Thrash continued to scrub furiously at the red stain on his floor, attempting a multitude of cleaning methods to try and get rid of it. Mush watched on, as she had while he’d cleared away the remaining drowned and squashed flies, completely uninterested in helping. She made a mocking snorting sound each time he swore, reminding him that it was his own fault, thanks to the company that he kept. He ignored her, brushing and brushing, but the harder he tried, the brighter the crimson mark seemed to shine. He tried hot water, and then cold water. He experimented with a disgustingly thick soap that Mush had uncovered, slimy and green. Finally, he tried scrubbing it with salt. Nothing helped.

After a few more minutes, he gave up, grabbing some ash from the candle wicks and scribbling a makeshift epitaph on the floor instead.

Chuck: Level 23

Rank: 432/500

R.I.P.

‘That seems appropriate,’ Mush said, reading the note. ‘I would recommend reviewing the Dungeon Crafter in this instance. The gravestone would be an excellent choice to commemorate your first Adventurer death.’

‘Sure, Mush,’ Thrash muttered, glancing around his sparse room. He’d spent the last hour re-cleaning the mess his father had ‘tidied up’, mostly to cool off and stop thinking about the man. It felt as though his pacifier was working hard to vent his frustrations, but he still felt bitter and annoyed. Above his bed, Thrash had created a shelf, lining up one of each barreled item on display. In the middle, he placed a small stone inscribed with ‘1 Gold Piece’, hoping it would at least give the place the appearance of a shopfront.

He hung a single pickaxe on the wall, stepping back to admire - or at least attempt to admire - his handiwork. It was wonky, the sharp point of the axe tilted dangerously above where his head would be while he slept.

‘It looks messy,’ Mush said bluntly. ‘Messy and cheap. Your angles are all wrong.’

‘Sure they are, Mush,’ Thrash said, collapsing onto the wooden chair with a glance at the clock. He didn’t expect another patron today, so he opened up his interface. Other than his personal messages and the spam on the Vendor Exchange, there was a relatively small amount to go through. Prince Oriton had messaged again, requesting the Glade Stone with further extremities, but Thrash filed it away for later.

‘Hey, Mush,’ Thrash said, thinking back to before Chuck had rudely disrupted his life. ‘Do you remember me asking you a question about the Vendor Exchange?’

‘I remember everything,’ Mush noted proudly.

Thrash sighed. ‘Alright, then. What was my question?’

Mush beeped, as if offended. ‘You wanted to know if you could purchase strong, bulging muscles - like Brigwell’s.’

Thrash grunted, unable to prevent the rising sarcasm. ‘Of course I did. Thanks, Mush.’

Mush paused. ‘You wanted to know how to purchase respect?’

‘You can’t answer my question with a question, Mush. Either you know, or you don’t.’

Mush giggled, finally giving in. ‘Excessive amounts of stone can be acquired through passive dungeon skills. These will unlock as you rank up.’

Thrash nodded. ‘Thank you. Was that so hard?’

Mush flew above him, dropping her body atop his head with a colossal crunch. He almost managed to dodge the movement, but the resulting yelp that escaped from his mouth proved that he’d failed. His neck crunched down into his shoulders, stars flashing before his eyes.

Mush hovered around to face him. ‘Was that so hard?’

Thrash could barely hear her, his ears ringing. ‘You’re a damn handful, Mush. God dammit, that hurt.’

He swore at her, pushing her body aside and turning back to his interface. He’d have to wait until he ranked up to push for passive income, but at least he had something else to add to his list to work towards. He stretched out his sore neck, moving to check his messages from Pierre.

10 hours ago: Pierre: Yer a dream, Thrash, Thank yer.

9 hours ago: Pierre: It’s spot on. Perfect for me needs.

6 hours ago: Pierre: Headed to bed now. Cleared the farm. Level 5 now, just like yer are. Also found one of these; might be useful with that book of yers. Could’ve used it on my end, but thought yer would appreciate it. Hah.

A grin tugged at Thrash’s lips as he saw the attached gift and accompanying achievement notification.

Commiserations! You have earned the achievement ‘I Wish it Was Cash!’

You received a gift via a message for the first time! Isn’t that sweet?

Be sure to thank your mysterious benefactor (or, you know, don’t. Mummy won’t judge).

