Chapter 21: Revelation and determination

I slept in the soft bed of the Queen.

It was nice to finally sleep in a bed and not on the hard ground of the forest. Those nights seemed distant at this moment.

I was feeling good, but something was touching my left cheek.

It was annoying.

At first, I tried to ignore it, but it became impossible as the feeling became stronger.

It became painful.

I opened my eyes to see what woke me up.

I saw a cute little animal near my face. I wasn’t fully awake, so I didn’t realize right away what was happening. I focused on observing the creature and saw a little horn on its forehead with a huge grin on its cute little face.

I realized too late that it was the evil hamster.

I couldn’t react when the hamster took a step back before charging toward me.

*SLAP*

“Ouch, you damn piece of shit!!!”

I stood up while holding my cheek.

The damn hamster waited for me to open my eyes before kicking my face.

I tried to kick him back, but it was just too fast. My blows only hit the air. I could only watch angrily the little hamster running happily in the small room while mocking me.

After a few minutes of humiliation, I finally gave up.

“I swear you'll regret it someday, you damn hamster.”

The hamster just grinned at me before turning around.

“What the…?”

The hamster was showing me its little butt while making vulgar movements.

“Enough Bethil.”

A strong but soft voice echoed behind me. The hamster immediately stopped its tomfoolery before running away.

I turned around and saw the Queen standing in front of the entrance she made the day before. She had huge dark circles around her eyes.

“Are you alright?”

The impression she gave was different from before. She looked frail and weak.

She smiled a little before answering.

“Yes, I am. You don’t have to worry about me.”

She walked to her bed with unsteady steps.

“I’m sorry about Bethil's attitude. He is the guardian of this forest so he likes elves, but for humans, it’s different.”

“I’m sure this is personal.”

She laughed a little.

Even her beautiful laugh seemed different today.

She sighed a little before looking at me in the eyes.

Her serious attitude changed the atmosphere of the room in an instant.

I understood what she wanted to talk about.

Therefore, I sat on the chair in front of her bed before fixing my posture.

“I finished gathering the information.”

A heavy silence fell between us as I waited for her to continue.

“As I suspected, the strength of your soul is abnormal and way superior to the soul of a human. There is no doubt about that. I’m also sure that it’s not something natural. I can’t think of any magic that can do something like that.”

I was a little disappointed.

I already knew that or at least I suspected it strongly.

“That’s not all.”

I raised my head to look at her in the eyes one more time. I immediately focused on her words.

“You’re not human.”

I was caught off-guard.

My heart began to quiver as more questions appeared in my head.

“What do you mean by that? My parents are both humans, there must be a mistake.”

“It’s not a mistake. Actually, it makes more sense this way.”

“More sense?”  I asked in disbelief.

“Yes, because even if your soul produces an important amount of mana and naturally restrict itself like other children, it’s still difficult to believe that a human body would be able to bear so much mana.”

I couldn’t answer anything. What she said was believable, but I couldn’t ignore the uneasiness in my heart.

“So I’m not human. What am I then?”

“I don’t know, I’m sorry. I can only tell you that you’re at least partially human.”

"Partially human… Is that a joke?"

I had the unpleasant feeling of being a monster.

“This is the only things I can tell you with just this magic. If you want me to help you, I need to know the truth that you’re hiding.”

Her serious gaze made me uneasy.

"The truth?" I asked hesitantly.

"Yes. I know that you're hiding something from me. It's alright if you don't want to talk about it. We all have our secrets, but to be totally honest, I already have some assumptions."

I stayed silent after hearing her words and waited for her to continue.

"Even if you weren't aware that you aren't Human when I brought you into my study room, I saw your eyes and expression change after looking at the magic circle. This wasn't the first time you've faced a Lost magic, was it?

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I didn’t know how to react in front of her.

I spent the night asking myself if I should tell her the truth or bury it in my memories.

I wanted to tell her, but I couldn’t.

