Chapter 18: Guilty

I was awaiting my judgment, but to my surprise, the pressure crushing me lessened and finally allowed me to breathe.

The white world quickly faded away as if washed away by the rain.

I didn’t know what was happening, but I was sure that the worst was behind me.

I relaxed a little, waiting for the moment I would leave this dying world.

“You’re wrong!”

I jumped in surprise when I heard the oppressing voice once again.

I couldn't discern where it came from, but I relaxed when I realized there was no longer a hidden threat behind it.

“What do you mean by that?” I replied while ignoring that I didn't have a clear interlocutor in front of me.

The white world surrounding me was almost gone. Large black spaces were quickly replacing it and making white pieces falling all around me.

It was a surrealist view.

The soil under my feet began to disappear as well with an incredible speed. After only a few seconds, I lost my footing and fall into the dark abyss.

I tried to use magic to slow down my fall, but I couldn’t.

I could only close my eyes and prepare for the impact.

However, I didn’t feel anything.

I slowly opened my eyes.

I was in a total darkness.

The darkness was familiar, but I couldn’t remember why I felt that way.

“You’re wrong.”

The voice filled the space around me once again.

"The worst isn’t behind you. Darkness and despair will come once again.”

I unconsciously shivered as I heard these cold words.

“If your heart stays weak like that then you will just be swallowed by the darkness of this world.”

I couldn’t stand it anymore.

"What do you mean by darkness? This doesn’t make any sense. Who are you anyway?” I screamed in anger.

There wasn’t any echo as if my words lost themselves in the dark void.

I waited a few seconds alone without any noise around me until I heard the voice once again.

“I’m the protector of this forest, nothing more, nothing less.”

“You’re the one they call ‘Millennium Ancestor’ .“

“The elves call me by that name.”

It was as I expected.

It wasn’t difficult to understand that it was just a dream created by this strange tree. However, everything felt so real that it was difficult to believe.

“What do you want from me? First, you try to crush me and now you speak nonsense about some future darkness. I came in front of you because it was the only way for the elves to trust and help me. But I'm sick of listening to your crap!” I finally lost my patience.

I knew it wasn't wise to talk like that to this lunatic ancestor, but I already reached my bottom line.

I waited anxiously for its answer.

“You came in front of me so that I could judge your existence as I did with every other being in this forest. I don't have any influence on the outside world. I don't have any interest in it either. However, I won't allow any harm to come to this forest. It is my duty to destroy the evil existences with souls tainted by their sins. Just like yours!"

I felt my body growing cold and shivering after those words.

“Why did you spare me if you think that about me?" 

I could feel the loathe of this being toward me. 

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I also knew that I wasn't innocent. 

In my mind floated the faces of Amanda and my brother, but also the deformed face of Arthur Waldemar. I didn’t feel any guilt when I killed him. Only disgust and fear of what I had become. The deaths of Amanda and Jordan were my fault, but they were still accidents. However, with him it was different.

It was a choice.

That’s why I didn’t understand why it was sparing me.

I waited anxiously for its answer.

“I didn’t spare you.”

A heavy silence followed those cold words.

I slowly looked at my hands.

There wasn’t anything wrong.

No matter where I looked, my body seemed fine.

I continued to check until I finally realized that it wasn’t my real body.

I felt fear struck every part of my unreal body.

"Did you do something to my real body?" I asked angrily while suppressing my anxiousness.

However, it simply ignored me and resumed its speech with its dominating voice.

“You told me the truth. You didn’t kill those poor souls, however, you sin won’t disappear because of that.”

I still didn’t know what it was talking about.

With a trembling voice, I asked the words that scared me the most.

Because I knew the answer.

“What is my sin?”

A cold and merciless voice filled the space around me.

“Your sin… is your own existence.”

The cruel reality was exposed bare before me.

I wanted to scream and deny its claim, but the words lost themselves in my mouth.

“One day you will realize it too. I didn't spare you. I simply postponed your judgment. I won't kill you this time because I think you’re a necessary evil. That’s the only reason you’re still alive.”

It was difficult to think or speak anymore.

My mind was filled with questions.

As if to answer those questions, the voice rose again.

“You already know the answer. Remember. The answer is hiding in your memories.”

I didn't have the time to think deeply about those words when weird images forced their way into my head. This sudden change made me close my eyes in reflex. I was only stunned and lost a few seconds until I realized what those images were.

Flashes of my previous life were flooding my mind.

Slowly at first before accelerating and becoming a mix of indescribable emotions, thoughts, and past events. It quickly became painful but, as suddenly as they appeared, those images stopped and left me alone in the silent darkness enveloping me only disturbed by my rapid breathing.

After a few seconds, two powerful blue lights appeared in the darkness.

Those lights seemed familiar.

However, I couldn’t remember where I saw them.

I couldn’t until I felt that those lights could see through my soul.

It was a familiar sensation.

A feeling I forgot after all those years.

A face came to my mind. A face, I thought would be forever a memory.

With this face in mind, I remembered the laugh I hated so much.

Those two lights appearing in my mind were exactly like the blue eyes of the man who killed me in my previous life.

I finally remembered the moment I desperately tried to bury in my mind.

The moment of my death.

It wasn’t a peaceful death.

It was a death filled with pain and regret.

I remembered his merciless face when the strange circle started to glow.

I also remembered his words.

I didn’t understand them at that time. It wasn’t possible.

However, nearly ten years later, some parts of his speech were making sense.

Those were merely assumptions.

I knew that I needed help to understand the truth I heard that day.