Reward: 10x Gold Pieces

Thanks, Pierre, Thrash said to himself.

‘Mush recommends that you immediately burn that item,’ Mush said from behind Thrash, speeding to his side. ‘Burn it. Toss it to the flames. BURN IT!’

Thrash frowned and nudged her away before opening the gift and reading through the description.

Goose Egg

Item Rarity: Rare

Commiserations! You have been awarded a Goose Egg. This is a Pet Item.

Feared by absolutely everyone in the Starr Galaxy, the goose is known for its incessant honking and unparalleled desire to chase anything that moves. It’s more likely to start a feud than offer companionship.

Mummy recommends burning this egg. Burn it. BURN IT.

NOTE: To hatch this egg, you require the ‘Pet Room’ upgrade.

Thrash couldn't help but smile. The absurdity of the situation made him forget the day’s frustrations, fizzling from his mind like a fire beneath sand. Pets would most definitely help him in his journey.

‘Don’t do it,’ Mush warned, panic-zooming through the room. ‘Do not do it. Mush and Sigrid need their space. Man-child, are you listening?’

Thrash was already reading through the ‘Pet Room’ upgrade, almost oblivious to the robot. His eyes lingered over the only available information associated with it - the price; 250 gold pieces.

‘Damn,’ Thrash said, cursing. ‘That’s expensive. We’ve only got 104 gold, Mush.’

‘Enough for a bedroom,’ Mush stated flatly, not missing a beat.

Thrash paused what he was doing, spinning in place to look at her. She moved back a few inches, still too close for comfort. ‘Why don’t you want a pet, Mush?’

Mush beeped furiously. ‘Brigwell hated pets.’

Thrash felt the frown lines on his forehead. It always went back to Brigwell. ‘Brigwell hated a lot, it seems.’

She beeped again. ‘Nobody likes pets, man-child. They’re messy, small, noisy, and require far too much attention. Pets aren’t cute. Muscles are cute.’

Thrash snorted. ‘Brigwell was wrong, Mush. With the right pet - like a sabretooth - you’d have a ton of muscle to admire.’

Mush bumped into Thrash’s shoulder, knocking him off balance. ‘Mush does not want a sabretooth - and neither does Sigrid. Besides, you have a squeaky duck in your pocket - not a sabretooth. Your argument is redundant.’

Thrash pushed the robot away again, grunting with amusement. ‘Don’t worry, Mush, I won’t be replacing you. I can’t get rid of you.’

Mush buzzed again, ramming into Thrash’s forehead this time.

‘Dammit, Mush!’ Thrash swore, head pulsing. ‘I think you - you did, you little shit. You made me bleed.’

Mush didn’t seem to mind. She swayed on the spot. ‘Mush recommends the bedroom.’

Thrash swore again, moving to the barrels to pick out some of the bandages, doing well to calm his temper. ‘Answer me this, Mush - can I prevent anyone other than me from going into the bedroom?’

If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

‘Other than you and Mush?’ Mush asked innocently.

‘Fine,’ Thrash waved her on. He could deal with that when the issue arose. ‘Other than you and me?’

‘Affirmative,’ Mush said.

Thrash considered something else. ‘What about the pet room? Can I limit access there?’

‘Yes, all upgraded rooms will allow for restricted access,' Mush said simply. 'And Mush would like to be excluded from the pet room VIP list.’

Thrash nodded, grinning. ‘Excellent. I think we’ll start there, then, shall we?’

Thrash had intended for the comment to come off as a joke, but Mush beeped angrier than ever. He thought she was about to knock his head clean off his shoulders, her rusty frame dancing to the end of the room and then flying back toward him with excessive speed. Her outstretched arms were pointed straight towards him, but he stood firm. He closed his eyes, waiting, but nothing happened. When he opened them, Mush beeped again and flicked his open wound with a metal finger.

‘You bastard,’ Thrash yelped, and he couldn’t help but laugh. He dabbed at his head as she vibrated in the air, tying the bandage in place while weighing out his options. After everything with Chuck - and his father - the idea of a private room where he could shut out the world sounded incredibly appealing. Consistently being on the front lines of the dungeon - whenever anyone waltzed through his portal - was nerve-wracking. He sighed. Mush was going to get her way, but he was going to make her wait a bit longer.