It was as if my heart was frozen in fear just thinking about the possible consequence if this secret was revealed.

“Do you trust me?”

Her words hit me like a bullet.

She asked me the same question as before.

I trusted that she didn't want to hurt me, but talking about my reincarnation was a step that I wasn't willing to take easily.

This secret must never be revealed. This was what I've always thought since my reincarnation.

However, if I wanted to find an answer then this was the only way.

I had to make a choice.

I could refuse and end things there or I could tell her the truth.

If I told her everything, I would take a risk, but if I didn't then this secret would haunt me forever.

I clenched my fists.

I couldn’t run away forever.

It was a chance to discover the truth about my existence.

If I didn’t seize it, I was sure that I would regret it.

And I had enough regrets for two lives.

“I trust you”

I took a deep breath to calm myself before starting the story about my life.

“It’s a story hard to believe so it will be better if you don’t interrupt me before the end.”

She nodded strongly.

I finally started to talk.

I told her I was born in another world.

About my death and my reincarnation. I told her everything without hiding any detail. It was as if poison was leaving my body. The more I talked, the more I wanted to talk.

The Queen didn’t interrupt me, but I saw her pretty face twitch from time to time. It was obvious she didn’t expect that.

I didn’t know how long I'd been talking, but when I finally stopped, my mouth was completely dry.

I waited anxiously for her reactions.

Her face was paler than before.

In front of her gaze filled with wonders I understood.

I was an existence that shouldn’t exist in this world.

As I clenched my fists in frustration, the Queen stretched her hand and grabbed mine.

I was so surprised that I couldn’t react.

She pulled me toward her before hugging me.

“It must have been hard for you, Sillath.”

I couldn’t believe my ears.

Her soft voice softened my heart and calmed me down. We stayed like that without moving. Her embrace was warm. I wanted to stay like that forever.

“You don’t have to punish yourself anymore. You don’t have to hold back your feelings anymore. Just let it go.”

It was just a peaceful moment in the storm I have lived until now.

However, it was enough.

I stayed like that until I calmed down.

I was happy she reacted that way, as I was afraid she would call me a monster like the ‘Millennium Ancestor’.

I left her arms to stand right in front of her.

“I don’t know what will await you in the future, but I’m sure of something, the ‘Millennium Ancestor’ is always right.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think you will have an important role to play in the future of this world. I’m also sure that something really bad will soon happen.

“I just want to have a peaceful life. Besides, I’m not so easy to kill.”

“Maybe, but you have people you care about. In this world, your own strength will always be your strongest support. But this isn't the most important. You have to possess a strong heart before anything else. And I think that yours isn't strong enough yet."

The tree already said a thing similar to me.

Life was cruel, ready to swallow everything in its path.

If I didn’t stand up for myself then everything would just keep resetting. I would be once again no more than a spectator of my own life waiting for it to swallow me.

I had to change.

I had to face my guilt and my fears.

“You know what I mean when I say your heart isn’t strong enough, don’t you?”

I looked at her beautiful eyes.

I knew exactly what she meant.

“How do you know?”

“The Lost magic I used on you told me about that. So, what do you need to do?”

A silence fell between us. I remembered what happened that day. I was afraid just to think about it. I remembered Amanda’s face as the ice spread without stopping despite my efforts and my screams.

I was helpless at that moment.

However, I couldn't stay like that.

I clenched my fists as hard as I could.

I knew the answer she was waiting for.

“I need to use my Sacred magic once again.”

She gave me a small smile after hearing my reply.

“Yes, being able to discover a sacred magic by yourself is incredible, but if you don’t use it then it’s meaningless.”

That day, thanks to the Queen of the Great Forest of the West, I decided to use my sacred magic once again.

A magic that could protect my loved ones.

A magic to change my fate.

At that time, I didn’t know that this moment would lead me on a path very different from the salvation I was hoping for with all my heart.