, ew,’ he said, shuddering. ‘That’s really disgusting.’
Mush seemed to shrug. ‘It’s a leg. Get over it, man-child.’
Thrash moved the staff into his inventory - keeping it far away from his quick access bar - and then added the web and the three Floor One tickets.
‘This is a ridiculous amount to sift through,’ Thrash said. ‘I’m going to have to look at the dungeon app this evening.’
He was also waiting to review his skills. He could see that he had some available to him, but he needed to speed through his items.
Pack of 5 Wet Wipes
Item Rarity: Common
Commiserations! You have been awarded a pack of 5 Wet Wipes. Prepare for the unexpected! To all teenagers out there, ignore these - you won't use them anyway. ANIMALS!
Discover a whole new level of cleanliness with these silky delights. Each wipe can cleanse you of most lingering debuffs and ailments.
So, stop being dirty. Clean up for me, baby.
Effect: Instantly remove minor to moderate debuffs
Thrash smiled, immediately placing them beside the four remaining Beastly Dungeon Bars. ‘At least I’ll be able to use these and remove any debuffs, Mush.’
Mush appeared to blink passively. ‘Or, you could be smart like Brigwell and use them when you’re actually facing death? I appear to remember that throwing up saved your life.’
Thrash considered her for a moment. ‘You might be right there, Mush.’
The next on Thrash’s list was one that he wanted nothing to do with.
Eyepatch of the Bold
Item Rarity: Uncommon
Commiserations! You have been awarded Eyepatch of the Bold. You know what they say, 'With an eyepatch, you're always ready for adventure'. This eyepatch is no different.
Wrap yourself up and cover one of those eyes because you don't want to see half of what's lurking in these dungeons.
The Eyepatch of the Bold is worn by those who face danger head-on with courage and style. Who needs dexterity when a single eye can launch a thousand ships?
You know what else they say? 'Beauty is in the *eye* of the beholder'. HAH! Because of your - nevermind.
Effect: This item reduces your maximum base dexterity by 5%
Effect: This item increases your maximum base charisma by 5%
Thrash placed the item in his inventory. ‘Mush, some of these jokes aren’t even funny. The last line in that description - you’ve forced a pun. It’s not funny when it’s forced.’
Mush’s white dot blinked red. ‘You’re not funny, Thrash. You’re the empty shell of a man that used to be. You’re like a deflated balloon but after it’s been blown up. Brigwell was inflated to the maximum, Thrash. The maximum. Brigwell was funny, and I am funny.’
Thrash couldn’t help but grin. ‘I’m not going to pretend to understand that, but I’m sure that you’re right.’
Boots of the Premature
Item Rarity: Uncommon
Commiserations! You have been awarded Boots of the Premature. Put 'em on! No, wait - take 'em off! No, no, no, put 'em back on, yeah! Those boots are totally working it for you. Groovy, baby!
And I'm spent.
Here's some change. Grab yourself a drink, dear.
These knee-high boots are firm, comfortable, and oh-so-sexy. Don’t blame me if they work a little too quickly, though.
Effect: This item provides an additional 10% boost on your maximum base Dexterity and Health.
‘This is more like it!’ Thrash exclaimed, immediately slipping the boots onto his feet. They were a huge improvement over the fabric shoes he’d been wearing - much better, in fact. It felt as though he’d been working out his calves for years. He checked his stats and smiled to himself as his health and dexterity increased to 132 and 25.3, respectively.
‘Slow and steady,’ he said to himself. ‘We’ll get back to where we were, Mush.’
‘I am exactly where I have always been, Thrash. Do not threaten me.’
Thrash looked at the title of the next item, shaking his head. Either Mush had more power over names than he thought, or it was incredibly coincidental.
Mummy's Tea Set
Item Rarity: Rare
Commiserations! You have been awarded Mummy's Tea Set. Sit down for Mummy, would you? Pour your mother a cup of tea. Enjoy the moment. Mummy is thirsty, and you're growing up so fast, dear.
Enjoy a cup of tea each day to benefit from its magical properties. This item is essential for any dungeon adventurer, providing a daily boost to a random stat.
Effect: 15% increase to a random stat. Can be used once per day.
Thrash declined to comment, Mush hovering around his shoulders. Instead, he moved to the final item. He was excited to inspect this one.
The Whimpering Sword of Sigrid
Item Rarity: Divine
Item Level: 1
Commiserations! You have been awarded The Whimpering Sword of Sigrid. This divine-level blade is more than just a weapon; it’s a game-changer. Forged from the essence of Sigrid (we're not saying which essence - WINK WINK), this sword demands awe and respect. As you level up, your connection to the sword and Sigrid is deepened. And trust us, it goes real deep.
This weapon has been passed down from legends themselves, and demands respect and attention. Each level unlocks more of Sigrid's personality, so buckle up, kiddo. Seriously, buckle up. This girl is WILD.
Wield this sword at all times and destroy your enemies. CAUTION: Sigrid is a jealous being.
Effect 1: Deals +5 damage per sword level
Effect 2: +5% attack damage based on user’s total Strength
Thrash immediately equipped the sword, inspecting its stats. It was Level One, which meant that its base damage would be 5, and Thrash had 18 strength points.
‘Wow,’ he sighed, ‘I was hoping for a little more damage than 5.9. Will this be a good sword, Mush?’
‘Oh my goodness, Sigrid! Thrash, you found Sigrid! Get her out, get her out!’
Thrash was confused, but pulled the sword from its sheath. It was as long as his arm, but it seemed… longer, almost. It was a pretty sword, a glistening silver blade and a heavy leather handle. It had space for a single accessory on the hilt. Thrash presumed that a gemstone of some degree would fit. Mush whizzed over, leaning as close as she could to the blade and whispering. ‘Sigrid, darling, are you there?’
The sword shimmered, mystical blue light pulsing from the metal.