Thrash opened up his Vendor Exchange, reviewing the message from Sam the Wise.

Dear Mr. Thrash,

Thank you kindly for replying.

If it pleases you, I’ll offer 25 gold pieces for the staff; and don’t take that as me ignoring your offer to visit. I’ll bring along my crew as soon as possible - along with the promise of some strong ale and fresh tobacco. We’re in the middle of a long, long quest.

Wishing you all the best, friend.

Yours respectfully,

Sam the Wise

Thrash felt slightly disappointed that Sam had declined his offer to visit - at least for now. Perhaps Sam had figured out that he was that Thrash? Regardless, he’d been hoping for a fairly quick increase in footfall; he’d had Una, Doren, Pierre, Chuck, and his father - but only one of those had entered the dungeons with him. If his conversion rate were being taken into sponsor consideration, he’d definitely be sat at the bottom of the list.

Mush read his thoughts. ‘A bedroom will bring in new visitors.’

Thrash smirked. ‘Oh yeah? Are you taking up some bedroom-related professions, Mush?’

Mush beeped. ‘Mush will not. But Mush has found a new suitor, one to replace her mighty Brigwell, and will need privacy.’

Thrash blinked in confusion. He had been joking, but it seemed that Mush was being quite serious. She’d found a new romance. ‘Who, Mush? Sigrid?’

Her display flashed red. ‘Thron the Conqueror.’

Thrash groaned in disgust. Of course it was. ‘Keep those thoughts to yourself, Mush.’

‘He is pure power,’ Mush buzzed dreamily. ‘Far bigger and stronger than Brigwell. I will mother you at his side. We will make you happy.’

Despite the shudder that ran through his body, Thrash chuckled and turned back to his messages. He skipped to Sam’s offer.

Offer Received: Sheila the Staff

Offered By: Sam the Wise

Offer Amount: 25x Gold Pieces

‘Well, here we go, Mush. This will add some gold to the pot.’

Commiserations! You have accepted an offer!

Sheila the Staff vanished from his inventory, replaced by 25 gold pieces. Thrash scanned his other two items up for offer - the Eyepatch of the Bold and the Glade Stone. He’d received an offer for 25 gold for the former, one that he immediately accepted, but the Glade Stone was still proving tricky.

‘I’ve only had offers for 75 gold, Mush. The Glade Stone is worth more than that, right?’

Mush buzzed. ‘Yes. According to Prince Oriton, it’s worth 1,000 gold pieces.’

Thrash paused. ‘I didn’t know you’d seen that.’

She beeped, the sound almost menacing. ‘Mush sees everything.’

‘I’m sure you do, Mush. However, if we ignore the spam, can I expect more than 75 gold pieces?’

Mush bounced beside him. ‘Indeed. Be patient. Although, with the additional gold, you would have a total of 239 pieces.’

Thrash's intent immediately hovered over the Accept button, his instincts urging him to take the offer. But then, he hesitated, thinking of Mush. If he wanted her to be more agreeable - especially when it came to getting a pet - he needed to play this smart. Maybe keeping her happy, or at least appeased, was the better move right now. Thrash rolled his eyes. Of course it was better to keep her happy.

He closed out the offers and moved back into Dungeon Management for a quick second glance, just in case he’d missed something. Sure enough, he spotted the Weekly Challenges. He was still salty about the last challenge and his inability to complete it, but the feeling quickly dissipated, as was becoming normal. It was as though he’d reached enlightenment.

You are about as enlightened as a potato, Mush told him via his interface.

Thrash gave the robot a long, unblinking stare, eyebrows titled towards his nose. ‘Was that necessary?’

Mush beeped in response.

Thrash turned away and started to read through the challenge.

Weekly Challenge: The Dead Returned

Sponsor: Mines of Painswick Hill

The undead miners of Painswick Hill have risen to take vengeance.

Objective: Burn 20x Undead Miners.

Bonus Objective: Collect 10x Bones

Reward 1: 150x Dungeon Experience Points

Reward 2: 100x Gold Pieces

Bonus Reward 1: 50x Dungeon Experience Points

Bonus Reward 2: Canary’s Mercy

Thrash mused for a moment, before turning back to Mush. ‘Have you seen the weekly challenge?’

