“Hey, it's the virgin. Looking for a job?” Terra says as she walks into the office.

Sal frowns. “Why do you guys keep calling me that? I'm obviously not a virgin, so as an insult isn't it kind of meaningless?” He says without a care before continuing to search the Voodoo Squad's job board.

Terra lets out a laugh. “This isn't a matter of whether you've had sex or not. It's a matter of experience. I've been involved in shit you wouldn't even dream of, so yeah, from where I'm standing, you're a virgin. If it makes you feel better about it, everyone’s one a virgin to someone. If, let’s say, there’s a dude out there called Night Eater, Destroyer of Worlds, then yeah, if he looked at me, I’d probably look like a virgin.” She says, amused.

Sal lets out a snort. “Because you’re just that badass, right?” He says, unimpressed.

Terra smiles. “Because I’m just that badass. Anyways, have fun virgin. Enjoy it while it lasts. The first time only happens once.” She says before walking away, leaving behind echoes of her laughter.

Sal ignores her and continues his search. Damn, I can’t do any of these jobs! All these requests involve some weird magical abilities! Illusionist requested; must completely copy body, must be good at sex!? What the fuck? Evidence destruction request? Extremely high hacking ability required; must have a secondary identity as an employee of the Central Security Agency!? How the fuck do you just maintain a secondary identity!? Do you guys have clones!? Tell me you guys don’t have clones! Sal exclaims as he continues to scroll through.

Suddenly Sal’s eyes widen. Holy shit. I can do this one. He thinks as he reads through the job request.

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Hiring two bodyguards, or one bodyguard and a trustable human proxy. I’m almost done this job and I’m about to cash in. I just need someone to keep an eye on this ambassador. For a timeframe of two weeks, he MUST NOT, CANNOT contact his government. If he does, I just know he’s going to let something slip and all my work will go down the shitter. The fuckin’ asshole wasn’t even supposed to be in the room when all this shit went down. The assholes kidnapped him at the time for something unrelated. Whatever, what’s done is done. I hear there are a couple of virgins joining us, so I thought I’d put this job out there. Otherwise I’d just let one of my guys handle it.

Sal continues to stare at the screen, unamused. Why does everyone keep calling me a virgin!? He thinks angrily.

…

…

Lizzy walks into the room with a cup of coffee and leans against Leo’s cubicle. “Hey, big guy.” She says with a forced smile.

Leo turns around in his chair and looks at Lizzy before raising an eyebrow. Is that pity in her eyes? He couldn’t help but ask himself.

“Hey, Lizzy… What’s up?” Leo asks, unsure what this was about.

Lizzy continues to smile forcefully. “I just wanted to say that it isn’t going to work out between us. Unfortunate for you and very fortunate for me, is that you were a step late. You should have just asked me out then and there. Literally, like two seconds after you called, I received another offer. Physically he isn’t much, but financially, he has a very big package. Anyways, no hard feelings?” She asks, trying to be the bigger person.

“Ugh…” Leo says, unsure how to respond. “That’s great, Lizzy. I’m happy for you.” He says with a bitter smile.

Suddenly, Leo’s phone begins to ring.

“Ah, I should take this.” Leo says, gesturing to the phone.

Lizzy smiles and leans in to give Leo a kiss on the cheek, causing Leo’s eyes to widen. “Maybe in another life, baby.” She says with a gentle caress to Leo’s face before turning and leaving.

Leo continues to stare in shock. Should I call HR? He thinks, amused.

Leo decides to ignore it and answers the phone. “Hello?” He says.

“Hey! Leo! Big man! Come in to my office. We got to talk.” John says, somewhat enthusiastically.

Leo begins to sweat. “Yeah. I’ll be in in a moment.” He says.

“Yeah, I’ll be here.” John says before ending the call.

Leo takes a deep breath. Alright, Leo. If you want to play the game you gotta handle the consequences. He thinks before slapping his face and standing up.