‘Of course,’ Mush beeped.

‘Helpful, Mush, thanks. It says I need to burn the undead. Does that mean I need magic?’

‘No,’ Mush swerved on the spot. ‘Physical weapons with elemental attributes will work well, but Sigrid doesn’t like elemental damage. Especially fire. Sigrid hates fire.’

Thrash’s grin widened, satisfied that Sigrid would feel some discomfort - if she could feel anything at all. ‘Sigrid’s not gonna like this one, huh? Well, that reward’s too good to pass up, so I’m looking into weapon attachments, okay?’

‘Sigrid will not whisper, Thrash,’ Mush argued. ‘Even after I asked her.’

‘I can live with that,’ Thrash said, rolling his eyes. ‘Am I better off in the Vendor Exchange or with an NPC?’

She huffed at him with a beep, refusing to answer. Thrash thumped at her but received another fly-by attack, her metal body colliding with his shoulder again. This time, it left a patch of rusty, orange dust on his clothes.

He muffled a yelp, repeatedly surprised at the strength of her attacks, and then swore at her. ‘You’re so unhelpful, Mush. Dammit.’

He sulked away from her, head pounding, moving through the Basic Merchant Centre and selecting ‘Browse’. The shopkeep display on his interface fluttered, a long list of items appearing in front of it. Thrash briefly reviewed them before moving on to select his filters. He excluded everything on the list except for elemental stones with burn damage, and was surprised to find just the one available to purchase. Fortunately, he was able to review the description alongside the price.

Item: Burning Elemental Stone (Fire)

Effect 1: Elemental Fire Damage: Adds fire-based damage to any weapon it is attached to. Damage scales with the weapon's level.

Effect 2: Ignite: Grants a chance to inflict Ignite, causing enemies to take continuous fire damage over time.

Price: 20x Gold Pieces

Thrash checked his gold count once again. He had 164 pieces, and if he managed to complete the weekly challenge, he’d get another 100 back. It was a no brainer. He looked at Mush. ‘Tell Sigrid I’m sorry, would you?’

‘Mush is horrified with your treatment of others.’

Thrash confirmed the purchase. The item appeared in his inventory, shining for a moment before settling in amongst the rest. He selected it, grasping it in his hands. It was a small, red gemstone, exactly the same size as the Lesser Gemstone attached to Sigrid. It felt warm to the touch. He walked to Sigrid, removing the old stone and replacing it with the new one. He cautiously stepped back. Nothing happened.

‘She hates it, huh?’ Thrash asked.

‘She is the Whimpering Sword of Sigrid, little man-child,’ Mush insulted. ‘She is silently weeping with betrayal.’

Thrash suppressed a grin. ‘Huh. She seems just fine to me - in fact, I think she likes it.’

Mush zipped towards Thrash again but he held his hands up in time to block her. She still managed to clap him with her extended metal arm, swooping away with a triumphant buzz. Thrash almost punched at the robot, clenching his fists together at the last moment to hold himself back.

‘You’re a damn nuisance, Mush,’ he shouted up at her. ‘Get down here!’

She ignored him, floating above like a chandelier, her small display eyes flashing innocently.

‘Mush,’ he said, much more diplomatically. ‘I’m sorry, but we need Sigrid to help us. I need her to set enemies ablaze, do you understand. The more we kill, the more gold we make - in a roundabout way, I guess.’

Mush lowered herself slightly, her eyes almost level with Thrash’s. ‘Mush will consider this. It is a plan worthy of Brigwell. Sigrid will not be pleased, though.’

‘I don’t need her pleased,’ Thrash expressed, frustration brimming. ‘I need her to cooperate.’

He sighed, keeping his thoughts as close to his chest as possible. Sigrid was a damn sword, while Mush was a robot. Half of his time was now spent trying to coddle something pointy and something rusted - and as far as Thrash was aware, at least one of these things was somewhat traumatised.

He felt another pang against his ribs, Mush bouncing into him. He pushed her away, opening his messages, and almost instantly, the portal dinged. Thrash quickly spotted a note from Una.

2 seconds ago: Una: Change of plans. Coming to you. A few things to discuss.

An Adventurer is on their way. Please close all interface windows and await arrival.